Part Four:
The problem with calling an error in judgement a mistake is that when the consequence of the error arrises, most people automatically assume the consequence will be negative. Kagome had moved in with Maru, Yash, and Kaia immediately after graduating high school. She'd taken up residency in Maru's bed the same night, there were a few times in the first week they hadn't been exactly careful, and, by the turning of her eighteenth birthday, she found herself pregnant. Her parents hadn't been very enthused, but what could they say? She already had the credentials to land a good job thanks to simultaneously finishing her graduate degree and high school at once. At eighteen, she was given an internship teaching at the university while she worked on her doctoral degree, so the child would be taken care of between her work and Maru's. They'd supported her as they had always supported her, knowing that the momentary lapse in care did not deserve their ire or recrimination… But Kikyo had made it her business to rub her sister's nose in it every chance she could.
Then she'd fallen coming down the stairs from the second floor of her parent's house carrying a few bags of left over things she'd forgotten six months earlier when she'd moved. Kikyo had thrown a fit to their parents every chance she could about ridding the house of everything that was Kagome's, so Kaia and Kagome had come to gather it. Maru had a midterm and Yash had work. The girls had only two bags left, then she'd lost her footing and toppled eight feet of stairs onto the hard tile at the bottom of the stairs, belly first. She could still remember every moment from languishing at the foot of the stairs clutching Kaia's hand as her cousin phoned for an ambulance, Kikyo watching from the top of the stairs with a passive look on her face to the horrible two hours in the emergency room as the doctors cared for her as she miscarried her baby girl. Kaia hadn't left her side. Maru didn't get the message until it was over. He had rushed to her side in the hospital and hadn't left her until the doctors released her. She remembered every second of that day, but what stuck in her mind was the brief meeting of Kikyo and her eyes right before the ambulance had arrived. Kikyo had looked happy.
She'd never been able to relate everything to Maru. How could she? Not even Kaia knew what she'd seen in Kikyo's eyes that day. There were moments when Kagome wasn't even certain what she saw had been real or a manifestation of the relief in her sister once she'd heard the scream of the sirens coming up the street… But she'd just stood there the whole time while it was happening. She hadn't visited her in the hospital. Kagome's room had become a garden of condolence the short time before she was released, but none of them had been for her sister. Even the three bouquets from her parents were devoid of Kikyo's name.
In reality, when she was given the opportunity by the university to work in South America, she took it because she wanted to get as far away from her sister as she could. She wanted to run from her. She was dating a high school friend of Yash's, and so was very nearly always present in Kagome's life. Every Thursday night, Kagome had to see her haughty face while she was recovering. Then the news from her doctor that the scarring on her uterus might cause her to never carry a child to term again hit both her and Maru hard. She took the offer and started to pack and was gone almost a year to the day that she had miscarried their child. That Kaia had departed much earlier hadn't made it much easier for her. Who knows what would have happened if her cousin had tried to fight Yash about breaking up and just stayed there with them? At one point, the four had considered living together in the same house indefinitely. Their habits, personalities and pursuits had always complimented each other. They'd been happy for the first seven months living together. They had been a family, and had her daughter lived, they might have never pulled away from each other as they had.
As each year turned, she felt herself more and more pulling away from Maru. Each visit, at least once they simply skipped contraceptives, though it usually fell on the first night. Last year, she'd even been three weeks late. She'd even done one of the at home tests and was building up her courage to call and tell him… To hear him ask her to come home to him… And then there just wasn't a reason anymore. She knew- had always known- Maru wanted to be a father. He wanted children, and he wanted them with her. If she couldn't give him what he wanted, if she couldn't have that dream, she knew she'd need to let him go. Kagome intended this to be her last Christmas coming home to Maru. In her last letter to Kaia, she'd expressed as much, and then her cousin had appeared at the door.
The cafe was quiet that early in the morning. It opened around six in the morning and the rush didn't begin well until eight. Kaia and Kagome knew they'd have time to talk before their day of shopping and pampering… Though they both knew they'd probably be finished with the pampering after a manicure and pedicure and then head straight to the second hand book stores littered throughout town with a final stop at the music emporium where Yash had worked weekends since high school. Week days were school and working for his uncle at the publishing house, so he wouldn't be at the emporium today, much to Kaia's chagrin.
