I know this took way to long... I know I said I'd have weeks ago but... what can I say, fate just doesn't want me to finish this thing :). First I have troubles, then my dear beta does... and then I had to live with out internet for a couple week... (never thought how much I need it :s)
Extent between it's taken from the NANA manga, chapter 16
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When Tonks had announced she was pregnant, fear surrounded the order, they were all important targets and this situation made Tonks an even greater target. So she had to hide for most of her pregnancy, until war was over. It was a particular situation that brought hope back to everyone's hearts during war and what pushed Harry into taking the last step, facing Voldemort. And now just 6 weeks after that Tonks and Remus's baby had been born and it was this reason that brought Harry, Ron and Hermione into Saint Mungo's.
They quietly entered the room. Tonks was lying on the bed sleeping and Remus sited next to her, holding his son in his arms. At the sound of the door Remus Looked up and smiled at the three.
"Come near and see him" Harry was the first to do so.
"Wow man, you're a father now" Said Harry with a smile.
"Yes I am" answered Lupin with a proud smile.
"What's his name?" Asked Ron.
"Nathan. I want you all to meet Nathan Lupin" He said placing Nathan on Harry's arms "Hold your godson" He said.
"Godson?" Harry asked surprised.
"Yeah, Tonks and I decided this a while ago. We haven't decided on the Godmother yet though"
"How's Tonks?" Hermione finally spoke
"Fine. Drained. I can't blame her. I wouldn't have been able to do what she just did" He smiled at his sleeping wife.
"What did the Doctors said about Nathan inheriting your situation?" She asked fearfully
"He's fine" An ever greater smile followed this "He's not going to fear the full moon like his old man." A comfortable silence followed through. "Come Hermione, Hold him."
She took the baby in her arms and stood there watching him sleep. Suddenly a new feeling wrapped it self around her. She had never felt like this before… Hermione kept searching in her brain for words, phrases, sentences, anything she could say at that moment, but her brain wasn't in operative mode for the moment. All she could think was how incredible it felt to hold him like this, how tiny his hands were, his tiny nose, and mouth… "He's so tiny…" She said after a while. They all laughed and kept talking among them selves. But she was in her own world and couldn't hear them. This new wonderful feeling was drowning her and she couldn't stop it. And then it hit her. She wanted this, she wanted a child… She handed Remus the baby back, said a few words and quickly left the room. How could she want to have children? She had just turned 21. She couldn't be having this urges, it was silly. She still had so many years to worry about this, not now. She couldn't possibly want this now.
"'Mione!" Ron had followed her. "What's wrong?" he asked concerned
"I have rounds, and I'd forgotten. I'm sorry. See you guys tonight?" she said as normal as she could with her heart doing hundreds of flip flops inside.
"Yeah sure… Are you sure you are okay?" He asked clearly not convinced
"Of course I am. Go back there I'll see you later" And by saying this she walked away .
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Hermione's Diary
21 weeks
Ginny went to have dinner with her family; I didn't feel like spending my Friday night surrounded of the Weasleys. The comfort I used to feel by it is now a clear echo of the family I do not have. Is this how you feel too around them?
Reading has turned into the air I breath and the need to go and buy new books is imminent. I have read every single one I posses at least twice. But going to Diagon alley means passing by the baby store. And that is something I'm currently dreading… I can't picture myself going there to buy Hayley anything alone. Because going alone means that people are going to start asking who is her father, and where the father is… Definitely not something I'm looking for, at all. I have avoided public magical places perfectly fine since the fact I'm expecting turned too obvious. I can always buy the items in a muggle store, and I can order the books by owl post. But I can't hide forever; the sooner word about the pregnancy goes out, the best… It would give time to deal with things before Hayley's arrival…
I went to my check up yesterday morning. Kate, my doctor, said I shouldn't stay too much time on my feet and that I shouldn't push myself from now on. Can you picture me doing that? I'm going to drive myself crazy before Hayley's born… Apparently our girl is a night owl, I'm having the hardest time trying to sleep because she keeps moving and kicking during night time. I wish you were here to feel it.
