ZOMG. I'm NOT DEAD!
I am so sorry, life has been full of crap. You know, it's that time in school right before exams when they pile on all the end of the year projects....T_T Plus my Papa has been having some serious health issues. Like, has been in the Intensive Care Unit in Hospital for a month issues. While that's upsetting, it also mean all my family is constntly there, and I'm stuck babysitting a two-year-old hellion.
*Note-I HATE KIDS AGE 2-5
I STRONGLY DISLIKE KIDS AGE 7-9
6-year-olds are cute :3
Anyways, here's the chapter! I apoligize again! Besides family issues, and school, you can also blame Final Fantasy Dissidia (which I just got! It's so flipping fun! Like more fun thatn words can describe! And the theme is performed by a Canadian band!) It's the last of the Reflection chapters (yay!) and....it's chock full of angst. I warn you, when I was writing this I almost drowned in all the woe and started chocking on the melancholy.
Thanks to my Beta, the ever awesome Lord Fortune :D
*Disclaimer, same dealio. I don't own KH, just my original world and original characters. I also don't own the song or the band!
Wake Up
"I'm standing on a stage
Of fear and self-doubt
It's a hollow play
But they'll clap anyway....
I'm living in an age
That calls darkness light
Though my language is dead
Still the shapes fill my head
I'm living in an age
Whose name I don't know
Though the fear keeps me moving
Still my heart beats so slow...".
My Body is a Cage by The Arcade Fire
Another day....
Sora lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling through heavily lidded eyes. It was high above him and pitch black, with out even the smallest chips in it to reveal the stonework beneath.
Pitch black.
Darkness.
Sora closed his eyes, clenching them tight. Maybe if he closed his eyes tight enough, he'd see stars, little pinpricks of light, which would break through this sea of Darkness.
But behind his closed eyelids, the Darkness remained strong and unbroken.
Shivering, Sora opened his eyes again, blinking the dark blue orbs once before sitting up.
Just another day...
Sora stared at the door, directly across from his bed. It was closed, and no light peeked through it, not even from underneath the door or at the sides.
This was his room. A room of darkness, befitting to his new persona.
The floor was black, the ceiling was black, the sheets were black with silver lining over a black-framed bed.
Black, the colour universally associated with Darkness.
And he was surrounded by it.
Trapped by it.
Hemmed in on all sides.
Sora fought the urge to close his eyes once more, succumb to sleep and let his tumultuous thoughts melt away. There was a time that the dream world, chaotic as it could be, was an escape from the real world. The many, many days fighting Heartless, the fruitless searches for his friends, the fact that his home was gone...there were days when Sora actually felt it. The hopelessness of his situation. The crazy turn his life had taken. On days like those, sleep came to welcoming arms, and dreams were a glorious escape from reality.
Nowadays, however, dreams were a horrific time.
Sora had always had unusual dreams, always. From the time he was a toddler, he'd had strange dreams. He couldn't remember them now, not perfectly, but he knew they'd contained...magic. Light. Much of the wonder that his amazing journeys around the worlds had had. They were amazing.
The dreams in the months leading up to his original departure from Destiny Islands had been the different ones, the more ominous ones. Of world's disappearing and of being attacked by giant shadow monsters.... seeing the reflection of his own soul in the form of a mural.... The types of dreams that could be scary, but had just been odd and disconcerting at the time.
And then, there were the dreams he was having now.
His dreams had had a drop of Darkness in them before, as evident with dreams of being attacked by Heartless, and the couple of nightmares he'd had after being turned into one, but never had they been as Darkness filled and consumed by night as the ones he was having now.
He was always stuck in it, the Darkness, pinioned on all sides, trapped. Staring up, hoping to see a glimmer of light above, the tiniest sparkle to signify that there was hope, there was Light, there was something.
But there was nothing there.
Sometimes, he could hear voices, voices of people he once knew, once cherished, once loved. They'd call out to him, and he'd attempt to pull his way out of the Darkness, attempt to follow the voices, to find them again. But once he'd pull himself out, they'd be gone. Disappeared. Left him.
