Sun was streaming in through the windows and shining almost directly on Arthur's face. He squinted his eyes into the sunlight, obviously confused by the sudden intense light in the room.
Arthur rolled over and wrapped an arm around Guinevere, or at least where his Guinevere should have been. He frowned and once again squinted his eyes, this time looking for Guinevere.
Something felt wrong about the light coming in through the window, but Arthur couldn't quite figure out what that was.
"Wakey, wakey!" a voice called from somewhere near the window. Arthur's eyes popped open, instantly awake and alert. He rolled over out of bed and stared at the raven haired boy standing by the window. Merlin smiled and pointed to the table.
"Already got your breakfast set up and everything," he said.
Arthur glanced to the table and then back at Merlin. His eyes searched all over the younger man, looking for any signs that he was in any pain or distress. After all, it was far too soon for the boy to be back to work.
"Merlin," Arthur said, not sure where to even begin asking questions. The boy fidgeted slightly, his fingers curling and uncurling. "Just what do you think you're doing here?"
Even though Arthur's voice hadn't been angry, Merlin still flinched. The pain in his stomach increased, giving him an uncertain feeling. He had to remind himself that this was Arthur, not that person who had been in the tower with him.
Arthur seemed to notice the effect his voice had on Merlin, because he lowered his voice the next time he spoke. "You're still recovering. You shouldn't be here, getting my breakfast or lugging armor around. You should still be in bed."
Merlin tried to make himself appear as calm and normal as possible, but from the look on Arthur's face he could tell he was failing. Quickly trying to mask any discomfort or confusion he felt towards Arthur, he turned around and walked to the table.
The movement pained him, but he didn't let on that it did to Arthur. Maybe if he acted like everything was alright, it really would be. Maybe he would stop feeling like he was missing something, or someone, and just be himself.
"You know, I normally have to beat down Gaius's door before you ever get up," Arthur said, attempting to keep his tone teasing. "Why are you suddenly so keen on coming to work now?"
He stared at the back of Merlin's head and waited for a sign, any sign at all really, to finally reveal what it was that had been bothering Merlin lately.
Part of Arthur wanted to write it off as Morgana's doing. After all, the woman could be downright terrifying, but he knew there had to be something else. Even before the whole horrible Morgana business, Merlin had been bothered by something. The young man constantly walked around the castle with a dark haze following him around, preventing his goofy smile from ever coming out anymore. He barely even took the bait on Arthur's teasing anymore, something that he used to do all the time.
"Gaius wakes me up, you prat. You're the one who's still in his bed clothes," Merlin said. Despite his best attempt at their usual banter, his voice fell flat.
Arthur furrowed his brows at Merlin as he bit back a response. He really wanted to point out that he was only still in his bedclothes because he had a lazy clotpole for a servant, but he strongly resisted. He had to admit, Merlin was surprisingly good at dodging his question, which only served to make Arthur more concerned about him. Not that he'd ever admit being concerned about him to his manservant.
There couldn't really be anything that bad going on with his servant, could there be? Surely if there was something bothering him, he'd tell Arthur about it. A ball of ice in his stomach informed him that that might not be the case.
Maybe there was something wrong back in Ealdor? Arthur suddenly felt guilty at not knowing anything that was going on out in Ealdor. He knew that it was outside of his kingdom, but that didn't really matter much to him. It was Merlin's home after all.
"Is everything alright in Ealdor?" he asked, his worry coming through his words despite his best attempts to hide it.
Merlin looked startled at the mention of his home village. Whatever he had been expecting Arthur to ask, it hadn't been that, obviously. He tried to still his twitching fingers as he looked up at Arthur.
"Yes, everything's fine," he said. Arthur could clearly read the confusion on Merlin's face, which didn't actually help his nerves any. "At least it was the last time I received a letter."
Ah, maybe that was it after all. Merlin was just home sick for Ealdor. He had blended into Camelot so perfectly well that Arthur sometimes forgot Camelot wasn't Merlin's first home.
Although it made no sense, Arthur was slightly hurt. Was Camelot not good enough for him? It had been Arthur's home ever since he had been born, and maybe it lacked the quaint quality of Merlin's village, but he figured that was a good thing. It was good to get away occasionally, but having to actually live like that forever would have driven Arthur insane.
Perhaps it was Hunith that made Merlin miss Ealdor so much. She was his mum after all, and even if Arthur had never had one, he could understand the heartache of missing her.
"Do you miss Ealdor?" Arthur asked.
Merlin glanced down to the ground, away from Arthur's eyes. He could tell that his question had made the younger man uncomfortable, but he still felt like he was owed an answer.