"I don't know how you can drink your coffee so strong," Kagome said as she watched her cousin sip the quad-shot espresso, an English muffin slathered in butter and marmalade on the plate before her still untouched.
"It tastes better," Kaia responded with a smile as she put down the mug and took a bite of her breakfast. "So… You wanted to talk. Let's get this talked through so we can enjoy our girl's day."
Kagome's brow quirked as she took a bite of her bacon. "Wow, you are really rather forward…"
"Oh?" Kaia quirked her brow and smirked. "You said you needed to talk through your decision so you knew you were making the right one. I can't promise you're going to like what I have to say, but you might as well get your point out there first."
She'd thought Kikyo and Oni were just being jerks when Kaia had shown up. Her cousin had always been playful and sarcastic, but she'd always avoided conflict. She had been passive and leaned on what other people thought was best rather than her own opinion. In reality, her sister and her boy-whatever-he-was were right. Kaia had found her strength and wasn't willing to wait passively for Kagome to dodge the real issues she obviously had picked up on in their letters.
"Maru wants to have children," she began, carefully watching her cousin's reaction and instantly realizing she wasn't going to like the counterargument. "We lost our daughter, and I haven't been able to hold a pregnancy since then… I want him to be happy, but I know that his happiness will only be half if I stay with him. He deserves someone who can give him his dream, and I'll never be able to do that."
She'd known most of the argument from their letters, but she hadn't known about the miscarriages. "Does Maru know you've miscarried since then?"
Kagome swallowed hard and had to look away. Her heart felt like it was cramping. "I… I haven't been able to tell him."
"More than once, I assume?"
"One I can verify… Other times, I was only one or two days late… I was too afraid to test it," she felt tears begin to well. Kaia reached out and took her hands across the table tightly. "One went about three months. I had to go to a doctor after that one."
"Kagome…" Kaia felt her throat tighten. "Why the hell didn't you say anything? Why the hell didn't you say anything at least to Maru?"
"I just… I couldn't…" She let go of Kaia's hands and used her napkin to clean her face and blow her nose as she fought back her emotions. "Why should I put him through that? Thousands of miles were between us…"
"Thousands of miles, but he had the right to know. He loves you," Kagome tensed and Kaia sighed, moving her chair so she could hug her. "You said… This was the last Christmas you were going to be home unless something changed."
Kagome nodded and trembled, leaning her head against her cousin's. "I can't keep leading him on… He deserves to start making his life."
"Do you think he has the right to have any say in this decision?"
She worried her lip a moment before responding. "I'm going to explain the decision to him… Tell him about the miscarriage… I doubt he'll have any difficulty agreeing with me after that."
Kaia scowled and didn't respond. Perhaps it had been too hard to tell him about her miscarriages, but now she was using them as a weapon against him, and it wasn't fair. As Kagome was nearly always on Yash's side, Kaia was nearly always behind Maru. It was part of why their cohabitation worked so well when they were together. There weren't sides. It was equally girls against boys, lovers against lovers, or friends against friends. Their hearts were so intermingled, war was out of the question… Until now. I came back to fix what was broken… What I broke when I left. She realized it wasn't her fault. Not really. What had happened was part of life, but Kaia couldn't let one small piece go. If I'd only stayed… Been strong enough to try to mend what was broken between Yash and me… Maybe Kagome wouldn't have run off to South America. She's said she left because she'd felt alone when I'd gone… It's like together we were four walls of this perfect house… And when I left, the roof collapsed in on them. I can't keep letting them hurt each other.
"No matter what you choose," she whispered and hugged her cousin tightly. "No matter what happens, I love you. Yash loves you… Maru loves you."
"I know, Kaia… I know."
"Why the hell would I want to play this character?"
Kaia smirked and met Oni's gaze. "We gave you all of your powers. We let you have the templates you wanted. You are by far the strongest character in the game. Not even Yash's character could take you down by himself… You'd need ALL of the good guys to come together against you WITH Kikyo backing them up in order to take you down."
