"Granger?"
Hermione turned around, cringing at the sound of her maiden name. It had been a while since she had heard anyone call her Granger. This, of course, was due to the fact that the only person who ever truly called her Granger was Draco Malfoy.
Her heart was beating loudly; she could hear it like echoes in her ears. What was Malfoy doing in her home? Was it even the real Draco? She shouldn't have come alone. "Granger, is that you?"
"Don't call me that." She didn't mean for that to slip out, even if it was barely even a whisper.
Draco's mind was racing. When he had come to the Cooper's home, he thought he'd be alone. He had spent an hour debating with himself if he should come or not, but the need to know if it had really been him that night was consuming him.
He didn't expect for Hermione to be there. "Sorry."
She glanced back at the door, debating if she should open the door or not. What was he doing in her home anyway? "Did you need something?"
He shuffled his feet. He hadn't needed anything physical and he had already done what he had come here to do. "No, I came here… Well, I came here to see if I was the one that… was there that night."
Hermione held her breath. She didn't know what she was waiting for, exactly. Was she waiting for him to say that he remembered everything and that it was him? Was she waiting for him to bust the door down, smirk and tell her he'd do it over again if he could? She didn't know.
"Gr-Hermione, are you alright?" No. She wasn't alright. Draco felt like hitting himself upside the head for asking such a stupid question. How could she possibly be alright?
"I'm going to open the door." She said. He moved away from the door. He didn't know why, but he felt that he needed to give her as much space as he could. 'You're in her home, idiot. You're already invading her space.'
She opened the door and saw him. He looked the same as he did the last time she saw him in Harry's office. He was standing up against the wall, clutching something in his hands.
Draco noticed her look down and suddenly became aware that he was holding something. When he had stepped into the room, Landon's room, he saw that everything had been put in its place. Or at least it looked like it had. He had noticed a couple of books near an old chair that looked like they had been read the most and picked them up to give to Harry. 'Maybe they can help Granger and the boy sleep,' he had thought to himself.
He moved them into view and her expression changed from confusion to anger. "Why do you have those?"
She ripped them out of his hands before he got a chance to explain or hand them to her. He didn't even have time to breathe when her wand was drawn up to his neck. "Hermione."
"Don't think I won't hurt you, Malfoy. What were you doing in my son's room? Going through his things?" He had been in a similar position, once. The main difference now was that Hermione had every incentive to kill him and it seemed that she was going to do just that.
"I already told you why I was in there. I only saw them and thought you might like to have them back." Her wand dug itself deeper into his neck and it took everything in him not to push her back.
Hermione wanted to hit him. She wanted to slap him, curse him, kill him. She didn't know why she wanted to hurt him. It wasn't actually him that killed Nathaniel and he was only here trying to confirm that.
But there was something in the way he held the books. Something in the way he was touching something special to her that bothered her beyond belief. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be holding the books that belonged to her family. That was too personal.
She held the books closer to her body, as close as they could be without the corners of the books digging into her stomach. He tried looking into her eyes, to plead that he wasn't doing any of this to hurt her, but she just looked away.
Eventually, she pulled her wand away. Draco was relieved. He knew he needed to leave. To get out and leave her alone, but he couldn't. She was crying now, still holding the books; her wand sitting limply in her hand. She looked pathetic. No. Not pathetic. She looked broken and it nearly broke him.
Draco didn't know why he felt this way. He knew he should feel sad and worried, but seeing her like this almost broke his heart. "I can go if you want me to."
She didn't say anything. She didn't move. The only movements she made were the shaking of her shoulders caused by her soundless sobs. He moved a bit closer to her, reaching out to touch her arm. "Granger?"
"DON'T CALL ME THAT." Before he knew what was happening, he was being thrown to the other end of the hallway. Her wand fell from her hands as she released a gasping sob. "Oh my god. I'm so sorry."
He looked at her incredulously. He was the one who was sorry. He shouldn't have come to her house, he shouldn't have touched her things and he definitely shouldn't have touched her. Draco deserved whatever hex she had cast at him. He probably deserved more than that, but he definitely did NOT deserve an apology from Hermione. "Don't."
