Chapter 4: Misadventures with Yachiru

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, Bleach is not mine. Neither is Byakuya Kuchiki, however much I may wish that that were the case. Ah well, at least I get to play with them a bit.

In preparation for her date with Byakuya Kuchiki, Yachiru had decided that it would be best to enlist some help. That was what had brought her to the tenth division office.

"Whitey-chan, have you seen your fukutaicho anywhere?" she asked, "I need her help with something."

"It's Hitsugaya Taicho," he replied automatically, scowling. He then pointed to the couch on the other side of the office.

"Thanks!" Yachiru rounded the couch and poked the sleeping Matsumoto. Matsumoto sat up, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

She then listened, intrigued, as Yachiru explained exactly what she wanted help with. Deciding that it was a worthy cause, Matsumoto got to work. It took her a few minutes. Yachiru wasn't exactly the easiest person to work with, but Matsumoto was up for a challenge.

After Yachiru left, prepared, Matsumoto turned to Hitsugaya.

"See? She's old enough to have no problem going on dates already," Matsumoto said accusingly, "Why do you still think you're too young be seen out on an actual date with anyone?"

"Matsumoto…"

"And I told you to stop calling me Matsumoto when we're not talking about work and there's no one else around."

"Matsu—Rangiku, we've talked about this."

"It doesn't have to be a fancy date, just something!"

"We'll see."

Matsumoto sighed. He was so infuriating sometimes. How come he couldn't just take the initiative and run with it like Yachiru? When Yachiru went for a guy, she went full out and got what she wanted. Why couldn't her taicho just be open about everything going on between them like that? Matsumoto sighed again with resignation. She supposed she'd known what she was getting into when she had decided to go after the youngest officer of the Gotei 13. Oh well, she thought, he was definitely worth it.

At nearly six o'clock that evening, Yachiru waited impatiently for her date to arrive. Matsumoto had not done much, but what she had done had worked wonders for Yachiru's appearance.

Yachiru's robes were pulled low in the front and opened to reveal more skin than usual and accentuate her collarbones. Her eyes were lined with kohl, making them look bigger and seem to sparkle more than usual. To complete her look, Matsumoto had given her some shiny lip gloss exactly the same shade as Yachiru's cheeks. Miraculously unlike the usual effect of makeup when Yachiru applied it herself, this made Yachiru look older. Or at least, less child-like.

And then he was there. He looked the same as ever, calm, cool and unruffled, but with one noticeable difference. The kenseikan had been repositioned to the other side of his head, leaving his hair to fall around the other side of his face in an attempt to hide the still fairly visible yellowing mark on his jaw line.

"Good evening, Kusajishi Fukutaicho," he greeted calmly.

"Byakushi!" Yachiru cried, smiling widely, "You showed up!"

"Come. Let us go," he motioned for her to follow him.

"Where are we going?"

"To eat." He turned around and began walking away. Yachiru hurried to catch up.

He led her to a small and very fancy-looking restaurant on the edge of Seireitei that served western-style food. They were seated at a table in quiet corner of the restaurant as far away from other clients as possible (as per Byakuya's request). Yachiru perused the menu with interested.

"Look at these pictures, Byakkun," Yachiru commented to him, "These desserts look really small. I don't think that one dessert would fill me up."

"Hnn." He did not look up from his menu to reply. The menu was in French with poorly-translated somewhat unappetizing sounding Japanese captions, he thought.

After a few minutes, their waiter appeared to ask if they had any questions before they ordered.

"What is the largest dessert on your menu?" Yachiru asked. "I don't think that one dessert would be enough for a meal."

Ignoring the waiter's surprised looked, Yachiru carried on. "Well? Which one is it?"

"It is the crêpe flambée au Calvados avec des pommes et du caramel au beurre salé." The waiter responded. "That is a delicious French-style flat pancake filled with traditional Brittany salted butter caramel sauce and topped with whipped cream and apples flamed with calvados liqueur."