Do you remember the time we talked about having children in that small coffee place? I now know I can lie to myself, because I lied to you and forced my self so strongly to believe that lie, that in some way I did. I wanted it to happen then, not in the future. I didn't cared about marriage or anything else, I just wanted it to happen. How sad it that? Maybe If I had told my self the truth…
You know, when I was little; I thought that a mother was born a mother. That a teacher had always been a teacher. Or that a soldier could never be anything other than a soldier. And I've always had the impression that they were different beings than me.
…even now, I still think like that.
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Memory
They had been walking down the streets of London for most of the afternoon. After a week of no word from Harry, Hermione had gone to his place and dragged him to have lunch with her. It was like this most of the time, he never felt the need to owl nor her or Ron, for a catch up. He did it with everyone else, but apparently he never felt the need to work on keeping in touch with them. They just would never walk away from each others lives. When in need one would always be there, no questions asked, no matter what.
They had been walking in silence for almost half an hour when Harry spoke
"Why did you run away?"
"Run away? I don't understand what you mean, I'm here" she said keeping her eyes in an unknown point in front of them.
"Yesterday. At the hospital. When we visited Tonks and Remus. You gave Nathan to Remus and ran away. Why?"
"I didn't run away, that's silly" she said smiling a perfectly fake smile at him. "I was just in a hurry; you know I still had rounds in the hospital"
"Oh c'mon 'mione, don't lie to me" He said making an exasperated movement. "I can see through you like water, so let's just avoid me having to get it out of you and just tell me" She took a deep breath and signaled a coffee place they had just passed by.
"Let's go in, I don't want to talk standing in the middle of the street"
"Sure, I wouldn't mind a cup of coffee." They both entered and sat in a table by the window. After 5 minutes they were sipping their hot cups of coffee and no word have been uttered. Harry had his eyes on Hermione and she had hers on the people that walked by outside the store. Suddenly a couple entered the store with a little boy behind, obviously their son. As soon as the bell that was hanging on the door notifying a new arrival sounded, Hermione turned her face towards them and stared. Seconds passed and no word was uttered.
"Have you ever thought of having children?" Hermione asked out of the blue scaring Harry who in surprise spilled the coffee he was drinking.
"Bloody hell!" They both quickly started cleaning the mess with some napkins. "Where the hell did that came from!" He asked clearly still in shock.
"It's just that since we went to see Nathan I've thinking about that" She calmly said while finishing the cleaning. Harry keep staring at her still in some kind of trance with out being able to utter any word. "Since I held him I felt something I've never felt before. I was weird, it felt so perfect" He didn't move and she continued "I want to know what it feels like to have children, to feel them inside of me. I want to feed them and… "She stopped after noticing Harry's face "Hey! No, not now!" She quickly tried to emend her words "In the future, married, I don't even have a boyfriend now!" He took a deep breath and smiled back at her
"For a moment there you really scared me" He laughed "I don't know how I could have thought you wanted it now" He keep laughing and she somehow forced her self to find it funny and laugh too
"God Harry don't you know me at all? Of course I would want it to be something better planned to be sure it's not a mistake"
"Then Yes, I want children very much" he said. They stayed in silence for a moment "That's why you ran away?" He asked unsure
"I think that feeling scared the hell out of me!" She said blushing
"I can understand that. Something like that would scare me too" he placed his hand on top of hers "It will happen, don't worry. You'll find someone and you'll get married, and have plenty of children to drive you nuts" They both laughed
"You are right, someday" she smiled at him
"Years in the future" He smiled back
End of memory
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Hermione had just arrived home from the hospital, after a long tiring day. The place was empty, Ginny was most likely still working on her last article. Hermione entered an hung her coat, then waked into the kitchen to start cooking dinner. She turned the radio on and while singing along the music that was playing, she started preparing the spaghetti.
