To Make Ends Meet
Chapter 3
BPOV
We rode over in silence. I knew Emmett was taking me to the morgue to identify my parents but I didn't want to comment about it. I just kept my gaze outside the window watching the scene fly by me. Most people in cars are happy and completely unaware of the hell I went through these past ten hours. One little cute boy even waved at me while his momma drove on by. I took the solace in their happy faces, soaking in their happiness because in all honestly, I have none.
I know my poor siblings are in a foster home right now waiting for me. Those poor kids are in an unfamiliar home, separated, and scared. They have to be there all day; it must be so hard for them. It is the day after their parents died. They have to toughen up when I know all they want to do right now is curl up and cry.
What do I tell them when I see them? Could I even take them home tonight? Do they even want me to fight to keep them all? Would they rather have a fresh start as someone else, not as a Swan?
"You doin okay?"
I turned around and looked at Emmett with dead eyes. "Yeah, I'm doing okay."
"We've been sitting here for about ten minutes now. You ready to go in?"
I looked forward and noticed we were, in fact, parked in front of the hospital. I looked up and saw that it was relatively small, only about four stories. Looking up it seemed like the hospital was more of a jail than a place where people go to get treated. The walls seem so grey and lifeless.
I held my breath and closed my eyes, I could practically see my dad looking worried at me and telling me to calm down before I have a panic attack. I let out a gust of air, holding the sob threatening to get out. "I don't think I ever will be."
He leaned back in his seat, "I bet, but the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we see those kids."
I nodded, "that's true," I said, even though I didn't make a move to get out of the squad car.
"You know? The first call I ever had on the job was a hostage situation in progress?"
I looked over at Emmett again. He was smiling and I softly smiled back.
"Well, see this was the first time I ever got the squad car to myself, because you know, up to that point I was with another cop on ride alongs. This was the time I finally I got it to myself. So, I got myself this huge celebratory meal, I'm talkin a huge bacon cheeseburger with chili cheese fries and a giant diet Pepsi...I gotta watch my weight you know" he winked at me.
I smiled back at him
"Well, I just started my meal when I got the call for the hostage situation in progress and it turns out that I'm the nearest unit in town. So, I left that meal in a hurry, ran out to my Batmobile and booked it. I flew down the streets with the lights and horns blazing. I was so caught up in my own little inner monologue that-"
"Wait," I had to interrupt, "Inner monologue?" I laughed
"Yeah, the batman theme song? DunneneneneDunenenene Batman!"
I burst out laughing, "I think that's Spiderman song" I giggled.
"Seriously?" he raised an eyebrow at me, I laughed and nodded. "Huh, my son always sings it that way. Anyway. I was flying down the street and without even noticing it, I made a wrong turn and past it. I mean totally past it. I completely panicked and stomped on my brakes…I was so fucking lucky I didn't flip the damn squad car. Anyway, there was nowhere for me to turn around so I had to keep on going straight until I finally made it to a light where I could turn around. By the time I made it to the hostage situation, it already finished."
We both started laughing. "Really?"
"Really, that happened. Luckily no one got hurt. When I finally got to the scene, my captain was there and asked me what took me so long. When I told him what happened, he busted out laughing at me, the whole police department knew about this soon after I told him. It took me forever until they finally stopped calling me Batman….my son still does though. But I don't mind that he does, he thinks I'm a hero and that's just fine with me."
"Batman is more of a vigilante than a hero."
"No Bella, he's a hero. He saves other people from evil villains. That is my definition of a hero you know. A person that proves one's worth through courage and tries to improve the world they are living in. That's what I do and my son looks up to me for it." He smiles.
"You right Em, you are a hero. I don't know what I do if you weren't here. You've been so helpful since we met, I don't know what I would have done if someone else would have driven me here. I honestly don't know how to move from this spot." My lip quivered, "I don't want to see my parents like this….i…i-I don't know how." I cried.
Emmett reached over and rubbed my back a little as I stuttered and hiccupped and cried my heart out. I don't want to see my parents all purple, blue, and dead. How am I suppose to?
"It's going to be okay." He hushed me for a minute. "You know what I believe?"
"W-what?" I shook my head side to side.
