It's taking too long to decide
And I don't want to be the one, the one
Crying over wasted time
If you think you're strong enough to let me in
Then come on
Stand up and be honest, be honest
I'm tired of feeling so alone
'Cause you won't let me understand
I don't wanna pretend
I wanna feel, I want to love
…..
I'm tired of holding on so tight
When you won't let me understand
Now I'm falling apart
I never meant to lose myself
…..
Like drops of rain against my heart
Cut through like silver
And I want to make you feel that way
And I want to make you feel the way that I do
Say you will or say you won't
Open your heart to me
Now or never, tell the truth
Is this real, is this real?
Say you will or say you won't
Open your heart to me
Now or never, tell the truth
Is this real, is this real?
Evanescence – Say You Will
It'd been a few days since Montana, and things have been somewhat back to normal. Dean was back to pretending like he was fine, like everything was okay. Sam was still trying to force things out of him every so often, adamant about trying to get him to talk.
I didn't push as hard, waiting for Dean to talk whenever he was ready. Which, knowing him, could be never. I couldn't get mad though. I knew it wasn't because he didn't want to speak to us, it's just how he is.
I came out of the bathroom, tightening the ponytail I'd just put my hair in as Dean threw things into a duffel bag, letting out a loud huff.
"Come on, Sam, I'm begging you. This is stupid."
Dean and I had spent the night alone together, and everything seemed pretty peaceful then. It was just the two of us, things were calm. We could relax.
Though the moment we got up and went to see what Sam was up to, that peace was shattered by Sam's idea to go and visit Mary's grave.
"Why?" Sam asked, already heading for the door with his own bag.
"Going to visit Mom's grave? She doesn't even have a grave." Dean said. "There- there was no body left after the fire."
"She has a headstone."
"Yeah, put up by her uncle, a man we've never even met. So you wanna, go pay your respects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger?"
"Dean, that's not the point."
"Well then, enlighten me, Sam."
"It's not about a body, or, or, a casket." Sam said, shrugging as a sad look covered his face. "It's about her memory, okay? And after Dad it just- just feels like the right thing to do."
"It's irrational, is what it is."
"Look, man. No one asked you to come."
"Why don't we swing by the roadhouse instead?" Dean asked, glancing over at me. "I mean, we haven't heard anything on the demon lately. We should be hunting that son of a bitch down."
"That's a good idea, you guys should do that. Just drop me off, I'll hitch a ride, and I'll meet you there tomorrow." Sam said.
"Right." Dean muttered. "Like we want to be stuck with those people, making awkward small talk until you show up? No thanks."
"Fine, then." Sam nodded, heading out to the car.
I made my way over to Dean's side, leaning my head against his arm. "Maybe this'll be good for you."
"Good for me?" Dean asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, Dean." I said, wrapping my arms around his. "You are allowed to mourn, you know."
"I don't need to...mourn. I'm fine." Dean shrugged, breaking away from me to grab his jacket.
"Okay." I murmured, slipping on my own jacket as Dean grabbed the bag off the bed, the two of us heading out to the Impala.
GRAVEYARD – DAY
The wind slowly blew through the trees scattered around the cemetery, the sunlight shining down on the thick grass through breaks in the clouds. Sam and I made our way over to Mary's headstone, leaving Dean by himself a good distance away. I tried to get him to come, but he wouldn't budge.
Sam knelt down in front of a headstone reading: Mary Winchester, 1954-1983, In Loving Memory. He dug a small hole in the ground with his knife, pulling a set of dog tags out of his pocket with a sigh.
"I think- I think Dad would have wanted you to have these." Sam muttered, placing them in the hole before smoothing the dirt over them. "I love you, Mom."
I couldn't help the tears that formed in my eyes, thinking about Mary. I knew from the times John did talk about her, and the little things Dean had told me, from what he remembered, that Mary was truly an amazing person. It saddens me that I'll never really get to meet her.
I took a few steps away from Sam, giving him a moment as he looked down at the headstone with tears in his eyes. I glanced behind me, seeing Dean staring down at another gravestone, a pensive look on his face. Taking a deep breath, he walked over to a dead tree, stopping in front of it.
I couldn't help but notice the perfect ring of dead grass surrounding the tree. It was a little unusual, but I'm sure there's an explanation for it. Though I could tell by the look on Dean's face, he thought there was something there.
I looked back behind me as I heard Sam's footsteps approach, shooting him a small smile. "You okay?"
"Yeah." Sam mumbled, taking a deep breath. "Where's Dean?"
I glanced over to him again, seeing Dean talking to a guy in a suit. "Over there."
"What is he doing?"
"I don't know." I shrugged. "Done already?"
"Yeah...yeah, I think so." Sam said. I nodded, glancing back down at the headstone one more time before walking towards Dean with Sam. Dean grabbed a card from the man he was speaking to, turning to us as he walked away.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"Angela Mason. She was a student at the local college. Her funeral was three days ago." Dean said.
"Okay."
"Okay? Did you see her grave? Everything was dead around it. In a perfect circle. You don't think that's a little weird?"
"Maybe the groundskeeper went a little agro with the pesticide." Sam shrugged.
"No, I asked him. No pesticide, no chemicals. Nobody can explain it."
"So what are you thinking?" I asked, moving in between the boys as we walked back to the Impala.
"I don't know. Unholy ground, maybe?" Dean suggested. Sam shot him a disbelieving look, shaking his head. "What? If something evil happened there, it could easily poison the ground. Remember the, the farm outside of Cedar Rapids?"
"Yeah." I nodded.
"Could be the sign of a demonic presence. Or this Angela girl's spirit, if it's powerful enough." Dean finished, glancing over at his brother, who hadn't responded. "Well, don't get too excited, you might pull something."
"It's just... stumbling onto a hunt? Here, of all places?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow.
"So?"
"So, are you sure this is about a hunt, and not about something else?"
"What else would it be about?"
Sam let out a loud huff, shaking his head as he got into the passenger side. "You know, just forget about it."
"You believe what you want, Sam, but I let you drag my ass out here. The least we could do is check this out."
"Yeah. Fine."
"Girl's dad works in town. He's a professor at the school."
"Okay." Sam nodded, shutting the door.
Dean glanced down at me, shaking his head. "Isn't this worth looking into?"