"Not really, I mean not anymore," he said. He fidgeted again and looked around the room. "Camelot's not so bad, after all."
Arthur smiled despite himself. It made him feel proud that Merlin actually seemed to like living in Camelot, and that he wasn't just staying in Camelot for Gaius or something similar to that. It had been years since Merlin had come to Camelot, but it had honestly never occurred to him that Merlin might not have actually liked living in Camelot.
"Perhaps you would like some time off?" Arthur asked. He tried to seem indifferent to the entire conversation but wasn't able to keep some of his concern from seeping through. "You could go and visit Ealdor?" he suggested.
Merlin tried to keep the hope off of his face, but it didn't work. He would be lying if he said the thought of going to Ealdor didn't make him happy. It had been forever since he had been to see his mother, and he was more than ready to see her again.
"Really?" he asked. He hoped that Arthur wasn't playing a cruel prank on him by giving him false hope before taking it away. One look at Arthur's face told him that he was being serious however, and Merlin's heart leaped.
"Of course really," Arthur said. "Gaius has said that you need some good rest, and you aren't going to get that if you constantly have the urge to bring me breakfast or polish my armor."
Merlin knew that Arthur was teasing, but that didn't stop his annoyance from flaring up. He couldn't control the twitching his fingers began to do again, and forced his hands into loose fists. It didn't take much to annoy him lately, and it had been even worse since he had woken up back in Camelot. Maybe a trip to Ealdor was just what he needed.
Despite all of this he managed to force a smile. Already in his head he was planning his trip, all the preparations that would be needed: telling Gaius, packing, and a number of other things before he would even be allowed out of the door.
As if sensing what his manservant was thinking, Arthur said, "I'll have everything prepared. Why don't you go and have Gaius clear you for travel?"
Merlin knew that he should probably protest everything about this trip, from Arthur planning it to even leaving Arthur's side, but he didn't really want to. He wanted to visit his mother, he didn't want to plan anything, and he was honestly tired of constantly being on alert for Arthur's well being. Just walking around the castle gathering Arthur's breakfast had tired him out quite a bit. He knew that he couldn't let on though, or else Gaius would never approve of him traveling all the way to Ealdor.
The walk back to Gaius's chambers seemed shorter than it normally did, and definitely shorter than the walk to Arthur's earlier that morning. As he left Arthur's he seemed to relax, some of the tension that he wasn't even aware he had been holding had left him.
Gaius seemed to recognize the change in his ward the second that he walked in the door. The entire time Merlin had been awake he had been asking questions about what had happened in the tower and what had happened with Morgana, but Gaius had only given him the simplest of versions he could. Merlin had already been stressed beyond what he should be to give him a healthy healing process, and Gaius didn't want to be another cause of that stress.
"Merlin, I thought I told you to stay in bed?" Gaius asked, although his tone held no real disapproval. The boy had been growing more and more restless in his bedroom, and he knew it was only a matter of time before he made his escape.
Merlin's steps faltered for a moment, wary of his mentor's words, before finally figuring out that he was only teasing. Lately it seemed harder and harder to tell when someone was only kidding and it caused him to question every action someone did.
Merlin decided that it would be best to just outright ask Gaius if he would be able to travel to Ealdor any time soon, as beating around the bush would get him nowhere with Gaius in this situation.
"Gaius, when would you say I'd be well enough to travel?"Merlin asked Gaius. He raised his infamous eyebrow at his ward's question.
"Travel? Merlin, you can't be serious, you've only been back a week," Gaius said. His eyes searched over Merlin, looking for any sign as to where his question had come from.
Merlin resisted his urge to roll his eyes. What did it matter how long he had been back? He was healing as well as could be expected, even better considering he would hardly sit still. Surely Gaius would agree to that.
"Just to Ealdor. That's not too far, and besides," Merlin said, "Arthur's giving me time off. What else should I use that time doing?"
Gaius still wanted to argue about his ward's health but found that he couldn't. If Merlin wanted to go visit his mother, he couldn't really stop him.
He gave a long, put upon sigh. "You'll be careful, won't you? No attracting any trouble or danger on your trip?"
Merlin gave a barely perceptible shrug, a small smile slowly coming to his face. "I don't know. Can't really promise you on that one," he said. Gaius was still looking at him with concern, so he continued. "I'll do my very best to stay out of trouble."
His boy's words gave the old man little reassurance, but he found that he couldn't argue much. He knew that it often wasn't Merlin's fault that things like this happened. It was that idiotic thing called fate's fault.
