4
Two Years Later
"Bill. Stop. It has to be this way. I'm sorry." And I truly am. But I can't go on like this. Not after what I've done. The truth would just hurt Bill even more. I am breaking his heart. And I hope he can forgive me.
"No. We can fix this. We always do. I need you. The band needs you. Don't leave me. Please." He is actually on his knees begging. I see the hurt in his eyes, but no matter what I do he will always hurt.
"The band doesn't need me. You were Tokio Hotel without me once, and you can do it again. I truly am sorry Bill. But it's over. I've already filed for divorce. I have to go pick up Natasha from day care. Good-bye Bill. Please forgive me." And I turn and walk out the door. I get in my car and drive off, looking back in the rearview mirror. He is standing in the doorway, looking lost and forlorn. He has tracks of eyeliner running down his face. I look away.
The worst is done. I've told Bill. Now all I have to do is tell the others, and hope that they will still be my friends.
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"I don't understand," Tom says. I shake my head.
"What's not to understand Tom?" I ask. Georg and Gustav both took the news of my resignation from the band and my divorce with Bill rather well. Sure they both were upset, but I believe that I can stay friends with them. Plus Natasha will miss her Uncle Gus and Uncle Georg.
"Why are you divorcing Bill?"
"I don't love him anymore." Tom shakes his head.
"It was true love. You two were made for each other."
"I guess true love isn't always for forever. I'm sorry Tom. Please forgive me for hurting your brother. No matter what I do he will hurt. If I stay, if I go. And I can't stay. This is how it has to be. I'm sorry." I wonder how many more times I will have to say this. I wave goodbye and get in my car. I drive away, this time not looking back, because I cannot bear to see the disappointment etched on Tom's face.