She ran to his side, kneeling beside him. "No, I am. I shouldn't have done that."
He laughed, but it sounded strangled. His whole body hurt. What did she curse him with? "It's fine. I deserved it. Seriously."
She didn't back off. Instead, she pocketed her wand and put the books down. Hermione was confused as to why she was helping Malfoy or apologizing to him. He was right when he said that he had deserved it. Maybe not now, but in the past he had done some really stupid and mean things.
"What was that, anyway?" He said when he had sat up. Hermione shrugged. She didn't know what that was and it scared her. "What do you mean by that?"
He imitated her shrug, which caused her to shrug again. "It just happened. I'm pretty sure I wasn't thinking about anything but hurting you."
"So you could have killed me just as easily."
"If I really wanted to; yes, probably." She frowned. She didn't like the idea of being able to take someone's life. She, in fact, hated the idea that she could stoop as low as whoever killed Nathaniel. "I didn't want to."
Hermione hated the way Draco looked at her. She wished he'd just get up and leave so she could get back to what she really needed to do. Plus, Harry was probably worrying about her and if she didn't get back soon, he'd probably come himself. She didn't need him seeing her with Malfoy.
"I should probably go." Hermione only nodded and moved out of the way so Draco could have more room to get up. When he was at the door, he looked back at her, wearing the same sad look on his face that made Hermione want to punch him. "I'm sorry about tonight. I'm sorry about the other night, too. We'll figure out who do this and if it was me… Well, I'm sorry."
Now it was her turn to pity him. She knew it wasn't him, not truly, anyway. Yet, here he was, desperately trying to figure out if he was capable of something so harsh. It looked like it was going to eat him alive; like it already had started. In that moment she learned more about Draco than she had ever learned before.
All Hermione could do was nod, then he was out the door.
The wind felt nice against Draco's skin. It was comforting. Whatever happened in there was still playing in a loop in his mind, but at least for now the wind felt nice.
Draco didn't know how to feel about Hermione. He didn't know how to process what had just happened. They had connected in a way, he wasn't sure how or even why, but he was sure that they did. The way she looked at him before he left, he was sure she had seen more of him than anyone else ever had. She had understood more about him than anyone.
Maybe he was being completely demented. Maybe all she did was pity him, but that was still something to him. He'd take her pity. He'd take anything she had to offer.
He shook his head. What was he thinking? She didn't have anything to offer him. How could she? She was possibly more broken than he was. She had just lost her husband. Draco was an idiot; the biggest idiot in the history of the world, muggles and wizards, alike.
Hermione was still inside, staring at the front door. She could only think of one thing; Draco's eyes. It sounded stupid and it was. She hated herself for it. She rushed back to the room and surrounded herself with Nathaniel's smell. It was suffocating, but in a way that she more than welcomed.
She found her way into the closet and pulled out the suit that Nathaniel wore on their wedding day, the only suit he happened to own. Walking back into the main room, she put it on the bed and smoothed it out. Seeing it laid out on the bed, and knowing why she was looking at it again, was overwhelming.
She didn't let herself fall apart this time. She couldn't. She had to stay strong. Crying and becoming a shell of a person wasn't going to bring her husband back and she knew that. Hermione picked the suit back up and walked out of the house to find that Draco was still standing there.
There had been something she wanted to say to him, but she just walked past him and Apparated back to Grimmauld Place.
Harry had been waiting for her. "What took you so long?"
He looked tired and his hair was even more disheveled than usual. Hermione felt bad for making him worry, but she really felt that tonight needed to happen. "I fell asleep."
Harry nodded and pulled her into a hug. Hermione normally would have melted into it, but she still had the suit and Draco on her mind, pulling her away. If she didn't excuse herself now, Harry would know something was wrong. Or maybe he would just think her attitude was because she had been back at the house. Hermione hoped for the latter. "You're okay, right?"
