Wicked Ways

Call me a sinner, call me a saint

Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same

Call me your favorite, call me the worst

Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt

It's all that I can say. So I'll be on my way

I finally put it all together

But nothing really lasts forever

"Call Me" by Shinedown

The door opened behind him and he turned. Kaidan wasn't sure what had compelled him to do so, for all he knew it could have been anyone walking through the doors but something, that little voice in the back of his, head told him that wasn't the case. He thought that he was ready to face her. He had certainly spent some time preparing himself for their encounter, but as he opened his mouth to speak nothing came out. He wasn't sure why. He wasn't sure what he could say, really. She had looked just as shocked to see him, but oh how she was beautiful. Oh how he wanted reach out and just touch her, to make sure that she was real.

"Kaidan..." The way she said his name had been so breathless as her cheeks flushed. His ego wanted him to smirk but he held it back. His jaw tightened and he looked down. Gwen. His Gwen. She really was there. Alive and well. "I…"

"It's good to see you," he told her. It was the first of many things that he wanted to say.

Her eyes narrowed slightly. He knew that look. Suspicion. He had seen her give it to plenty of people before.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. Well, he hadn't expected the fierceness in her voice. Why was she the one who was angry? She was the one working for Cerberus. She was the one working for the enemy. Then again, in his position, she could probably say the same thing about him. No. Not his Gwen. He didn't know what Cerberus had done to her, but he wanted to find out if there was an ounce of her left, just an ounce of the woman he knew, and maybe just maybe he wouldn't doubt her.

A dry laugh escaped him before he even realized what was happening. "I could ask you the same, you know." Her lips pursed and he wondered if that was amusement that he saw on her face.

"I'm doing my job."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh? I thought your job was with the Alliance, Commander." He allowed his own doubts to make an appearance.

Gwen pushed past him. "Not Alliance, Kaidan, not right now anyway. Spectre business," she said. She turned her head towards him as her two…was friends even the right word? Well as the two that were with her walked by. "Which I gather you should know about."

"What do you mean?"

"Anderson sent you here, didn't he? I don't need a babysitter."

Kaidan shook his head and he glanced at her companions, for a lack of a better word, who were staring back at him. He turned his attention back to Shepard and leaned in a bit.

"You know that's not why I'm here," he said in a low voice. Though, if he really did have to admit it, that was only part of the reason. "What are you doing, working with Cerberus? What if they're using the Collector threat against you?"

He made a motion to grab her hand but she pulled back. "How do you know about the Collectors?"

She was going to find out eventually, wasn't she? Kaidan swallowed hard.

"I was in Anderson's office when you were there. I was listening the whole time," he admitted.

He did his best to keep eye contact before she looked away. Her mouth gaped open for a moment. Pain flickered across her features, and it hurt his heart to see her that way. Her hardened exterior that she tried to exhibit in front of the other two had melted away completely. Her jaw set and he felt himself reel back. His hand went up to his chin and touched the throbbing spot gingerly before he realized that another one of her fists was coming his way. He moved quickly away to avoid getting hit.

"Coward!" she yelled at him. "You were there! Why…" She had never looked so defeated. She huffed and buried her face into her hands. "Why didn't you…"

"Gwen, let me explain," he started.

Her head snapped up. She shoved her hands against his chest. "No," she said fiercely. "You don't get to."

"Hey now," he started, "I'm not the one working for a group that I despised. Don't you remember the experiments we found? What they did to good people?" His anger started to boil. "You're just tossing what you believed in down the drain being with them. What we believed. The woman I loved would have never-"

"She's dead!"

People were starting to stare at the two. His eyebrows furrowed together. "I don't believe that."

Gwen took a step towards him.

"She's dead," she repeated herself before walking away.

Kaidan didn't watch her leave. He brought up a hand and rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't know what the hell she was going to do, but one thing that he did know was that he couldn't leave it like that. How….how could she say that to him? He drew in a shaking breath and closed his eyes. No, it wasn't going to end that way. His eyes opened and he spun on his heels. He was going to find her. He was going to make her listen damn it.

"Garrus!"

The urgency in her voice that echoed through the building made Kaidan pick up his speed. He needed to get to her. Wait…Garrus? What the hell was Garrus doing on Omega? Kaidan ran up the steps to find Gwen, face filled with anguish hovering over the turian. "He needs medical attention Shepard," the man beside her said. She nodded quickly and Kaidan rushed over to help. He had been an old friend. There wasn't any way that he was just going to idly watch while he could die.

"I'll cover you," the woman said, "in case we missed some of those mercs."

Kaidan looked at Gwen. "By your lead," he told her and they hurried to the docking bay where the newly made Normandy was waiting for them. The doors opened and he helped get Garrus into the med bay where Kaidan was surprised to find Dr. Chakwas.

