I tried to push Seth out of my head. I ignored every thought that passed my mind, refused to pick up my home phone whenever he'd call and pretended to not hear my parents talk about him. He made me a worse person I had decided.
Sure, I was usually a pretty snarky and judgmental person, but Seth made me someone else entirely. He brought out all my pent-up anger and sadness. It wasn't healthy, so I decided to not think about him... or try not to.
Embry, on the other hand, was always on my mind. He was either sitting in my room eating Doritos, posting ridiculous videos on my Facebook or telling me horrible jokes over the phone. He stopped mentioning Seth ever since the diner incident. I think he had finally decided we would never be friends.
"So we are having a kind of impromptu late-Easter dinner at Emily's this weekend. And you should definitely come," Embry said nonchalantly as he was hanging upside-down over my bed. I was sitting on my floor flipping through the channels. It had been so long since I tried to watch television mid-day on a Wednesday. I had to settle on Divorce Court.
"Mmm," I hummed and sprawled out on my hardwood floor so my head was laying directly below Embry's. "I don't know. I don't really know anyone there."
"Yeah but they want to know you. And I want them to know you, so they can better understand all my stories about you," Embry said as he scooted forward so his short hair tickled the tip of my nose.
"You been gossiping about me Call?" I asked and flicked his nose. Embry chuckled and before I knew it he had flipped off my bed only to brace himself with his two hands on either side of my shoulders. This caused him to be laying practically on top of me, his face only an inch away from mine. I opened my mouth to spit out some snide comment, but my words were caught in my throat. I couldn't look away from his brown eyes, my heart was almost exploding in my chest.
I don't like Embry that way.
But it was so hard to not fall for him when he was the one person that made everything feel normal.
It felt like years before Embry cleared his throat and rolled away from me, groaning loudly as he did so. I tried to speak again, but Embry spoke up first.
"It's hard for me too Larsen. Just so you know." I wanted to be confused by what Embry said; I wished I didn't know what he meant. But he felt it too. The chemistry between us... it was deafening.
"I... I don't understand," I whispered. I knew I was lying and Embry knew I was lying. He sat up quickly, staring down at me with such a conflicted look on his face. He didn't try to explain, and he didn't call me out for lying. Instead he leaned down and looked into my eyes before lightly kissing my lips.
In romance movies and books they always talk about the "sparks" you feel when you kiss someone. I definitely felt those sparks as Embry's soft lips enveloped mine. Time slowed down; the kiss felt like it lasted eons. And it felt so right, so right.
"I don't understand either Haze. But I'll see you Saturday, alright?" Embry practically jumped to his feet and was opening my door before I had even sat up. His face was flushed and I could tell that he was trying to hold back a smile. I bit back my twin smile and nodded, still at a loss for words.
The week seemed to inch by at snail-speed. By the time Friday rolled around it had already felt like an entire week could have passed. I was about 99.9% sure it had to do with the fact that Embry hadn't called since the incident on Wednesday. I hadn't called him either - I couldn't find a plausible reason for me to call him out of the blue - but I had thought he would've. I didn't know what to think about the kiss, and it was killing me.
Did he like me more than a friend? Did I like him more than a friend? Why did the kiss feel so right? Were we meant to be, like two characters in a romance novel? And why wasn't he calling me and helping me answer these questions?
"Are you even listening to me Hazel Lyanna?" my mother asked, noisily putting her glass down on the table. We were having breakfast, Jami, my mother and I. My dad was away for work, some new logging-venture opened up in inland Washington and he was checking to see if it would be profitable for his company. I looked up at my mom who was staring at me with a disappointed look on her face.
"Yes of course I'm listening," I mumbled, hoping I had gotten better at lying as I had gotten older. Jami giggled; I sucked at lying. My mom ignored my blatant lie and instead chose to believe me.
"So you'll do it then?" she asked. I had no idea what she wanted me to do, but I nodded anyways. She was my mother, so the task she had in store for me couldn't be that bad. And it would keep my mind off of Embry.
"Can I help too?" Jami piped up, asking me instead of my mom. I nodded again and smiled at my little sister. Only one more year until she was a surly, unhelpful teenager.
After breakfast, while Jami was piling our dishes into the dishwasher, I walked up behind her.
"So what did I agree to do?" I whispered in her ear, so my mother couldn't hear. Jami giggled and turned her head to whisper in my ear.