"I don't think our bodies are who we are. Who we are is our souls. When we die, we leave our bodies behind and move on. You're just going to see your parents' bodies, not your parents. They are off in a better place, looking out for you and your siblings. Always remember your parents for who they were, not what you're going to see now. Those are not your parents, those are just their bodies."
My tears kept falling as he was talking. What he says is true, but I can't make my heart believe what my head knows. Just seeing their lifeless bodies will solidify this whole situation. It'll make it all more real: my parents are dead.
"Em…I…can't…do…I can't….do this." I gasped. "I'm such a horrible person" I cried.
"Bella-"
"No! You don't understand! I have not talked to them in months….months Em! They don't even know that I loved them so so so…..so fucking much" I wailed. "They will never know how much I appreciated them or how much I'll miss them. How do I react to this? Where do I go from here?"
"We go identify your parents so we could go see your brothers and sisters. James was not in a good place last night. I know they all need you. Let's get out of here. Come on." He patted my leg.
I nodded. He's right. I need to get this done and over with. Even though I know they are gone, a small piece of my irrational heart still believes that my parents are not the ones dead in the morgue.
I got out of the squad car on unsteady legs. Taking deep breaths, I walked with Emmett, holding on to his arm in order to keep myself steady. We walked through the hospital my parents were rushed to the night they died. My mind was at a complete surreal daze. I just stood there like a zombie while I let Em take care of everything.
Next thing I know, I'm downstairs facing two bodies under two separate sheets through a thick glass wall. My heart is completely pounding in chest; I could even hear it in my ears. They slowly raised one of the sheets from one body and I saw my mother. Her face was scarred and blue and lifeless. There was no expression on her face so I couldn't tell if she was in pain or not. Tears continued to fall from my face as my chin shook my lips. I nodded my head, telling the man that that person is in fact, my mommy.
The man raised the sheet again and there he was. My dad. My daddy.
My eyes widen and I just nodded my head. The only thought I could process was that Emmett was wrong. These may just be my parents' bodies, but I will never forget how they look right now.
"Okay, I'm going to fill out the paper work and you just go sit in the Emergency waiting room"
I nodded again and left. Without really looking at anything around me, I managed to make it to the waiting room. Luckily, no one was in the room. I quickly sat down before I fell on my wobbly legs. I brought my knees to my chest and just cried. I couldn't help the noises that were escaping me. Clenching my eyes closed, I sobbed all over my jeans.
What am I going to do? I asked over and over again just starring at the wall in front of me as if it held all of the answers I need so badly.
I don't know how long I just stared off but at some point I gently registered a throat being cleared somewhere next to me. Then I heard a deep voice mumble, "Um, here you go."
I looked over and saw a very good looking man holding a handkerchief out to me. He had dark brown, almost reddish, hair sticking up on top of his head, as if he didn't have time to wash it this morning. He didn't even change because he was just wearing sleep pants and a Jim Morrison t-shirt. His face was layered with sincerity, his piercing green eyes hunched with beauty and sorrow.
"Thank you" I whispered to him as I reached over for the handkerchief. The tips of my fingers barely grazing his
"You're welcome" he sweetly replied.
Very unladylike, I buried my face in his handkerchief and blew out my nose like I never had before. I flipped the thing over and wiped my tears off with it. I knew my face must look so swollen and red, due to the fact that I kept rubbing it with the handkerchief. I hardly registered that my fellow awaiting buddy continued to talk; I just caught a bit of it.
"...people come here either scared out of their mind or happier as can be?"
"No" I responded not sure what he meant by that comment but my answer seemed appropriate enough. My throat felt too dry to really say anything else anyway.
He nodded his head as I turned more to look at him. He looks like the type of men I see in the movies or in magazines. He may be wearing sleep attire but even that just makes him look better and humbling. He's unlike anything I've ever seen. And all he's doing is trying to spark up some conversation to help us both forget about why we are here. So, I just leaned closer to him and listen to whatever he wanted to say.
He faced me, "It's true; people don't usually wait around here without feeling the ultimate scare or total bliss. For everyone, it's either fear for someone's life or waiting for a new one to be born. It's interesting to have so many mixed emotions in one room, except today…it's pretty empty."
"You come here a lot?"
"I do."
