A/N: sorry this took so long, I've got up to chapter 7 written already, it's just betaing that makes the gap. So yeah, thanks for all the lovely reviews. This chapter isn't really my favourite, but what can you do? Oh, and, my parents were gunna call me Tallulah, I so want that name, way better than Lana, haha.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns these characters, damn. Except Tallulah, she's mine.

LDF – 100 monkeys

Why do I care? No one calls on the goddamn phone.

Well I've grown complacent, and no one knows I have feelings too.

I feel this way, especially when I'm with you.

You make me feel alone.

Rosalie was going to kill me. This was what my bones were telling me, right now. And I suppose my bones had been right so far.

I'd been such an idiot. I should have noticed the ring; I was a woman, we were supposed to notice those kinds of things, right? I knew Edward couldn't be married, wouldn't I have seen her when we visited at Christmas? The little unused kitchen could never belong to a house where a human lived. Come to think of it, I may even have seen a wedding or a family picture of Rosalie and that guy at his place. There had been few pictures, but there had definitely been one of the bear-like guy who had been sprawled on the sofa, and then holding her back when she got too close.

He had been as handsome as her, and Hulk-like in stature. I could see him turning green (the imaginative part of me, because I think he'd look really weird green) easily when angered. He'd not seemed mad about me killing his wife, though. He seemed like the kind of man able to rein in a fierce and terrifying woman like Rosalie (literally, too). He was handsome, but not in the sort of way I thought that someone like Rosalie would be attracted to.

Here I was, making assumptions about a man I'd only met a few minutes ago, and a woman I'd killed. Could I not tell from the fire in her bright, cold, blue eyes that she wasn't the dumb, platinum blonde slut I'd wanted her to be? She was cold and calculating, most definitely malicious and even worse, she was intelligent.

She'd left just now, the echo of the door still resounding against the walls, and with nobody to restrain me my knees gave way, shaking in fear and in mortification. Why was I such an idiot? An intense feeling of regret washed over my shaking body. My knees hit the hard, wooden floor with a dull thud. It stung, but I felt too numb to really feel it. I was still jittering. I could feel tears clouding my vision as I fell forward and lay on the cool ground, wanting to sink into it in shame. What had I done?

I'd been a selfish bitch, and gotten too drunk – I had a thudding headache to prove the latter. I'd been so jealous, and unthinking of the damage I could do. I was a clumsy ass sober, I was even clumsier in heels and drunk. I'd probably ruined James and Victoria's relationships with many of their friends. And, oh my god, could there have been others like Rosalie too, but they hadn't been saved.

What the fuck had I done?

I decided to cut as many ties to the vampire world then as possible. I didn't want anything to do with this. I just wanted to spend my life with someone who loved me and have a child or two, and I probably wouldn't ever be able to dump them on the grandparents, because they'd wonder why they were younger than me. I'd have to lie. This whole world was so fucked up, I couldn't even fathom the lies some of the people told to stay concealed, cover up their murder. And the sick thing was that vampires didn't even need to kill the victim. If they could save a life, why take it? But they were selfish, addicted to our blood, like I was addicted to them taking my own.

I was so pathetic.

I think it was some sort of validation, something that made me feel wanted after the abandonment I'd felt at the hands of my own family.

I lay on the floor for so long, I became numb, one half of my body falling asleep. If anyone tried to touch me, I flinched away from their cold hands. I could hear, through the vibrations in the floor, people reluctantly leaving. I didn't see anything; I just stared at the same pair of dirty but somehow shiny loafers that didn't appear to move as I watched the shoes hopelessly in my pathetic feelings of despair, shame and mortification, guilt and regret.

When the shoes finally moved, I felt cold hands slide under me and carry me away to my bedroom. The light had disappeared, and he whispered a gentle "goodbye" to me as he left the room; his hand seemed to hesitate when it had left my body. I thought of that as my staring eyes closed, and I drifted to sleep.

***

The fifth of January saw me returning to classes. I wasn't really there, walking silently from room to coffee shop to room and finally to my car. I didn't meet anyone new or talk to anyone. I engaged in the occasional debate in some of my classes when coerced.

I could feel my dreams slipping away with my falling grades. But all I could wonder was why I was being so pathetic. Rosalie wasn't exactly dead, was she? Her heart didn't beat, but she still walked, talked and slept. It wasn't like she wasn't still here, was it? I just couldn't shake this feeling of wrongness from me. I suppose I was always like this, except before I didn't have a reason, I was just pathetic old me.