"Sure." I nodded, smiling up at him.
SCHOOL BUILDING – DAY
The three of us stood in front of Dr. Mason's office door, waiting as we heard his quiet footsteps move over to it, opening the door with a questioning look.
"Dr. Mason?" I asked, a small smile on my face.
"Yes?"
"Hi. I'm Tori, that's Sam and Dean." I said, nodding back to the boys. "We were friends of Angela's. We wanted to offer our condolences."
Dr. Mason nodded, stepped aside. "Please, come in."
We walked into the small, neat office. A few big bookshelves lining the walls next to a window, and plants on the windowsill. Dr. Mason gestured to the blue couch in the room for us. Sam and I took a seat as Dean went over to the bookshelf, looking through the books there.
Dr. Mason didn't waste much time, pulling out a photo album to show us pictures of his daughter. It was heartbreaking, really. The look on his face was so broken, it was sad.
"She was beautiful." Sam muttered, looking at the photo of the brunette.
"Yes, she was." Dr. Mason nodded.
"This is an unusual book." Dean said, showing us the cover of the book he was flipping through by one of the book shelves, nodding to the Greek letter carvings above a triangular shape.
"It's ancient Greek. I teach a course." Dr. Mason explained.
"We're sorry to bother you on such short notice, Dr. Mason." I said, letting out a breath. "It's just- the car accident. I mean, it was so sudden."
"Angie was only a mile away from home when, uh..."
"It's gotta be hard. Losing someone like that. Sometimes it's like they're still around. Almost like you can still sense their presence. You ever feel anything like that?" Dean asked. I stared over at him, worry clear in my eyes as Dean avoided them, looking back down to the book in his hands.
"I do, as a matter of fact." Dr. Mason said, tearing up.
"That's perfectly normal, Dr. Mason." I muttered, my eyes darting from him to Dean. "Especially with what you're going through, it's not easy."
"You know, I still call her. And the phone's ringing before I remember that, uh..." Dr. Mason stopped, looking down for a moment. "Family's everything, you know? Angie was the most important thing in my life. And now I'm just lost without her."
"We're very sorry." Sam said.
Dr. Mason clearly wanted to be left alone to grieve. I'm sure he didn't want to talk to strangers about his daughter right now, and we weren't finding much out from him anywhere. So, we didn't say much longer, leaving after that.
MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
We weren't back at the motel for very long before Sam wanted to pack up and leave, go out looking for a real job, a suggestion Dean didn't like too much.
I sat at the foot of one of the beds, feeling like I was at a tennis match as my eyes darted back and forth between Sam and Dean while they spoke in front of me.
"I'm telling you, there's something going on here." Dean said. "We just haven't found it yet."
"Dean, so far you've got a patch of dead grass and nothing." Sam argued.
"Well, something turned that grave into unholy ground."
"There's no reason for it to be unholy ground. Angela Mason was a nice girl who died in a car crash. That's not exactly vengeful spirit material. You heard her father."
"Yeah, well, maybe Daddy doesn't know everything there is to know about his little angel, huh?"
"You know what? We never should have bothered that poor man." Sam said, glancing down at me. "We shouldn't even be here anymore."
"So what? What, we just bail? Without even figuring out what's going on?" Dean asked, throwing his arms out to the side.
"I think I know what's going on here. It's the only reason I went along with you this far."
"What are you talking about?"
"This is about Mom's grave."
"That's got nothing to do with it." Dean scoffed, turning away from his brother.
"You wouldn't step within a hundred yards of it. Look, maybe you're imagining a hunt where there isn't one so you don't have to think about Mom. Or Dad." Sam said, bracing himself as Dean turned back around slightly. "You wanna take another swing? Go ahead, if it'll make you feel better."
"I don't need this crap." Dean muttered, grabbing his jacket and keys, heading for the door.
"Dean, where're you going?" Sam asked.
"I'm going to go get a drink. Alone."
"Dean, come on. Don't go." I said, standing to my feet.
"I just need some time by myself." Dean mumbled, shutting the door behind him.
"Great." I huffed, throwing my hands up, turning back to Sam. "Did you have to push it like that?"
"What?" Sam asked, his eyes widening. "Are you serious?"
"That isn't gonna work with Dean."
"So what, we just sit around and wait for him to talk?"
"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Sam, you should know that. If Dean's not gonna talk on his own, he's certainly not gonna do it when you force him."
"...I know." Sam huffed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "But something's eating away at him. Doesn't he get that we can see that?"
"I don't know. But I'll be honest, it does scare me." I admitted. "I want him to talk more than anything. But it has to be when he's ready."
"Yeah." Sam nodded, looking up at me. "I didn't hear the car start."
"Me either." I said, grabbing my jacket before heading over to the door. "I'll go check on him."
"See you later." Sam muttered as I slipped my jacket on, stepping outside.
The Impala was parked in the same spot as before, only now Dean was sitting behind the wheel, staring at the top of the building behind me. I made my way over to the passenger side, knocking lightly on the window. Dean's eyes snapped to mine as I opened the door, leaning inside.
"What happened to going out for a drink?"
"Oh, uh-" Dean paused, looking like he was wracking his brain for an excuse before he shrugged, a sheepish smile spreading across his face. "I figured you were gonna come out here...so I just, you know, waited."
"Aw." I smiled, sliding into the passenger seat. "That's cute. I thought you wanted to be alone."
Dean shook his head, letting out a sigh as he stared down at the steering wheel. I could see the battle going on inside of him, trying to decide if he should talk to me or not. In the end, I guess he decided against it, starting the car instead.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Well, I got Angela's address. Figured we could go check it out."
"We're gonna break into a dead girl's home? To do what?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Find more about her. And don't say it like that." Dean complained.
"How else should I say it?"
"Not like that. That makes it sound wrong."
"It is wrong, Dean." I said, an amused look on my face.
"Well, we gotta do it. Plus, it's not breaking in if you have keys." Dean said, pulling a set out of his pocket.
"How did you get those?" I asked, my eyes going wide
"Don't worry about it." Dean said, glancing over at me with a questioning look. "Listen, I really think there's something going on here."
"Yeah, I can see where you'd think that." I nodded.
"Oh, god." Dean groaned. "Don't tell me you believe what Sam's saying."