Again.
Sometimes, the dreams involved people dying around him. Sora lay there, unable to move, while he could hear the screams of all the people he once knew around them. Could hear them crying and pleading with him to come and save them, could hear their dying breaths.
On the real bad nights, he could feel their blood lap up against his skin.
Sora flinched and let his head fall forward into his palm.
It was getting harder and harder to function. He was the Moon Prince, and it was his responsibility to get up each day and try and help the people of Della Luna, of Del Perso, the land that he now co-ruled.
But it was so hard.
The people of Del Perso were.... angry, wretched, savage, pitiful, there were so many unpleasant adjectives that could be used to describe the citizens of this land.
But pitiful, perhaps, was the most accurate.
Sora had known that Del Perso, and Della Luna in particular, were in a desolate state. That the land was war-torn and people were dying at alarming rate, and that those who survived were living in horrific poverty and terror. He had known that, and that was part of the reason he had come. He had come so that he could help Fawn, so that he could help her save her home. Sora thought that, as the Keybearer, he could make a significant difference, he could save them.
But the people thought differently.
When he had first come to Della Luna, first walked by Fawn's side as the Moon Prince, been presented as the new Pe-Lua, the people had been ecstatic. The crowds had literally gone wild. It seemed that he represented everything that he had wished to accomplish in coming to the land. Hope, Light, a chance for happiness and victory.
His status as their savior had vanished quickly.
If there was one thing Sora had learned about the people of Del Perso, it was that they didn't like things that weren't.... of them. The people had had their hopes stomped on, their lives ruined, and lived a life of utter Darkness. They trusted no one, lived by their own methods, and depended on the Reale Lialuna out of tradition and necessity only. They didn't trust newcomers. Didn't like newcomers.
Didn't like Sora.
It was clear that Sora was an anomaly in Del Perso. From day one. He'd been absolutely shocked by the desolate nature of the world. Of the death, that stench of decay that was everywhere. How on the streets, rotting corpses just sat there, and nobody did a thing. Just walked by. How people lied and cheated and stole and just....
It was so full of Darkness. So warped and twisted.
Sora was pretty sure that, after that first day, the citizens came to hate him. After all, they had thought they were getting a strong, reliable Moon Prince with power to banish the Night Order with one sweep and unlock the heart of their world. Instead, they got a kid who had been beaten and broken by circumstance and could barely stand to leave the palace because the poverty and the disease and the death and the pain were too much for him to handle. The people had expected much from him, he'd been their hope, and he was letting them down.
And yet, when he'd go out in public, when he'd stand at the head of the palace with Fawn, they'd clap, they'd bow, they'd chant his name. The Lupisomra would dip their head in respect as he walked past, the Moon Warriors would do as he commanded.
Out of fear? Because they were scared of Fawn?
Because they were scared of him?
Because they couldn't afford to drive him away, because he, in all honesty, was their last hope?
And he was letting them down.
Every day, it took such effort to get up, to get out of bed, to move. It was like leaden weights were pulling him down. There was such a heavy feeling weighing down on his limbs and head and heart....
Oh, his heart.
Once his heart had been his greatest weapon, now half the time Sora wasn't sure it was still there.
That center in the middle of his chest, that place of balance between the Light and the Darkness in his body, was so numb now, so unfeeling, that Sora thought for sure that he must have become a Heartless in his sleep one of these nights. Maybe he was actually a Nobody, confusing the real Sora's memories for his own.
Nobodies...
Roxas....
Sora winced, and clutched his chest, hissing in pain.
Yes, usually his heart was just an unfeeling mass, except on the rare occasion he remembered.
Those people.
The one that he usually remembered first was Roxas, his blonde, blue eyed Nobody. The one people usually pegged as quiet and serious, until you got to know him and realized he was as sarcastic and insane as a certain red-haired pyromaniac he used to spend so much time with.
And Sora missed him.