The older woman gave him a curious look. How many of the old crew that survived was there? He laid Garrus down on the med table and let the good doctor do her thing when he heard Gwen say, "Joker, get us the hell out of here!" He opened his mouth to say something but she was already leaving and he was right on her heels.

"I'm not staying Gwen," he told her. What he really meant was that he wasn't going to stay on a now Cerberus ship.

She whirled around to face him. She looked like she wanted to cry right then and there. There had only been one time that he had seen it happen and that had been after Ash's death. Kaidan knew he had been lucky, but the guilt would always be there when he thought that it should have been him, knowing that Gwen only saved him because of how she felt about him.

"To hell you're not, Alenko," she said quickly. "Whatever mercs that we didn't take out from those three groups will be looking for us and I'll be damned if we're still here until the shit storm calms down, you got it? I'm not risking anyone else."

He reached out towards her. "You know Garrus is going to live," he told her. The turian was a lot tougher than one would have thought.

Gwen bit her lower lip. "I hope so." And for the first time since they had reunited, he saw a glimpse of the woman he had been in love with. He knew that she was still there.

"We need to talk," he told her.

"Not right now."

"Damn it, stop being so stubborn," he growled and she laughed.

"Me?" She asked as if she couldn't believe that he said that. Gwen shook her head. "I'll let you off the next time that we dock, how's that?" She didn't even let him get another word in before she left.

He had never felt so isolated. He could feel the eyes of the…Cerberus crew burning at his back. He looked up and saw the dark haired woman, Miranda, he was sure he heard that was her name, staring at him. She smirked slightly before she disappeared into a room. He tried to remind himself why he was there in the first place, but it was getting pretty damn hard to remember.

"He's going to live."

Gwen looked up, surprised. Didn't she hear him coming in? Kaidan couldn't help but smile a bit. "He's asking to see you whenever you're free." She nodded slowly before she got up from her bed.

"I should go check on him now," she muttered under her breath.

Kaidan stepped in her way and held up his hands in a slightly defensive way. "Wait a minute, Shepard," he started. "We've got to talk."

She wouldn't look at him. "There's nothing to talk about," she said quietly.

He nodded his head. "Yes," he started, "there is." She looked up at him and frowned before she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Okay," she started, "then talk."

"I'm sorry about hiding in Anderson's office," he said. "I messed up on that, I'll admit. But… I never got anything saying that you were alive. You've got to understand how that makes me feel." He wished that he could read minds. That would have been the greatest gift at the moment. He knew her well enough to know she was retreating into herself. The walls he had broken past before had been built again.

"I sent countless messages, Kaidan. I don't know why you wouldn't have gotten them," she said. "I thought maybe you moved on. I could handle that, but that was before I realized what the situation was going to be like. I sent you the last one after I went to Freedom's Progress. I didn't think you'd understand…" He wished that he could make sense of it all.

"Gwen…"

"What?"

"Seeing you like this…with Cerberus. It isn't right."

"It isn't right that I'm alive?" She asked. That wasn't what he said. "I'd still be dead if it wasn't for them."

"Yeah and maybe they're using that obligation you're feeling to their advantage. Think about the things Cerberus could do with a Spectre on their side," he said. "I won't let them use you."

"I'm here because I want to be Kaidan," she told him. "I may be an Alliance soldier but I can't sit around when colonies are being attacked. You were listening to my conversation with Anderson. I've got Council approval…unofficially. So yeah, as a Spectre I can do a hell of a lot more than not being one. If you think that's Cerberus using me then fine. Think that way."

Part of him knew that she was right, but he mostly didn't agree and the majority won.

"How can you believe that?" He asked. He opened his mouth to continue arguing but she pressed one finger against his lips. His eyes widened slightly and he looked at her questioningly.

"My ship, we're going to play nice."

She removed her finger and he sighed. "Well two Spectres are better than one then."

"Kaidan…" The exasperation in her voice had been expected.

"Don't Kaidan me. I'm serious Gwen."

She didn't look like she believed him.

"What about the whole Cerberus is evil thing?" Her head tilted to the side as she looked at him, and he wanted nothing more than to catch her lips with his. That had to be for another time. When she would let him get close to her again.

"Yeah well, I'm not changing my mind about that," he told her. "I'm not here for them. I'm here for you." That was the truth. He owed her that much, didn't he? He decided to be bold. Kaidan lifted a hand and caught her chin with his index finger and his thumb stroked over her soft skin.

"Gwen…" He watched as she pulled away. His eyebrows furrowed together for a moment. "Why?"

She gestured up to her face. "I'm not the same person anymore," she told him. Was she…ashamed? That was when he remembered Anderson asking about her scars. Scars he hadn't even noticed on her.