"I never said that."
"Do you?" Dean asked.
"Do I what?
"Believe him."
"No." I said, looking over at him. Dean raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing me. "...maybe. Only a little."
"Really?" Dean asked in disbelief.
"Dean, I don't know what to think anymore. I mean, when was the last time you actually told me how you were feeling?" I asked. Dean glanced down, looking back to the road as he drove.
"I'm just- I don't want to talk. There's nothing to talk about."
"Really? Nothing at all? You're never gonna talk about how you're feeling?"
"I- I don't know." Dean mumbled, his hands tightening on the steering wheel.
"Fine." I said, breathing out a sigh, letting it go like he wanted me to.
"Oh, come on. Don't do that."
"Do what, Dean?"
"Get mad."
"I'm not mad."
"You're not?" Dean asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No, I'm not mad." I said, folding my arms. "I'm frustrated and that's different."
"Oh, yeah, sure." Dean scoffed, shaking his head.
"All I want is for you to talk to me, and it doesn't matter how much I ask, you always brush it off."
"Can we not do this now?" Dean asked, looking over at me with sad eyes. "Please?"
I stared into his green eyes for a moment, seeing all the emotions swirling around there. Something was eating away at him and breaking him down inside. I didn't want to make it worse.
"Alright." I nodded.
"I'll talk about it, I will. Just- just not now."
"Okay." I muttered, placing a hand on his knee. "I'll be here for you."
"I know, Cherry Pie." Dean murmured, shooting me a small smile before turning back to the road.
In the end, I knew I had no right to push him. Not when I, myself had things I was holding back that were bothering me. Why would it be right for me to force Dean into talking when I wouldn't myself?
ANGELA'S HOME – DAY
Dean and I slowly entered the apartment, closing the door quietly behind us as we made our way through the living room. I picked up a framed picture of Angela and another dark-haired girl sitting on the end table beside the couch, seeing the reflection of a brunette standing behind us.
I smacked Dean on the arm, nodding to the girl as we turned to face her. She stared at us for a moment before running back into the bathroom behind her, shutting herself in.
"Wait, hold on!" Dean called.
"Who the hell are you?"
"Uh-"
"I'm calling 9-1-1!"
"We're Angela's cousins!" Dean stuttered out, glancing over at me with a shrug.
"What?" The girl asked, her voice sounding a little less fearful than before.
"Yeah, her dad sent us over to, uh, pick up her stuff."
The girl opened the door slightly, peaking out at us. "Her dad didn't say that you were coming."
"Well, I mean, how else would I have the key to your place?" Dean asked, holding up the keys with an awkward laugh.
"What are your names?"
"We are, uh, Alan and Gail...Stanwyk?" Dean nodded. It came out like more of a question though, his tone sounding extremely unsure. I grimaced at the names, thankful that the girl either didn't put enough thought into it, or simply didn't get it.
"I'm Lindsey." She muttered, walking all the way out of the bathroom. "Angela never mentioned you."
"Well, we mostly hung out when we were kids." I said. "We haven't seen her in a while."
"Oh." Lindsey nodded, moving into the kitchen.
"Nice one." Dean whispered, leaning down towards me.
"Thanks, Alan."
"I couldn't come up with anything else, okay? I panicked." Dean muttered. I glanced up at him, an exasperated look on my face as I rolled my eyes.
"Can I get you anything?" Lindsey asked, peaking around the wall.
"Oh, no, we're fine thanks." I replied, walking over to her as she moved to the couch in the living room.
"I put together a little box of Angela's books and CD's out here, if you want to take those. Having them around is too sad for me."
"Oh, yeah, sure." I nodded, taking the small box from her.
"Hey, so, I'm sure you got a view of Angela that none of the family got to see." Dean muttered. "What- what was she like? I mean, what was she really like?"
"She was great. Just great." Lindsey shrugged, slowly sinking down to the couch. "I mean, she was so...so..."
"Great." Dean finished.
"Yeah. Yeah..." Lindsey mumbled, tears filling her eyes as she threw her head into her hands, sobs starting to wrack her body.
I shared a worried glance with Dean, pushing the box into his hands, reaching over to the small coffee table to grab a tissue before sitting down next to Lindsey, handing it to her. She grabbed it quickly, sobbing even harder.
"You two must have been really close, huh?" I asked.
"We were. But it's not just her, it's Matt."
"Who?" Dean asked, sitting beside me.
"Angela's boyfriend."
"Right, Matt. What about him?"
"He killed himself last night. He cut his own throat." Lindsey told us. My eyes widened at the news as she continued. "Who does that?"
"That's terrible." I mumbled.
"He was taking Angela's death pretty hard, and I guess...I mean, he'd been messed up about it for days."
"Messed up how?" Dean asked.
"He kept saying that he saw her everywhere." Lindsey said, wiping a tear from her cheek with the tissue.
"Well, I'm sure that that's normal. I mean, with everything that he was going through."
"No, he said that he saw her." Lindsey muttered, her eyes going wide. "As in, an acid trip or something."
"Were Angela and Matt a happy couple?" Dean asked. "I mean, is there any reason that Angela would be angry with him?"
"What? No, of course not, why do you ask?"
"Just asking." Dean shrugged, sharing a quick look with me. "Where did Matt live?"
After Lindsey gave us Matt's address, we left, giving her some story about how we'd be back later for some of her other stuff. To be honest, I had gotten so good at lying since being with the Winchester's, I almost didn't even realize when I was doing it.
"So, you think Angela killed Matt?" I asked, getting in the passenger side of the Impala, the box still in my lap. I almost felt bad taking this box of Angela's things with me, but I had no other choice.
Maybe we could sneak them back inside.
"I'd say so. I mean, why would Matt kill himself?" Dean asked, looking through the box.
"I don't know." I mumbled, watching him pull out a small, pink book. He grimaced at it, flipping through the pages. "You shouldn't look through her things."
"Yeah, yeah." Dean murmured, staring intently at the pages.
"Dean?"
"Huh."
"Dean." I repeated, knowing he wasn't paying any attention to me at all, his nose shoved in the book. I let out a sigh, ripping the diary out of his hands.
"Hey!" Dean exclaimed, reaching for the book. I shook my head, shoving it back into the box before placing it by my feet on the floor of the car.