One day of many – I think it might have been a Wednesday, I returned to the dorms to find Angela in her room with somebody. I thought nothing of it till I started wandering around the kitchen preparing a paltry dinner, until I heard the low, timid moan and the squeak of springs. After the first noise I'd been on alert, not sure I'd heard anything, listening for someone who shouldn't be there. So I left, feeling lonely and jealous. Why didn't anyone want that from me? I looked alright, didn't I? I mean, I wasn't ugly, nothing special, but not ugly. There were girls that were far worse off out there.

My nose was small, in proportion. One of my lips was slightly bigger than the other, but that wasn't exactly that noticeable. My eyes were a muddy brown, just the same colour as my hair, perfectly unnoticeable and average, a genetic default. Unnoticeable and average, and that was me to a T.

Unsure of where to go, and with nothing much to do, I ambled down the roads until I found a restaurant that looked nice and not too pricey, one of those cutesy, modern Chinese places. As I pushed the door open, I felt another pang of loneliness hit, resenting that when they asked if it would be a table for one, I would say yes, and then to add insult to injury, a fleeting thought passed. Rosalie wouldn't ever be able to eat again, but I took some solace from the fact that she probably never ate anyway, with a gorgeous figure like that, now immortally frozen in the same image – She'd never have to miss lunch again. But here I was, making presumptions again. Maybe she was really fit, or naturally like that. If she was naturally like that, life was fucking unfair.

So I pushed the glass and chrome door open, lips twitching reluctantly at the happy, warm look of the place. I took a menu from a stand and had a look for vegetarian options. Eating anything – foreign stuff especially – was always hard. I'd never made a conscious decision to become vegetarian – one of my birth mother's fads had been vegetarianism around the time when I started eating solids. She'd never once put meat in my mouth. This was one of the few fads she'd stuck to. Other ones she'd given up included: Yoga, Buddhism, and motherhood.

I perused the menu for something that looked edible.

"Hello! Welcome to the Dew Drop Inn, A table for one, Miss?" The pretty, American Indian waitress asked me. She had a slight inflection to her words that was very endearing and dark, black hair that ran down her back in a thick plait, and smooth, russet skin.

"Oh, yes. Thanks," I said as I followed her to a tiny corner booth, set against the back wall. I sat down and placed my bag on the bench next to me, extricating my iPod and book and leaving them on the table. I wasn't reading anything particularly meaningful, just a distraction from the loneliness. The main character was strong, feminine, beautiful and powerful. She was alone, but she didn't let it get to her, she had a goal.

Well, she did have a talking cat with her.

Maybe I needed a goal, and then I wouldn't feel lonely like this. But what kind of goal did I need? Nothing I could think of was so great that I could concentrate on it solely, like this woman, ignoring every other twist and turn of my boring, meandering life. It was a plain existence, without many frills.

There was one interesting thing about me. I've lived with vampires for nearly nine years of my life. That was pretty unique, right? But I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't ever bring it up as a talking point, that one interesting thing about me.

I picked up the menu and chose a few things that looked nice. I could always take some home for later in the week.

My mouth was watering at the lovely smells coming from the kitchen, the sound of sizzling as things were fried and the harsh smack as things were chopped.

"Hi, I'm Leah, and I'll be your server today. Are you ready to order?" she asked, smiling at me gently with her large, white teeth that contrasted almost scarily with her beautiful russet skin.

"Yep," I said, picking the dishes from the menu as she nodded and took them down on her little black notepad. She stalked away to the loud, clattering kitchen just behind my head. The sounds were a strange juxtaposition with the calm lighting. The restaurant wasn't particularly busy. There was a man and a baby having an early dinner. The dark haired baby in the high chair was playing with a bowl of noodles, she picked up a bean sprout and looked at it curiously, intrigued by the odd little thing. I smiled at her when she looked at me, and she giggled right back. Her father looked at her proudly and smiled delightedly. She pointed a chubby little hand at me and waved. The father turned and looked at me and gave me a wide smile too. They both looked American Indian too; I think they might have even been glowing…

Leah returned with a pot of Green tea and a little cup. She poured me some then left. She stopped at the little girl's table and gave her a kiss before walking back to the kitchen.

I pressed play on my little purple iPod and opened my book up from the turned over corner.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I jumped.

