I can see her, standing gingerly outside of Panda's house, I can't really blame her, it's a bit weird, and there are balloons outside saying "Pandora's sleepover" on them. I watch her, her hair looks so smooth I just want to reach out and feel it, feel her.

Snapping out of my zone, I take a breath and walk towards her.

"Hi!"

I say with a little more enthusiasm than normal.

She turns.

"I've never been to a pyjama party before…" I say trying to make conversation as per usual… "So I brought vodka…was that right?"

"Dunno" Naomi says and shrugs.

"I don't wear pyjama's" I say grinning slightly

"Right," she says grimacing "I don't know why she invited me anyway, I hardly know her…"

This was it,

"I asked her to invite you," I blurt out.

She looks at me funny, oh god.

"I though we sorted this out…"

"No, I didn't mean it like, well it doesn't hurt to get to know each other" I say rather defensively.

"Emily…" she starts to say and I can hear the sympathy in her voice, so I cut across her.

"We're in the same class! We're going to be hanging out for the next two years…"

It's her turn to cut across me this time…

"Are you gonna tell people your gay anytime soon?" she says harshly.

Fucking hell, she's got me this time.

"What?" I say, "I'm not Gay"

Sure Emily kid yourself that's it.

She laughs at me, and shakes her head. I don't know what to do with myself.

"I'm telling you Ems you haven't thought this through"

I say No.

She still looks sympathetic I cant stand it.

Then she says how she's a cock cruncher and not a rug muncher.

Ha yeah right, like she's even getting any.

I say this to her, and we have a giggle about how the boy she had done stuff with had erectile dysfunctions.

We're outside of Panda's giggling, we're bonding…I suppose.

Her smile is so beautiful; it makes my stomach go funny.

I'm so close to her, but I want to be closer.

Maybe I was gay.

Panda's was hectic to start with, turns out her moms an OCD freak, and Katie put MDMA in the brownies.

Which resulted in Panda's mom getting fucked out of her face, Panda locking herself in the toilet because this was supposed to be a sleepover, Effy locking herself in the opposite bathroom because she felt shit about letting Panda down, with Katie banging on both doors. Not to mention we're all wearing ridiculous pyjamas made by Pandora and her mum.

Which left Naomi and me alone.

She comes back inside with the cider and pinot grigio.

She's absolutely hammered.

She's giggling to herself

"We've got pinot grigio, or cider blibby" she giggles.

"anything" I say "Just give me a fucking…"

This was it, come on Emily.

"Just give me a fucking…"

I falter again.

She's staring at me intently waiting for me to finish my sentence.

Maybe I don't need to finish it, maybe I should just do it.

I lean in and kiss her.

I draw back; she looks terribly confused and mutters "oh" delicately.

I want more, that wasn't enough, it felt so amazing.

"It's just the drugs right?" she asks me with a cheeky grin

I nod my head fervently, desperate for another kiss from her, wiling to do or say anything for it.

We both lean in this time, locking lips, in some alternative universe.

I can feel my heart beating like its going to explode out of my chest any moment, she felt like the only real thing in the world.

She's kissing me back with just as much enthusiasm. Even if she is completely fucked, there must be something there.

When we finally break apart, she says "Your gay" she winks at me, and stumbles off.

I'm Gay. She's right. I've finally accepted it.

"Yes" I say out loud as a declaration of my new status, and I stumble after her.

We go out into the garden, there's a giant bouncy castle.

Naomi stumbles on to it, and starts jumping up and down laughing.

"Come and get me!" she shouts smiling at me.

I do as I'm told, I'm going to take every chance I've got of being able to touch her, to feel her on me.

I climb on board, smiling back at her. She looks so pretty even when she's dazed and she clearly is.

Okay I feel bad taking advantage, but, I don't know when this'll happen again, when I'll get the chance to be so close, and I need to be close, everything is screaming inside of me to be close.

We jump around together like little kids, we both fall over laughing.

Totally unlike me, instinct takes over, and I get on top of her.

I'm looking into those green eyes, I'm so close I can count very eyelash.

I lean in again; she kisses me back, with a lot of enthusiasm.

When we break, she's got her eyes closed, still smiling.

"Your gay" she chants.

I smile.