Chapter4

Waking Up…More or Less

"NO!" Cas screeched, flying up from his bed in the guest bedroom. Dean was on him in seconds, holding the angel as he struggled. Dean swore to himself as Cas punched at him, trying to fight back. If the angel wasn't human Dean knew he would have got knocked right out. Cas had only been asleep for two days now and of course he would get waken by a freaking nightmare instead of on his own peacefully. Cas muttered to himself, groggy and disorientated. Dean held down the angel when he tried to move and swoothed the distressed angel.

"Cas, it's ok. It was just a dream. Wake up, Buddy," he pleaded. Cas blinked at him a few times and then Dean saw the recollection reappear in the fallen angel's deep blue eyes.

"D…Dean? I h…had the most horrible of dreams…" Dean's entire gut twisted. What was he going to say? How was he going to say it? All he could do was stare into those blue eyes. How do you tell an angel that they are human now?

Suddenly, Cas' eyes grew large and his head whipped back and forth, trying to get a look at his back. The angel's eyes fell down on his trembling hands and his skin turned so white Dean thought he was going to pass out.

"Wh…What ha…happened? W…where's my Grace?" Cas asked, looking up at Dean with big blue eyes. Dean could taste bile in the back of his throat as he stared into them. What could he say? Dean's silence instantly terrified the angel. "My Grace! Where's my Grace!" Cas screamed, making to get out of the bed. Dean quickly grabbed him, shaking the fallen angel by the shoulders. The poor guy was going to hurt himself acting like this. Tears were burning in Castiel's eyes as he fought Dean, screaming frantically for his Grace.

"Cas, I had no choice! You were dying! I had to ask Gabriel to take it…" Betrayal scurried across Castiel's face as Dean shouted at him. "Cas, I-"

"You…you had Gabriel take my Grace?" Cas sniffled, pulling away from Dean. The depressing look in Cas' eyes was torture to look upon. The angel glanced behind him, like he was searching for the wings he would never get to use again. The hunter cringed as Cas let out a horrid sob, running his hand where his wings would have met his shoulder blades. Dean explained what Gabriel had planned on doing, but all the faith Castiel had once had seemed to just drain away and Dean saw the drunk druggie he had met in 2014. He could see the pain and misery all over again and it made him sick.

"Cas?" Castiel looked back into his green eyes and Dean pulled him into an embrace. "We will find a way, Cas, I promise." Cas bowed his head into Dean's neck, crying softly. Dean closed his eyes, feeling the hot tears drip into his shirt. This was all his fault. Cas was broken and it was all just because he didn't get there in time.

"D…Dean, what am I going to do?" Cas sniffled, looking up at Dean teary eyed. "What am I going to do-" the angel broke down again, pulling away from Dean and stumbled off the bed, bracing himself against a wall when he tripped over his own feet. Dean jumped to his side, realizing that the angel mojo wasn't here to give Cas his usual gracefulness. "What am I going to do, Dean?!"

"Take it slow, Ok?" Dean said, holding onto Cas' shoulder as the angel cried into the wall. "We're going to help you, Cas. I swear on my life." He swept his hand across the fallen angel's face, brushing away the hot tears. Cas looked away from him and stared down the hallway, where they could hear Sam and Bobby talking in hushed voices.

Dean helped him out of the bedroom, catching him when he tripped. The angel stumbled, but he was able to get downstairs without breaking his neck.

"Cas! Hey, how are you feeling?" Sam called out from the living room when he saw the two come in. Cas acted like he didn't even hear Sam as he walked in with Dean watching him closely. Dean watched as the angel looked around like he was seeing everything for the first time. He guessed angel vision was a bit different than human vision.

"Is he alright?" Bobby asked, watching Castiel like he might collapse. Dean shrugged, shaking his head slowly.

"He's a broken angel, what count's as alright? It doesn't help that he was having some kind of nightmare before he got up."

"Yeah, we heard," Sam said, remembering almost dashing upstairs to see what was happening. "So what do you think we should do? We can't really sit here, waiting for Gabe to show up, can we? We don't even know if he can help Cas' Grace." Dean turned to Sam, looking his baby brother up and down.

"What can we do? We can't get to heaven unless we die and without an angel we trust that's pretty useless. No, we stick to the plan. If Raphael comes back Cas' won't be able to fend for himself. We need to stay here and help him through being a human."

"You three do realize that I can still hear right?" Cas grumbled as he tripped into the room, glaring at himself for being so clumsy.

"Sorry, Cas," Dean said first, walking over to the stumbling angel and steadying him. "You ready for your first day of being a human?" Cas shook his head, looking absolutely miserable. "Well, too bad. You have to learn to fight without your angel mojo. Especially now that we have Raphael-" Cas flinched away from Dean and the older hunter clamped his mouth shut, realizing that Cas had practically been tortured by his own brother only a few days ago. He watched as the tears weld up in Cas' blue eyes. "Or you know what…let's just go for a drive." Not waiting for Cas' answer Dean led the angel out the door to the Impala.

He opened the passenger door to the Impala and Cas began to climb in when he stopped. "Damn it, Cas, what's the matter?" Dean swore as he held the door for the ex-angel impatiently.

"R…Raphael?" Cas flew away from the car, eyes wide in terror. Dean jumped back too, staring into the car, pulling Cas' angel blade from his pocket. He frowned when he saw nothing. He looked back at Castiel, who was cowering a few feet away. Dean looked back at the car and then to Cas. "PLEASE!" Cas screamed, shuffling away and holding out his hands. "I'm…I'm sorry…Raphael…" Dean grabbed Castiel by the shoulders as the angel curled in on himself.

"Cas? Cas?! Castiel, can you hear me?!" Dean shouted, shaking the angel as hard as he could. Cas only kept shouting, not seeing Dean at all.

"Brother….Brother, please! Stop!" Tears were streaming down the fallen angel's cheeks now and he was hyperventilating. Dean watched the angel, trying to figure out what he should do. How could he get through to Cas? "Dean! Dean, Sam!" Cas screamed suddenly, throwing his hands over his head like someone was about to hit him. Castiel screamed again and Dean wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tight.

"Cas, I'm here, Buddy. Raphael or any of those other dicks aren't going to get you on my watch," Dean whispered into the angel's ear.

"Dean?"

"Yes, Cas, it's me. Everything is going to be ok," He cooed, running his fingers soothingly through Cas's sweaty hair. The angel buried his face in Dean's shoulder, tears seeping through his shirt once again. The position was awkward beyond compare, but he could feel Cas start to loosen up and that's all Dean cared about for the moment.

"Dean, what's wrong?" Sam asked, poking his head from the door. Dean looked up at his brother and lifted the now partly conscious angel up into his arms. Cas moaned in his daze as Dean carried him back into Bobby's. The two hunters buzzed around him as he set Cas down on the couch and draped a blanket over him.

"Sammy, get a cool cloth will ya?" Dean said, pressing the back of his hand against Castiel's flushed cheeks. Sam nodded, rushing to the bathroom while Bobby kneeled down next to the couch. "Anything from Gabe yet?" Dean asked. Bobby shook his head and Dean felt his stomach twist. Noticing the expression crossing his face Bobby asked,

"Something wrong with, Cas?" Dean let out a long sigh, shaking his head.

"When isn't there?"