Disclaimer: BLEACH has nothing to do with a seahorse so obviously it is not my creation. I own nothing.
A/N The best part about writing a story for someone else is brainstorming the ideas with that person. In addition after chatting with Ane-chan I've decided Drunken SeaHorse will be more than 5 chapters. Maybe 8? Not sure yet.
A/N 2 Why are Ichigo's parts usually longer than Grimm's? Eh probably because I write berry-centrics more often.
Anyway
ENJOY!
For the modern day siren, Ane-chan!
Warnings: AU, OOC, scattered flashbacks, switching views, GrimmIchi, othersIchi, othersGrimm, ShiroxUlquoirra, RukixHime, SzaxRen, etc etc etc blah blah blah
DRUNKEN SEAHORSE
CHAPTER THREE
Monday
(Grimmjow)
Instead of dragging his ass out of bed and heading out the door to go to work on Monday morning Grimmjow opted to sleep in.
He'd probably hear an earful from Baragan but he really didn't give a damn about Death King's Auto Parts-it was just a temporary gig anyway.
Grimmjow had never desired to be a mechanic in the first place-it had simply been easy money.
Well working at the casino had been even easier but seeing as he had been banned from 12 out of 13 in Karakura Town well…
Course Ran Tao had always been rather forgiving so Grimmjow figured it was only a matter of time before the woman begged him to come back to 'Crimson Ace.'
But for now Grimmjow was content to show up for work when he felt like it and live off his inheritance from a cousin he had never even met.
It was kind of funny how it happened-he had simply flipped his mailbox open one day and bam!
Although it was a bit of a pain in the ass to exchange Canadian bills but…
At the sound of the door bell Grimmjow let out an irritated growl and then rolled out of bed.
()()()
The girl couldn't be much more than 11-12 years old at best.
Not a hair out of place, a tear in her blouse or a run in her stockings. She was the picture if perfection and innocence.
Good thing too or Grimmjow would've slammed the door right back in her flawless face.
But he wasn't a total bastard.
"What are you selling and how much does it cost?"
As the young girl rambled off a list of items and prices Grimmjow did something that was becoming an everyday occurrence-he slipped into a memory in the past…
()()
FLASHBACK
Men don't bake!
Men hunt but seeing as how there is no trace of wild life here in Karakura Town hunting is out of the question.
Plus he doesn't think his rival would approve of his shooting, roasting and then eating an innocent animal-no matter if said animal had fangs or claws or rabies.
In addition Grimmjow had no desire to wash blood out of his leather jacket.
So he was stuck baking along with the rest of his posse.
But it would be a cold day in Hades before he donned a frilly apron!
"Oh for the love of Athena would you please stop making that face Grimmjow."
"You don't even have to do anything but stand there and gather customers for our stand."
Sidekicks or not Szayel and Ilfort were almost over the top fruit-tastic at times.
Not only were the non-fraternal twins wearing matching frilly little white aprons-just for the occasion they had also decided put their hair in pigtails.
"Really and how do you expect me to do that?"
Szayel's amber eyes twinkled behind glasses "I'm sure you'll think of something."
Grimmjow considered these words for a minute
'Something eh? Or more like some one?
Surely it wouldn't take much since his rival was so popular and all-he'd simply have to convince the orange haired teen to bring his ass over to the brownie stand and everyone else would follow.
'Hmm now how to go about getting his attention this time 'round.'
"I know that look all too well, he's thinking of Kurosaki once again."
"Is there ever a time when he isn't thinking of Kurosaki?"
Szayel and Ilfort's teasing tones pulled Grimmjow from his inner thoughts.
"Think of something good Grimmjow?"
"I bet he did."
Grimmjow had indeed thought of something but he didn't plan to share it with the duo-instead he dipped his finger into the batter-
"What are you doing?"
Ilfort looked horrified.
Grimmjow grinned as he brought the gooey coated digit up to his mouth "Testing it for poisons, never can be too careful these days."
"Next time use a spoon. Putting your fingers into OUR batter is incredibly rude-
"Not to mention barbaric."
Grimmjow rolled his eyes and walked off "I'll be back in a bit."
()()()
There was no need to rush since the official bake sale or whatever wasn't for another day or two.
Which was good because then Grimmjow could put his plans into action with out rushing.
Option 1) Laxatives-a classic prank forcing others to go to the bathroom-should they not make it in time the poor fools would wind up crapping their pants.
As amusing as it might be to see the entire cheerleading squad be anything but perfect and beautiful Grimmjow wasn't so sure his ultra sensitive nose would be able to handle the smell-so NO to option 1.
Option 2) Drugs-yet another classic.
The idea of watching his classmates get high off of chocolate fudge brownies-
Or more accurately watching his number 1 rival get high off of brownies-course if Gramps found out-well that held no appeal whatsoever.