"But I'm getting screwed with the story line! Come on, Kaia… Give me something already!"
She rolled her eyes and met Maru's gaze. He was standing across the room reviewing notes and working very hard to keep himself from jumping down Oni's throat. "Fine…" She grabbed a set of colored pencils and drew a happy group of stick figures, labeling each one. "You get Kanna and Kagura as your back up. They'll be your besties and cronies. Since they're new to playing, you can even tell them what to do and probably get away with it."
Oni smiled and took his character sheet, gently caressing Kaia's hand when he did. "There, now… How easy that was…" Kaia tensed as Oni leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "Almost as easy as you were."
Maru turned at the sound of Oni yelping and falling on the floor. Kaia was standing and balling her hands into tight fists as he held his jaw that was bright red from being struck.
"Fuck you," Kaia whispered, not looking away. "Don't you dare every touch me again, Oni."
Oni stood, still a bit in shock that Kaia had done anything at all in response to his touch and words. He gathered his sheets and looked to Maru. They'd been friends a long time and, even though he was mostly an asshole, Oni didn't want to lose their friendship. "Thursday?"
He nodded a bit. "Yeah… Thursday." He could barely look at Oni knowing what had happened between him and Kaia. When Oni was gone, Maru moved to Kaia who was deliberately ignoring everything except organizing the notes for the campaign. He put his hand on her shoulder and she stilled. "I'll call him and tell him not to come if you want me to. He's been so much of an ass lately, I've barely been able to tolerate him."
"No, it's ok," she covered his hand with hers and sighed a bit. "Did Kagome ever tell you what happened? Between Oni and me…"
He bit his lip and sat where Oni had been moments before. "Yeah, recently, actually…" She nodded and smirked, looking away from him.
"I was so stupid… Finding a random pick up at a bar would have been better. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with my mistake showing up over and over again," she looked back to him and sighed. "I've tried to tell Yash, but he keeps deflecting me. Or distracting me…" She remembered the night she'd arrived and how passionate and pleading his kiss had been… His eyes had been. "I get the feeling he already knows all about it, courtesy of Oni."
"Oni wouldn't have a face left if Yash knew," Maru said in an acrid tone. "At least if Oni bragged about it to him."
"Yeah, well…" It had been nearly a week since she'd shown up on his doorstep, and they'd been in step from the moment he'd opened the door. The first time they'd played D&D together, she'd unknowingly made a character that looked and was designed almost exactly like his… Only female. They could have been siblings… So he made sure they were in game. She'd been sixteen at the time, and by the following year, she was his co-game master until she left for Boston, then Italy. He'd missed her the way he imagined he'd miss his own little sister… Everything from the poking wars to the banter sessions, the war of wills to the infinite support and devotion they showed to each other… Much like Kagome and Yash. Which was why he could tell she was holding something back ever since Kagome and she had returned from their girl's day the evening before.
"Do you want to talk about it, or are you ready yet?" She looked up and he knew she was aware of the "it" to which he was referring.
She shook her head and sighed, tapping his hand that was resting on the table, noting the ink stain from writing notes and plans for the campaign on his right middle finger. "I should have come back sooner, Maru. I'm still deciding on what I'm going to do."
"What's the crux? You're happy with him… With us."
The crux is that our little family might not exist in three weeks… "Two conversations that need to be had… And whether or not everything won't just collapse once they're had."
"Yash is going to forgive you," he said simply and smirked when she looked up sharply to meet his gaze. "He's been in love with you since you met in high school. In seven years, he's dated three girls from the music department… Maybe fooled around with a couple. None of it lasted more than a week before he pulled out your CD and vanished into his room to pout."
Her eyes shimmered and she brushed at them absently. "Damnit… I just figured he was between girlfriends at the moment."
Maru took her hand and squeezed it. "I might piss him off for saying this, but he still wears it… That ring you gave him when you moved in. It's around his neck."
She swallowed hard and nodded, gripping his hand. "Gra anois agus go deo… Love, now and forever," the words felt sweet and yet bitter on her tongue. "I love him… Have always and will always."
