Author's Note: What Michelle says to the guards is a quote from Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Six, Episode One. I do not claim credit for writing that quote, I merely like it and have borrowed it shamelessly.

Don't sue.

Oh, and in case anyone is interested, I found the questionnaire to 'A Measure of Tyranny' on my computer last night and have posted it, complete with Lord Vetinari's answers (pre-spell) on my profile page.

Steve shot Vetinari a panicked look. "Nothing!" he squeaked. "I meant nothing at all; I just say the weirdest things sometimes for no reason!" He laughed nervously.

Vetinari raised an eyebrow and picked up the knife again. "Really? Because I think you did, so let me ask you again; what did you mean when you referred to Drumknott as a minor character?"

Steve eyed the knife anxiously. "I really shouldn't tell you, sir."

"But you will though, won't you?"

He nodded. "Yes sir." He took a deep breath to calm his nerves; it didn't work. "I-I come from Roundworld, sir, it's where all the Mary-Sues come from. On this Roundworld there's a series of books, about…here."

Vetinari steepled his fingers. "I see."

"And these books tend to focus one specific characters, sir," continued Steve. "Like, um, the Watch, or these witches up in Lancre for example. You're in them too, sir--" He grinned. "—although not as much as some people would like."

"And Drumknott?"

"He's in the more recent ones, sir, but not much because he's, well, only a minor character in the stories. He's a bit boring to tell you the truth."

"Ah." Vetinari gave Steve a long cool stare. "Tell me, young man, do you take dried frog pills?"

"No."

"Perhaps you should start."

-oO0Oo-

Everyone looked up as a high-pitched screaming came from the floor above.

"But it's true, I tell you! You're not real! None of this is real! You're all make-believe!"

"Yeah, well, the make-believe Patrician has told us to chuck you down here 'til you start making sense," replied a rougher sounding voice. "Now let go off the make-believe door-frame or I'll break all your fingers, alright?"

Claire glanced at Michelle anxiously. "Have you got super-powers?"

She gave her a puzzled look. "What?"

"Super-powers," hissed Claire. "You know, like super-strength or speed or something so you can knock out the guards and let us out of here."

"Oh," Michelle frowned. "Well no, I didn't think I'd need any. " She paused. "Being super-cute doesn't count, does it?"

Claire sighed. "Get your notebook out and write this down. 'Mishakala Creampuff suddenly felt herself growing stronger as she wrote down the words in her notebook. "My goodness," she exclaimed. "I feel as strong as Buffy now, but not as slutty. I bet I could knock out those guards with one punch."' Is it working?"

"I think so. My goodness," Michelle exclaimed. "I feel as strong as Buffy now, but not as slutty. I bet I could knock out those guards with one punch." She frowned. "Buffy isn't a slut. I mean, she only slept with four guys in seven seasons."

"She had sex with Spike, that automatically makes her a slut," said Claire brusquely. "And don't even get me started on that Attempted Rape forgiveness thing."

"Yeah but--"

"Oh, here's the guards; quick, get them!"

Michelle spun around and grinned at the two burly Palace Guards. They grinned back; the two of them against one little girl? This should be fun…

Twenty seconds later Michelle stood triumphantly over their fallen bodies. "That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!" she crowed.

Claire gave her an inquiring look. "Huh?"

Michelle shrugged. "I always wanted to say that line."

"Oh. Great." She pointed at a teenage boy who was huddled in the corner of the room. "Who's that?"

The boy sniffled. "My name's Steve."" He gave Michelle an anxious look. "Is she going to start kicking people again? Because that was scary."

Michelle gave him a flirtatious grin. "Thanks."

"Ye-e-es," said Steve slowly. "So who are you people? And why are you dressed like a schoolgirl? You must be, like, thirty or something."

Claire glared at him. "I'm twenty-five," she hissed. She sighed. "I'm Claire, the girl passed out in the cell next to me is called Sarah and the girl who looks like a reject from a Xena convention is Michelle. We're Mary-Sues."

"Oh," Steve nodded. "That explains a lot. I'm a Marty-Stu myself."

"So how'd you get caught?"

"I disguised myself as Drumknott," said Steve proudly. "I got away with it for almost a week too but some Mary-Sue made Drumknott and Vetinari gay again so I've been performing for his Lordship ever since. That's how I caught."

"That must've been Sarah," said Michelle. "She loves slash; it always makes her giggle--"

"Hang on," interrupted Claire. "When you say 'performing' do you mean…?"

Steve grinned.

"Oh gods, I'm so jealous," she sighed. "What was it like?"

"What was what like?" asked Michelle with a frown.

"You're too young to know," said Claire brusquely. "So go on, Steve, how was he…?"

"Let's just say that working for Lord Vetinari under those circumstances can lead to quite a bit of job satisfaction."

"I bet." Claire paused. "You are over eighteen, right?"

"Yeah, I turned eighteen two weeks ago. Why?"

"Just checking."

-oO0Oo-

"And then, gentlemen, this young man insisted that we are all simply figments from the imagination of one--" Vetinari looked down at the notes on his desk. "—Terry Pratchett."

"Stupid idea," blustered Ridcully. "How we not be real?" He smacked the Bursar around the back of the head. "See? Real."

"Yes, but unfortunately the young man was rather insistent that we are not."

"Just give him some dried frog pills, that'll soon make him see sense."