So that left option 3) A different type of drug-or more accurately an aphrodisiac.
Grimmjow let himself slip into a little day dream for a moment or two.
According to a certain blue bird, Kurosaki had a bit of a sweet tooth so it probably wouldn't take much to get the orange haired teen to agree to buy some brownies.
But where was the fun in just buying the brownies when he could sample em?
It was decided.
Grimmjow would enlist the help from Muramasa, a self-titled "lust magician"
His potions were experimental at best so there was no guarantee it would even work.
Still Grimmjow felt a smirk coming over his face.
'It's worth a try.'
Once he mixed the potion into the batter he would offer a sample to the strawberry-ordering the other teen to lick his finger tips clean.
One taste and Kurosaki's pretty brown eyes would glaze over and he'd beg for another taste-to which Grimmjow would laugh mockingly and refuse because he oh so loved to see the sight of his pouting rival.
Grimmjow let his imagination take him further-
In a some what different scenario-his rival would go into uber brat mode and swap the brownie batter right off the table-smirk dancing on his lips as if to say come and catch me.
And naturally Grimmjow wouldn't decline because he quite enjoyed chasing after his rival.
()()()
He would find the orange haired youth up on the school roof tops-purr at the sight of his rival's body, which was now only artistically covered in the brownie mix-clothes completely discarded.
But why dream when he could go and make it a reality?
At the sound of a giggle Grimmjow snapped out of his little fantasizing.
And narrowed electric blues at
"Kuchiki what the hell? How long have you been there?"
The raven-haired midget looked amused which was a bit unusual since every other time the girl had only looked at him with disdain or suspicion.
"I think the question here is what are you doing hovering outside Ichigo's home?"
Had he really been so lost in his little dream daze that he had waltzed over to Kurosaki's when he fully intended on heading well…someplace that most definitely was not his rivals.
Grimmjow bit back a snarl.
He didn't have to explain himself to Kuchiki.
"Just passing through-got a buddy who lives this way not that it's any of your damn business, Kuchiki."
The raven-haired girl didn't look like she bought his lame excuse for a minute.
"Anyway," Rukia continued, "Since you're here I might as well hand you this now."
Grimmjow looked down at the small box now in his hand. "What the hell is this?"
"Cookies." The girl answered simply.
Grimmjow rose a brow "What am I supposed to do with a box of cookies?"
A shrug "I'm allergic to nuts but Ichigo looked so happy when he presented the box to me so-
"So why would you give it to me?"
Another careless shrug, "Who else would I give it to?"
Grimmjow studied the raven-haired girl for a moment or two. He didn't like the way her face was flushed-nor did he like the dark mark on her neck-it rubbed him the wrong way-
He damn sure was not jealous of Kuchiki!
"Anyway," came the sing-song tone "You really should eat those cookies. Ichigo doesn't give them out to just anyone you know."
"What the hell are you up to Kuchiki?"
A pause and then the raven-haired girl narrowed her eyes "Don't think for one second you got me fooled-you're totally completely in full blown lust with Ichigo."
Grimmjow could protest. But what was the point?
"Look Kuchiki I-
"Word of advice if you're really serious about staking your claim-"
Why was he listening to this? Why the fuck was he-?
"Spill."
"Get to know him. Become friends first-everything else will follow."
Grimmjow sneered, "Speaking from personal experience are you?"
There was a pause.
And then she burst out into a fit of laughter.
Which pissed Grimmjow off but he wasn't going to let the raven-haired girl see that she was getting to him.
()()
20 minutes later…
The girl wiped her eyes and spoke "You are even thicker than I thought."
Grimmjow glared. "Whatever Kuchiki."
Rukia was still amused much to Grimmjow's irritation.
The sound of her laughter was clear as a bell even as she started walking away.
()()()
END FLASHBACK
"Hey I haven't got all damn day are you gonna buy some damn cookies or not!"
Grimmjow blinked-the sweet and innocent little sales girl was no longer sweet and innocent.
She was snarling at him-her eyes narrowed to thin slits and she stamped her foot and crushed half of the items in her box in her anger
Grimmjow knelt down in order to address the not-so-angelic-child.
"If you ask me nicely I'd be happy to buy some brownies little girl."
"Don't treat me like a kid damn you! I'm 19 you hear me cat face? 19!" With a stomp of her foot-and a blow of a horn- seemed to appear out of nowhere-the not so angelic salesgirl left the apartment.
Grimmjow let out a snort and relocked the door.
()()()
Breaks ups. Always such a pain in the ass.
"How about one last fuck before I let you walk away from me for the last time."
"Wishing to forever engrave me in your memory eh Ashido?"
Unlike many of the other 'Kurosaki' stand-ins Ashido had actually grown on Grimmjow.
With his reddish brown hair, boyish face and hidden playful nature-not to mention that firm apple bottom.