"You're seriously snooping through a dead girl's diary?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm doing research."
"Oh, please. Come on, let's go."
"But-"
"Dean."
"Fine." Dean huffed playfully, starting the car.
MATT'S APARTMENT – DAY
Dean and I successfully got into Matt's apartment, we'd only been here for a little bit just looking through some things to see if we could find anything.
"So, Dean...can I ask you a question?"
"Sure." Dean nodded from across the room. "What is it?"
"Will you answer?"
"Depends on what the question is."
I let out a small sigh, glancing down the ground before meeting his eyes again. "Why didn't you want to visit Mary's grave?"
Dean let out a breath, looking away for a moment as he thought through what he was about to say. "I just- I don't see the point."
"You don't think it'll help you in any way?"
"Looking at a headstone isn't gonna bring her back, is it?"
"No, but-"
"I know that's not the point." Dean muttered. "I just don't see how doing that would help me. If anything, it'd probably just remind me that she isn't here. Make me think about it more than I already do."
"I understand." I nodded, feeling his sadness. "I'm sorry if I'm being pushy, Dean. I just want to help as much as I can."
"I know, Cherry Pie." Dean smiled, going back to the stack of books he was looking through. I moved over to the window, noticing a large, dead plant sitting in a pot there.
"Hey, look at this." I muttered, poking one of the leaves. "It's dead."
"Maybe Matt didn't have a green thumb." Dean smirked, walking over to me.
"Hey, unholy ground was your theory, right?" I asked, turning back to him.
"Yeah. But why would this place be unholy ground?"
"Who knows? Matt was seeing Angela. Maybe she was here?"
"She just died though, would her spirit be that strong?"
"I have no idea. All I know is, Angela is the only person that's died in this town within the past week. Look at her gave. All this, it has to be her." I said. A small smile spread across Dean's lips as he stared down at me. "What?"
"So, you believe me?"
"Yes."
"I'm not imagining things? You know there's something here."
"No, Dean. I believe you. There's something here." I sighed, rolling my eyes as gave him a tiny smile. "Come on, lets get out of here."
Dean nodded, shooting me a big, cocky grin before pulling me out of the apartment.
MOTEL – DAY
Dean and I made our way up the small hallway, moving towards the room we'd been staying in. I left the box of Angela's things in the Impala, because the thought of having them in the room with us made me uncomfortable. It just seemed wrong.
I went to unlock the door, hearing a girl's loud moan coming from inside the room. I quickly stepped back, sharing a wide-eyed look with Dean as he stared at the door with an open mouth.
"No way." Dean mumbled, grabbing the keys from me. "There's no way."
"Dean, maybe we shouldn't-" I started, but he didn't listen, throwing the door open.
I saw flashes of naked women making out on the TV before Sam quickly scrambled for the remote, turning it off. Dean and I paused there for a moment, both of us letting out a revealed breath before sharing an amused look with each other as Sam tried to act normal – like he wasn't just watching porn.
"Hey." Sam mumbled. Dean moved around me, taking slow steps into the room as he glanced between his brother and the TV. "What?"
"Awkward."
"Sam, you could've called and told us to leave you alone for a bit longer." I chuckled.
"How was I supposed to know where you were?" Sam asked, rolling his eyes.
"Thought you had a girl in here for a minute." Dean muttered, shaking his head with a grin. "Should've known better."
"Where in the hell were you guys?" Sam spat, trying to ignore his brother's jabs and change the subject.
"Working my imaginary case." Dean said.
"Yeah? And?"
"Well, you were right, we didn't find much." Dean shrugged, raising an eyebrow at Sam as he nodded sympathetically. "Except – Angela's boyfriend died last night. Slit his own throat. But, you know, that's normal. Uh, let's see, what else…oh, he was seeing Angela everywhere before he died. But you know, I'm sure that's just me transferring my own feelings."
"Okay, I get it." Sam said. "I'm sorry, maybe there is something going on here."
"Maybe? Sam, I know how to do my job, despite what you might think."
"We should check out the guy's apartment."
"We just came from there." I said, sitting at the table. "All the plants in the house were dead."
"So, unholy ground?" Sam asked.
"Maybe. I'm still not getting that powerful angry spirit vibe from Angela." Dean said, pulling the small, pink diary from his back pocket. "I have been reading this, though."
"I thought I told you to stop reading that." I said.
"Yeah, well, it's the only thing we've got right now if we want to find out more about sweet, little Angela." Dean said, flipping through the pagers. "And after reading some of this...well, if you ask me, the girl's a little too nice."
"So, what do you want to do?"
"Keep digging, talk to more of her friends."
"You get any names?" Sam asked.
"Are you kidding me? I have her bestest friend in the whole wide world." Dean smiled, holding up the diary before cracking it open to read some more.
I swear, he was enjoying reading that just a little too much.
NEIL'S HOUSE – DAY
"I didn't realize the college employed grief counselors." Neil – a small, timid looking guy – muttered, standing in front of us in the hallway leading from his front door to his living room.
"Oh, yeah. Yeah, you talk, we listen." Dean said, a small smile on his face. "Or maybe throw in a little therapeutic collage, whatever jump-starts the healing."
"Well, I think I'm okay. Thanks."
"You heard what happened to Matt Harrison, right?" I asked.
"Yeah, I did." Neil nodded, glancing down.
"We just wanted to make sure you were okay. Grief can make people do crazy things sometimes."
"Look, I'm sorry about what happened to him. I am. But if Matt killed himself it wasn't 'cause of grief."
"No?" Dean asked. "Then why?"
"It was guilt. Angie's death was Matt's fault and he knew it."
"How was Matt responsible?" Sam asked.
"Well, she really loved that guy. But the night of the accident she walked in on him with another girl. She was really torn up, that's why she crashed the car." Neil explained, a slight tinge of anger floating around his dark eyes. He closed them for a moment, shaking his head before looking up at us with a sigh. "Um, look...I gotta get ready for work, so thanks for the concern, but...seriously, I'll be okay."
I shared a suspicious look with the boys before turning back to Neil, nodding to him with a small smile. "Okay. Have a good day."
"You too." Neil nodded, leading us back back to his front door. As soon as we stepped out onto his front porch, he quickly closed the door.
