"I'm not trying to insult you, Peter! It's just my opinion, is all!", Perry was saying as Peter huffed back into the DEI with Doofenshmirtz laughing his head off behind them both.
"You're practically calling me Billy Joel!", Peter said, turning around on his heels. "Just cause THAT freak's invention turned my black fur into port-wine birthmarks all over my face and skin!"
He pointed one of his darker colored hands at Doofenshmirtz as he spoke and Perry only shook her head with a chuckle.
"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to say you look like Billy Joel.", she explained. "I'm just sayin' that the fur patterns DO happen to make your eyes look kinda wide. Like you're always surprised or something."
"It's still not funny.", Peter growled.
"No, of course not.", Heinz said. "It's flat-out hilarious of an opinion!"
"Shut it!", Peter warned.
"Peter, relax! If it helps you any better, at least you don't look like Agent O.", Perry said with a nod.
"...Octavius the Octopus?", Peter asked, after a moment.
" Wh? N-no. No. Ollie the Owl.", Perry explained. "Remember? Friday nights?"
"OH! Yeah. Yeah, I HOPE I don't look like him.", Peter said with slight uneasiness.
"Who's Ollie the Owl?", Heinz asked.
"Oh he was one of our poker players on Friday nights while Peter was still in the Danville area.", Perry explained.
"And boy did he have the WORST poker-face.", Peter said with a chuckle. "Terrible for the shifty eyes thing."
"What? He was obvious?", Heinz asked.
"Obvious? Heinz, owls can't turn their eyes in their heads like you or I could.", Perry started to say.
"So when Ollie's trying to put on his poker-face, his head whips from side to side, it's freaking hilarious!", Peter finished up, shaking his head from side to side as he spoke to demonstrate.
The group laughed some more and Perry started to head to the elevator.
"So, jealous much?", Heinz asked as they trailed behind her. "About what happened in the park?"
"You know, I've been trying so hard not to hit you upside the head for that.", Peter said as his smile stiffened.
"You guys comin?", Perry asked, standing in the awaiting elevator.
They agreed and stepped up the pace. At the apartment, Norm offered a batch of muffins and with one in one hand and a screwdriver in the other, the gang got to work on making a reverse inator so Peter and Perry could be sent back home. Unfortunately, Perry was not quite as active on it as she would hope. Her watch had been beeping for the day and for the most part, she ignored it. Namely because it was left in her bedroom while she, Peter, and Heinz were out. But now she was back and she knew Monogram was getting anxious to hear a report on WHY his top and lowest agents have yet to check in.
And so while Perry stood there, staring into space for the moment as thoughts of Monogram's fury and disappoint flooded her mind, Peter noticed, and knew without a doubt what she must be fearing.
"Perry.", he said, finally cutting through her thoughts as she blinked and looked at him worried while the watch beeped as fast as her heart pounded. "Don't even go there."
"B...But I gotta check in!", she said, feeling much like a whipped dog. "He's gonna be SOO mad when he finds out I've been ignoring him...!"
"And what are you gonna say? 'No, Franny. It's me. Agent P! We lost the fight and have been turned to humans and are now forced to stay with a crazy idiot'?", Peter asked.
"...No...", Perry sighed. "But I gotta tell him SOMETHING."
"Oh come on, Peter. Why can't she?", Heinz interjected.
"Cause if she does, she will be revealing the break of several rules to the O.W.C.A. and will invariably dishonor the image of being a top agent.", Peter retorted, scowling across the machine at him. "A top agent doesn't allow the enemy to win. EVER."
"Well that's a little strict. You guys didn't necessarily LOSE. You just got turned into humans. It was an accident."
Perry heaved a sigh and said, "Heinz... You don't get it. I'm the best agent. I have a reputation. To allow my nemesis to have gotten away with using his inator the way he had planned without a back-fire to it, I've disgraced my title of being the best of the best. The role model. It'd be shameful to show my face to Major Monogram unless it was that of a platypus."
Heinz, now feeling very stupid, decided to simply nod in understanding, promise to get the inator running soon, and go back to his work. Perry sighed again, and Peter placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Looking over, seeing a comforting smile, Perry couldn't help but smile back.