Vetinari sighed. "I did; he just started giggling a lot."

"Actually, my lord, he may have been telling you the truth," said a quiet voice from the back of the room.

"Ah, Mr Stibbons," said Vetinari. "I was wondering when you would venture an opinion. Would you care to explain?"

Ponder smiled nervously as everyone in the room turned to face him. "Well, my lord, there actually is a place called Roundworld."

"There is?"

"Yes, we accidentally created it one day while performing another experiment. It's an interesting place."

"It's a damned silly place, that's what it is," said Ridcully. He saw Vetinari's inquiring look. "We went there a few times to save it from elves and so on."

"I see," said Vetinari slowly. He turned back to Ponder. "Does this Roundworld actually have a human population?"

Ponder nodded. "Yes, that's one of the most interesting things about it; they have humans but none of the other sentient species who have here on the disc--"

"Ook."

"—except orang-utans, they have those," Ponder added hurriedly. "But no dwarfs, trolls, or any of the like."

"What about the undead?"

"No, none of those either. Although there are rumours of them existing, but we've never seen any during our observations."

Vetinari stared at him. "Mr Stibbons, forgive me if I sound somewhat brusque, but what exactly is your point?"

"Well, the Librarian has become rather interested in the Roundworld, my lord, we think he likes watching the forests or something because it reminds him of his natural habitat." He saw Vetinari's eyebrow rise and decided to get to the point quicker. "He…er…well, he wrote a story about one of the orang-utans there." He handed Vetinari a sheet of paper.

The Patrician looked down at it dispassionately. "This is just a sheet of paper with the word 'Ook' scrawled across it, Mr Stibbons. And someone has drawn a crude sketch of a banana in the corner."

Ponder sniffled and tried to blink back his tears. "I know, my lord; it's beautifully written, isn't it?" He wiped away an errant tear. "I cry every time I read it."

"Assume my studies in Orang-utan have been rather lax in recent years. What does it actually say?"

"Well, my lord, it's a very moving story about a young orang-utan male who rises from the obscurity of the forest to becoming a world-famous star in their clicks and finds love along the way."

"And this is relevant because…?"

Ponder smiled slightly. "Because it actually happened. After the Librarian wrote the story, a young orang-utan did become a clicks star."

Ridcully snorted. "A mere coincidence! Means nothing, Stibbons."

"That's what I thought as well, sir, so we got the Bursar to write something too." He handed another couple of sheets of paper to Vetinari.

"Is this another story about an ape?" asked Vetinari warily.

"No, it's about a human, my lord," explained Ponder. "A man called…" He looked down at the paper. "…Tony Blair. Now this man was actually the ruler of his country when the Bursar wrote it, he's called a 'Prime Minister' or something. He was doing quite a good job of it, by all accounts…well, at least until the story."

"The events the Bursar wrote about actually transpired?"

"Yes, my lord."

Vetinari began to read the story. "My word," he murmured. "They actually let him get away with doing something like that?"

"Yes, my lord," said Ponder. "We're actually quite interested to see what will happen to him when the Bursar has finished his sequel; it's called 'I'm Not Quitting My Job, No Matter How Much People Want Me to Go'. It's already makes for a riveting read."

-oO0Oo-

Sarah opened her eyes and screamed. "Oh gods, is she here? She's here, isn't she? Oh gods, make her go away!"

Claire gave her a resounding slap across the face. "She's gone, so shut up." She rubbed her hand as she grimaced slightly. "That hurt."

Sarah sighed in relief. "Thank goodness. "She paused. "Hey, the doors open. And what happened to the guards?" She looked up. "And who's he?"

Michelle grinned. "I kung-fu'd the guards."

"It was terrifying," said Steve. He held out a hand. "Steve Finchley; Drumknott impersonator extraordinaire. I hear I have you to thank for the past couple of days."

"Huh?"

"You wrote Drumknott and Vetinari into a slash story," explained Claire. "Steve was impersonating Drumknott at the time, so…"

"So…?" asked Sarah with a frown.

Claire sighed and mentally uttered a curse against all teenage fanfiction writers. "…So think about it…" she said slowly.

Sarah's frown deepened, then realisation finally dawned and she grinned. "Oh." She chuckled. "Oh."

Michelle forehead wrinkled. "What? I don't understand." Sarah leaned over and whispered the answer in her ear. She gave Steve a disappointed look. "You're gay?"

Steve shrugged. "Not usually."

"But you've been flirting with me!"

"I have?"

"Yes, you said--"

"Mish, how many times do I have to tell you?" asked Sarah with a sigh. "Just because a boy looks at you doesn't mean he fancies you."

-oO0Oo-

"George W. Bush? Kevin Federline? Victoria Beckham? Paris Hilton?" said Vetinari incredulously. "You've written stories about all of these people?"

"Yes my lord."

Vetinari glanced down at the Paris Hilton story warily; for some reason after reading it he'd felt the need to go home, have a nice long bath and scrub his skin until it bled. "And all them complied with the stories?"

"Yes, my lord. We think that maybe the two universes—the Roundworld and here—sort of feed off each other; an exchange of realities, if you will. I would even go so far as to hypothesize that's why the Mary-Sues have such an impact. After all, if we can change their reality just by writing a story, why can't they change ours?"

"Hmm," said Vetinari. He stood up. "I think it's time I went and had a few words with some former Mary-Sues."