"Then… I think you need to figure out when you're going to have that conversation," Maru smiled a bit at her words. "For my part, very little will make me as happy as seeing your silly face every morning drinking coffee and giving my brother hell."
"So… Oni is an evil half demon…"
"Hanyou."
"Sorry, hanyou… Oni is an evil hanyou that has essentially turned Yash, who is also a hanyou, and Kikyo, a miko, against each other in order to steal this jewel called the Shiko No Tama. Yash is pinned to a tree for fifty years until Kagome comes through a well from the future and saves him…"
Maru nodded to Roku with a smirk. "They meet up with my character, Yash's mean and cruel half brother, who is on a quest to take back their father's sword so he can rule the Western Lands fully. Kagome also has miko abilities, and so she and Yash are able to defeat me in this first battle, taking my fighting arm and moving on to pursue the now shattered Shiko No Tama so they can piece it back together and protect fuedal Japan from evil youkai and oni."
"We also have San playing a demon slayer, Roku playing a lecherous monk, Shippo playing a kitsune, Ayame and Kouga playing wolf youkai, and Kanna and Kagura playing youkai created by Oni to serve him." Kaia said, leaning back into the cushions of the couch with a sigh. "I'll be playing other minor characters necessary for moving the story along while Maru runs the game. Any side conversations not game related need to be during breaks only. Game master impromptu meetings will be completed via text during game, which I will respond to. Only in character conversations allowed."
Yash smirked and nodded. "Like old times," he said with a smirk, resting a hand on her knee.
Kaia smiled warmly to him and covered her hand with his. "Yes… Just remember, Maru and I don't play favorites. We run the game and respond as the world. Don't take anything in game personally."
The game began with Yash and Kagome meeting Miroku and Shippo while Oni encountered San and her family of demon slayers. By the end of the evening, Kouga had kidnapped Kagome, and Kaia had begun playing her primary characters, Rin, Kohaku, and Jaken to support Maru's secret efforts to quash Oni and Kikyo's vain attempts to ruin the campaign. Yash was dead on with his assertion at the beginning of the evening… It was just like old times.
As the evening came to a close, Yash helped Kagome gather up the pizza boxes as Kaia and Maru put away their game notes and character progression notes. Oni leaned back against the wall watching the green eyed mirror of his girlfriend and her sister. He had a little bit of regret about the night she'd come to him… And it wasn't that he'd dosed her drink to loosen her up even more than she already was… It was that she couldn't remember how much fun they'd had. It had taken everything in him not to brag to Yash about how good his girl was in bed. She had been an incredibly sweet lay, and he understood why his old friend hadn't gotten serious with anyone else. Just the sounds she made alone had made his night with her memorable… Enough so that Kikyo had been jealous ever since. They had an open relationship, but she had the tendency to be possessive even still. It didn't matter to him who she slept with as long as she used protection… But it mattered to her. He'd never really understood the double standard.
"Let's go," she pulled on his arm and Oni looked down into Kikyo's eyes in question. "I want to go home. Come on."
"So soon? We haven't even started drinking yet," Oni pouted.
"We'll drink at home… They'll just be playing PS3 and cards until dawn, anyway," she wanted to leave. She ached to leave. The way he was looking at Kaia made her stomach twist.
He sighed and then smirked. "Maybe you'd like to come with us, Kaia?" The way she tensed made him smile wickedly whens he looked up. "It will be really fun evening."
"Maybe you should take Kikyo's advice and get gone before my brother hears you say something like that to Kaia again," Maru said without glancing up. "You know she'd rather do just about anything than agree."
Kaia smiled and returned to her organizing. "A horde of ravenous zombies would be preferable to a night with you…"
Kikyo tensed as she was finally able to pull Oni toward the door. She couldn't let that stand… No matter how jealous she was of Kaia and how much Oni wanted to seduce her again, she just couldn't let it stand. "You would know… Wouldn't you, Raine?"
She didn't respond as Oni and Kikyo left. She was too caught up in the look Yash was giving her across the room, and it was making her heart shatter for all the hurt she saw there.