They were like someone had etched them into her skin. There were parts that were slightly parted where you could see a fiery color underneath. He remembered when she told Anderson that they hurt. He wanted to apologize but it didn't seem like the right thing to say. "I hadn't noticed," he said lightly as he gave her a soft smile. "I get you Shepard, but that doesn't mean I have to agree."

"Kaidan…"

"You don't have to push me away," he told her. "I thought we were past that."

"I just… I can't. I…" She seemed to be at a loss for words. When words failed, what else did you have besides your actions?

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. Call him bold. He didn't care. There weren't really any regs standing in their way anymore. Not that it stopped them before. He brought up a hand and brushed his fingertips along her jaw line before his hand found a place behind her neck. His fingers tangled into her red hair and her lips parted in anticipation. Well, he wouldn't keep her waiting. He leaned in and kissed her. His eyes shut tightly, afraid that if he opened them that he would realize he was just dreaming.

It didn't sit right with him, where they were. The Normandy belonged to Cerberus. The crew was Cerberus. They brought Gwen back. He would be grateful if he didn't suspect an ulterior motive, but as he felt Gwen deepen the kiss and dig her fingers into his arms, all thoughts of Cerberus were lost. A soft murmur of his name was heard and all he could do was smile. He felt her fingers tangle in his hair and opened his eyes.

Kaidan pulled back, breaking the kiss between them for a final time. He gave her an option to stop, but God he missed her. Their situation be damned. They could deal with it in the morning, right? She ran her tongue over her lower lip and her hands trailed down from his hair to his chest. Her fingers gripped onto the fabric tightly and she pulled him towards her, leading him further into her cabin. It seemed like she wasn't going to take the easy way out… and he couldn't be more happier.

"Gwen…" His voice had taken a husky tone, feeling the need for her starting to rise. Was it the right thing to do? He had always thought being with her had felt right but was it right for her?

"Shut up," she whispered and pulled him closer to her.

Their lips met again. Every need and want could be felt between the two as they fell onto the bed in a tangled mess. Just being close to her had brought up feelings that he thought he had moved on from when he thought she was dead. She wrapped her legs around him and a hand trailed up her thigh. This was all he had asked for during the past two years but it just felt…rushed.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled into the nape of her neck. He didn't want to regret her. He didn't want her to regret him. But most of all he didn't want to be used as something that was equal to a distraction. He pulled back. That wasn't them.

"What?" She asked, cupping his face with both of her hands. He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes.

"I need to know you won't be sorry about this in the morning."

Gwen shook her head. "I won't." That was enough for him.

They both wanted to take their time. Articles of clothing were peeled off slowly. Small and tender caresses started. Kaidan wanted to get to know her body again. His lips trailed down from hers to her breasts. He took one into his mouth as his hand cupped the other, thumb stroking over her skin as he heard a moan escape her. He was going to take his time. He nipped lightly before he found her lips again.

"I don't want to wait," she told him. Stubbornly he wanted to tell her 'too bad' but you didn't tell her no. That much he remembered. He felt her grip onto him. Her hand stroked gently along his length causing him to shudder slightly as a moan escaped him. Coaxing him to listen was an effective strategy, he'd give her that. As much as he wanted to take his time, he couldn't. The anxiousness of feeling himself inside of her again was enough to make his heart pound against his chest. Damn her.

Gwen rolled them over to where she was on top. Both of her legs were on his sides, straddling him as she leaned in for another kiss before guiding him inside of her. Her hips moved against him slow at first before the pace quickened as his hands gripped onto her thighs. She leaned back and propped herself up on her arms to keep steady. Kaidan sat up and kept an arm around her waist making sure her never left her as he rolled her onto her back. He moved one of her legs to wrap around him as he gripped onto the headboard.

"Kaidan…oh!" Whatever she was going to say had left her train of thought as her hands gripped onto the sheets. He could feel her tightening around him before she pushed her hips against his, meeting him with every thrust. She released her grip from the bed and her hands desperately sought him out. Her arms curled around his to pull him closer. Her nails dug into his shoulders. He bit down onto her shoulder when his release came and felt her quiver beneath him as hers did as well.

Her chest heaved against his. He turned his to look at her, flushed and heavy lidded. A slow smile crept onto her face and he kissed her jaw.

"Will there be more where that came from?"

"Yes ma'am," he said breathlessly.

Gwen smirked. "Well then, at ease solider." Cheeky minx. With a light slap of his hand against her thigh he pulled out of her. The look on her face let him know that she thought he was going to leave. Instead he lied next to her and pulled her into his arms.

They said home was where the heart was. Well, it was good to be home.

A/N: Yes. I know he sexed her up. No, this doesn't mean that things are going to be easy for them. No, I haven't forgotten about the Shoker I was bringing into this either. Just wait and see right? ;) Sorry this took so long with ME3 and moving well it was expected, right? Lol Hope you enjoy. Thank you to neontoasterx for looking this over for me. xoxo