Contrary to belief, Sora wasn't all rainbows and sunshine, he had his moments, he had his times of Darkness when he felt doubt, and he'd come to depend on Roxas to drag him out of a slump with sarcasm, humour, and lewd jokes. The Nobody who Sora had always admired, whom he had always thought was so much stronger than himself. Roxas, the one who supposedly didn't have a heart, had made the ultimate sacrifice, had given up his whole life, to search for meaning to his existence, to find out if his cause was right. He'd left everything to find Sora. And Sora thought Roxas was one of the bravest people he had ever known because of it.
And now he was gone.
Roxas, his other half, the part that completed him, had disappeared, vanished, left him.
Left him.
There could be no other explanation. What else could have happened? Sora had been dying...and Roxas had left him. That's what had happened right? The Nobody had left him....
Left him after he'd been mortally injured.
Like Riku.
Another twinge went through Sora's normally catatonic heart. This one was violenter, angrier, and was more of a physical stab of pain than the emotional one that thinking about Roxas left.
Riku and Sora had been friends since...shit, since forever. There was no other way to describe it. Sora couldn't remember when they hadn't been together. They might not have been friends right off –in fact, Sora distinctly remembered their first meeting resulting in him with a face full of sand and one less toy then he'd come to the beach with- but Riku had always been there, they'd always been right by each other's side.
Until the Keyblade.
Sora had been mad at Riku at first. Mad at him for going into the Darkness, for betraying them and giving into his own dark desires. He'd been furious that Riku had put...had put their other friend in such danger. He'd been mad, but then, he'd been distraught. The Keyblade was actually Riku's, and Sora had stolen it. He had. He was a thief. He'd never given it much thought before –after all, the Keyblade had come to him- but due to certain events, Sora was feeling worse and worse about the whole situation.
Sora didn't blame Riku. Not one bit. The brunette had been a terrible friend. He'd stolen something that had rightfully belonged to the other, he'd stolen the grandeur and the glory that could have been Riku's.
Yes, Riku had his own Keyblade, one that he had made himself, but....still, Riku had every right to be mad. He'd had every right to want back what was his...every right to leave Sora there.
Sora wasn't mad at Riku....he was mad at himself.
If Sora had been a better friend, he would have noticed how discontent Riku was, how Riku wasn't happy...If Sora had been a better friend, then maybe he would have talked to Riku, and they could have talked it out, and he could have made Riku understand, and then, he wouldn't have...wouldn't have....
And the worst part was that Sora was still being a terrible friend, right at that moment, even though he was so far away from Riku. Because Sora was still holding on to that one thing that Riku desired.
The Keyblade.
It was still Sora's, and he had no idea why. The Darkness that was within him made his head pound and his body ache every day, and yet, the Keyblade came when summoned. It still sprang into his palm in a brilliant flash of Light. The numerous keychains adorned his body in dark, menacing tattoos. He could use it. He could use the Keyblade and all its forms and he was the fucking prince of a world almost completely consumed by Darkness.
And Riku lost the Keyblade by simply trying to use Darkness to help his friends. To use it, instead of light, to help....her.
Sora was a terrible friend.
And it made his heart ache, like a red hot coal was being forced into the center of it.
Yes, thinking about Roxas and Riku made Sora's heart hurt, made it feel things. Sometimes, he'd think about them just to get that feeling, to pierce through the numbness that had become way too familiar in the past...months? Years? Sora didn't know how long it had been.
So long....It had been so long since then....
Since he'd seen them all....
Her.....
Sora winced and cut off the thought right there. The brunette didn't remember often, and when he did, it was of Roxas and Riku. Sometimes the King, sometimes Donald and Goofy, but never anyone else. He wouldn't allow himself to remember, to think of, anyone else. To think of, that one particular person.
Because it was just too painful for him to bear.
"Master Sora?"
Sora looked down and over the side of his bed as he heard a soft, but deep voice coming from the floor area. He blinked slowly, looking down at the creature sitting there.
A Lupisomra, made especially for him as his guardian. Fawn and Sora had summoned her together, as a trial for Sora harnessing Dark magic. But the wolf hadn't...turned out quite right.