"He wanted us out of there pretty quick, huh?" Sam asked as we started back down the sidewalk towards the car.
"Yeah." I agreed, glancing back at the house.
"Either way, that vengeful spirit theory's starting to make a little more sense." Dean said, glancing over to me. "I mean, hell hath no fury..."
"Well, if Angela got her revenge on Matt, do you think it's over?" I asked.
"Well, there's one way to be sure."
"How?"
"Burn the bones." Dean said simply, moving to get in the car. I quickly stopped him as Sam stared over at his brother with a blank expression.
"Are you high or something?" I asked, holding onto his arm.
Dean stared down at my hand for a moment before looking back into my eyes, his eyebrows raised. "...what?"
"Burn the bones?" I repeated.
"Yeah?" Dean asked, looking between Sam and I.
"Angela died last week!" Sam exclaimed.
"So?"
"So, there aren't gonna be any bones." I said. "There's gonna be a decaying body in that coffin, Dean."
"Since when are you afraid to get dirty?" Dean asked, a smirk on his lips as he winked at me, breaking out of my grasp to slide into the car.
"No, Dean." I muttered, Sam and I quickly following him into the car as he started it. "This a whole new low, okay? We can't do this."
"What else are we supposed to do?"
"Anything else." I mumbled as Dean started the car, pulling it out into the street.
It was obvious my pouting wasn't getting anywhere. Dean wasn't about to stop and try to think of something different we could do – something that wouldn't involve digging up a rotting corpse.
All I know is, we're not doing this.
GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
"I can't believe we're doing this." I muttered, holding the flashlight for Sam and Dean as they dug the through the dirt above Angela's coffin.
"You think I like doing this?" Dean huffed, glancing up at me as he wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his sleeve.
"In a weird way, yeah."
"Shut up." Dean mumbled, going back to digging until he hit something solid with his shovel, leaning down to clear the dirt off. "Well, look at that."
"Great." I nodded, the three of us just staring, waiting for the other to make a move.
Dean lightly punched Sam's shoulder, nodding to the coffin. "Ladies first."
Sam rolled his eyes, letting out an annoyed huff as he braced himself over the coffin, pulling off the lid. The three of us trying to prepare ourselves for what we were about to see, but I know neither one of us thought of this as an option.
I slowly looked over at the boys, finding them staring down into the coffin with a similar expression to mine. Shock. The coffin was empty.
"They buried the body four days ago." Dean said.
"I don't get it." I murmured, gently jumping into the grave with them. I inspected the coffin a little closer, seeing a few faint symbols carved into the inside. "Look. What is that?"
"I'm not sure." Sam mumbled, shaking his head.
"I've seen these kind of symbols before." Dean said, staring down at them.
After I got Dean a pen and some paper, he copies the symbols onto it and was suddenly rushing to get out of here, trying to hide the layer of anger beneath the surface. Though I could tell something was wrong with him, something about this upset him and made his whole mood shift.
I just couldn't seem to figure out what it was.
DR. MASON'S OFFICE – DAY
Dean pounded hard on the door, annoyance and irritation flowing off him in waves. I watched him closely, seeing how agitated he was getting as the seconds passes.
"Dean, relax." I murmured, trying to calm him down.
Dr. Mason opened the door, looking a little surprised to see us. "You're Angie's friends, right?"
Sam nodded, his voice calm. "Dr. Mason..."
"We need to talk." Dean snapped, practically pushing his way into the room.
"Well, then, come in." Dr. Mason muttered, stepping aside for us.
"Thank you." I nodded, staying closely to Dean as he stomped around the office.
"What can I do for you?" Dr. Mason asked, the sadness still in his eyes as he looked between the three of us.
"You teach Ancient Greek. Tell me what are these?" Dean asked, holding out a piece of paper that he'd copies the symbols onto.
"I don't understand." Dr. Mason said, shaking his head. "I thought this had something to do with Angela."
"It does. Please, just humor me."
"They're part of an ancient Greek divination ritual."
"Used for necromancy, right?" Dean asked, his edge getting sharper and sharper.
"That's right."
"See, before we came over here we stopped by the library and did a little homework ourselves. Apparently they used rituals like this one for communicating with the dead. Even bringing corpses back to life. Full-on zombie action."
"Yes. I mean, according to the legends." Dr. Mason said, his face a mixture of sadness and curiosity. "Now, what's all this about?"
"I think you know." Dean snapped.
"Dean." Sam muttered, shaking his head.
"Look, I get it, okay? There are people that I would give anything to see again." Dean said, ignoring his brother. "But what gives you the right?"
"Dean, stop it." I said,
"What are you talking about?" Dr. Mason asked, clearly confused.
"What's dead should stay dead!" Dean exclaimed. I was about to say something when what he said registered and I stopped, staring up at him with confusion.
"What?!"
"Stop it!" Sam called, trying to stop his brother.
"What you brought back isn't even your daughter anymore." Dean said. "These things are vicious, they're violent, they're so nasty they rot the ground around them. I mean, come on, haven't you seen Pet Cemetery?"
"You're insane." Dr. Mason muttered, shaking his head.
"Where is she?" Dean asked, taking a step towards Dr. Mason.
"Get out of my house." Dr. Mason uttered, pulling his phone out to quickly dial a number.
"I know you're hiding her somewhere." Dean said, harshly knocking the phone out of Dr. Mason's hands, an angry look on his face. I exchanged a surprised look with Sam as Dean stalked forward. "Where is she?!"
"Dean, stop!" I exclaimed, roughly pushing him away from Dr. Mason. Sam stepped over to us as I moved to stand in front of Dean, looking up into his eyes while he stared over at Dr. Mason angrily. "Stop it."
"She has to be-"
"Dean! Enough!" I yelled, something on the windowsill catching my eye as I grabbed Dean's chin, forcing him to look down at me before directing him to the line of healthy plants by window. "Look."
Dean slowly looked away from the plants, glancing down to the ground as Sam turned back towards Dr. Mason.
"I'm sorry, we- we're leaving." Sam muttered.
"I'm calling the police." Dr. Mason said, picking up his phone again.
Dean swallowed hard, moving away from me to storm towards the door, whipping it open, slamming it shut behind him.
