Chapter 4.
Bad dreams, bad distractions and lying to the public.
Draco feels a hand on his side. It makes him tingle and feel warm inside. Makes him feel that twinge that he is so used to. Since when was he used to it? He shakes off this thought and turns to the culprit. He is greeted with a messy mop of black hair. And looking through under the mess, two green eyes. Draco smiles.
He stares into those eyes for what seems like forever. He lets himself fall into them. He snuggles closer into those arms. Those arms. The ones so large and warm that encase him, that protect him from all his worries. He feels lips on his neck, he feels a hand on his cheek, he feels... He looks back up and almost screams. Instead of those green eyes looking back at him, there are deep bloody scarlet squinting slits.
He hears the cold voice of the Dark Lord.
"You will pay for your treachery. You will die. I will kill you..."
Draco wakes up in a pool of his own cold sweat. Since when did he know what the Dark Lord sounded like? He shivers. He tries to regain his breathing, tries to glue back together the pieces of his mask that lie forgotten in the deep folds of his nightmare. He places it back. He regains his composure. It was just a nightmare, nothing to worry about.
Draco gets up. It is still dark and a cool blue light floats in from the window. The dungeons are next to the lake, it has its perks. He looks around. It looks like the whole dorm is still asleep. He walks out to the common room. There, lying on a chair, is none other than a sleeping Pansy Parkinson. A book in her lap, it looks like she feel asleep studying. Draco decides to sit anyway, to think about things...
Then it hits him. He and Potter are... He decides to think about something else. He decides to wake Pansy. He decides he is bored, just bored, not trying to avoid thinking about that raven haired boy that so quickly undoes him.
"Pansy! Pansy!"
She sits up in surprise, then soon leans back and murmurs something about how early it is. She says, still half asleep,
"What's up Draco?"
He smiles,
"I'm bored, want to play a game?"
She suddenly perks up considerably.
"Yeah, cool. What do you want to play?"
Draco says five seemingly innocent words that he will surely regret for the rest of his life,
"I don't know, you decide."
Pansy returns with a bottle of Fire-whisky and numerous glasses. Draco raises an eyebrow,
"Why do we need so many glasses?"
Pansy smirks,
"Because we're playing with more than just us."
"What?"
"Everyone has only just gone to sleep. Its still night. Its been a while so... let's have a games night."
She then gets up and starts to rouse the dorm. Still night huh? I mustn't have slept very long at all. Draco shudders at the thought of another games night. They hadn't played since the end of third year, and back then it had been a very popular if somewhat crazy event. Draco should probably be worried about his and Potter's secret getting out, but he is too excited and too willing to accept the distraction.
About ten minutes later the whole gang is gathered around, this includes Blaise, Crabbe, Goyle, Daphne, Pansy, Draco and Theodore. They all sit in a circle, apprehensive, excited, sleep deprived and utterly thrilled. Everyone seems to be fidgeting, even Draco, although he keeps the most composure out of the whole group. Pansy hands everyone a glass and fills it to the brim with Fire-whisky. She begins to explain,
"So, the game we will play is called Never Have I Ever. We each go around saying something for example 'never have I ever kissed a girl' and everyone who has kissed a girl has to take a gulp of their drink. There is a spell that will compel you to drink so don't think you can cheat! And, just to clarify, sex is anything that resulted in an orgasm with someone else."
There are a few giggles around the room but these are soon snuffed out when Pansy begins the spell. It soon finishes and Draco can't help but be nervous. Wasn't it only twenty minutes ago when he was sound asleep dreaming of a certain Griffindor? She begins,
"I'll go first. Okay. Never have I ever... had sex."
Draco is compelled to drink. So does Blaise, a blushing Daphne and a slightly smug Theodore. They look around nervously. The fiery drink burns on the way down and Draco cannot help but wince. Pansy looks at him curiously. She says,
"Well, I know Daphne and Theodore had a thing, and who Blaise dated... but you? We've not once seen you hang out with any possible girlfriends. So, I do wonder who it could be."
The others are looking at him as well. Draco snorts,
"I can't believe you Pansy. The first question you ask is the 'sex question'. I thought this was meant to be a game, not an embarrassing interrogation."
She snorts a retort,
"Draco, we're fourteen, we're Slytherin, this games night will be extra... sexual."
The last word rolls off her tongue and he swears he sees Crabbe and Goyle physically shiver. Its Blaise's turn,
"Never have I ever... farted in class."
Crabbe and Goyle both drink. Crabbe looks slightly flustered but Goyle just shrugs. The others giggle. Its then Daphne's turn to speak,
"Never have I ever shagged anyone on school grounds."