"Yeah, I mean, as okay as I can be." He nodded and gave her a sympathetic smile. She pulled further away from his hug and handed him the suit. "Here, take it. I don't think I can keep it any longer."
Harry took the suit and placed it on the chair he was sitting on before Hermione came. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm positive. Did Landon go to bed?"
"Yeah, he did." She nodded and made her way to the door. "Hermione, you'll talk to me if you need to, right? You won't shut yourself off?"
"Of course, Harry." Then she was out of the room, up the stairs and in her room.
She felt bad for keeping what happened tonight a secret from Harry and if Draco decided to tell him what had happened, he'd probably be really disappointed in her. She just couldn't bring herself to tell him how she had lashed out. Hermione also thought that it wouldn't be a good idea to tell Harry that Draco had snuck into her home without permission.
The whole situation confused Hermione. She understood why Draco was there, but why hadn't he left when he had realized she had been there? Why had he gone to make sure she was okay? And why would he just let her take her anger out on him?
Harry had told Hermione that Draco wasn't the same person she had known in Hogwarts and she trusted Harry, but this was far beyond that. This was a completely different person. She didn't see a trace of the old Draco. It made her feel like complete and utter shit just thinking about it.
She had hurt him when she knew that he was already hurting. Sure, she could reason that it was her house and she was hurting more than he was, but she realized that she really couldn't. Draco was scared that he was still evil; that he never really changed. He was also alone. She had known that much from Harry. His parents were in hiding. They didn't care what happened to him.
Hermione at least had her son. She at least had friends that would take care of her; that would make sure she wouldn't fall apart.
She tried forcing him out of her mind by telling herself that she had more important things to worry about, which she did, but with no luck. Draco was the last thought on her mind when she went to sleep.
Draco was still standing on the porch of Hermione's home when he saw someone Apparate in from the distance. It wasn't until the figure was about five feet in front of him that he realized it was Harry. Great. Just what he needed.
"Malfoy?" So, Hermione hadn't told Potter about what happened. Draco was in shock. He didn't know what to say.
"Potter." Harry was just as confused as Draco was. When he decided to come to the house, it was only to make sure that everything was okay. Hermione had seemed a bit off when she'd come back to his house. He had no idea that it had anything to do with Draco.
"What are you doing here?" Draco shrugged. He could have explained to Harry why he had come, but after finding nothing, he didn't feel the need to. "You shouldn't be here."
"It's alright. It's been relatively quiet."
"That's not what I meant, but that's another thing. You shouldn't be here, it isn't safe." Draco rolled his eyes.
"And sending Gr-Hermione here alone was perfectly safe?"
Harry didn't know what to say. He hadn't known Hermione had left until after the fact. He spent a great deal of time yelling at Ginny about how dumb of an idea it was. Ginny only shrugged and said, "It's what she wanted."
Harry was also confused as to why Hermione hadn't told him that she had run into Malfoy. Was that why she was acting so distant? What had happened? What did he do?
"What happened?"
Draco looked Harry over before answering, "What do you mean?"
"I mean when Hermione came back to the house, she was distant."
"I don't know. We talked, but it wasn't anything bad. Maybe it had something to do with why she was here in the first place." Harry hadn't thought about that. Hermione had come to get something for Nathaniel's funeral. That was hard on her; she let him know as much, but there was still something off.
"What did you two talk about?"
"Merlin, Potter, if you want to know so much; you can ask her." Draco stepped off the porch and into the dry grass. "I'm going to home. It's late and I'd rather be asleep."
He Apparated back to his home and didn't even bother getting undressed before slipping into his bed. The whole night was a jumbled mess in his head and he wanted nothing but to forget it ever happened.
But there she was; kneeling besides him, whispering that she was sorry, looking at him as if she was the one who had truly hurt him. He couldn't get the look on her face out of his head. His heart started beating a little bit faster when he thought about it.
Hermione. Who would have thought?
No. Draco shook his head, viciously, as if it were going to really clear his mind of the thoughts. How could he even be thinking that?
He took a deep, shaky breath and pulled a pillow over his head. This couldn't be happening. Why did it have to be her? Why did it have to be now?