I
go crazy, crazy, baby, I go crazy
You turn it on
Then you're
gone
Yeah you drive me
Crazy, crazy, crazy, for you baby
What can I do, honey
I feel like the color blue...
"As a singer, you'd starve" Ginny said from the kitchen door still in her coat and shop bag on her hand.
"Oh, c'mon, I'm not that bad!" Hermione laughed in embarrassment after being caught in such a un-Hermione way.
"No… your aren't, but don't think about leaving your current job" Ginny winked at her "What's got you so happy anyway? I hardly ever see you in such good spirits" She said while leaving her coat on a chair and placing the bag on the table. "What can I do to help?"
"Do the salsa" Hermione said as she filled the pot with hot water "I don't know why I'm so happy, I just am. It was a very long day, nothing bad happen. But nothing worth mentioning either. What about you? Went to Diagon alley I see. What did you get?" Hermione said pointing the white bag Ginny had been carrying.
"Oh! Your going to love it, it's for you. Well not for you per se, but for little Hayley there" Ginny opened the package and revealed what could only be described as baby clothing "You like?" she asked while showing her a tiny pink outfit
"Oh my god, Gin, you shouldn't have! It's perfect thank you so much!" She said hugging her friend as strong as she could.
"It's nothing, besides I know you're still kind of afraid of going to Diagon alley to buy, so I thought it would be a good idea. Besides It's my duty as Godmother to spoilt her" Said Ginny proudly
"You don't now what this means to me" Hermione said while inspecting everything Ginny had bought. "I'll take this to my room. Can you-" She said gesturing the pot of hot water
"Yeah, yeah, go. I'll finish here" Hermione took everything and left while Ginny continued with dinner. It hadn't been more than 2 minutes when the phone rang "I'll get it!" Ginny yelled at Hermione. "Hello"
"Hey Gin, How are you" said the person at the other side of the line.
"Oh my God! How are you? Where are you? Wait, no you've got to talk to Hermione!" Ginny put down the phone and ran to Hermione's room "Come quickly! You have to answer! Hurry"
"What? Wait, whose calling?" Ginny didn't answer and dragged her to the phone and forced it on her. "Hello, this is Hermione"
"'mione… It's great to hear you"
"Harry… How- How are you?" Her brain stopped functioning for a moment, all she could think was that this was Harry, she was talking to him, now he'll be back and everything will be fine.
"I'm fine, Great actually. I'm in Spain now, in Barcelona to be more specific. But tell me about you, how's everyone? I've been missing you all like crazy!" he laughed "You have no idea how great it is to hear your voice"
"I'm fine, everyone's fine. We've missed you too, when will you be back?" Somehow the knot in her throat wasn't leaving, and she was shacking like a terrified child after a nightmare.
"Back? No, I'm going to Latin America now. I meet some people and they're going to go through all latin America back-packing, and I'm joining them! Isn't it great! That's why I called you. I wanted you to know" Then a flirty female voice was heard from the back ground "Harry, cariño, apresurate te estamos esperando" And Harry spoke to her "Un momento Julia, ya termiono"
"Who's her?" Hermione asked jealously and fear corrupting her mind
"She's… Julia" and then he laughed nervously "I've got to go, don't worry I'm fine, tell everyone I miss them! Love you 'mione, bye!" And then he hung up. She stood there with the phone in her hands for a few moments and then she collapsed sobbing on the floor, tears started to running freely and her arms wrapped protectively around her mid section.
"'mione, what's wrong? what happened? Why didn't you tell him to come back?" Ginny kneeled in front of her friend and wrapped her arms around her.
"He has a girlfriend" Hermione said in between sobs. "He hung up because she was calling him in Spanish!" She lifted her face from Ginny's shoulder and with a tear stained face looked at her in the eye "What am I going to do now?"
"Oh dear. I'm here, we're all here. Don't worry you're not alone" Ginny said rocking her into peace "You're not alone"
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Translations:
Harry, cariño, apresurate te estamos esperando : Harry darling, we're waiting for you
Un momento Julia, ya termino : one moment Julia, almost done.