"Why don't you go ahead and gimme the watch and stuff till we get this thing going?", Peter asked, holding out a hand.
Perry was hesitant at first, but handed the communications over and smiled a bit more. Peter placed them on a counter behind him and the two got back to work. As they worked, Peter took a coffee break and Heinz had found a hopeful window of opportunity. But what to say? He had something in mind, but wasn't entirely sure if he could say it without sounding like an idiot.
"Umm... P-Perry?", Heinz began, trying hard not to stammer.
"Yes?", she asked, not taking her eyes off the project.
"Uh... I uh.. I-I just wanted to say u-uhm...", he trailed off, his face suddenly becoming bright red.
Perry gave him an expectant glance and Heinz knew he had to say something. But it was hard to speak suddenly. His mouth was dry, his throat was sore and if he didn't make sure to keep a good hold on the wrench, it would easily slip through his sweaty hands.
"...Were you gonna say something, Heinz?", Perry asked, finally pausing to look at the frozen man.
"... M-Make sure you don't screw that in too tightly. Um..", Heinz finally blurted out, now feeling incredibly stupid. "U-Um.. It'll-It'll-I-It'll short-out the-the-the voltage."
"...Thanks. Are you alright? You look like you have a fever.", she asked, coming over to check his temperature.
Heinz kept his distance and gave a weak smile though Perry wasn't entirely sure if she bought it.
"I'm fine! Fine. I-I just didn't want to- didn't want to sound like I'm criticizing you or-or any- or anything.", he said quickly.
"You sure? You look pale AND red in the face.", she said, looking something of concerned.
"I'm okay! Really? You know what? I think I'll just go and um.. And-and um, ch-check my temperature.", Heinz said, turning and almost running out the door.
But as Heinz began to walk out of the room, Peter began to come in through the doorway and Perry was following after Heinz, saying that she should come and make sure too. In a sudden act of petty vengeance and with a wicked smile, Heinz stuck out his foot as Peter crossed by him. As Peter tripped, Perry got in the way to try and catch him but the surprising weight of the panda and the extra feet under and in front of his was enough to bring them both down and give the exact opposite of Heinz's intention.
Peter wasn't entirely sure how long he just sat there in shock, but it wasn't until Perry was already five feet away and he was being dragged to his feet by Doofenshmirtz that the sudden lip-lock he found himself in with Perry had sat off an entirely new train of thoughts in the panda's mind. How long where they kissing? Why did Perry run away? Was it about five seconds? Why is Doof suddenly mad? Was Perry mad at him? Wait, isn't it Doof's fault that Peter tripped anyway? Hang on, now what was he rambling on about?
While Peter was off in his own world, Heinz and Perry were both exploding in their own different manners. Perry could barely believe that for the brat of a panda-cub, Mr. Slow, the scourge of the O.W.C.A., everything that Perry had come to be the exact opposite of, suddenly kissed her! Was it intentional? It couldn't have been. So is she enjoying it or in absolute disgust? She could barely make out what she was thinking or feeling. And Heinz was beyond pissed off as he barked his head off at Peter for being such a sleazeball, trying to "make-out" with Perry like that. Of course, empty words, as he does have the tendency to ramble, but there was more fury built up in Heinz than Perry or Peter realized.
"Well look, Stupid! I'm not kissing her NOW am I?!", Peter exclaimed in his defense. "It was an accident."
"You're still lucky I don't just-"
"HEINZ!", Perry finally manage to cut through, causing both to stare at her and even though her face was on fire and she wasn't sure what to say, enough was definitely enough of the bickering. "...It's FINE. It WAS an accident...RIGHT. PETER?"
"Y-yes! Of course! I wouldn't ACTUALLY just try to- to-! ...What?! I wouldn't!", Peter groaned, now at a lost for his own words. "I wasn't actually trying to kiss you or anything! And Bro? Hands off the shirt."
"Yeah, right. Or what?", Heinz scoffed, dropping Peter to the floor as Perry's color cooled. "In fact. You know what? I'll go ahead and say what. Perry, I was wondering if you would like to accompany me for my weekly habit of eating out for once tonight."
"What?", Perry asked, now at a complete lost.