"Huh? I'll take that then, some of those little cake things, the orange ice cream, some of the gooey fruit paste things, and one of the mushy chocolate cookies," Yachiru said, indicating several pictures on the menu.

Apparently this waiter was not used to guests of Yachiru's particularities. If Byakuya Kuchiki laughed at things, he would have laughed at the stunned, incredulous look on the waiter's face. As it was, only years of cultivating his carefully calm exterior permitted him to retain his composure.

"Please serve the lady as she requests," he said as it became clear that the waiter was still uncertain about her order. "And I will have the carré d'agneau."

While they waited for their food, Yachiru chattered on about nothing and everything. Byakuya Kuchiki was content just to watch her and tune her out. …Was she wearing makeup?

"…So what would do you think about that?" She asked.

"Sure," Byakuya replied on autopilot, not entirely sure what he was agreeing to.

Going on a date with Yachiru was… out of the ordinary, thought Byakuya as their food arrived. While the perturbed waiter poured white rum over the small cakes on one of Yachiru's five plates of dessert, Byakuya reflected that he probably should have at least steered her away from ordering exclusively desserts with a high alcohol content. As she ate her babas au rhum and the ice cream flavored with Grand Marnier liqueur, Byakuya thought that maybe, just maybe, going on a date with her wasn't so bad. At least she kept things far from boring.

When they had finished their meal, or in Yachiru's case, dessert, Yachiru dragged him out of the restaurant. She was, if possible, acting more exuberant than usual—he really shouldn't have let her eat all of those alcohol-rich desserts. When he asked where they were going, Yachiru told him that he should remember, he had agreed after all. Ah, this must have been what he had absently agreed to while Yachiru chattered on. Saying that they would be there soon, Yachiru led him on.

She led him to one of the bars near the eleventh division. Byakuya sighed, resigning himself to a night of god-knows-what.

Byakuya was thankful that this was a small, out of the way bar and that because it was still fairly early, it was empty. If not, he wasn't sure how he would have been able to stand being seen in public, drinking in some random bar with none other than Yachiru Kushajishi Fukutaicho.

This was a side of the tiny fukutaicho he had not previously experienced. He watched as she walked up to the bar and ordered a large jug of sake with the air of someone who frequented the establishment. A whole jug of sake? This couldn't end well. He should probably just leave while he still could. But for some reason, there was a small part of him that was curious to see how the evening would turn out if he stayed. And Yachiru had already bought drinks—it would be rude to leave just yet.

"Byakushi," she said, approaching him bearing two bowls and the jug of sake, "Drink for you!" She was positively beaming with enthusiasm as she led him to a small table.

He did not reply. He did not know what to say. For the first time in a very long time, Byakuya decided he could allow himself this one, crazy thing. He hoped, probably in vain, that it wouldn't have too many repercussions. At least his night would not be boring. With an air of resignation, Byakuya raised his bowl, saluting Yachiru, and took a drink.

Byakuya was not sure exactly how much time had passed since they had left the bar. He vaguely remembered some stupid drinking game between him and Yachiru involving him talking about himself or having to drink. Because Yachiru was completely open about everything, Byakuya had lost. Badly. He also seemed to remember Renji showing up at some point, pointing and gawking openly at him from behind Matsumoto and Hisagi. Yachiru had just smiled and called for another jug of sake. Had that actually happened?

And how was he still even standing? Better question, how was Yachiru still standing? They had to have drunk six or seven jugs of sake between the two of them. She must have an ungodly high alcohol tolerance, especially for someone her size.

…And where exactly were they?

They had been near the thirteenth division, because that had definitely been Ukitake's koi pond, not his own. Byakuya tried in vain to remember why they had gone there. But he remembered what Yachiru had done. Where had they gotten that hot pink paint again? And the glitter? That would take forever to get out, he reflected absently. After that, they had wandered off to…where?

"Yachiru," Byakuya asked her, "which direction do we go in now?"

"That way!" She grabbed his hand and led him off to…somewhere.