"We won't bother you again. I'm sorry." I apologized again, feeling truly bad for what just happened. Dr. Mason just stared at me, calling the cops as Sam and I rushed out to find Dean before he got too far away from us.
"What the hell was that?" Sam asked as we made our way out of the building, trying to catch up to Dean.
"I have no idea, Sam. I don't know if I've ever seen him that angry before." I muttered, trying to calm the erratic breathing that started inside me the moment we left that office.
SIDEWALK – NIGHT
Outside in the cool night air, I finally felt as though I could breath right again, but the panic from what I'd witnessed before still sat heavily in my chest. A few feet away from us, I spotted Dean stalking down the sidewalk. It wasn't hard for me to see that he was still furious just from the steps he was taking.
"Okay, Sam, we should just take this in stride, you know?" I asked, looking up at him as we following behind Dean. "Stay calm an-"
"What the hell is the matter with you, Dean?" Sam barked, moving faster to catch up to his brother.
I froze in place for a moment, watching after him with wide eyes as he completely ignored me. I took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly as I jogged a bit to catch up with them.
"Back off." Dean spat, barely even looking back at Sam.
"That man is innocent!" Sam exclaimed. "He didn't deserve that!"
"Okay, so she's not here. Maybe he's keeping her somewhere else."
"Stop it! That's enough, okay? Enough!"
"Sam, I know what I'm doing." Dean argued.
"No, you don't. At all." Sam said, standing in front of Dean to stop him from walking. "Dean, I don't scare easy, but man, you're scaring the crap out of me."
"Don't be over-dramatic, Sam." Dean mumbled, rolling his eyes as he stopped to look back at me. "I'm not scaring you, am I?"
"Well..." I paused, trying to think of a way to explain how I was feeling. The way he was acting did scare me, but only for the fact that I was worried about him losing his mind. "I'm not scared of you."
Dean let out a low huff, shaking his head as he continued down the sidewalk. Sam glanced back at me, moving a little faster to catch up with Dean again.
"You're lucky this turned out to be a real case. Because if it wasn't, you would have just found something else to kill."
"Wha-"
"You're on edge, you're erratic – except for when you're hunting, because then you're downright scary. You're tailspinning, man. And you refuse to talk about it and you won't let either of us help you." Sam said, gesturing to me.
Dean stared across the street, glancing between Sam and I for a moment. "I can take care of myself, thanks."
"No, you can't. And you know what? You're the only one who thinks you should have to. You don't have to handle this on your own, Dean. No one can."
"Sam, if you bring up Dad's death one more time I swear-"
"Stop. Please, Dean, it's killing you. Please. I've lost Jessica-" Sam pleaded, a sad look in his eyes. "-we've already lost Dad. We've lost Mom. And now we're going to lose you, too?"
"We better get out of here before the cops come." Dean mumbled, looking towards the ground as Sam frowned at him. Dean let out a sigh, kicking the ground a few times before looking up. "I hear you. Okay? Yeah, I'm being an ass. And I'm sorry. But right now we've got a fucking zombie running around, and we need to figure out how to kill it."
A small smile spread across Sam's lips as he shook his head. "Our lives are weird, man."
"You're telling me?" Dean said, glancing back at me as Sam made his way to the Impala. "Coming?"
"Of course." I nodded, walking up to his side, a small smile on my face.
MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
I sat at the small table by the window, looking through some things on the laptop in front of me as Sam looked over John's journal on one of the beds, the both of us trying to ignore Dean's pacing as we read.
"We can't just waste it with a head shot?" Dean asked.
"Dude, you've been watching way too many Romero flicks." Sam commented, shaking his head.
"You're telling me there's no lore on how to smoke them?" Dean asked, sitting heavily in the chair next to me.
"No, there's just too much. I mean, there's a hundred different legends on the walking dead, but they all have different methods for killing them." I told him.
"Some say setting them on fire. One was, uh, feed their hearts to wild dogs. That's my personal favorite." Sam muttered, a small smile on his face. "I mean, who knows what's real and what's myth?"
"Is there anything they all have in common?" Dean asked, glancing over at me.
"Nope. But a few said silver might work."
"Silver's a start."
"I guess." I shrugged. "How are we gonna find Angela?"
"We've got to figure out the person who brought her back."
"Any ideas?" Sam asked.
"I think if it's not her dad, it might be that guy Neil." Dean said, moving across the room to grab the little pink diary.
"He was acting a little strange." I agreed.
"But what would make you think he did it?" Sam asked.
"Well, you've got your journal, I've got mine." Dean smirked, opening the diary to read from one of the pages in a soft, feminine voice. "Neil's a real shoulder to cry on, he so understands what I'm going through with Matt." I raised an eyebrow at him, smiling as he shut the book. "There's more in here where that came from. It's got unrequited ducky love written all over it."
"It makes sense if you think of it that way." I nodded.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he brought her back from the dead." Sam pointed out. "He wouldn't even know how."
"Did I mention he's Professor Mason's TA? Has access to all the same books." Dean said, grabbing his jacket, moving towards the door before Sam or I could respond.
"You think we should go along with this?" Sam asked.
"Sam, I know Dean has been going through a lot. But he does know what he's doing with this stuff." I shrugged, standing up. "And hey, it's our only lead."
NEIL'S HOUSE – NIGHT
I glancing over my shoulder, watching behind us as Sam picked the lock on the door, opening it slowly to reveal a dark house. I turned on my flashlight as the three of us crept inside through the darkness, trying not to knock anything over in the process.
"Hello? Neil?" Dean called as he pulled his gun out. "It's your grief counselors, we've come to hug."
"Silver bullets?" Sam asked, looking down at the gun.
"Yeah, enough to make her rattle like a change purse."
Dean took the lead, slowly making his way through the house with Sam and I behind. I glanced around, seeing the dead plants on the windowsill illuminated by the moonlight shining in.
Dean stopped at a door, nodding over to it. "Unless it's where he keeps his porn..."
I stood a cautious step forward, opening the door slowly. Deans started down the stairs, moving down into the empty basement.
"Sure looks like a zombie pen to me." Dean muttered.
"Yeah. An empty one. You think Angela's going after somebody?" Sam asked.
"Nah, I think she went out to rent Beaches."