It was never meant to be a long term thing. No commitment, no strings attached-
They had formed a bond of sorts but-
"Your lucky I enjoy your arrogant boasting or I'd-
"Don't bother finishing that sentence Ashido."
Eye roll "Right so since you're clearly not gonna fuck me at least let me come to movie night?"
"You sure are fuckin' needy tonight? What's the matter 'fraid you won't be able to carry on with out me?"
Grimmjow caught the foot that was flying towards his face.
And once again another memory was brought to the surface of his mind…
()()()
FLASHBACK
Juvie Hall)
Grimmjow knew his obsession had been taken to new heights when he started comparing his life to some horribly cliché shojo drama.
The girl whose thoughts were consumed by her crush while he was oversees-distance didn't matter because once the week was up she would see him again.
()
He would brush a stray lock of hair out of her face before titling her chin upwards to give her the lightest yet most passionate of kisses-and then he would tell her to close her eyes for a surprise-
She would obey because the last thing she wanted to do was be stubborn with the number one love of her life.
()
Only to open her eyes and glance down at the small gem he had placed around her neck.
Face soft yet still wonderfully manly-he'd cup the side of her cheek and whisper "Be mine."
A single tear would fall down her flawless face as she breathed out a "Yes."
()()
The fact that he and his rival were both males didn't matter.
The fact that Grimmjow and his rival would never act so pathetically dreamy didn't matter.
The fact that Grimmjow was separated from his rival not because of family members or jealous friends-but a retarded misunderstanding didn't matter.
The fact that Grimmjow was stuck in a cramped little space with a roommate who snored didn't matter.
The fact that he was forced to freeze his fuckin' ass off every night after stepping out of shower because the fuckin' correctional camp couldn't afford a decent heater didn't matter.
The only thing that mattered was the tiny pieces of colorful parchment clutched in Grimmjow's hand.
In truth there was nothing particularly special about said parchment-
Because this was reality and his number 1 rival didn't do things like send him sweet and short little love notes.
Besides Kurosaki didn't love him-hell the orange haired teen didn't even like him and yet…
The parchment the blue haired teen held in his hand-old detention slips.
Call Grimmjow a fool-the biggest fool on the planet perhaps-hell he probably put fangirls' to shame-
He was convinced that all of those times Kurosaki had wound up in detention with him was not a coincidence at all-
Grimmjow had convinced himself that his rival simply couldn't stand to be separated from him for a long time-
Why else would Kurosaki have kept the old slips paper clipped inside that damn novel?
Grimmjow had planned to just mock the other boy when he first noticed but then once the whole incident with the 'princess and panties' happened well…he just wanted something that would tie him to his rival.
Was it stupid?
Yes it was but Grimmjow didn't have to explain himself to anyone.
No one had to know about how he had come to treasure the parchment.
No one had to know how he planned to place said parchment into frames once he got out of this shit hole called Juvi Hall.
Maybe he'd even Xerox off a copy and give it to Kurosaki like some sort of backwards Valentine's Day gift.
Grimmjow snorted at the thought.
Wow he was beyond fucking stupid but at this point he didn't care.
Even if he hadn't snatched the parchment out of his rivals book he probably would have found something else-
Yes he was obsessed or whatever the equivalent of beyond obsessed was-
Even before this shit had occurred Grimmjow had been planning something which would have definitely pissed Kurosaki off.
Still might do it once the week was up.
He could picture it now.
Early morning…before track even started-hell before school even started. There he would find his rival in the gym-wearing those ridiculously sexy short shorts-stretching and bending and completely oblivious to his surroundings.
Wouldn't take much to shut off the lights.
Wouldn't take much to pin his rival down and tie him up in ropes.
Then flick the lights back on…
There was something so positively delicious about rope burn-extra delicious with the way his number one rival would squirm-
Grimmjow would probably get expelled but it would be worth it.
Yes daydreaming of Kurosaki was an excellent way to pass the time.
Truthfully the only way Grimmjow got through his days.
Not that he would ever tell the other teen this.
()()
FLASHBACK END
"Even if you get to say all the things that you've always wanted to say how can you be sure he'll return your feelings?"
Ashido's voice never irritated Grimmjow as much as it was irritating him right now.
He was well aware that things might be er um less than rainbows and roses once he and Kurosaki cross paths after what sometimes did in fact feel like too damn long-
Well aware that if he overstepped his bounds Kurosaki's mother would throw him out on his ass!
Yet at the same time it wasn't in Grimmjow's nature to just let things play out-he would give it his best shot to keep his 'paws' to himself but then again
A few carefully placed words and an apology or two he could win Kurosaki over.
He'd probably receive a black eye or a cracked face but it would be worth it-
Because his number 1 former rival was always worth it!
()()()
(Ichigo)
Sharing a jail cell with Shiro and Ulquiorra was not how Ichigo thought he was going to start out the new week.