"We are taking all the casserole dishes everyone gave us back to their rightful owners. And I swear, we have at least twenty of them."
I groaned. Of course my mom would rope me into some mundane and pointless task like that. I was sure most people who cooked us casseroles didn't expect the dishes back. And I knew for a fact that Sue Clearwater and Tiffany Call had each made us a casserole. I groaned even louder, causing Jami to giggle even more.
The afternoon passed by about as fast as could be expected. Jami kept me entertained with stories of her life which I'd missed for the past four or so years. We decided we'd first hand back all the dishes from our many friends in Forks before heading over to La Push. There were only three dishes from La Push: one from Emily Uley, one from Sue Clearwater and one from Tiffany Call.
"Thank you again Mr. Mason," I smiled at my old English teacher from high school. I had never had much of a bond with Mr. Mason; I was more of a science freak. But Avery had adored him, and it was evident he had liked my sister too.
Jami waved back at the balding man as we walked back to my mother's Pontiac. I didn't have my own car yet and had sold my crappy Saturn to help finance my Europe trip. My sister's car had been totaled in the crash, so I was stuck with the Pontiac.
"Emily's next?!" Jami asked enthusiastically. She had blabbed on about her love for Emily for almost thirty minutes earlier in the day. She was "the best cook," "the nicest woman," "so pretty," and "funny, kind and the best." If Emily was everything Jami stated she was, then her dinner was looking even brighter.
"Yes Emily''s next," I chuckled and started to drive the short distance to La Push.
I was sure I had met Emily at the funeral, but I couldn't put a face to the name. Jami had explained she had married Sam Uley about a year before. Sam was the head of La Push's protection squad, which Embry and Seth were both members of. Jami told me that he was looking to quit in a few years and settle down with a less dangerous job. I couldn't blame him.
With the help of the GPS we pulled up to the tiny grey cottage that housed the Uley family. Jami was out the car door before I had even put the car into park. I grabbed the dish and walked up the cracked sidewalk to the front door.
Emily had already answered the door before I had reached it, hugging Jami right away. I recognized her right away, surprised I could have forgotten her face. She must have been in an animal attack years before, because running from her hairline to her chin were three long scars. I tried not to stare, and instead looked down instantly noticing her protruding belly. Emily was very pregnant.
"Hazel, it's so nice to see you again," Emily smiled and pulled me in for a hug. Between the dish in my hands and Emily's large stomach, it was one awkward hug. Emily let go after a few seconds and left her hands on her shoulders, eyeing me up and down my body.
"You are looking better, and your hair does suit you," she said as if agreeing with someone else's unspoken comment on my hair. I smiled shyly and held out the dish.
"When's the baby due?" I asked to change the subject. Emily smiled and placed her free hand on her belly.
"He's due in less than two weeks. You two will definitely have to come and meet little Sam when he finally comes around," Emily smiled even larger. I kept my grimace hidden. Sure, Emily was sweet and babies were cool, but I didn't need to spend anymore time in La Push. More time in La Push meant more chances of running into Seth and his death-stare.
"Of course. But we have to be on our way. Still have a couple more dishes to take back. Thanks again Emily," I said and nodded back towards the car. Emily nodded in understanding as we started walking back to the car.
"Oh and see you tomorrow sweetie," Emily called out once we made it to the car.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" Jami asked as she put her seat belt on. I hadn't told anyone about the dinner at Emily's the next day. Mom and dad already asked the awkward Embry questions. They were about 90% sure we were secretly dating. Ha, they were wrong... right?
"Just dinner at Emily's," I mumbled as we pulled into Embry's driveway. No one in La Push lived far away from each other, so it was a quick drive from Emily's to the Call household.
Tiffany Call lived in a two story, three bedroom house that was situated on a large lot. I had never actually set foot in Embry's house. He told me that he had a falling out with his mother a few years before. They were still civil with each other and she let her son stay rent free, but they didn't have the mother-son relationship they once had.
I rang the doorbell. Jami had decided to stay in the car, so I was alone on the doorstep. Part of me was wishing Embry would just open the door with his sunny smile, but part of me would rather just talk with his mother. My head and heart were jumbled.
"Hello?" the lady that opened the door was definitely Embry's mother. Although she was a petite woman with light brown hair, she shared her son's eyes and lips. She looked like she could be Embry's sister; she couldn't be older than forty. I made a mental note to ask Embry about his family the next time I saw him.