"Scared out of you mind or total bliss?" I asked, curious as to why he's here so calm and collected, he must be waiting for his wife to have his baby.
"Scared out of my mind" he answered cooly.
I scrunched up my nose, "You seem okay"
He leaned in closer to me and said, "I hide it well."
My breathing hitched and I cried, "I don't."
Once again I put his handkerchief up to my face and cried for the loss of my parents. Just the mere thought of them clenches my heart like no other feeling.
I felt this kind stranger's hand on my back, rubbing it gently. I was shocked by the feeling, but I mostly relished in it. I need comfort. I'm the one expecting to comfort and be strong for the others, but how can I? I'm in pain too, I lost my parents too!
But I can't think like that. I need to toughen up. I need to stop feeling so sad for myself and think about how I'm going to react when I see James, Garrett, Alec and little Victoria. I need to comfort and be strong for them.
"Sorry" I sighed, as I wiped my tears up again.
"You have no reason to be sorry."
I sniffled up, "I swear I never cry…but…but…-"
"It's okay; you don't have to talk about it." He assured me.
I leaned back in my chair and took some long deep breaths. I looked back over at the guy that's being so nice to me. I wonder why he's here. Why is he alone too?
I took another breath and extended my hand out to him, "I'm Bella"
Without really worrying about the fact that I probably have snot and tear germs all over my hands, he reached his right hand to me, "I'm Edward, and it's nice to meet you"
"Likewise…I just wish it was under better…"
"Circumstances?" he offered.
"Yeah" I smiled at bit. I finally felt a little better; actually communicating with a fellow human being is so incredibly comforting. I think it's easier that he's a stranger too. He doesn't know me or have some preconceived beliefs in me of how strong or selfless I am in trying to handle my family troubles. He's just a guy trying to help out a sad girl. Not many men would be so considerate.
Just as I was about to comment on how truly sweet he is, Emmett came out of the door. I felt my whole body immediately stiffen up and the whole world just landed on my shoulders once again.
He looked so sad and his eyes were red and puffy as well. I'm sure it must have been hard having to see his good friends in the morgue. "I'm sorry Em…I just…I can't…it's too soon-"
"It's alright, I didn't mind. U did the hard part. I just signed some papers. I was given some pan flips for some funeral directors. When you're ready, I'll give them to you. I want you to make all the final arrangements to how you want them."
"Thank you" I cried into the handkerchief. Remember who the handkerchief belonged to I turned over to a very concerned man. Edward must have pieced together what Emmett said and found out that I lost someone dear to me.
I looked down at the handkerchief and him, wondering if he wants this back. Without me needing to say anything, he raised his hand and said, "Just keep it. You need it more than me."
"I appreciate it."
He gave me a small smiled and whispered, "I'm really sorry for your loss."
"Thank you. I hope all goes well for you." I just hope that he gets better news than me today.
"Thank you, Bella. I do too." He stated. Poor guy, he must have to be going through something, being here and all. "It was nice to meet you" he added.
"Nice to meet you too, Edward." I got up and walked towards Emmett. We walked out the door, but not before I looked back at the kind stranger. I hope I get to see him again.
"I think I know that guy," Emmett mused.
"Really? How?" I asked curious. Emmett reached over and put his arm over my shoulders.
"I don't really know actually. My memory sucks but I could always remember a face."
We reached the doors and headed to Em's Batmobile, I giggled.
"What's funny?"
"Nothing Batman" I saluted.
He grinned, "Shut it Robin, now get your ass in the cruzer." He smiled as I buckled up. "Okay kid, now we have to talk serious for another moment, ready?" I nodded. "Good, we have to go to the courthouse to talk to a judge then if things go smoothly, you'll meet with the social worker. Now, I don't want to disrespect you, but you look like shit. We're here to impress these people so you need to doll it up a bit…not too much though, we need sympathy too. So look good, just not too good, get it?"
I looked down at myself. I'm only wearing yoga pants and a Fangtasia t-shirt; it would be a good idea for me to look more presentable. I don't even want to look in a mirror to see my face though. "Umm, yeah I guess. But all my extra clothes are at my house, back in Forks."