While it was true that they would only be stuck in the cell over night according to the guard-to Ichigo it felt like half an eternity had already passed.
Perhaps the current situation wouldn't be so bad-tolerable even-if the guys in the cell next to them weren't so GD annoying not to mention perverted.
"So tell me honestly how high are Starrk's chances to claim the orange head over there?"
"We will put your brother's name on the list for the party on Friday. During that time he can go ahead and make his proposal to Kurosaki-whether or not Kurosaki agrees is entirely up to him."
At first Ichigo had thought that he was hearing things because there was no way Ulquiorra would offer up Ichigo as though he were some sort of pretty piece of furniture at an auction
Step right up, step right-make your bids here!
But that is exactly what the green-eyed male was doing.
It had been the shrimps' idea-a petite chick standing at 4'11 tea-green hair and mismatched eyes, dressed in a long overcoat (which was ten sizes too big for her) and white and black striped Capri pants.
Apparently her narcoleptic brother, Starrk didn't get out and date much-seemed she had taken it upon herself to play matchmaker.
Although Ichigo wasn't too fond about being swooped up by some random guy well…he was kind of easy on the eyes.
Looking like he stepped out of a recent spring edition in a GQ magazine (yet some how wild at the same time) with his wavy medium length brown hair, ash gray smoldering eyes, slight goatee and suit and tie.
But that wasn't the damn point!
And not that Ichigo cared or anything but how had these two ended up behind bars anyway?
Speeding ticket? DUI?
Wait! Why did he care?
Well he didn't really he was just-
"Trust me," the girl continued "My brother has never been shot down-no matter how stubborn the one who has caught his eye might be."
"Well I've known Kurosaki for about 2 and a half years now and he is not the type to just jump into bed with some one," bottle green eyes flashed, "Believe me I've tried."
Ichigo wasn't sure how he felt about that. A bit weird but somewhat flattered at the same time.
Deciding he really rather not think about Ulquoirra or rather what the older male might feel towards him-Ichigo directed his attention to his cousin.
The powdered male didn't seem to have any problems getting all chummy with the other 'residents' inside the jail.
The subject open for discussion? His ass apparently.
"Sure King has a perfect ass but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let you near it unless," cue dramatic pause "you prove yourself worthy but even then I probably still won't let ya cuz' King is mine you see and I'm not so sure I wanna take the risk and let him be soiled by the likes of someone like ya."
Standing at an impressive height of 7 feet tall with silky black hair, dark beady eyes like a vulture, a long neck like an ostrich-actually all of his limbs were long, muscular and wiry, wearing a grin which was so damn wide it almost appeared as though it was permanently stuck that way, a somewhat rather intimidating aura radiating around him even though he had dressed in a fuzzy yellow hoodie and black leather pants (which Ichigo paused on for a minute since old rival had worn a lot of leather and-
'Best not to go there at a time like this.'
"Heh, that so little powder puff?"
Ichigo could not believe the guy had just called his cousin-
"What the fuck did ya just say?"
"You're not that much bigger than him, maybe I'll just claim the both of you."
Shiro was irritated and yet why the hell was he letting the guy cradle his face like that suddenly?
Ichigo looked back over at Ulquiorra-it wasn't a large prison or anything-surely the green-eyed man could hear this guy hitting on his lover couldn't he?
The orange haired youth could understand that Shiro and Ulquoirra were in an open relationship but still-even Ichigo felt a bit irritated that this guy was touching his cousin so casually.
"Get your hands off him!"
A hissing snarl-but unfortunately for Ichigo it seemed Mr. Perverse and Lanky was more amused and excited by his little out burst.
"So you can talk," the dark haired male stuck his free arm in between the bars and gripped Ichigo's wrist. "What's your name, pet?"
Pet? WTF?
Ichigo was ready to let out another snarl when-
"Knock it off Jiruga! I'm not gonna be stuck in this damn cell another night because you can't keep your hands to yourself-"-yet even as the owner of the new voice said this-his body language read something else entirely.
Simply to pass time-no other reason-Ichigo took in his 'saviors' appearance.
Well over 6 feet tall even with out the wild black hair and shiny bells, deep forest gray-green eyes ringed with gold, nose and mouth bringing to mind a grizzly bear who was only a few seconds away from taking a bite out of a juicy slab of meat, it was difficult to tell if the t-shirt and cut off jeans were torn from the guys rippling muscles or if it was just the style.
Not that it mattered.
"Hmm so you both want a piece of King eh?"
Ichigo bit back a groan.
Go figure Shiro would find this entire situation amusing-hooking up with random guys was something the bino-berry did quite often.
Not that Shiro was a slut or anything-he just enjoyed playing with others.
"Come to the party. Maybe if you ask nicely I can convince King into a little ménage a trios action?"
"What about you my pretty powder puff?"