He was pathetic; he knew it. This whole situation only proved it. One fucking look and now he couldn't stop thinking about Hermione Granger. NO. Hermione Cooper.
Absolutely. Pathetic.
Hermione woke up that morning feeling sore and stiff. She hardly wanted to get up from bed, but there was a little boy pulling at her toes, chanting, "Mumma! Mumma!"
She pulled him up on the bed and he wrapped his arms around her. She embraced the hug and pulled him closer to her. Hermione felt horrible and the little boy hugging her only confirmed the fact that she should feel horrible.
That night, all Hermione could dream about was Draco Malfoy. He was there and taunting her every chance he could. She kept telling him that she didn't want him in her dreams and all he would do is smirk, as if he knew something she didn't. Maybe he did.
Looking down at Landon, she realized that there was no possible way for her to think of Draco as anything right now. He wasn't a friend, enemy, acquaintance. The only thing he could be was someone who had something to do with the murder of her husband.
Her husband. Her heart stopped when she called him that, because in reality he wasn't anything except a memory anymore. Hermione hated herself for thinking that way, but she couldn't help it. She needed to be able to see him as a memory, because if she just saw him as her husband, she'd be tricking herself into thinking that he might just come back.
Hermione needed to be practical and the most practical thing she could think of was to take care of their son, without breaking down. She needed to be there for him and if that meant thinking of Nathaniel as someone from her past, she would deal with it. She would deal with anything for Landon, because right now he needed Hermione. He needed a mother who wouldn't rather spend a day in bed than be with him. She needed herself to be that mother for him.
Of course, the irony was that, if anything, Landon would be the one to take care of her. He'd been the one to pull her together, so far. The strong façade she had been able to put on was solely for him and eventually it wouldn't have to be a façade. Nobody wanted to see her miserable forever. Nathaniel would have hated it if she was miserable forever.
'Nathaniel would have hated it if you were dreaming of the man that killed him two nights after he died in anything but an unpleasant manner' Hermione frowned. She didn't want anything from Draco. All she wanted from him was help. She did admit that maybe something happened last night, but that was only something that had to do with how she saw him as a person. It wasn't anything romantic.
Hermione couldn't understand why her brain was making such a big fuss over it. It was just a look. Plus, she was now a widow. She cringed at the word.
"Mumma, I hungry." She snapped away from her thoughts and focused at the little boy. Hermione smiled and got up, making sure the boy was secure in her arms.
"Well then, let's go find out what we can eat, love." Landon rested his head on Hermione's shoulder while she walked downstairs and into the kitchen. She wasn't surprised to see that Mrs. Weasley was here again, hustling about the kitchen.
"Ah, morning! Sit down you two, I'm making breakfast." Hermione sat down, placing Landon in her lap. She appreciated Mrs. Weasley this morning. She didn't think she could cook, in her state of mind, if her life depended on it.
"Thank you, Mrs. Weasley."
"I'll hear none of that. I do what I do because you're family to me, not because I require thanks. And please, Hermione, call me Molly or mum. Anything but Mrs. Weasley; it's too formal for us." Hermione nodded and smiled at Mrs. Weasley. Over the years, Hermione had begun to think of her as a second mother, but never really expressed it much. "Speaking of mothers, your mum will be arriving shortly."
"My mother is coming?" Hermione had completely forgotten about her parents and it made her feel terrible. How could she not think to tell them?
"Harry called them last night while you were out and explained to them what happened. Don't feel too bad about not telling them, love. They understand why you forgot." Did they?
"Well I'm glad they're coming and I'm kind of glad they know. It saves me the trouble of having to remember." Landon looked at his mum then back at Mrs. Weasley, not understanding what they were talking about. He was about to ask when Mrs. Weasley put a plate of scrambled eggs in front of his mum.
"Feed him and then I'll make you something to eat." Hermione picked up the spoon and started to feed her son. He was a messy eater and had managed to make a mess with the eggs. She smiled down at her son while she wiped the eggs off of his face. Landon smiled up at her; a smile that warmed her heart. She needed that smile.
