This popped in my head and amused me, enjoy
Shep: I'm bored
Gar-Bear: I'm Unemployed
Shep: Your fault, and seriously still?!
Gar-Bear: Background check, have to make sure I don't have a massive Red Sand addiction I'm trying to cover up or whatever, *Rolling eyes*
Shep: That's bullshit, you should tell them that's bullshit, you're a Vakarian for fucks sake. Bull. Shit.
Gar-Bear: Right!? Too bad they don't listen to you in the hiring process, ugh, annoying.
Shep: While that is annoying, this planet is so damn boring I can't even come up with a clever anology to compare it to. There is nothing to do but sit by the pool listening to shitty party music while getting drunk and looking pretty.
Gar-Bear: So you're doing what comes naturally while being drunk then.
Shep: I'm trying to get drunk, but being a biotic means I have to really make a go at it and it only lasts for a short time. Also, smooth Casanova, you get a golf clap.
Gar-Bear: Casa what? And what's golf clapping? Regardless, please bitch about having super powers more, along with the ability to warp the space time continuum to your will, we mere mortals shall stand aside and give our condolences to your mind god problems.
Shep: Anyone ever tell you you're a complete ass?
Gar-Bear: My sister, my mother, my intructors, my ex girlfriend, that guy who made up my morning tea and that E-Check guy last week...
Shep: The fuck is an E-Check?
Gar-Bear: Emissions check on my sky car, it's basically a made up government agency that exists solely to give the uneducated jobs while looking like the government is actually doing something.
Shep: Ah, makes sense. So besides that you're well aware of your asshole status?
Gar-Bear: And proud of it.
Shep: As you should be, good man...Turian...whatever...holy shit there is a lot of rum in this drink.
Gar-Bear: Finally feeling it? =)
Shep: I'm tasting the rainbow, and it tastes good.
Gar-Bear: Lol, well whatever you do, take pictures and send them to me, I'm living vicariously through you at the moment.
Shep: A lady never leaves any evidence towards her trail of debauchery Vakarian you know that! Hey... Something is trying to hack my comms Garrus, you getting this?
Gar-Bear: No lemme double check my end of the connection.
Gar-Bear: Shep?
Gar-Bear: Shep?
Gar-Bear: Shepard you're kind of freaking me out here, did you just get shit faced and pass out?
Gar-Bear: Shepard?
Gar-Bear: Jo...are you ok?
System Announcement-The comm service you are currently attempting to contact is currently unavailable. Please contact your extranet provider for further details.
Garrus stared at the message displayed on his Omni-Tool for a few moments before letting out a sharp curse. Checking exactly where Elysium was on the galactic map his cursing became worse and he began mentally kicking himself as he paced across the room.
His friend, the only person outside his family he'd gotten along with had gone on holiday on the borderlines of the Traverse, which meant the Batarians were right next door which meant...
"Spirits...be safe Jo..."