"Me?" Shiro snorted, "Got things to do that night," a pause "But maybe I'll take a rein check or somethin'. He put out his hand "Name?"
"Nnoitra Jiruga."
Gold eyes flicked to the other dark haired male who still only had eyes for Ichigo-much to the orange haired male's embarrassment.
"Zaraki Kenpachi."
"Hn, Nnoi-Nnoi and Ken-Ken," Shiro produced a tiny notebook from out of nowhere "We'll expect you on Friday then, dress your best!"
Ichigo noted that neither male appeared to be too pleased about the nicknames that Shiro had selected for them but at the same time it was kind of amusing.
"So whatcha say King can these two come to the party?"
Ichigo rolled his eyes. As if his answer would make one damn difference or another. "Whatever."
At Shiro's cackle Ichigo decided to block out the noise and think back on how the entire 'jail situation' had begun in the first place.
()()()
FLASHBACK
Earlier that same morning…
Spending most of his summer vacations and living only about 30 miles away from his cousin for most of his life, Ichigo was well aware that the powdered male had very little patience for well…anything
Ichigo hadn't even fully opened his eyes and Shiro was already dragging him down the stairs and out the door.
()()
Ulquiorra was in the drivers seat today.
"Good morning Kurosaki."
"Hey Ulquiorra." Ichigo yawned "Why did you guys wake me up so early?"
"It is 10:30am in the morning, that is not early."
"Oh um right well-
Ichigo had been up late last night rummaging through his closet-not really searching for anything in particular just a certain plushie from way back then-not that he was going to tell Ulquiorra or Shiro this.
The duo teased him enough as it was-they were right up there with Rukia and Inoue-if not worse-
"You have some drool crusted over right underneath your chin, Kurosaki."
No worse. Much worse.
"Uh," Ichigo angrily wiped at his chin, "Thanks."
"Cheer up King! We're going to breakfast!"
It was at times like these when the orange haired male almost forgot that his powdered cousin was actually a month older than him-because the way Shiro's eyes were lighting up right now-it was as though he were a child going to a theme park rather than a man going to simple breakfast.
Not that there was ever such a thing as a simple breakfast with Ulquiorra and Shiro.
Quite the opposite!
()()
"So let me tell you about this guy Quiorra brought home last night-
Ichigo had purposely turned the radio up higher so he wouldn't have to hear one of Shiro's stories-
The orange haired male let out a sigh.
"Look uh Shiro I really rather not kn-
"His dick alone was like the size of a fuckin' python-
"Seriously Shiro I don't need to h-
"It's fine Kurosaki. This is the process."
Ichigo raised a brow. "Process?"
"Part of having mind blowing sex is mental, King."
"Uh-
"Trust us Kurosaki, when the time comes you'll think back to this moment and-
"Hey look over there, it's Noba-chin, he used to have such a crush on you King!"
"Noba-chin?"
Ichigo had never been very good with names and faces.
"Let's go say hi!"
"Uh Shiro I doubt h-
"Step on it Quiorra!"
Ichigo was a bit surprised that Shiro could snap commands at Ulquiorra like that but the green-eyed male didn't seem to have any objections-
He was now going 85 in a 45 mile speed lane-
"Honk the horn Quiorra!"
Once again the dark haired male followed Shiro's instructions-practically making poor 'Noba-chin' fall off his bike.
()()()
Most of Noba's face was shielded by the helmet he was wearing-just a tiny tuft of short ruby red hair, jade green eyes and a slightly pointed chin could be seen-average height, reasonably toned, donning a light gray parka, blue jeans and tennis shoes.
As far as categories go-Noba would be labeled under cute-not that Ichigo was one to label but-
"Not really my type."
"You don't know what your type is King. You've only just begun sprouting your rainbow wings."
"He's right Kurosaki," Ulquiorra chimed in "Don't judge a book by its cover. Sometimes the ones who appear to be the shyest, nicest, sweetest turn out to be the kinkiest bastards on the planet-
"And sometimes," Shiro took over "The guys who appear to be brash, rough and tuff are big softies."
"And then you got guys like us,"
Ichigo rolled his eyes.
Great-now Shiro and Ulquiorra were lecturing him in unison.
"We play the appropriate roles based on the time, setting, and the other male."
Twin smirks "Or males."
"Meaning?"
"You'll see soon enough."
A pause. "Now go and grab Noba-chin and plant a big wet one right on his mouth!"
"No."
"You're making a big deal out of nothing King. What's a little tonsil hockey lovin' between friends?"
Ichigo grew quiet for a moment wondering if his rival ever went through with fulfilling his dreams of becoming a professional hockey player.
Shortly after graduation, Ichigo had watched the sports channel and followed newspapers just to see if there had been any mention of a guy with the last name 'Jeagerjaques' but there hadn't been.