Draco and Blaise drink, although all eyes are on Draco. They all knew Blaise was dating Astoria Greengrass at the end of last year, but no knows who Draco is seeing. Its his turn anyway, maybe he can steer them off the course of the truth, plus he wants to embarrass Pansy. He doesn't like how she has so quickly managed to start revealing his secrets, and he needs the attention off of him. He says,
"Never have I ever fantasised about Daphne."
Everyone except Draco and Daphne drink. Draco chuckles,
"Well, Daphne, it looks like you're quite popular."
She blushes but her gaze rests on Pansy. Pansy smiles slyly and says,
"What? A girl gets curious."
The group laughs. That didn't go as expected but that laugh does warm Draco's heart slightly. These are his friends. He does care for them. Its nice to be reminded he may be able to count on some people. Theodore says,
"Never have I ever had a crush on a male professor."
Crabbe and Pansy drink. She says,
"Crabbe I didn't know you..."
He stands up and walks away. Not saying a word. Goyle shrugs again and walks after him, as they leave they can hear him saying Crabbe, nobody cares. I don't care. You're still my friend. Come on let's... Draco sighs. He is just glad he's been too fixated on other things like... not Potter, but... other things to have a crush on a professor. Blaise breaks the silence,
"An-y-way... Never have I ever had sex sex. Like... penetrative."
He gulps shyly at the terminology. Draco, Theodore and Daphne drink again. Now he's starting to feel a little woozy, a little calmer. He steadies himself. Pansy raises an eyebrow,
"So, you and this mystery girl went all the way? We'd love to meet her. Unless its just sex that is."
Draco shakes his head and stays silent. Pansy smirks,
"This may help us figure some of it out. Never have I ever secretly dated someone at Hogwarts."
Draco drinks again. He is the only one and all eyes are on him. Blaise says,
"Who is she? How long has it been going on for?"
Draco sighs and shakes his head,
"Would you guys just drop it, okay? Its really none of your business. This is just between me and Po..."
Before he can stop himself it slips from his mouth. Not the whole thing, just the start of his name. Pansy raises her eyebrows even higher,
"Does Potter know who? Does he know the secret? Is she a Griffindor or something? Draco tell us."
Draco just continues the game, gulping, nervous. This fire-whisky is really starting to get to him. He says, voice slightly slurred,
"Never have I ever been caught shagging."
Theodore, Blaise, and Daphne all drink. They all blush furiously as they recall being caught, mostly by the intrusive Pansy. They all know what this means, the subtext, they know Draco is inferring he and his mystery lover won't get caught, that they'll never find out. Daphne steadies herself, she too is becoming wobbly, she says,
"Never have I ever shagged a Griffindor."
Draco drinks. All eyes are on him once again, their gaze making him shudder. He shrugs, then lets his gaze fall onto Pansy, shooting daggers at her,
"Can we drop this already? I don't want to say who, okay?"
Theodore looks like he has a bright idea, this frightens Draco. He says,
"Never have I ever had sex with just one person."
Only Draco drinks. They stare at him once again. Daphne says,
"So, she was your first and now you're secretly dating. That's kinda sweet."
Draco almost blushes. Almost. He looks between the three of them, one to the other. They know something he doesn't. Daphne and Theodore were extremely loyal to one another. Not long ago did they break up, and decide to be friends. They've never... then it hit him. He smirks and says,
"Never have I ever had a threesome."
Theodore, Daphne, and Blaise all drink. Pansy giggles,
"Well well well. It looks like Draco here isn't the only one keeping secrets."
Blaise says,
"It was at the last games night. We were really drunk and..."
Daphne chimes in,
"It wasn't planned..."
Theodore finishes,
"It was a one time thing."
He then mutters,
"Sorry we didn't invite you."
Pansy shrugs, smiling wide,
"I don't really care you guys. I know it was just Draco's way of keeping us off his trail. This must be a really big secret after all."
Draco looks down at the ground.
"Can you guys just leave it alone?"
Pansy stares at him. For a moment she is shocked at her own train of thought, but quickly steels herself,
"Never have I ever... been in love romantically."
Daphne drinks, she glares at Theodore for not drinking. Blaise also drinks but no one is paying attention to him. They're all just looking at Draco, watching him try to fight the compulsion. Watching him grip his right arm with his left, watching him physically shake. He says,
"No... It can't be."
Then he drinks. The liquid goes smoothly down his throat. He is sufficiently drunk now, his glass is empty and needs to refill it. He mutters angrily to himself,
"This game is rigged. Its impossible. It can't be. Its nothing more than..."
He shakily pours himself another glass. Pansy looks sympathetic. She says,
"Draco... we didn't know. Who... Who is she?"
"Never you fucking mind."
He spits. He looks deeply to them all. He says his next words with measured malice, they sink deep.
"Never have I ever hated my friends."