"You won't be going alone, will you?" Gaius asked.
"I doubt it. The patrols around Camelot have doubled since Morgana attacked Gwen, and Arthur's recommended that people travel in groups of three or more. Safety in numbers and all that," he said. He could reach Ealdor much faster on his own, honestly, if he was able to travel and use his magic freely to hide from bandits or fight them if it came down to that. He couldn't do that if he was constantly worried about his secret being exposed, however.
"Good," Gaius said. His eyes wandered to Merlin's stomach, where the thick, black marks still marred his usually pale skin. "We don't know what Morgana is planning after all."
The burning feeling came back again, but not nearly as strong as it had been before. It was almost as if the markings knew that they were being discussed and didn't particularly like it. It seemed to always happen whenever he thought about them or tried to remember what happened in the tower.
All his memories of the tower came to him in flashes that prevented him from getting a decent night's rest. The memories, or nightmares as it seemed better to label them, were all dark and confusing with swirling emotions of fear and anger and hatred and confusion.
The only thing he could actually remember clearly was Arthur being there, attacking him for some reason that he couldn't figure out, and other people who it wasn't even possible for them to be in the tower being there and threatening Merlin and blaming him for everything.
From the descriptions Gaius has received it seemed that the tower had had mandrakes, or at least something similar stashed inside, causing visions very similar to his nightmares. Gaius had asked Merlin as soon as he was well and awake enough to, if he was still having nightmares or visions or anything else out of the ordinary happening to him, but Merlin had told him no. At the time the nightmares hadn't really seemed like too much to worry about, and Gaius always worried enough as it was.
"I have to go on my rounds now. Will you be alright to stay here for a while?" Gaius asked.
The annoyance that had faded to the back of his mind suddenly came forward again. Why was it that everyone had to treat him like an invalid? Like he was helpless and no use to anyone lately? If they knew what he was capable of, that his magic could demolish the entirety of Camelot with just a single thought, then maybe they wouldn't treat him like that.
No, Merlin thought, Gaius is only worried about you.
Even though the thought was more than likely true, it didn't stop the irritation from growing inside him. The thought that even Gaius, who had been there for him for so long and knew what he could do, would doubt that he could stay in his chambers alone for a few hours forced him to clench his teeth together.
"Of course," he said. His voice was rather calm considering the budding feelings of aggravation.
Gaius stared at him for a moment, noticing that his ward's tone was slightly off. The boy in front of him had his eyes cast down to the floor, refusing to look up and meet Gaius's eyes.
Gaius nodded and patted Merlin light on his head. "I'll be back soon." Merlin didn't even reply as the old man walked past him to the door and left.
Once outside the door Gaius released a sigh he didn't even know he had been holding. He leaned upon the door for a moment, trying to compose himself before going out on his rounds. He was tempted to call for a servant to go and make his rounds for him, or at least a guard to watch out for his ward, but decided against it.
He knew that he was being overprotective of Merlin, but he couldn't really help it. When the knights had come in carrying Merlin, he had feared the worst had happened to him. The boy become like a son to him, and just the thought of anything bad at all happening to him killed the old man. The sight of him unconscious and unaware had caused a panic inside him that he never wanted to feel again.
As Gaius walked away he realized that he had never exactly given Merlin an answer as to when he was going to be well enough to travel, and decided that it was probably for the best. It would still be a couple more days until the boy would be well enough, but Gaius knew that the second he told him that, Merlin would constantly insist that he was healthy enough well before then.
Sighing again, he hurried off to start his rounds. The quicker he started them, the quicker he would be able to check in on Merlin.
Time for Merlin passed terribly slowly and in a sort of daze. As he had been given time off by Arthur until Gaius deemed him well enough to return to work, and all the knights were busy with either training or patrols, he truly had nothing to do.
A while after Gaius had left he had tried to practice some new spells he had been reading about before the whole Dark Tower business, but nothing seemed to work right. His magic seemed to be just as annoyed and tired as he was, and seeing as how it tended to response to his emotions, that wasn't too surprising. That didn't stop him from becoming even more frustrated, however.
The rest of the day went about the same, with Gaius occasionally stopping in and checking up on Merlin and trying to get the boy to eat something. He managed to choke down a few spoonfuls of food, not from hunger, but just to stop Gaius from asking him to.
Just when Merlin thought he'd go absolutely insane from boredom, Gwen entered. She looked as beautiful as always, her long, dark red dress catching the light from the candles already lit in Gaius's chambers. Her expression seemed to brighten slightly at seeing Merlin sitting alone in the room.