It had to have taken at least several hours before they arrived back at the eleventh division. Byakuya had tried to shunpo them there at some point, but after the run-in with that large and solid and tree-shaped thing, he had given it up. So he had thereafter relied on Yachiru's directions.

They had spent a lot of time just wandering around, probably aimlessly. Surprisingly, he had actually talked with Yachiru and hadn't hated it. They had had conversations. Interesting conversation about things like sake gummy candies, koi species, zanpakuto techniques, French desserts, bonsai cultivation, and cats.

They were discussing who out of the Gotei 13 had the most outrageous hair style when they finally arrived at the eleventh division.

Byakuya led Yachiru to her barracks, preparing to wish her goodnight. He led her up the stairs and up to the door to her fukutaicho quarters.

"Yachiru Fukutaicho," he said, "I wish you a goodnight and I thank you for an unusually exciting evening."

"Oh Byakkun," She replied, hopping up onto the railing next to the stairs and bringing them to nearly eye-level. "The pleasure was mine. You can be really fun, you know? Especially after a few jugs of sake."

"Goodnight Yachiru," he said, turning to leave.

Before he had the opportunity to step away from her, Yachiru leaned forward and grabbed the front of his robes, preventing him from stepping away. What was she up to now?

"Bya-chan!" Oh no, she was calling him that now. "You're really beautiful, you know that?"

"Beautiful is not an adjective that should be applied to men, Yachiru Fukutaicho," he replied, "It is much better applied to women like you."

He didn't know what made him do what he did next. In retrospect, it was probably the many bottles of alcohol still coursing through his system.

"Yachiru, you are beautiful," he said, and leaned down to press a kiss delicately to her forehead.

Before he could really pull away, Yachiru had her small arms wrapped around his neck, holding him in place. He found himself staring into her face, now on his eye-level. The very small amount of brain left to him following his sake intake and Yachiru's actions told him that this was a very bad idea. He should remove himself from this situation at once before things escalated.

"But so are you, Byakuya," she said, looking up at him with her wide, sparkling eyes.

Before Byakuya had a chance to react to her calling him by his given name, she had accosted him. She pulled herself up by her arms still around his neck. And then her lips were on his. His heart jolted a beat. She was kissing him. He, Byakuya Kuchiki, sixth division taicho and head of the Kuchiki clan, was being kissed by the flamboyant demon child of the eleventh division. And he was too drunk to be objecting as he should.

She was accosting him. Her lips were ravaging his. This was a savage kiss, more about dominance than romance. And she was winning. Byakuya had never been kissed like this. He had had his share of romance, I mean, he had been married, but this was something else. He was being dominated by a tiny demon child who was ravaging his lips. …Was that her tongue?

As abruptly as she had accosted him, she pulled away.

"Goodnight Byakkun!" She said, releasing him. "Next time, I get to pick the place and I'm paying, okay? Sleep well!"

He could do nothing but stare at the fiendish creature before him as she jumped down from the railing and entered her rooms, slamming the door behind her.

For a few seconds, Byakuya stood motionless staring at the closed door. Had that really, actually just happened? He was in a numb state of semi-shock. It would be best to believe that that had not just actually happened.

Byakuya turned and fled.

A/N: I had fun with the menu for restaurant. It was inspired by a very gastronomic menu I had to translate into English to help some students prepare for an international waiting competition (which my student won, by the way). If anyone's interested, just search L'assiette niçoise and you'll find it. There are some dishes that just don't translate out of French. Pâte à fruit, anyone? (It's like a cross between gum drops and jam covered in sugar and served by itself as a dessert.) The things I learn teaching in a cooking school. This is what I do in real life, I coach French high schoolers to present fancy French dishes in English to Anglophone clients and to the make the translations sound somewhat edible. *Sigh*

Anyways, this chapter. My belief on writing scenes which include drunk people is that they write themselves the best while in a similar mindset. So, that is how this happened.

Next/probably last chapter: Rumors abound, Byakuya worries because the eleventh division is the eleventh division, and probably more koi.

Until next time,
-Kitakana