"Oh no worries on that, I talked to my wife about your situation this morning and she came up with the idea of you borrowing some of her clothes." He told me as he pulled out of the parking lot. "I brought a few outfits she picked out in the backseat and she made me bring a bag with hair brushes, hair bands and makeup. I think you'll be all set if you want me to stop at a gas station so you could get ready."
My traitor eyes got all teary again.
"Now don't get all glassy on me, Robin. Man up and put on your war clothes soldier!" he yelled as he pulled over to the nearest gas station.
I smiled and leaned over towards him to kiss his cheek, "Thank you. I don't know what I do without you. Please call your wife while I'm getting ready and thank her for me too. I really am looking forward to meeting her."
"She is too. I'll rally the message, now go. I want to try and get to your siblings by at least two, that way I could drive you all back to my home before dinner. My wife is making a big dinner for you all and I don't want to be late." He smiled.
"Dinner? For all of us? How do you know everything is going to work out?" I asked, worried that I won't be able to prove to a judge my reliability to take these kids…what is the judge really does ask me to drug test?
"I have faith Bella. You are what's best for these kids, I just know this will all work out. Now get a move on it." he pushed me out of the squad car. I met him on the driver's side as he pulled out two plastic bags and a makeup case. "Here, pick out whatever you need. There's even some bra's that my wife thinks will go best with some of the blouses. She said you could keep all of it, the clothes don't, and I quote, 'fit her the same since she had the baby,' not that I'm complaining…her boobs look great but these should-"
"Shut it Batman, I get it." I laughed, he obviously didn't want to talk about underwear to me. "Thank your wife for me, this is above and beyond."
"None sense, now GO!"
"I'm gone!" I jogged off to the gas station. I went inside and got the key from the clerk and went into the bathroom. I had to ignore the fact that the bathroom was just….gross. I quickly put the bags in the sink and went through what Emmett's wife picked out for me, and BOY did he underestimate her selection. These were nice clothes, like total designer. I loved them all and couldn't choose. So I got the white strapless tank (wearing the strapless bra, thank you), a nice black blazer, black slacks with white stripes going down (to match the tank) and killer classic black boots.
I looked at myself in the mirror in shock. This is the nicest outfit I ever wore. I would never have bought something this nice before and I can't believe she's just giving me these clothes for no other reason than to just be nice to me.
I fixed my hair out of my messy bun and put it in a slick ponytail (using the water from the sink) and letting my bangs hand on the side of my face. I went through the makeup and decided to go a little heavy on my eyes because they are huge and puffy. So I added some black eyeliner (not too much) and light brown eye shadow. Adding some mascara and a little chap stick, I was done.
Throwing all my old clothes and shoes in the bags I picked up and left the bathroom, walking slowly…I'm wearing boats after all and I do not need to fall in these clothes.
"Holy hole in the donut Robin! You look great," Emmett praised as he opened the door for me. He took the bags and threw them in the trunk. "Now, let's get this show on the road. Oh and my wife says no problem and she hopes you like Mexican food."
I smiled, I don't even know her and I love her.
We made it to the courthouse just as I was wondering if I should have asked that Edward guy for his phone number or not. Definitely not, Mike would be pissed if I did.
"Now, we're on time for your appointment. I could walk you to the judge's chambers but I can't go in. Now don't look at me like that, you're going to do just fine." He smiled and tapped my nose.
We got over to the judges chamber and I turned to look at the big burly teddy bear that I already consider my best friend. He sighed and rubbed my shoulders, up and down, "Be charming, milk the sad face, say you're what's best for the kids, don't lie and be that fierce chick that yelled at me over the phone. Got it?"
I smiled and nodded. "Go get em' Bella" he smirked as I turned around and went inside.
I took at deep breath when I walked in and saw the judge. He was a big man both vertically and horizontally. Very intimidating
"Isabella Marie Swan?"
I nodded
"Please have a seat." He motioned towards the chair in front of his impressive desk.
Oh wobbly legs, I walked over to the chair and sat looking anywhere but at him. I saw his name on his desk 'Judge Jackson Worthington'
"I like to start with sending my deep condolences to you for the loss of you parents." He stated when I looked up at his face, "I understand that you are the legal guardian of your four minor siblings, but I also realize that you are young. So I have to ask you, do you want to uphold your guardianship or would you like to allow the foster system to take care of your siblings?"