"Well I don't cook ALL the time and I do kinda hate eating alone. Would you like to go out with me tonight?", Heinz said, slightly wondering how long his courage and stupidity for blurting this out will last.
"Um... Alright? I guess?", Perry asked, her blush returning. "What about Pe-"
"There's only room for two. It's one of their busier nights tonight.", Heinz quickly lied. "Just us. No Peter. Is that alright?"
"Um.. Okay.", Perry said, though still unsure of what she just agreed to.
"Good. Now I'm off to make sure I'm not actually running a fever. You guys go on ahead and continue on the invention. We'll leave at 7 and if I catch you kissing her again, Peter, I'm personally gonna kill you.", Heinz said with great confidence and absolute nonchalance before pivoting on his heels and heading out the door.
Perry and Peter only glanced at each other in confusion and as soon as the door was closed behind him, Heinz held his pounding chest in shock, fear, hatred, humiliation, and adoration all at once as he stumbled his way through the hallways to the bathroom.
"Holy Doonkleberries, did I just actually SAY that?!", he wondered aloud to himself.
Well he did. And by the time 7 came around the corner, Perry was in the bathroom brushing out her hair. She didn't normally go out on any formal occasion. The last time she ate out, she was on a lunch date with one of the undercover Owca majors in Paris. Not really that formal. After making sure she looked alright, she came out and found Heinz also trying to comb down his hair. Though, of course, he failed to keep the messy mass under control. He saw her, she smiled a bit, he smiled back, and they began to head out.
"So, why can't Norm or I go too?", Peter asked, following them out.
"Cause it's special reservations and there's only room for two.", Heinz repeated with a slight smirk.
"Hmph.", Peter simply replied.
He followed them out the door while Heinz gave last-minute cautions about Norm and after they were out of sight, Peter just scowled hatefully that Heinz got to go out with Perry. He stood there for a good ten minutes before his mind wondered off the subject and his expression relaxed. Another 2 minutes and he began to scratch his stomach, wondering about what was in the fridge. A good 5 minutes before he caught back onto his spite about Doof and Perry dating. And it wasn't until about half an hour after Heinz and Perry left that Peter made a sudden revelation.
"ONLY room for two?!", he suddenly exclaimed before waiting for another 10 minutes when he finally decided to huff off. "I'll show him..."
Before Peter huffed off in indignation, as Heinz and Perry walked down the streets, things, for once, finally seemed to relax for the two.
"So, this oh-so specially-reserved restaurant is only a few blocks away then, yeah?", Perry asked.
"Well, sorry for lying but it's not really THAT fancy or anything.", Heinz said with a sheepish grin. "Just kinda thought it'd be nice to have a break from uh.."
"The grown-up two-year old?", Perry guessed with a slight smirk, making Heinz laugh.
"Is that what you think of him, or are you just reading my mind?", he asked between laughs.
"Uh, Doof? Anyone who knows Peter the Panda things of him as such.", Perry said with a chuckle. "Though I must say he's certainly grown up quite a bit since last I was with him."
"Really? I guess it'd take someone like you to know that, though, huh?", he replied.
"Well, I think being a human might have something to do with it. Side effects or something.", Perry said with a shrug.
"Oh! Where you- Have you been feeling any weird side-effects?", Heinz asked.
"No. Not that I'm aware of. But walking without a tail surely is BOUND to feel a little weird, right?", Perry said with a slight smirk.
"Oh yeah. That was real weird after the whole, platypus vs platypus thing.", Heinz said with a shake of his head.
"Yeah, I'll bet.", Perry chuckled.
Conversation went a bit dry, and Heinz scratched the back of his head, unsure of what to speak of next.
"...Oh! You know what I've finally had the chance to notice?", he asked.
"What's that?"
"Well now that you can talk, we can finally have a DECENT conversation!", Heinz said with a slight smile, earning a curious look from the other. "Well, Perry. Let's be blunt. I can't understand platypus. Thus conversation is only one-sided. NOW I have a chance to actually hear YOU talk. Hear YOUR opinions or hear about YOUR life or something."
"Well I doubt you'd really wanna hear much of my life.", Perry began to say with a slight chuckle of disbelief.