I took the chunky thing out, looking at the screen and reluctantly opened the message.

Are you alright? I miss you. Where are you? You're not at the apartment. J

I'd been contemplating whether or not to text him back as my phone started buzzing more excitedly. Apparently I wasn't quick enough and Jasper had decided that he needed to stalk me. At least he made me feel wanted. Sometimes. So I quickly answered the phone.

"Bella, where are you? I've fucking missed you. I swear, I would have rung sooner but… you know how shit gets in the way,"

"Yeah," I said slightly dejectedly, feeling shitty that he was too busy with his other piece of ass to give me at least a text. "I'm at this Chinese restaurant, the Dew Drop Inn. Why?"

"I want to see you. What's the address?"

"I'm not sure. One sec," I hailed the waitress, and she gave me the address.

"Oh, ok. I know where that is. I'll be there in ten, ok?"

"Kay. Bye," I said, and clicked the end button. I stared at the phone in my palm for a while before a persistent patting on my knee disturbed me.

I looked down to see the little girl I'd been looking at earlier watching me. She was slightly unsure on her podgy feet.

"Tallulah!" she exclaimed, pointing to herself with a chubby finger. She lost her balance slightly and I reached out steadying her gently. She pronounced the last syllable in a gust of air, barely noticeable. She clearly had trouble saying her name.

"Hello Tallulah. I'm Bella. Does your daddy know you're here?" I was slightly concerned, but I looked up and saw her father hovering nearby, keeping an eye out. He was huge, like… unbelievably tall, and very, very young.

"Up!" she demanded. I laughed at her insistence and confidence. Her curly black hair was bobbing on her head as she bent her knees and tried to jump, but she couldn't quite take off. I looked at her father and he nodded, grinning widely, again showing me his impressive teeth. I reached down to pick her up under her arms and placed her on my knee.

"How old is she?" I asked him, looking up from her face.

"Oh she's eighteen months. She really likes you, I think. I know you're probably thinking I'm really young, but I'm the uncle, your waitress is her mom," he said, edging closer and standing next to the table.

"Hey, Tallulah," he called, "what sound does a ninja make?" I bent my head to see the little girl's face over her shoulder as she scrunched it up in concentration, her arm moved and chopped down as she made a loud acha sound. I grinned down at her little face and giggled with her at the silly noise she'd made.

"So, you're Bella, right? I'm Seth. I taught her that, by the way." He grinned at me.

"Oh really, what other tricks do you do Tallulah?"

She looked at me and opened her toothy mouth.

"Moo!" she cried. We all laughed with her.

"Is it alright if I sit here? We're not intruding at all, are we? It's just she's very demanding,"

"No, no. Not at all, my friend is coming in a couple of minutes but he's amazing with children. He knows all those silly rhymes, you know like down the ditch, and all the little Piggies went to market."

"She loves the teddy bear thing."

"Oh really?" I said, glancing down at her palm. She offered it to me – wow. Had she been paying attention to the whole conversation? Or did she just really like the teddy bear thing? I put my finger to her palm and gently ran it over the plump ridges. Her hand was lovely and soft.

"Round and round the garden, like a teddy bear…" I sang slowly as my pointer finger tickled her palm. "One step…" My fingers made a jump up her arm to her elbow. "Two Step…" They jumped to her armpit. "Tickly under there!" I shouted, tickling her armpit. She writhed in my hands and clapped excitedly, giggling so loudly it seemed to light the whole restaurant up. Her small body slipped over my knees, but I held onto her tightly and sat her back up. She commanded me to do it another three times until she was breathless and couldn't stop her high pitched giggling. Both Seth and I were laughing loudly, when Leah came and delivered my food.

"Tallulah, are you annoying the nice lady? Have you finished your dinner? You know that you don't get pudding if you don't eat all your noodles." She smiled at me apologetically, placing the plates down. She shot Seth an irritated glance and he just shrugged, his black eyes locked on the little girl in my arms.

"No, no. It's no bother, not at all. In fact, I might even come back to see this little one," I said genuinely. The little girl clapped and smiled at me.

"We're here all week," Seth joked.

"You better not be!" Leah called as she headed back to the kitchen.

"Here, give me your cell and I'll text you next time we come in." He passed me his cell and I tapped my number in and handed it back to him.

"What's your surname?"

"Swan."

"Oh! Are you related to James and Victoria?" he asked, surprised.

"Yeah, I'm their daughter," I said uncomfortably.

