**Ohooii…! The next chapter is up. This part takes longer than intended. I deleted and rewrite so many times and it kinda writes itself. I did my best though! ** \(^_^)/

P.S.

Dear Sir English,

Forgive me for my uncalled letter. It is about your daughter, Lady Grammar. She is truly sweet and nice but sadly, I am not to her level yet even after all these years. Please tell her how sorry I am for letting her down and for all the mistakes that I've done but I will never give up.

Yours sincerely,

Miss English is my 2ndLanguage.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN SAIYUKI because if I do, I'll definitely turn it into shonen ai genre.

The birds and the crickets chirping fade along with the soft summer breeze. Sanzo's heart stands still. He doesn't dare as to blink his eyes in fear that the fragile being which lays unconscious on the moist grass is nothing more than a mirage. Or perhaps a hint that insanity has finally caught up with him. 'Goku?' Sanzo utters the name with anxiety while hoping for a response. Doubt tugs his heart. He makes slow hesitant reach towards the boy. Resting his palm against the boy's pale cheek, his heart beats with relief. At the innocent touch, Sanzo's body and arms burn with need, longing and buried desire. Abruptly, he pulls the boy and against his chest, locks him in a tight and protective embrace. "Goku…Goku…", Sanzo's desperate whispers fill the silent forest. All the feelings that have been torturing him, harbouring deep in his seabed of inner self finally bubble up and flow out into foams of seawater. He tightens his arms further, not wanting to let go. If this is a dream, let nothing wakes him up.

"Uugghh..." a sudden painful whimper escapes Goku's lips, startling Sanzo for a moment before he loosens his embrace. Yet, Goku's eyebrows remain in a twist of pain and his breath seems to fall short. Something must be wrong. Sanzo quickly unsheathes Goku from the cape and notices damp blood prints visible on the boy's cloth. Lifting Goku's shirt, he is taken aback to see Goku's body all black and blue with bruises and scars. Somebody has been hurting his charge! Behind a poor job of a bandage, a fresh wound that of a knife cut clean not too deep into Goku's stomach reveals itself. Sanzo twitches in panic as he sees blood seeps out from it. He needs to bring Goku to Hakkai, fast! Sanzo's legs wobble as he tries to carry Goku on his back. Tch! Those damn shackles sure weigh a ton! He'll make sure that whoever has done this to Goku gets divine punishment. Out of the forest, Sanzo makes a run towards the town's inn.

Hakkai wakes up in surprise as his bedroom door swings open with force. A distraught Sanzo emerge at his door.

"Sanzo? Is anything the ma…"

Without a word, Sanzo grabs Hakkai and drag him towards his bedroom.

"Wha..why are we going to your… bed..bedroom?" Hakkai feels nervous all of a sudden.

"Later Hakkai. He's badly hurt. You need to tend to his wound"

"Wound? Who's hurt? Gojyo?"

'How can Gojyo be 'hurt'? He is out hanging at the bar.' Hakkai's thinks to himself, still drowsy from his sleep.

Sanzo remain silent.

Drain of energy and a sore back, Sanzo can't be bothered to answer. It is fortunate enough that he stumbles upon Gojyo on the way back. Together they carry Goku to the inn. Gojyo hasn't spoken a word since, rare for someone who never seems to shut up. Not that Sanzo blames him. Everything just falls apart since that day. To see Goku alive before their eyes again after all this time, after forcing themselves to accept his death, the shock is too much.

Entering the room, Hakkai sees Gojyo standing beside the bed. He doesn't look injured if anything.

Then what he sees next stops him halfway. Goku is sleeping soundly on Sanzo's bed.

"Goku!? How…?" His speech trails off as he notices the stab wound.

Quickly, he checks for the boy's pulse. It feels weak against his finger, barely beating. Goku must have lost a lot of blood. Hakkai then charges his qi in full blast, rendering the wound to close up. Minutes later, colours begin to show on Goku's cheek. Hakkai sighs with relief but he is far from finish.

"Is he… Goku, okay?" Gojyo asks worriedly.

"Yeah, Goku's okay for now but he has lost a lot of blood. So, it might take some time before he wakes up."

Gojyo feels as though his heart has stopped beating for a moment. Then, he pulls a chair and sits down looking bewildered and exhausted but a bit relaxed after knowing Goku is out of danger.