He drinks. No one else does. He wasn't compelled to drink but he wanted to show his anger. He puts his glass down, hand shaking.
"I didn't think... I didn't think I loved..."
His voice is barely above a whisper, cold and unforgiving,
"I told you to drop it."
He leans back, drinks even though he doesn't have to. The others look at him warily. Daphne is shaking slightly in fear. Theodore looks sad, quite sad. Blaise shuffles over next to him. Puts a hand on his shoulder, normally Draco would stiffen but he is way too drunk to care. Blaise says,
"Why didn't you think you... loved her?"
Draco looks at them, deeply.
"I've always been told not to love, by my father. It is a weakness. It will only leave you in danger for an attack. I... I can't believe this. I... I barely like them."
They all nod. Pansy says,
"Well, your father sounds like a horrible man."
If only they knew just how horrible.
Draco sighs,
"I think that's enough for me, I'm going back to sleep."
Draco slowly gets up and walks wobbly back to bed. He got up to have a nice game with Pansy and came back drunk and having talked about his father. She sure is a witch that one.
…...
He awakes with a pounding headache. Draco is just relieved he didn't have another nightmare. He stands up, dresses, and makes his way down to the common room. His friends have the same pained expression as him, except now they all look to him worriedly, curiously. He falls down onto the couch, massaging his temple. Pansy is the first to speak,
"Draco, I know you don't want to talk about it, but we really want to know who this girl is. We want to make sure she's treating you right and is worthy of you."
Draco sighs,
"I don't want to tell you. I'd be surprised if I ever did."
Blaise says,
"We really want to know who's stolen the ice prince's heart."
Draco drawls with a tint of fear,
"That game was wrong. I don't love her. I can't and I won't. Just... leave me alone and continue doing whatever you normally do."
Blaise pipes up,
"Believe what you want Draco. But I'm more interested in the fact that Crabbe is a poof!"
Crabbe looks away, deep hurt plastered on his face, and Draco cannot help but be a bit angry. Its not Crabbe's fault and it certainly isn't Draco's fault that they happen to like arse instead of fanny. And since when did fantasising about a male teacher make you a poof? Crabbe could be a number of things, bisexual, pansexual, gay, or maybe just an experimenting straight boy. Its frankly backwards thinking that Blaise would try to have a go at him for it. Draco speaks up,
"I will have none of that talk in this circle. I may hate mudbloods, but who Crabbe likes is none of our concern. He's still the same oaf as he was yesterday, and he will still be the same tomorrow. If Crabbe betrays me be sure that I will kill him. But, frankly, whoever Crabbe likes means nothing to me. So, Zabini, shut up or I'm afraid I will have to terminate our friendship."
The group is silent. They stare at Draco. He just glares at them and says,
"That goes for all of you."
The other's look to each other with worry but then soon start talking about the Triwizard Tournament. Draco tunes out. Could he really love Potter? He didn't think he would ever love anyone, let alone a Griffindor. Maybe he does... No. No. NO! No way is he in love. That is not what he was raised for. Maybe marriage, an heir, but never love. Draco closes his eyes. He doesn't love Potter anyway. He's just... confused, that's all.
The game was wrong.
The day passes quickly, classes a blur. The only thing that can seem to brighten Draco's mood is when Potter looks over at him with googly eyes... which is a lot. It doesn't mean anything. Its just nice to have someone looking at him like that.
Soon it is night and Draco gets up and walks down to the Great Hall for dinner. It is almost filled to the brim, there is an announcement. Potter is already there, already looking at his table, his seat. It gives him butterflies, makes his heart flutter. They're really dating, finally, truly, really dating. He stares across at the other boy, he looks sad, uncertain. He guesses today is the day for another one of their 'letter games'. He writes, aware of all eyes on him,
Potter,
Don't look so sad; its annoying. I haven't changed my mind. Meet me in the normal place after this?
My house knows I'm dating someone. We were playing 'never have I ever' and the truth slipped. They don't know its you and they don't know its a guy so don't worry.
I have an idea of how to make this letter game more interesting.
-D
Draco sends it quickly before anyone even bothers to get up to intercept it. Potter grabs it with ease and a range of emotions cross his face, happiness, relief, confusion, mild distress, relief again and finally curiosity. Soon enough another letter is flying to him. He opens it with giddy hands, being sure to keep it away from his own friends.
Draco,
Call me Harry.
I'm glad you haven't changed your mind. I think this will be really good.
See you there after the announcement and such.
Its not that bad that your house knows. We just need to be more careful.
Tell me about the game.
-Harry
Draco almost smiles, but he remembers everyone's shock when he did so yesterday so he simply snarls. People are trying to discretely, but failing to do so discretely, take a stand to wait for the next letter. Draco thinks they're idiots. He and Potter can clearly tell what they are planning. But, Draco will make sure it reaches Harry... Potter. Make sure it reaches Potter. Gosh his name is getting harder to remember.