"Look, smartass, she might kill someone." Sam said. "We gotta find her, Dean."
Dean nodded, looking around as I spotted a loose grate across the room, moving over to pull it aside. I crouched down, looking into the empty space that seemed to lead nowhere.
"I think I found her doggy door." I mumbled, looking back at the boys as I stood. "So, I was thinking...she killed Matt because he was cheating, right?"
"Yeah." Sam nodded.
"Well, someone else would be involved there."
"Good point." Dean said with a shrug. "Takes two to have hardcore sex."
"Uh, yeah...right." I said, looking over at him with a nod as Sam shook his head.
"You know, now that you say that...didn't it seem like Angela's roommate was really broken up over Matt's death? I mean, like, really broken up."
"Come on, we gotta try and beat Angela there." I said, moving back up the stairs with Sam and Dean behind me.
LINDSEY'S HOUSE – NIGHT
Just as we entered the house, Angela was already attacking Lindsey, grabbing her by the hair, pulling her head to the side as she went to stab a pair of scissors into her neck. Dean quickly shot a few rounds into Angela, causing her to stumbled back, her body starting to convulse. Dean shot again, the bullet landing right in her chest. Angela let out a loud scream, jumping though the large window in the living room.
Dean and I took off after Angela as Sam went over to Lindsey, trying to comfort her. We ran outside through the broken window, moving a good distance away from the house when we realized we'd lost her.
"Dammit!" Dean exclaimed, his breathing heavy as we stopped running, glancing around. "That dead chick can run."
"What now?" I asked, looking back at him.
"I say we go have a little chat with Neil."
HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Dean sat in the driver seat, as always, driving the Impala down the dark road as we made our way to Neil's house. Sam leafed through John's journal in the passenger seat, reading up on a few more things.
"So the silver bullets, they did something, right?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, something – but not enough." Dean said. "What else you got?"
"Um, okay. Besides silver, we have...nailing the undead back into their gravebeds. It's mentioned a few times. It's probably where the whole vampire staking lore came from." Sam said, looking up at his brother.
"Their gravebeds? You serious?"
"Yeah."
"How the hell are we gonna get Angela back to the cemetery?" I asked, looking between the boys.
"We'll figure something out." Dean said, a determined look in his eyes. "We have to."
I couldn't help but notice the slight undertone of anger he had in him now. It hadn't faded since we'd left Dr. Mason's office and no matter how hard he tried to hide it, I could still tell.
NEIL'S OFFICE – NIGHT
Neil sat in the dark office, his back facing the door as he stared out the window. The three of us entered, watching him for a moment before he heard us, whipping his chair around quickly, his eyes going wide.
"What are you guys doing here?"
"We're just here to talk, Neil. You know, counsel you." I said, staring down at him. "Because, god knows you need it. You need some kind of help."
"What?" Neil asked, furrowing his brow.
"You know, I've heard of people doing some pretty desperate things to get laid, but you – you take the cake." Dean said, chuckling lightly.
"Okay. Who are you guys?"
"You might want to ask Angela that question."
"What?"
"We know what you did." Sam said. "The ritual? Everything."
"You're crazy." Neil scoffed.
"Your girlfriend's past her expiration date and we're crazy? When someone's gone, they should stay gone." Dean said. Again, that caught my attention. The way he said it, it just bothered me. "You don't mess with that kind of stuff."
"Angela killed Matt. She tried to kill Lindsey." Sam told him.
I don't know what you're talking about." Neil muttered. Dean quickly stomped over to the deck, hauling Neil up by the collar of his shirt.
"No more crap, Neil. His blood is on your hands. Now, the three of us, we can make this right. But you've gotta tell us where she is." Dean said, staring intently at Neil, who swallowed nervously. "Tell us!"
"My house." Neil said nervously. "She's at my house."
Dean let him go, pushing him back slightly as he did so. I saw Dean's eyes drift around the room for a moment before returning to Neil's. "You sure about that?"
Neil nodded quickly, his eyes darting over to Sam and I for a moment before returning to Dean. I followed Dean's eyesight to a closed closet door on the wall behind Neil.
"Listen. It doesn't really matter where she is. There's only one way to stop her. We've got to perform another ritual over her grave, to reverse the one that you did. We're going to need some black root, some- some scar weed, some candles." Dean spouted off, shaking his head when Neil looked at him with confused eyes. "It's very complicated, but it'll get the job done. She'll be dead again in a couple hours. I think you should come with us."
Neil started to shake his head, but stopped as Dean took a step towards him again, leaning down slightly. "I'm serious, Neil. Leave with us. Right now."
"No. No."
"Listen to me. Get out of here as soon as you can. But most of all, be cool. No sudden movements. Don't make her mad." Dean said quietly, standing back upright as he turned to us. "Let's go."
I glanced back at Neil, seeing stare over at the door Dean was eying before as Sam and I followed him out, back down to the Impala so we could head over to the graveyard.
GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
We'd only been here for a little bit, but Sam and Dean already got the coffin out while I placed another candle on the ground in the circle I'd made with them before digging around the bag for the lighter.
"You really think this is going to work?" I asked, looking up at Dean.
"No, not really." Dean shrugged as Sam scowled. "But it was the only thing I could come up with."
Just then, there was the sound of a branch breaking in the distance. Sam took a deep breath, pulling his gun out as he walked in the direction the sound came from. I watched until he was out of sight before heading a few feet away from Angela's grave.
I could only hope this'll work.
"Wait! It's not what you think." Angela muttered, her voice echoing through the graveyard. "I didn't ask to be brought back. But it's still me. I'm still a person. Please."
I heard the sound of a gunshot a few seconds after she finished talking, followed by a loud scream. In the distance, I saw Sam running towards us, booking it as Angela chased him. She suddenly tackled him, pulling his head back. I quickly fired at her, calling her attention over to me. She stood up quickly, staring over at me with furious eyes.
I shot her a few more times, each bullet causing her to stumble backwards until she hit the edge of her grave, falling back into the coffin. Dean quickly jumped into the grave, burying the stake into her chest. I made my way over to Sam, helping him to his feet as Angela screamed.
"Wait, don't!"
Dean pushed the steak further into her without another word, and Angela let out a loud gasp as silence fell over us. Dean stood upright, staring down at the coffin.