Course it never dawned on Ichigo until just now-a lot of times professional athletes changed their names so maybe-
'I'll do a google or bing search or something when I get back home.'
"Don't just zone out at least go and invite Noba-chin to the party!"
"Uh I don't know Shiro I mean-
The powdered male ignored Ichigo just then and rolled down the windows calling out to the male on the bike
"Hey Noba-chin ya busy on Friday?"
Ichigo recalled that the redhead had a low murmuring sort of voice-it was very difficult to hear what his answer had been but with Shiro's thumbs up and Ulquiorra's fingers clicking away on his mini-phone, signs pointed to yes.
Cue his cousin's mad cackling. "Good, good see you then Noba-chin!"
With a final wave-Ulquiorra stepped on the gas once again-
()()()
"Just park here Quiorra."
"What the hell? Shiro this is an expectant mother's parking spot, we're not chicks!"
Although even if Ichigo was protesting he had to admit that having a parking spot reserved for pregnant woman was pretty stupid but that was beside the point.
"There's probably hidden cameras all over the damn place the moment we get out of the car and they see that we're three guys the police will-
"Don't worry your pretty little head King, Quiorra and I have done this plenty of times. Ready Quiorra?"
Ready for what?
Ichigo was about to find out.
()()
"Tada meet my girlfriend Ula."
"Pleasure to meet you, Kurosaki-san."
It wasn't so much the wig and the makeup that was throwing Ichigo off as it was Ulquiorra's sudden soft soprano with a slight European under tone-
When and where had the green-eyed male learned to-?
Shiro snickered, "Works every time, come Ula, my darling, our public awaits."
()()()
Just because Ulquiorra was suddenly dressed and intimidating a chick was it really necessary to calculate all of the calories on the menu?
It just didn't make any sense to Ichigo. Ulquiorra had high metabolism so it's not like he would gain any weight.
Plus the green-eyed male worked out the gym regularly so-
Ichigo shrugged his shoulders-let the guy do what he wants-he stepped up ready to make his order when Ulquiorra grabbed his arms.
"Think about what you're about to put into your body. Nothing but fat and grease Kurosaki, fat and grease causes heart attacks and clogged pores. Is it your desire to die at an early age?"
Ichigo just snorted. "Don't be so dramatic it's only eggs and-
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BREAKFAST IS OVER?"
Loud screeching which can only belong to his cousin Shiro.
Ichigo glances down at his watch and sighs.
'Well it is 15 minutes after 11:00am.'
The orange haired male is just about to calm the powdered male down when-
"Pardon the outburst. My mistake," a snicker "I'm an up and coming actor you see and this week my role was to play an angry customer." Gold eyes twinkled. "How'd I do?"
Ichigo wasn't buying it for a minute there was no way Shiro would give up having his breakfast that easily.
He'd seen it happen enough times.
Shiro didn't care if it was 15 or 30 minutes or 1 hour after 11 o' clock he would not leave with out his breakfast.
It was at this point when Ichigo thought it would probably be best to slip away from his two fair-skinned companions-yes back out the door and-
"Stay Kurosaki I want to ask you a question."
Ichigo let out another sigh. While Shiro continued on with his little act-Ulquiorra started to ramble on about how many calories were in 'Hollows milk shakes' or something-Ichigo started to zone out 5 minutes or so after it started.
Ulquiorra probably wouldn't even notice he wasn't paying attention.
()()
Ichigo furrowed his brows wondering why it suddenly felt rather breezy -had someone left the door open?
The orange haired male also noted that it had grown incredibly quiet in the fast food establishment as well.
Had he missed something?
Then he heard the all too familiar snicker from his cousin and a few sputters—
"W-what is the meaning of this?"
More snickering "It's called let's make a deal: I'll let you ogle King's ass if you give me breakfast!"
Cat calls and whistles soon followed-
"Yeah, take it off!"
WTF?
When had his pants been pulled down?
Ichigo considered his options he could A) act casually and even start posing just to keep up with Shiro's façade. Or B) He could quickly pull up his pants and flee.
It really wasn't rocket science especially when-
"I'll give you 100, 000 yen if you let me spank that ass as well as ogle it!"
Still pretending to be a woman, Ulquiorra giggled behind his hand "We will consider it but only if you can convince the employees of McHollows to give my darling Shiro his breakfast."
"We'll gladly give you anything you wish Miss er-?"
"Ula, you may call me Ula."
Ichigo wanted to run and hide really he did but at the same time he was a man-so he had to stand his ground.
()()
Bad decision.
The sound of sirens-not the mythical creatures-but sirens which could only belong to vehicles which were owned and driven by
'Shit the cops. I can't believe this.' Ichigo cursed and then glared at the 'happy couple'
Shiro was munching away on his McHollow griddle-cake and Ulquiorra was taking dainty bites out of his Low calorie multigrain McHollowwaffle-both were completely oblivious to the angry officer who was making his way through the entrance door.