"Woah. I didn't know they had such a pretty daughter." I looked up at him, taken aback by the compliment, and my cheeks flushed red. Seth just smiled at me, said bye and took little Tallulah away. She insisted on giving me a hug, she tucked her little head into my chest and exclaimed that I smelled nice, before returning to her table with her uncle.

I started on my delicious food. The tofu in ginger was… amazing. There was no other word to describe the awesome. I checked the clock on my phone, and thought that Jasper must have gotten lost – which was very unlike him.

I knew Seth had been flirting with me just then, or maybe he was just very friendly. It didn't matter. I decided I liked him very much.

I was starting on my noodles as Jasper walked through the door, looking around the room for me. I raised a hand and waved him over.

"Hello you! Wow, you're happy! What happened?" he said, pulling me up and away from my food into a hug. He manoeuvred his head to give me a kiss, and then thought better of it as he smelt the food on my breath.

"Uh, I hate human food." He exclaimed rather loudly. At the same moment, I saw both Jasper and Seth's heads flash towards each other.

"Wolf," Jasper muttered. There was a long history of hatred between the two supernatural sects. I rolled my eyes at his animosity and looked at him.

"You better not start something. I like him, he's nice." Truly, I didn't care if he was a wolf. Victoria and James had mentioned them before, but I'd been rather wary of whatever they said, because they never mentioned them in a good way.

"Hmmm, is that why you're so happy?" I thought I could see a glimmer of jealousy in his eyes.

"That little girl just came over and played with me for a good ten minutes, she's so cute. It kind of makes me broody," I admitted. Jasper looked at me, slightly taken aback by my admission; I suppose I didn't really seem like the type.

"I get that all the time. Alice really wants kids," he sighed. I looked away, uncomfortable that their relationship was like that and I was his little bit on the side. He was staring at the little girl, now. She pointed at him and made a frighteningly… did she just growl at him? I heard Seth laugh and saw Jasper smile. I looked away and ate my dinner, highly amused and still slightly uncomfortable about Jasper talking about Alice like this in front of me. He didn't talk to her about me like this (probably because we weren't like that), why did he have to do it? It just made me feel like such a bitch.

I finished off my food and stacked the plates so that it would be easier for Leah to come get them.

"So yeah… what's up with you?" I asked just to be pleasant. I didn't really want to know.

"Oh, Alice moved in with me. She's so energetic. I swear she sleeps less than I do."

"Mm. Cool." I fiddled with my phone.

"But yeah, so she's completely rearranged the flat. Next time you come round, you'll be so surprised."

My head shot up. Next time? They fucking lived together now; I wasn't going to go round his like that ever again. He wasn't going to take my blood. I was getting away from this vampire shit.

"Next time? You live together you... That's like… wrong. Jasper, I'm getting out. There is nothing left between us. You have Alice and I have nothing. Can't you see, you feel so much more for her; I don't want to be that girl on the side. Please just… ugh; all this crap is too much for me." I was upset because we'd been so close. I'd told him about my real parents, and he had, in turn, made me feel wanted. Now I felt dirty. Our time sullied by the thought that he was in love with Alice and he'd only wanted me physically.

"Fine, Bella. If you feel like that, fine. I'll see you around. You know you'll always be my friend. By the way, Edward won't answer his phone, just thought you'd want to know." He was angry, his soft Texan twang coming through clearer than normal. My head shot up as he spoke about Edward. "Yeah, that's what I thought." He spat. "Well, listen to this. Listen to me tell you that I told Alice about you, this, us, from the very beginning. She said that as long as we were both happy, it was alright. I knew you needed this, that's why I fucking kept it going!" He was standing now, looking down at me with his fiery, seawater eyes. "And you taste delicious too." He leered, "Alice told me to tell you to go see Edward. She knows these things. It's her power or something – its so strong it's coming through as she's human. She's amazing Bella, like you. Believe that, because I know you don't. Just please, remember to believe that," he was speaking more softly. "She told me that Edward was upset about something to do with you, and… She gave me this to give to you. Goodbye, Bella."

I watched him leave, his long, irate strides beautiful and graceful.

"Bye bye!" Tallulah called cheerfully after him.

I looked down at the piece of yellow paper he'd thrown onto the table and opened it.

He needs you.

Beneath the message was Edward's address.

A/N: OH, everyone who reviews, gets this Vampire fact file I made, for these vampires :)