"What's dead should stay dead."
Sam and Dean were just about finished packing the dirt back into the grave, smoothing the surface as I got our things back into the few bags we brought over here with us. Once they were done, I threw the bags over my shoulder, moving over to their sides as they carried their shovels.
"Rest in peace." Sam murmured.
"Yeah." Dean nodded. "For good this time, okay?"
The three of us turned away from the patch of dirt, making our way back to the Impala.
"You know, that whole fake ritual thing, luring Angela into the cemetery? Pretty sharp." Sam said.
"Thanks." Dean muttered.
"But did we have to use me as bait?"
"I figured you were more her type. You know, she had pretty crappy taste in guys." Dean commented, a grin on his face.
"I think she broke my hand." Sam mumbled, holding out his hand for me to look at. It was a little bruised, but nothing too bad.
"We'll get it checked out." I said, bumping my shoulder into his arm.
After walking a bit more, Dean paused, looking back at his mother's grave, staring over at it for a moment.
I walked over to him, placing a hand on his arm. "Wanna stay for a little bit?"
Dean swallowed hard, shaking his head. "No."
"Okay." I nodded, wrapping my arm around his as we started walking again.
Once at the Impala, we dropped the things in the trunk. Dean immediately slid into the driver seat, staring the car before Sam or I even got close to getting inside.
This whole job just felt wrong from the beginning and something was bothering Dean a lot more than before. But he wasn't gonna talk, and I didn't have the right to try and make him.
HIGHWAY – DAY
We'd been driving for about an hour now, the whole time spent in silence. Dean never put a tape in, or even turned on the radio. Neither one of us spoke, something in the air telling us not to. Sam kept glancing nervously at Dean. Every so often, I'd catch Dean's eyes in the rear-view mirror, seeing the torn look in his eyes.
Suddenly, Dean pulled the Impala over to the side of the road, throwing it in park as he got out. I shared a stunned look with Sam before the two of us jumped out after him.
"Dean, what's wrong?" I asked, watching as he sat on the truck, his back facing us.
"What is it?" Sam asked.
A long paused fell over us before Dean took in a deep breath. "I'm sorry."
"You- for what?" Sam asked.
"The way I've been acting." Dean muttered. I made my way over to him, sitting down next to him on the trunk as Sam stood to his other side. Dean glanced up at him, looking back down. "And for Dad. I mean, he was your dad too. And it's my fault that he's gone."
"What are you talking about?"
"I know you've been thinking it. So have I. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Back at the hospital, I made a full recovery." Dean said, looking between Sam and I. "It was a miracle. And five minutes later Dad's dead and the Colt's gone."
I felt my heart drop as I realized something. How much of a part I played in all of this.
Dean looked back to the ground, and thankfully not into my eyes. He'd know right away that something was wrong with me. I had no idea Dean felt the way he did, but I shouldn't have been so stupid to think he would never figure out why he was miraculously healed of all his severe, life-threatening injuries. I don't know what I thought was going to happen.
"Dean-"
"You can't tell me there's not a connection there." Dean said, stopping Sam. "I don't know how the demon was involved. I don't know how the whole thing went down exactly. But Dad's dead because of me. And that much I do know."
"We don't know that. Not for sure."
"Listen. Tori, you and Dad...you're the most important people in my life. And now..." Dean paused, tears flowing down his cheeks. I felt my heart break as Dean's voice cracked with emotion. "I never should've come back. It wasn't natural. And now look what's come of it. I was dead. And I should have stayed dead."
A beat of silence passed as Dean took a deep breath, glancing up to me. I quickly diverted my eyes, not looking at him as he continued. "You two wanted to know how I was feeling...well, that's it. So, tell me, what could you possibly say to make that alright?"
I let out a sigh, staring off across the highway as a million thoughts swirled through my mind.
How did I not fully realize this before? How could I have been so blind? How could I not have seen how much of a hypocrite I was being? Trying to get Dean to talk about how he was feeling when I was keeping a huge secret from the both of them.
I knew deep down what was about to happen when John explained what he was going to do, something inside telling me it would end horribly. And while I didn't agree with his plan, while I thought it was crazy – I didn't really try everything I could to stop him, either. Instead, I sat back and did nothing while he went and made a deal with a demon.
In a million years, I never would've thought what happened would even be possible and it kills me, because I never wanted John to get hurt. I loved him and I never wanted anything bad to happen to him. And while the idea of that deal scared me, I was all too willing to let it happen, to risk the fears I had coming true – stomping down the unsettled, nervous feelings inside - telling myself over and over again that the demon would only want the Colt and nothing else.
That it would be that simple.
Because I was selfish and I couldn't imagine a life without Dean. I couldn't fathom him not being here anymore. I loved him too much, he was everything to me. And now, the person I loved more than anything was suffering more than I'd ever seen. Now he carried all this guilt, and I couldn't help but feel like it was partly my fault.
As small as some may think it is, I did have a part in John's death.
And in the end of it all, there was no getting around the fact that I was just a coward. Too scared to tell them the truth now that I realize it. Afraid they'd hate me for it, afraid they'd never trust me again. Though, I wouldn't blame them. How could I?
I was never nervous about talking to Dean, not ever. He was always the person I felt that I could speak to about anything, no matter what it was. And I wanted desperately to tell him about this. To pour my heart out, to try and get him to see the way I was thinking in those moments – hoping he'd understand.
But now- now that I really know how he feels about what happened back in that hospital...I just didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to say it. I didn't know how to sit the both of them down and tell them I let their father go make a deal with a demon.
At the same time, I knew I couldn't go much longer lying to them either. It would eat away at me.
But it wouldn't be so bad if I just took some time to be there for Dean after this, right? Some time to think everything though and decide how I was going to tell them and ruin their trust in me. All I needed was a few days...
That wouldn't be so bad, right?
Poor things :(
Another chapter down! Do you think Tori is being too hard on herself? Also, what's your favorite episode of season two? I've always really loved Tall Tales, but What Is and What Should Never Be is also a really good one, and I'm excited to write it. I always have a hard time picking favorites, though. They're all good lol
Anyway, I'd like to know what your favorite is, if you have one! :D
I might go back and change the song at the beginning of this chapter and switch some things around, but we'll see how it goes.
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed! :)