'Bakasaru. You sure know how to make me worry.' Gojyo's face lit up.

While Goku's sleeping face looks so calm, bruise marks on his body speak otherwise. Hakkai cannot help but feels angry. 'Where on earth have you been to Goku?'

Hakkai clutches Goku's hand for reassurance. It is warm. Even the room feels different than before. Goku has truly made his way back to them.

'Goku, I'm so glad. I'm so glad.' No word can describe how happy Hakkai feels. His spirit lifted.

'Welcome back Goku…'

Before, he was a magician that sells magic trinkets but since the youkai-went-ballistic pandemic, no one seemed to want to have anything to do with magic. Not that he mind much since black magic was more his cup of tea. Honest living didn't suit him anyways. So, he turned his wheel of fate and made a living out of underground fights, staking his 'tinkered with black magic' slave fighters in a battle to death. Once or twice he'd faked defeat so that his magic trick remains unbeknownst to others. The human body however could not withhold his powerful magic and most of his slaves didn't survive for long. He was at his wits end until he met Kintaro. Now the boy is missing, right after he made big plans for the upcoming match. He is in a foul mood. Even after killing his most trusted henchman, anger still burns in his bone. He should have known better than to trust anyone but himself. The damn earring will not work too unless Kintaro is within his sight. Resting his chin on his palm, his warm breath vaporises, leaving a visible trace against the cold air. The day when he found the boy, it was a cold day too. He was on his way to the next town when suddenly something fell with tremendous force from the sky not far from his carriage. Chalked it up to morbid curiosity, he went over and found a boy sprawled in a small meteor like crater, steps away from death's door. He could just leave him to die yet the golden diadem that encircled the boy's head had intrigued his magician instinct. It definitely looked like a youkai limiter but not that of this world. When he touched the diadem, immense power vibe emanated from it. Realising his good fortune, he came to the decision to save the boy's life and wiped him clean of his memories. Whoever the boy was before he should no longer be. Kintaro is his and his alone. Finders' keepers. One way or the other, he'll come back to him. It is just a matter of time. It's a good thing that he still has his master's precious grimoire. Now all he needs is the right spell.

"Kintaro…Kintaro…Kintaro", thousands of ghastly voice resonates in his mind.

He is all alone, blackness blinds him. Heavy shackles chain him to the ground as if gravity isn't enough to hold him down. What has he ever done to get such punishment? Strip from any memories, he is but an empty shell. Yet, against this cold ambiance, he seeks nothing more than warmth. Suddenly, everything is blood red and arms crawl out from the earth below, pulling him to the ground.

"You killed us… you killed us!" sorrowful shrills of hatred pierce his ears.

"Aaaaargghhhh… Nooooo!"

Kintaro wakes up drench in sweat. His vision is blurry and he feels like his insides are all jumble up. Is he still dreaming? He cannot make up the faces looking down on him, holding him to the bed. Has he been captured again?! No! No! Not again!

He wriggles and kicks with all his might but escape is not easy. He is scarce of energy and with each moment, consciousness is slipping away.

"Ouch! Damn it Goku! Why'd you do that for bakasaru!" Gojyo wails angrily. Red bite marks left his wrist with a numbing pain.

Opportunity in hand, he jumps onto the table and frantically reaches out for a fork before backing into the far corner of the room.

"Stay back! Stay! He threatens. At the same time, his eyes dart around for a way out. Unfortunately, he is cornered like a wild animal. Kintaro can roughly see three figures in front of him. Strange, they do not seem like his master's servant nor do they smell of malice.

"Goku. Calm down. It's only us. Don't you remember?" the guy with emerald green eyes speaks.

Kintaro doesn't have a clue what he is talking about but somehow, he feels like he has seen them somewhere before. And what's this melancholic feeling at the pit of his stomach? His mind tells him not to harm a hair on them. 'Why?' Kintaro questions himself. No, he shouldn't trust anyone so easily. He must get away!

"I…I don't know you!" He practically screams.

"Do..don'...t come near!" his voice trembles with overwhelming fear, fear and insecurity. He doesn't want to resort to killing again. No more.

"Tch, I don't remember having a charge this troublesome!"

Sanzo cannot take it anymore. He is pissed off. Has Goku forgotten everything about them, about him? Oh, the nerve! He'll make him remember!