"No! No I really do!", Heinz said earnestly. "You're normally so quiet, it'd be kinda nice to finally know more about you, Perry."
"Well... I guess there's some parts I could tell you.", Perry said with a shrug before stopping in their walk and placing her hands on her hips. "But only after YOU tell ME where you got off calling me 'Perry' instead of 'Perry the Platypus'."
"Oh! Oh well um...", Heinz blushed a bit from embarrassment but, honestly? It did make conversation easier. "It was Peter's suggestion. Thought it might make more sense anyway, with you not being a platypus and all."
Perry shrugged and continued walking with him before saying, "Well I dunno about him, but I actually kinda like the add-on."
"Really?"
"Yeah. It's kinda like your own personal label. Or a different name and life I can go by where as under the name 'Agent P' I'm thinking more of a strict and serious agent and 'Perry' I'm thinking of back home. 'Perry the Platypus', it's like my casual personnel while still maintaining my anthropomorphism.", she explained.
"Sounds like a complicated life-style.", Heinz observed.
"Sounds like it, but it's not really the case.", she shook her head. "It's just the meaning of the title. So for you to call me Perry, it's kind of a weird and almost disturbing mix of the two I.D.s."
"Alright. Fine. I understand...", he began to say before smiling down at her. "..Perry the Platypus."
Perry smiled back and they made their way a bit more before Heinz opened the door of a small restaurant at the end of the sidewalk and stepped back with a slight bow to let Perry in. Perry gave a small nod and a polite smile, went in, and Heinz walked in right behind her.
"Well, looks like you DO have a few good manners.", she said in a joking manner.
"Perry the Platypus, you should know better than anyone I'm not ENTIRELY as evil as I make myself out to be.", he said with a chuckle.
They got a table and took a look at their menus. Heinz made a few suggestions and when the waiter came around, they placed their order and resumed their previous conversation.
"So. Bout your life?", Heinz asked, ready to hear.
"Well.. Gosh, don't really know where to start.", Perry shrugged. "You already know my birth and the basic outline of growing up in Owca."
"Did you ever had friends?", he asked with a shrug.
"Oh yeah. Pinky the Chihuahua, Freddy the Frog, a lot of the animals were my friends. And, of course, there was always the Monograms and Carl when he came to work."
"Wait, you mean Carl hasn't ALWAYS been apart of the O.W.C.A.?", Heinz asked. "I thought he was like, one of Monogram's sons or something."
"Umm.. Not that I'm aware of. No. Last I knew, Carl had no family. That's why it was okay for him to work with the organization.", Perry replied with a shake of her head. "No. Monty's his son. I think Monty's siblings already moved out."
"He has other siblings?"
"Heinz. Do you KNOW how old Major Monogram is? Course he has other children. Not just Monty who JUST graduated from HIGH SCHOOL.", she said with a bit of a "Uh-DUH!", expression before she took a sip of her water.
"Sorry. Guess it never really came to mind.", Heinz shrugged. "Guess it makes sense though."
Perry chuckled a bit and went on. She talked of her childhood, how she loved to play games and little pranks on the other agents. How she tried to be nice to Peter, but always received the cold shoulder. How the reason why Peter gave her said cold shoulder was because of his own fails and jealousy. The day Monogram explained what she really was and how nervous she was to meet her family.
"Actually, I was even nervous about being assigned to only one nemesis, even.", she said with a slight laugh as dinner was served.
"Really? YOU were nervous about ME?"
"Well I didn't really know you.", Perry shrugged. "I didn't know you'd be so silly, clumsy, and comical."
"...You think I'm funny?", Heinz asked with a slight smile.
"Well, gee. When you roller-skated into that toilet, gosh, Heinz. It was the most dramatic and epic thing I've ever seen of you.", she said sarcastically with a smirk as Heinz's face flushed at the memory.
"WHY do people still remember that?!", he asked in exclamation as he hid his face in his hands.
"I'm not sure. I think you were busy thinking about the shoe-lace...thingy.", she shrugged. "But the remix WAS kinda funny."
"I only pray that Roger didn't share it on Facebook with the family in Gimmelschtump.", Heinz sighed.