She was small, not slim like Fawn's wolf was, but petite. She was lean, and built more like a cougar than the bulky, muscular physique of the Shadow Wolves. Her eyes were a silvery colour, with the slightest hint of blue at its depth, completely unlike the dark blacks, browns, and occasionally reds and yellows of the eyes of the other wolves. Her most striking feature, however was her fur.
Her fur was silvery white, a colour unheard of among Lupisomra. They always came in dark colours, browns, blacks, dark grays, but never the bright white with a silvery hue that Sora's wolf was. She constrasted greatly with the other wolves, and she tended to stay close to Sora's side. There were many rumours circulating around Della Luna about the unusual nature of the Pe-Lua's wolf.
More rumours among many.
"Are you alright Master Sora? Did you have a nice nap?" asked Kala, tilting her head slightly as she regarded her master. Sora stared at his guardian with a slightly vacant blue eyed gaze. "I'm fine. Yes I did, thank you Kala," said Sora, in a voice that sounded empty and devoid of emotion, even to his own ears.
The teen slid off his bed and walked towards the door, opening it and stepping out into the hallway.
The hallways and corridors of Lacio Della Luna were dimly lit, with diminishing candles along the walls providing the only Light. The halls used to be kept alight with magic, but now, with the King sick and Fawn away, they'd had to make due with candles.
Sora inclined his head slightly as he heard footsteps behind him. The Prince turned, watching as a tall man dressed in silver armor walked towards him, black hair pulled back into a ponytail.
"Good afternoon, Lord Pe-Lua," said the Moon Warrior, bowing stiffly before the brunette.
Is it afternoon? How can you tell? There's no sun here, it's always night.
"Good afternoon, Captain Remus," said Sora, "Has anything occurred with the Night Order recently?"
The captain nodded. "We received a messenger from Lady Sa-Lua's party. Oca Atura was seized. Several Gattigo were destroyed in the process. It is a great victory."
Sora had the vaguest idea of what Oca Atura was, and knew it had something to do with a lake, but he didn't know much else about the land. Fawn had taken some forces there a few days ago, as the land was apparently an important strategic point, directly in between the lands of Della Luna and the lands procured by the Night Order. Hopefully, it could be used as a base to launch attacks against them.
"Any news from the Moon Warriors sent to The Border?" asked Sora, remembering that the Night Order had been pressing particularly hard on that area lately. The captain's face turned grim. "We have received no word from them, my Lord. We don't have enough Lupisomra to send one to check."
Sora's face remained impassive. "Oh. Well, when Lady Fawn returns, she'll be able to summon some Shadow Wolves. They'll be able to discover news on the warriors."
The corner of the captain's mouth gave an imperceptible twitch and Sora stiffened, knowing exactly what it was that he was thinking.
You're the Pe-Lua, why can't you summon them?
Because I'm a failure, thought Sora with passive resignation. "How is the situation among the villages of Della Luna?" he asked changing the subject while pursuing a topic that was his personal utmost concern.
Captain Remus shrugged. "The same as always. They are a wretched lot, turning on each other for everything. More cropland has been destroyed of late, so they're even more vicious than usual, fighting over the last scraps of food. It is quite pitiful, you shouldn't worry about them. There are more pressing matters, which you'd be aware of if you came out of your quarters more often," he said admonishingly.
Sora felt coils of hot rage curling in his stomach, and his vision blurred as he found himself seizing the captain by the throat and lifting him up into the air.
"Don't speak to me in such a disrespectful manner," he growled, lidded eyes looking menacing and black under the dim lights of the palace. "I am your Moon Prince, and what I do, and what I worry about has nothing to do with you. Know your place. Nor should a captain be so dismissive of the subjects that he protects. The role of the Moon Warriors is not just to fight the Night Order, but also to protect the citizens of Della Luna. You'd do well to remember that, before I'm forced to remove you."
Captain Remus's eyes bulged as he stared down into the Prince's dark eyes, made more sinister by the dark tattoos that framed them.
"Do you understand?" asked Sora, tightening his grip on the captain's throat.