Now would be the time to run-at least into the bathroom.
Yes this is what Ichigo wished to do but at the same time-
'He's my cousin it wouldn't be right if I left him.'
With a resigned sigh Ichigo crouched down (there was no way he was going to let his bare ass meet a dirty bench) and just as he was lifting his spoon up to bring his oatmeal to his mouth metal cuffs were around his wrist.
FLASHBACK END!
()()
"Stop looking so damn blue King!"
"I'm not, just tiered."
"Go to sleep then. We'll be out of here before you know it right Quoirra?"
"You can sleep on my lap so long as you promise not to drool, Kurosaki."
Ichigo glared at the green-eyed male before climbing into 'bed'
He turned his back to the wall hoping his 'cell-mates' would get the message and leave him the fuck alone!
He was so sick and tiered of being dragged along for one of Shiro's little projects or whatever.
Ichigo just wanted to escape-not forever but for a while.
Maybe after the party from hell was over on Friday he could catch a plane back to Mexico with Chado.
Possibly settle down and try to fall in love with a nice girl-key word is try since the idea of getting with another chick held no appeal whatsoever.
A guy then?
Yeah some nice young guy who didn't know who Ichigo was or where he had come from. Maybe he should even change his name?
Ichigo snorted at the thought.
Even if he tried that-it would only be a matter of time before either Shiro or Rukia tracked him down and-
"Ichigo it may not seem like it but everything that happened today I did it for you."
Ichigo rolled his eyes even though his cousin couldn't see it. "Don't think I'm going to forgive you just because you're trying to butter me up now."
He heard the powdered male sigh from behind him. "You're so tense all the time King, Quiorra and I just want you to lighten up and you know get in tune with the twinkle fairy in you."
"I'm not a damn twinkle fairy, Shiro!"
"Ya are King and I've never been more proud!" With these words, the golden eyed male hugged Ichigo from behind. "You know I love ya King and ya love me too."
"…"
The pathetic excuse for a bed creaked
"Tell me what's on your mind Ichigo?"
"I don't have to since you already know."
Another sigh, "Look King it may seem like I'm just trying to embarrass you but I'm not."
"Then what are you trying to do?" Ichigo turned his head away from the wall and towards his cousin.
Shiro grinned and held him tighter before responding with, "Can't have a proper coming out party without decent eye candy ya know."
"Eye candy?"
"Course, ya didn't think me and Quiorra would really let some random guys claim your ass for no reason did ya?"
"Well-
"Stupid King! I would never do that to ya."
Ichigo couldn't help the sigh that slipped past his lips when he felt the familiar sensation of fingers running through his hair.
"See, ya can always trust me King."
"I know."
"But ya know none of this would have happened if ya had just listened to me back then."
"I-you don't understand it-it's complicated Shiro."
"Complicated in what way King?"
"…"
"I'm trying to be nice here Ichigo but even with this unique talent of mine I still don't know everything. What the hell happened? Why did ya suddenly change ya mind?"
"I uh-Ichigo shook his head "Forget it. It's in the past and I don't want to-it doesn't matter." He repeated yet again.
"But it does matter, much as it irritates me even til this day-ya had it bad for him-to the point where it was almost unhealthy."
Ichigo flinched as though Shiro had suddenly stung him.
"Not that I haven't had my fair share of obsessions but-
"I said forget it Shiro I just-it-argg it is what it is. I don't care what he did then or what he's doing right now."
'And yet the very thought of him makes me want to grin like an idiot and crawl under a rock at the same time.'
"Look King ya can sit there and try and lie to me just like ya did back then or ya can tell me the real reason why you and Ruki-chan suddenly decided to play boyfriend/girlfriend during the last week right before your high school graduation."
"It was a mutual agreement. Rukia was trying to please her grandfather, the man was such a hard ass and-well anyway it was the best way."
"Hn then what about Orihime?"
"We set it up where I would come over while her brother and grandfather were around and then once they left Inoue would come over and her and Rukia would do well er whatever it is two chicks in a relationship do."
Shiro snorted. "It won't kill you to say it King."
This was true but at the same time Ichigo didn't feel comfortable talking about-
"Anyway once Rukia completed her first year of college she moved in with Inoue and-
"Wait a minute if that's true then why did they continue with the formalities for so long-I mean shouldn't those two-
"Erm you know I hate to interrupt but-
"Go away Quiorra I'm having brother bondin' with King right now."
"I would but I can not do that right now."
"Why the hell not?"
The irritation which had suddenly entered Shiro's tone was crystal clear.
"Because-
But Ulquiorra never had a chance to finish his sentence-or if he had Ichigo hadn't heard it-he'd fallen into yet another memory of the past.