Potter,
I will call you Potter if I so choose.
After the next letter I send I want you to stand up in outrage and say 'how could you'. We will fake an argument and I will allude to some fake truth. Talk about my secret girlfriend a bit, that will get people interested.
This will be fun. Messing with the houses has always been a hobby of mine.
-D
Draco sends it swimmingly, it makes it to Harry's hands but only because he gave it specific instructions to dodge out of the way of everyone chaotically. He watches Potter read, suppress a smile. Then his face turns stone cold. He stuffs the note in his pocket. He stands up. The hall gasps. His face looks like cold fury. For a second Draco is worried, but he steels himself well. Potter is certainly a good actor.
Potter shouts,
"How could you! How dare you! What gives you the right to do that YOU FILTHY PIECE OF SCUM!"
Draco then stands, almost runs over to Potter. Almost. Malfoys don't run. And the hall is silent, just watching this play out, intrigued. They come face to face, in between the tables. Draco sneers, quite loudly,
"You knew what would happen when I found out. I was just doing my duty as a citizen of-"
"YOU BLOODY BASTARD! How dare you, of all people, try to justify this?"
Draco just smiles wider. Harry's face is even more angered. The hall is becoming more and more intrigued. Harry almost screams,
"Yeah. You're smiling now but how do you think you'll feel when your secret GIRLFRIEND finds out what you did? Huh. You think she'll still want you?"
The hall is quiet. You could cut the tension with a knife. Draco snarls,
"You wouldn't fucking dare. You know. You know why. You're just too fucking chicken to accept it. Tell her! Tell the whole flipping world for all I care! I know I did the right thing, even if I enjoyed making you suffer at the same time."
Harry's eyes seem to burn red.
"How can you stand there and expect me to accept this! You ruined everything!"
Draco snarls even louder, even crueller. At this point every single set of eyes is pointed to them.
"I still can't believe I wanted to help you in the first place. Bloody fucking Potter always out for himself. I thought it was so unlike you, to betray someone like that. I actually wanted to fucking help for once. SO WHAT? I TOLD THEM. Better now than later."
Harry pauses, then screams deafeningly,
"YOU KNOW I DID THE RIGHT THING! I DID THE FUCKING RIGHT THING! I protected you! I protected everyone in here! You know what they'll say, they'll blame me! So, how could you? I know we are enemies but I thought FOR ONCE you would stick to the deal. I don't spread your secret, you don't spread mine. Now I might have to tell EVERYONE!"
The hall is listening intently. They're begging silently that they do get told, that they finally do. Draco says,
"I won't have this. I tried I really did. You already know what I want. GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING LETTER AND I WON'T TELL A SOUL. ALL I WANT IS THAT LETTER YOU CARRY EVERYWHERE, GIVE IT BACK BEFORE I SCREAM THE SECRET FOR EVERYONE!"
He is shouting by the end. Harry says,
"Fucking fine. You want it back? Don't expect any help when the time comes."
"I know the deal. Just give it back already."
Harry reaches into his pocket and hands Draco back the letter he just sent him. Draco snatches it from his hand and holds it at arms length. He casts a quick incendio and the paper lights up in a fiery blaze. It falls to the ground and crumples to ash. Draco snarls,
"I won't fucking tell them. But, you better not either. Just remember, my secret isn't as FUCKING AWFUL as yours!"
Draco steps away, staring, Potter nods. He is about to turn back to his table when Draco says,
"You owe me. Remember that before you scream at me in front of everyone."
Harry mumbles,
"Sorry."
Then walks back to his table, the table with the stares of utter and overwhelming confusion. Draco daintily takes a seat. His table, and the whole hall for that matter, is staring at him so intently Draco worries their eyes will fall out. The hall erupts into noise. Questions, accusations, Draco just basks in the chaos of it all. Pansy taps his shoulder,
"What the fuck was that?"
Draco smiles,
"Potter finally understands."
Pansy says,
"I don't know what just happened, but I swear you two have the most epic rivalry I have ever known. I mean, you have some sort of secret leverage over each other. Its fucking awesome! What do you have on him? It sounded really intense... I mean... fucking hell! Anyway, tell me later."
"Never in a million years would I tell you Pansy, you wouldn't even be able to comprehend it if I did."
The rest of his friends just stare, shell-shocked. Draco adds,
"Also, I'm meeting him again this afternoon. To duel and discuss. Don't wait up."
They continue to stare, gaping, mouths hanging so low their chins are almost touching the floor. Draco just calmly starts to eat his breakfast, sausages and mash, surrounded by the deafening roar of the hall.