"I go pway mumma?" She set him down on the floor and as soon as he heard the yes, he rushed into the sitting room and started playing with James' toys.
"He's really special; reminds me of Fred." Hermione turned to see Mrs. Weasley smiling sadly. "George was always truly the mischievous one when they were children. Fred just loved following George around and helping him. Loved the fact that he could do whatever he wanted because I'd never get angry with him. Of course, as they grew up they both started taking equal parts in their hijinks."
Mrs. Weasley wiped a tear from her face and smiled wider. "You'll never stop missing him."
"No, wouldn't want to if I could, which I can, but like I said, I wouldn't want to. I think when you lose someone you truly love, a part of you dies with them. That's all you should allow them to take. Miss them, yes, but don't stop living because of them." Hermione understood what Mrs. Weasley had told her and she was going to do her best to live by it.
"I miss him, a lot. I just don't understand why this all happened. I thought it was all over."
"We all thought it was over." Hermione wanted to cry. She felt that she needed that one last cry, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. It wasn't that she was over Nathaniel; that was far from the truth, but she couldn't help but feel tired of crying.
"What am I going to do?" That seemed to be a question she was asking a lot lately. It was a question that had not yet been answered and it was one that she couldn't even begin to think of an answer to.
"You're going to live." She wished it was as easy as Molly made it sound.
After Hermione ate her breakfast, she moved into the sitting room and watched Landon play with James. Harry had tried talking to her, but left it alone when she looked away. He knew that she wasn't ready to talk about anything that happened last night and he was going to respect that; especially, when it had something to do with Malfoy.
He tried thinking about why Malfoy had been at Hermione's house last night and what they had talked about, but he didn't want to upset Hermione. She looked better than she did the past two days and he was grateful for that, but something else was going on and it was bothering him.
Harry contemplated pulling Hermione aside and asking her, but decided that it wasn't a good idea to ruin whatever mood she was in. There would always be time to ask her.
Hermione noticed that Harry looked a bit uneasy and wondered if it had anything to do with how she acted last night. She smiled at him and he seemed to relax, but the hard look on his face didn't go away. "Harry, what's wrong?"
He looked puzzled, but shook his head. "Nothing is wrong… with me, anyway. Worried about you."
She had known that she was probably the reason for his behavior, but she had asked anyway. "Don't worry about me. The worst has happened. We'll be more aware this time around."
"I'm not worried about what's going to happen. I'm worried about what has already happened." Right when she was about to talk, he held up a hand. "Why didn't you tell me you saw Malfoy last night?"
Her words caught in her throat. How had he known she'd run into Malfoy last night? Was she talking in her sleep? "How did y-"
"I went to the house last night after you came back. You were acting distant and I wanted to make sure everything was alright. He was standing on the porch." She wanted to be angry, but she knew that she couldn't. It wouldn't even be reasonable for her to take her anger out on Harry.
"It wasn't a big deal. He was going inside as I was leaving." Hermione didn't know why she was lying. Maybe she was trying to protect Draco. Maybe she didn't want Harry knowing that Draco was doubting himself.
Harry didn't understand why she was keeping secrets from him. Malfoy had told him that they had talked, but Hermione was going to tell him that unless he asked. "Did he say anything?"
"No. Not really. I think Ginny scared him off." He nodded, but he was still confused. Why did Hermione need to keep secrets from him? "Don't you have to get to work?"
Harry sighed and got up, "Yeah, I suppose I'll see you later."
Draco got ready for work and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked tired. He was tired. He had hardly gotten a wink of sleep last night.
All he could think about was Hermione. It was going to drive her insane. "You need to get yourself together."
In his dreams, he could hear her laughing. He could see her smiling and above all, it was directed solely at him. He didn't remember the last time he heard her laugh or had seen her smile, but he had known for certain that it had never been directed at him.
It made him want to scream. How could he have let her under his skin? And if it all had to have happened, if his destiny was to fall for Hermione; why did it have to be now?