"Hi, I'm Hazel Larsen. I just came to return your dish," I mumbled and held the dish up. Ms. Call's face lit up with recognition.
"Oh, yes, Hazel. Thank you so much for bringing it back. I'm sorry about your loss. I'd invite you in but Embry won't be home for quite awhile. I'll tell him you dropped by." I smiled and said my goodbye before walking towards my car.
Embry won't be home for quite awhile. Where was he? I knew he worked for the La Push's protection squad, but he had never worked a Friday in the last couple weeks. Actually he didn't work much, from what I could tell. He told me that the crime rate had recently dropped and they had so many members that he didn't get too many shifts anymore. So what was he doing?
It shouldn't have mattered to me. He had his own life, I wasn't his girlfriend. Maybe he was on a date with a pretty local girl.
I slammed the car door much harder than I meant to and started to drive away from the house before I even thought about a seatbelt.
"Whoa Haze, seat belt," Jami practically yelled and reached over me to buckle me in. Jami didn't ask about my new found negative mood. Good, because I couldn't explain it either.
By the time we made it to the Clearwater household, I had calmed down. Mostly because I had remembered I might be facing Seth in only a few minutes
"Race you to the door," Jami shouted and started running up the short walkway to the Clearwater household. My throat felt so dry and my hands were shaking as I walked slowly to the door. I clenched the large glass dish hard with both my hands to stop from shaking. I silently prayed that Seth wasn't home.
Jami rang the doorbell, practically jumping with excitement. She adored the Clearwaters. Avery had taken Jami to many get-togethers in La Push, and Jami had grown quite close to a few of the people there. And of course, Seth was like an older brother to my younger sister.
"Jami! And you must be Hazel," Sue said with a smile once she opened the door. As her eyes flicked from Jami to me, I saw her smile falter. Right, Avery was like a daughter to Sue.
"Nice to meet you," I said with a smile and held my right hand out, balancing the dish in my left. Jami had explained earlier that Sue had been away on a fishing trip when Avery had died. She had no service where she was, so she didn't hear about it until she arrived home a week later.
"Come in, come in. Leah is here somewhere and Seth should be home any minute," Sue explained as she ushered us inside. I wanted to leave before Seth got home, but my words were lost as I tried to think of an excuse. And Jami looked so happy talking with Sue, I couldn't take her away.
"You have a lovely house," I said quietly as I looked at a photo of Seth and his older sister from over a decade ago. They were at the beach. Leah was laying in the sand, laughing while her younger brother sat on top of her. They were both so happy.
"Hey mom something smells grr..." Seth had started as he bounded into the room. He stopped moving as soon as he saw me standing by the fireplace holding the photo. His eyes were locked to mine and I couldn't look away.
"Seth!" Jami cheered and bounced over to the tall man, wrapping her arms around his middle. Seth still didn't look away from me as he hugged my sister back.
"What are you doing here?" Seth asked, the question directed at me. I opened my mouth to reply, but the words didn't come.
"We brought back your dish and Sue invited us to dinner. Isn't it great?" Jami was like an excited puppy-dog; she didn't even notice the tension in the room. Seth finally looked away, smiling down at my sister and ruffling her hair. I quickly put the photo down and looked down at my feet.
Seeing Seth again did something to me. I thought seeing him would bring back all my rage and sadness, but it had made me feel lighter. Like that something had been pressing down on my chest had been lifted. I could breath easier and I felt more awake... more alive. I didn't understand anything.
I looked back up after about a minute of silence. Jami had run back to the kitchen were Sue was singing as she cooked. I looked back at Seth. Now he was looking down at his feet, as if nervous or guilt of something.
"I'm sorry about comparing you to Avery. It's not fair of me. You aren't her, but you are Hazel. Will you forgive me?" Seth said the words so quietly I had to take a few steps closer just to hear everything he was saying. My heart squeezed a bit. It wasn't the apologize that made my heart soar, but the fact that he had finally distinguished Avery and me in a nice way. Finally it wasn't "you aren't her" it was "you are you."
"Of course I forgive you," I whispered and quickly left the room to find Jami.
Author's note: This is definitely my favourite chapter so far, but I think chapter five will be even better ;) I also just love Jami (pronouced Jamie). But wow. Embry and Hazel? Or Hazel and Seth? Hmmmm ;)
As always, please review. I love hearing how ya'll are liking the story.