Said memory was more painful rather than pleasant…
()()
FLASHBACK
House parties…
That one occasion when stereotypes and cliques don't mean a damn thing because everyone just wants to have fun…is one way to put it…
Another would be…
Taking off your clothes and jumping into the swimming pool in your neighbors' backyard while said neighbor is on vacation.
Getting so shit faced that you wake up with your head in the toilet and find out you're wearing chick clothes.
Grabbing cookie trays from out of the cabinet and sliding down the stairs at a wild speed-your goal is to hit the cheap cans of beer lined up in a row but instead you wind up smashing your mom's priceless yet uber ugly vase and you freak out when you hear the door bell ring, thinking surely it must be the cops at the door.
But it's just the band-and once you realize this you regain your aura of coolness.
You're the guy who is hesitating right outside one of the spare bedroom doors, trying to get the up the courage to join the girl sitting on the bed inside the room-you ask your self 'are you really ready to lose the big V?'
Or maybe you're that one rare guy out of every million who has really only come here to pick up your intoxicated friend-such as the case with Ichigo.
He has only agreed to come to this place because it has always been damn near impossible to say no to his friends.
Plus the bond between him and Renji is still a bit shaky even though a whole year has passed since the tattooed redheads confession.
Ichigo no longer feels guilty but irritated by the situation.
Unrequited lust was nothing to cry over. Renji was being stupid!
Not that the redhead was crying exactly but that wasn't really the damn point.
Rather it was more like the cherry pineapple seemed skittish might not be the proper word-but seriously what else would he call-
Ichigo's attention is pulled away from his thoughts and up to a line of people gathered single file-which appears to be leading down the stairs and into the basement.
Curiosity getting the better of him he decides to find out what is going on.
He already feels a bit uneasy for reasons he can't quite explain.
Maybe because he's never seen so many redheads gathered at once. He doubts very few are natural, various hair dyes or wigs-which also irritates him.
In addition all of the redheads are guys like him.
The orange haired youth raises a brow before pushing his way through the line.
He'll apologize later.
()()()
It is not rocket science to figure out the scene that is being played out before him.
Teenage guys such as himself only get down on their knees for two reasons-1) beg, 2) perform oral service.
And there is nothing wrong with this except-
There is everything wrong with this picture.
Because it is not a girl and her boyfriend but two guys- not just random guys-rather 2 guys that Ichigo knows very well. For there is no way he could ever mistake the unique bone structure of his rival or the bright red hair belonging to one of his best friends.
Finding comfort in each other's arms?
Or could it be his rival has simply taken pity on his friend?
Either way Ichigo feels quite sick to his stomach. Especially when he remembers the line of redheads still waiting for their turns.
To service a pompous wannabe King-his one and only rival Grimmjow!
As if the blue haired bastard hasn't done enough to make his life so damn-
Ichigo wants to scream until his voice goes hoarse-wants to kick the living shit out of both his cocky rival and his stupid friend!
This far surpasses jealousy and betrayal.
Which is stupid because he never really had official claim on either one of them.
And yet the more he thinks about it the more his anger rises.
He knew his rival could be a dick-knew his rival was so obsessed with him but this?
Ichigo shakes his head.
Why does he always act so stunned by the evil things his rival does?
Why is he so willing to make excuse after excuse for the bastard?
How the hell can his number one rival settle for a bunch of stand ins?
How the hell can his friend kneel there and degrade himself like that?
Wasn't he supposed to be having his wounds licked by the pepto prince or whatever?
Ichigo stops his train of thought for a moment at the low groan issuing from his rivals mouth-
He is fuming fucking furious at this point but not just with the two idiots going at like zoo sluts-at himself because he can feel the all too familiar tell tale signs of reddening cheeks and rising-
Yeah best not go there.
Fuck what the hell is wrong with him?
He should not find anything about this scene even remotely-
And yet as it continues on-Ichigo begins to block out his friend and the moronic group of redheads on the stairs and just focuses on his rival-
A part of him really wants to just kill the guy! End all his troubles right here right now!
But another part-a part that has been haunting the orange haired youth for a good while now wishes that it was-
The sound of a door banging open followed by the sound-
"Grimm stop doing whatever the fuck it is your doing down there, ma just called she'll be home in like 30 minutes and you need to get off your ass and help me clean up this shit."
Ichigo looked at the top of the stairs-as far as he knew his rival didn't have any siblings plus principal Yamamoto also said that Grimmjow's mother had passed away so-
'Why the fuck should I care? I don't care what he d-
More fucking moans reached Ichigo's ears.
Bastard probably getting off on the idea that 'ma' was on her way home.
'Why the fuck am I still here. I need to leave-NOW!'
Ichigo has decided that he will call Rukia, she can come and pick up Renji's stupid ass-he's going to bed-or maybe he just won't go home at all but crash at Chado's or something.
He doesn't know, doesn't care. But he cannot stay here any longer.
()()()
Ichigo is pulled away from his memories at the sound of techno music?