"Knowing him? He'd probably not care.", Perry shrugged. "He probably looked, laughed, and went on."
"Yeah, probably.", Heinz shrugged with a shake of his head.
Perry took a bite of her dinner and smiled as her eyes lit up.
"Wow! This is really good, Heinz!", she exclaimed.
"Well it's a good thing I didn't pick something you'd be allergic to then isn't it?", Heinz said with a chuckle. "By the way, Perry the Platypus? Um.. Nothing personal, but people don't normally talk with food in their mouth."
"Oh!", Perry exclaimed before quickly finishing the food in her mouth. "Sorry."
"No it's alright. Just saying.", Heinz said with a dismissive wave. "Not in public, anyway. At home, yeah it's okay...ish."
She laughed a bit and they continued talking. All in all, it was a rather good night. For once, Perry actually felt comfortable. No pressure from Owca, no pressure from her host family. It was just her being her with only simple-minded, actually rather considerate, Heinz Doofenshmirtz. It was almost a shame they had to end the night and head back home.
On the way back, Heinz couldn't help but remember Peter waiting for them and he couldn't help then to remember him and Perry kissing. He had an idea for a little while about kissing Perry before Peter and Perry did, but he wasn't sure if he could pull it off. Not without, surely, passing out.
"Umm... Perry the Platypus?", he began, earning her attention. "Y-you know how we hate each other, to the point that we treat it like... like lovers?"
"Um... Yeah?", Perry asked, unsure where he's going with this.
"Well... Well figuratively, wouldn't that mean that we hate each other SOO much, that if we were to be NICE to each other or...or to LOVE each other, that would actually be like- be like, the worst thing, right?", he asked, his face growing warm, especially as she paused and gave him a curious look. "W-well see cause to us, hate is love and love is hate. So if we REALLY hate each other- er if I like, if I- if I- if I tried to like, um... kiss you or anything... That'd be l-li-like worse than a- than a punch i-in the face...right?"
"Um...", Perry began, blushing. "I um.. Well I guess it would depend on how um...ho-how you would kiss me."
Heinz wasn't sure if he could do or say how he meant. He was surprised she hadn't just blown him off right at the start! But Perry was waiting and he had to do something soon or else look like an idiot again.
"Uh...", he began, feeling his legs shake down to his shoes. "K-kinda like.. W-w-well I mean.."
He simply decided the best way to get it over with was just to do it fast so he scooped up the agent, kissed her, and prayed desperately that something bad wouldn't happen for once. Well his prayers were answered, in a sense. For the moment, Perry only stood there in shock as Heinz continued to kiss her and hold her in his thin and unusually long arms. It was interesting, really, how either his arms were just that long or she was that small, but he almost could wrap just one arm around her entire waist if he chose so. And Perry was just left in a state of absolute confusion. It was so wrong, to be kissing her nemesis like this. To even let him go ahead and keep kissing her! But if it was so wrong, so disgusting, why did she bring her arms up around his neck? Why was she kissing him back? Somehow, these questions didn't matter. They kissed, and Heinz couldn't have been more happy as he brought up a hand and brushed it through her short teal hair.
Suddenly, there was a gasp and before Heinz knew it, Perry was already walking away very quickly.
"...Wh-! Perry-! P-Perry the Platypus!", he exclaimed, trying to catch up. "No! Wait up!"
"N-no! Just lemme alone for a minute!", Perry said, trying to keep her face turned away from him as he caught up.
"No, look I'm sorry! I-I didn't- I-I mean- I-I'm not trying to-"
"No, Heinz. I don't care. I got the point. It's torture.", she said quickly and definitely.
While Heinz was busy trying to apologize for the sudden come-on, Perry was doing everything she could to keep him from knowing she liked it. She couldn't let him know she liked kissing him. Liked it how his hand brushed her like when she was platypus. She couldn't let him know something personal about her like that. And as they walked back, now in awkward silence, Perry actually felt pain. And it was torture. Cause as much as she hated to admit it, she missed someone loving her. She hadn't been with Phineas or Ferb for only a day and a half but she missed them more than ever. With Peter and Doof's odd behaviors, it was very much indeed, torture.