With swift hands, he pulls out his gun, aims and shoot. Ting! The fork flies away from Goku's hand.

Goku ducks for cover. Shit! He runs for the door in frenzy but the blonde man is already ahead of him. Sanzo grab Goku's hand and twist it into a hammerlock.

Goku shouts in pain.

"Goku, relax! We're not going to harm you bakasaru!" The one he bites tries to explain.

"Let go! Let go! Aaaahhhhhhh…!" Goku wriggles harder than before like one possessed.

"Goku! Stop it or I swear you'll get it!" The boy is testing Sanzo's patience.

"Sanzo, you're hurting him." Hakkai tries to control the situation. He worries for Goku since he is still in a weak condition and Sanzo's action isn't helping either. If anything, he is making it worst.

Goku struggles strong despite his injuries but it only made the blonde to twist his hand more and it hurts like hell. Reality sinks in. Three against one, escape is futile. He cannot win. Not that he is weak but he feels emotionally restricted to fight them. Like a bird with a broken wing, Goku stops flapping about. He is disheartened, tired and sick of all this. Sick of running. Sick of fighting. Sick of living. But more than anything, he is sick of being alone. He gives up and cries out his frustration like a child losing his favourite toy. He has been holding the tears for too long and it is eating him. All he ever wanted is to be free and yet, it is something that he can never get.

Goku's sobs tore at Sanzo's heart. He softens his grip. Perhaps he has been too rough.

"If you… if you…really do know… me. Then, why didn't you look for me?"

"Why…why… have you left me alone?"

"I called and called…but nobody came… I was so alone…"

The words sounding so hurtful and childlike suddenly roll out of Goku's mouth. Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai didn't know what to say. Their faces darken with borderless guilt especially Sanzo. Goku almost felt sorry for saying it. Master will be coming for him soon and time is a luxury that he doesn't have. Master will kill them for sure and he doesn't wish for anyone to be hurt because of him, before it's too late. He'll beg if he have to.

"…Just let…me go, please…"

Goku gazes deep into Sanzo's purple shade eyes. For a moment, he could see glimpses of himself and a golden hair figure walking side by side. A memory? He clutches his throbbing head, minutes away from fainting. As if Goku has done it before, out of his control, his body act on himself and hug the confuse blonde. Goku surprised himself. Yet, the embrace feels so natural and familiar, so warm and loving against his tattered heart. 'Like the sun,' the word rings clearly in his mind. Goku's fear quietly resides and manifest into serenity.

"You… you'll… let… me go…go, won'...t yo...u?"

Goku further pleads before he slumps weakly against Sanzo.

The trio are dumbstruck, clearly not the reunion scene that they have in mind. A shocking turn of event. They do not see it coming. For a while, everyone remain static. They are too shaken up to see Goku looking so hurt, so vulnerable and so adamant to escape. Like a deranged person. Not only does Goku have no recollection of who he is, he must have lived a life full of torment. Dark air hangs around the room.

Sanzo cradles the boy and tuck him back into the bed. It seems that Goku hasn't regained his energy.

Sanzo stroke the boy's hair, oblivious to the fact that he isn't alone in the room. Feeling like they are intruding a sacred moment, Gojyo and Hakkai made their exit. Though Sanzo heart weeps silently for Goku's suffering, he is still surprised and amused by his charge action. The hug, eventhough brief feels full of need and wanting. It made him happy and whole. It seems that Goku's body still remembers what his mind forgets. All is not yet lost. Goku's word echoes in his mind.

'Bakasaru... I'll never let you go.'

'Not a chance.' Sanzo eyes glint with determination.

Even if Goku begs of it, he'll never let him go.

Even if Goku is not willing, he'll make him stay.

Even if Goku ends up hating him for it, so be it.

Whatever it takes.

He has already lost him once.

It is no longer an option.

** That wraps it up. I tried really hard to put myself in each character's shoes. (No kidding!) The feeling of losing a loved one is never easy. But seeing them back alive? Now, that is something beyond comprehension since in real life it won't happen. ( Duh, it's fanfiction silly). Somehow, in the end, it seems like I've made Goku into the damsel in distress. So, you sure you don't want to criticize me and leave a comment? Thank you for reading! (^_^)**