He always knew he wasn't a decent person, but to fall for someone right after their husband died? Draco had reached a new level of 'idiot'.
Was he even falling in whatever it was with Hermione? Was this what it felt like? It seemed like it would be too soon to consider it love, but then he thought about her laugh and he had to fight the smile from appearing on his face.
He decided that being run over by a muggle car would be less painful than dealing with whatever this was.
When Draco got to work, he saw Potter in his office and walked past the door quickly so he wouldn't be seen. He didn't want to talk about everything that had happened last night. He didn't want to talk about Hermione with Potter and he definitely didn't want Potter to realize how he felt about her.
He'd probably hex Draco into the next century and Draco would probably let him.
Could he possibly be falling in love? Was it even love?
Draco put his briefcase down on his desk and sat down in the big, comfortable chair across from his own work chair. He had always wondered why they didn't get work chairs as comfortable as these, but never mentioned it out loud.
Granger.
No, he had to stop thinking about her and he had to stop calling her Granger. If he had known that one look could have done him in, he would have avoided her. He still would. He would avoid her as much as he could and not talk to Harry unless he had to.
He could forget about that night. He had to forget about that night.
Draco hid in his office until lunch time. He figured that he could hide away all day if he could just get through lunch, but there was the knock on his door signaling that he couldn't hide forever.
He opened the door to let Harry in.
"You've been avoiding me and Hermione lied to me. What the hell happened last night?"
Hermione had lied to Potter? Why? "She lied about what?"
"About last night."
"Obviously; but, what did she say?" Harry raised his eyebrow and shot a curious look in Malfoy's direction. What exactly was going on between the two?
Had it been any other circumstance, Harry would have thought they had slept together or something equally as bad, but he knew Hermione wouldn't do that. She wouldn't see Malfoy behind his back. She wouldn't see Malfoy in general. She definitely wouldn't be seeing him now. "She said that she was leaving when you arrived. You said you two talked."
Draco mentally cursed himself for telling Potter anything. Now he was going to start thinking something was going on, which there definitely wasn't anything going on between him and Hermione. "We did talk. She asked me what I was doing there. I told her it was part of the investigation and she left. Nothing more than that."
Harry didn't believe him. Instead of worrying about it, he went to leave the room. Stopping at the door, he turned back and asked Draco if he was going to get lunch. Draco nodded, took his coat and followed Harry out of the room.
The trip to the diner was a quiet one and Draco couldn't be more grateful. The last thing he needed was another chance to embarrass himself.
Harry sat down in a booth across from Draco and ordered something random off the menu. When the waitress took both of their orders, Harry turned to Draco. "What's going on with you and Hermione?"
Draco could feel the blood draining from his face. "Nothing."
Harry wasn't convinced and that's what worried him the most. "It's not nothing, obviously."
"It is nothing, Potter. I suggest you drop it." He hadn't expected the words to come out the way they did; with such malice.
Harry didn't say anything for the rest of lunch.
Harry had gotten home late and it caused Ginny to stress. Hermione sat down in her room and decided that the best thing to do was to pretend she was asleep.
She didn't want to face Harry after she had lied to him this morning. She still felt horrible about it and if she could, she would take it back and just tell him the truth.
Except, she didn't like the truth; she hated it. She hated that she had dreamt about Malfoy and his eyes. She hated that she felt anything short of hatred toward the man, but here she was hiding from it all.
What type of person was she? How could she honestly be feeling this way just after losing her husband?
And exactly what way was she feeling?
A/N: I have decided to put the author's note at the end this time. I think it's best because there are a few things I'd like to say. First is that I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but it was the best I could have written it. I really hope you enjoyed it. Secondly, I really will be putting about a week between posts (or try to).
Also, I know it seems like a little fast paced concerning Draco's feelings, but keep in mind that he hasn't had anyone besides Potter in his life for a while. He doesn't want to, but he's getting himself worked up rather quickly because he can't help it.
Please continue to favorite/review and follow this story! It makes me really, really happy and super confident. Love you guys!