"Y-yes My Lord Pe-Lua," stammered Remus nervously.
Feeling like all the strength had been sucked out of him, Sora lowered Remus to his feet, feeling dizzy and weak. He felt like this everytime he had those flashes: flashes of anger, violence, of qualities he'd never possessed in such magnitude before. He had suspicions that it was the Darkness, the Darkness coming out in these small doses of rage. Letting the Darkness take him over like that left his mind and body drained and made him feel like a Possessor or a Hover Ghost had hit him. Sora wanted to turn right around and head back to his room for the rest of the day. But he couldn't, not after what the Captain -disrespectful as it had been- had said.
"Glad you understand," mumbled Sora, blinking owlishly, "Anything else to report?"
The Captain was massaging his throat, looking away from his Prince to hide the resent and anger in his eyes.
"I believe not your Majesty," he said calmly, "His Highness the King's condition has worsened somewhat; Kejiro and some handmaidens are tending to him. And a prisoner was captured this morning. Nothing of true consequence."
"A prisoner?" asked Sora, a sinking feeling in his stomach as he thought of what usually happened to prisoners.
Captain Remus's lips twitched again, as if aggravated that the Prince had found an interest in something he'd said and he'd have to continue the conversation. "Yes, he was found breaking into the palace. We're holding him until Lady Sa-Lua returns, so she can question him."
Sora winced, knowing that Fawn's methods of questioning usually involved something he'd heard some of the Moon Warriors affectionately call, 'mind rape.'
"Where is the prisoner now?" asked Sora. The Captain looked surprised, and a puzzled look graced his face. He opened his mouth, apparently preparing to question his prince, when his face was suddenly wiped of emotion. It seemed that, he'd realized that that particular course of action was not the smartest.
"He is being held in the dungeons, the lowest level," said Remus bluntly. Sora nodded. "I think I'll go and interrogate him myself. Fawn will be tired when she gets back and she'll have better things to do," he muttered, have to himself. And besides, I have to do something around here don't I?
Captain Remus looked considerably surprised.
"A-are you sure? That's not usually something you do," he asked, staring at Sora incredulously. Then, his face paled and he backed up slightly, afraid he had once again invoked the Moon Prince's wrath.
"I'm sure," mumbled Sora again, eyes vacant as he turned away from the Captain and began walking towards the dungeon, Kala at his heels.
Captain Remus saluted smartly, even though his prince's back was turned, and then sprinted away, glad to be out of the presence of the unpredictable teen.
Sora walked down the dimly lit corridors of the palace, his white Guardian trotting silently behind.
I need to make something of myself. The Night Order has been so ruthless, there hasn't been anytime to begin the search for the Heart. Fawn's trying to push them back, but they're pressing hard. It seems I'm useless until it's time to search for the Heart…
Sora grimaced, clenching his hands into fists. He was useless. All of the duties of the Moon Prince involved using Darkness…and it was something he couldn't do. Not for lack of trying, because by now, he would do anything for Fawn, she was all he had left, but simply because his body wouldn't allow it. It barely tolerated the Darkness that Fawn had injected into his body when she saved him, inflicting him frequently with debilitating headaches and a heavy feeling in his body that sometimes made it impossible to move. He really was useless.
…But I can't accept that. I came to help didn't I? It's the reason….I left.
I need to be able to help Fawn, it's why I'm here. It's all I can do.
"I'm living in an age
That screams my name at night
But when I get to the doorway
There's no one in sight
My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key
You're standing next to me
My mind holds the key
Set my spirit free
Set my spirit free
Set my body free"
This is one of my fave songs, in the story, and in real life. For the overall story, I see it as more Sora to Kairi than Sora to Fawn, but for this chapter, well, y'know.
Anways, review? I'll try and get out another chapter before exams start *moan* but because I also have to study for exams....
REVIEW! Pretty please? I was happy with the reviews I got last chappie (people actually reviewed! *tears of Happiness*) but I know you guys can do better than two reviews this chapter! Come on!
xoxo, natcat5 ;p