"Hello, Merlin," Gwen said. Her eyes roamed over the room, almost like she was looking for something out of place. "Where's Gaius?" she asked, attempting to sound nonchalant.
"He had to go and visit someone in the lower town. I can help you with whatever it is you need," he said, standing up carefully from the table and book he had been trying to read for the last few hours.
"Oh, no," Gwen said, waving her hand at the thought. "I actually came here to talk to you."
Merlin looked confused. "Me?" he asked. While it was true they were friends, and when they had been of the same station, they had often made fun of some of the nobles and their ways and traditions, but in recent years they had slowly drifted apart. It was a slightly ironic thought now that Gwen was queen and Merlin was still just a servant.
"Yes, you," she said as if there was no one else in the world she would have sought out here, and he was a fool for not realizing it. "I feel as though I have not been a good friend to you. You've been through a lot here recently, have you not?"
Merlin shrugged. "So have you," he said. "I truly am sorry about…" his voice trailed off, not wanting to mention Gwen's now dead brother.
A confused feeling went through Gwen as she thought of Elyan. He had been her brother, yet she didn't really feel very sad. Maybe that was because he had been working with the traitors of Camelot who were opposing Morgana. Whatever it was, it was practically indescribable, and Gwen didn't think she could quite explain what was wrong, even if she thought anything was wrong.
"Yes, thank you," she said stiffly. Merlin shifted a bit under Gwen's gaze, which seemed to be studying him. The feeling of annoyance or paranoia or whatever it was that had been there since he had woken up wasn't there anymore, and he hadn't realized how strong that feeling had gotten until it was gone.
The feeling that had replaced it was less fearful, and more like Gwen and Merlin were children and sharing a secret. He'd honestly had enough of secrets, though, and the thought of one more on his already huge stack of them seemed ridiculous.
"It's just that," she paused for a moment. "You were locked in the room with Morgana as well, yes?"
Merlin nodded. "That's what I've been told. I don't remember too much, though." Gaius had warned him it would take a while before his memories came back, if at all, due to the amount of stress is body and magic had endured.
At first Merlin had been afraid at his lack of control over his magic meant that Morgana now knew about it. He couldn't remember anything that had gone on in the tower anyways, so maybe he had accidentally revealed his secret to Morgana.
When Merlin had shared his fears with Gaius, the older man had been quick to try and ease Merlin's worries. "I'm sure Morgana doesn't know," he had said. "Do you think we would still be here if she did? It was probably damaged from whatever these markings are or being in the tower for so long."
Gwen could sense that Merlin was in deep thought as she rested her hand on his shoulder. "Of course not," Gwen said reassuringly. "I'm sure that it will come back with time. Meanwhile, I've heard of your upcoming trip."
She waited as Merlin tried to explain Arthur giving him time off. "I know, Merlin, I've already been told," she said kindly. "Which brings me to another reason why I'm here." He looked up from the floor to Gwen's big brown eyes. "I was wondering if you would like some company, on your journey I mean. Ealdor isn't too far away, and I was hoping to see your mother again."
Merlin thought for a second. The thought of Gwen traveling with him was a pleasing one, although he knew she couldn't come along. It was much too dangerous. Morgana had already targeted her once before, and that had been with three or four knights. The group traveling with Merlin wouldn't be that big, so as to avoid suspicion while traveling into King Lot's territory.
"Gwen," Merlin started, but she quickly held up a hand for him to stop.
"I must insist, Merlin," she said, giving himher most queenly look. Then her eyes grew soft again. "Please. This place…. Everywhere I look I see Elyan."
There was nothing Merlin could say to that, but it didn't matter to Gwen as she was already continuing.
"You weren't awake for his funeral, but it was horrible. I had to watch him die, and then I had to watch him turn to ashes," she said. Merlin's heart broke for one of his oldest friends, and the thought of Gwen having to watch her brother die and then attend the funeral was enough to make him want to cry.
Merlin could only nod his head. Her brown eyes were glistening with tears she wouldn't shed. Just as before, she found herself unable to properly grieve for Elyan. He had been a knight of Camelot, a knight who stood for everything the Lady Morgana was working against. But still… He had been her brother, and her close and only friend until Leon when she was younger.
"Okay," Merlin said quietly. "But Arthur will never let you. It's still dangerous after all."
Gwen smiled slightly at Merlin's words. "Don't worry about Arthur," she said. "I'll take care of that."
So, there's the next chapter. And seriously, how the heck does this already have 45 followers?! You guys are absolutely amazing and I love all of you!
I hope that you guys have enjoyed this chapter, and I hope that you'll stick around for the next chapter.