I looked at him with my heart pounding loudly in my chest.
Did I want this? Did I need this kind of pressure in my life? Are they better off?
"Yes Sir, I would like to uphold my guardianship." I managed to state without sounding as nervous as I feel.
"Alright. With that, we have some serious issues to discuss. Your parents did have a trust fund for all the children, including yourself. Plus I see here that they also have a combined life insurance plan, which will help you greatly in getting custody because you need to be financially stable in order for these children to go into your custody and I see that you are. Your bank with discuss to you how you will gain access to your money. But I will strongly advise you do find a job. This may be a lot of money but it will go fast with four children. Do you understand so far?"
"How much do I have?"
"Well, combined with both parents deceased you have roughly a million dollars post taxes. Like I said, it seems like a lot of money but it will go fast and I hope you would invest some of this money in their college funds that are already set?"
I nodded even though I don't know if I could. I got to get these kids set up before I could even think about them in college.
"Now as far as the mortgage goes, the house is already paid for which is positive. The family car is totaled but the insurance company will pay for a replacement car. Now I have a stack of paperwork you must fill out as soon as possible. You will be working with a social worker, I'll page her." He picked up a phone and told someone to send 'her' in.
A woman walked into the room and steadily stood in front of me, so I stood up too. "Hello Isabella, my name is Jessica Stanley and I'll be the social worker for your case."
I shook her hand looking her over. She seemed nice enough, with straight light brownish blonde hair. She looked like she was in her early thirties and her face was straight, emotionless. I couldn't tell if she was a friend or foe.
"Now we must get through some formalities. This is completely procedure, even though some of it seems dumb, we must follow through with each step carefully. So, since we know now that you are financially self-supporting, we need you to fill out this series of forms," she went into her briefcase and took out a lot of forms and handed it to me (honestly she must have killed several trees to get me this stack).
"You need to attend an 8 hour orientation training program taught by our custodial staff that handles adoptions. You will need to be fingerprinted and have a criminal record check along with a child abuse index clearance. I need you to go to your doctor and get a TB test and a general health clearance. I need you to receive CPR and first aid training. I see you don't have a pool on the residence, but it would also be good if you take a water safety class, just in case. You also need to go to the DMV and get a print out of your valid driver's license along with your proof of insurance. Do you understand?"
"Um, may I have a pen and paper so I could write all this down?" I stumbled. I didn't know I would have to do so much
"I already took the liberty of making you a check list, I strongly advise you to get all this done as soon as possible."
"I will."
"Any questions?"
"Yes, can I take my brothers and sister home today?" I asked. This is the major question that would make or break my day.
The judge cleared his throat, "normally, we would require you to have all these provisions completed prior to guardianship, but we do recognize that your siblings would rather be in their home instead of a foster care facility just waiting as you complete these requirements. With that, we will let you take them home but know that we are going to be watching you closely. Starting next month, you will have monthly check ups along with drug tests that will be personally observed by Mrs. Stanley. Do you understand?"
"Yes, I do." I nodded.
"Is there anything you would like to add before we conclude this meeting?" he asked.
"I just want to say thank you. I can't describe how grateful I am to have a chance to keep my family together." I straighten up my back a bit, "I will do whatever it takes."
"I commend you for doing this; it is a huge responsibility, especially with the infant in the family. Just know that you are on a two year probation period. We do have the right to take your siblings out of the home if we find it to be unsafe or unfit. Please make use of our confidence in you, do not let us down." He stood up and reached his hand out to me.
I looked over and saw that the social worker also stood up, so I took my cue and stood up as well. I reached my hand over and shook the judge's hand, "Thank you."
"You're welcome, now Mrs. Stanley will be the person you contact if you need any help. I will relook your application in six months to see your progress."
I nodded my head and Mrs. Stanley followed me out. When she closed the judge's chambers behind her she turned to me, "This is all my contact information. Please feel free to call me anytime. I will check in with you in a few days to make sure you completed all the forms and requirements. If you have any questions, you know how to get a hold of me."
"Okay, thank you."
She nodded her head and started walking down the hall. I quickly saw Emmett standing there watching Jessica leave. He soon approached me with wide eyes when he saw all the forms I had in my hands.
"Papers are good, right?" he asked
"Yes, very good. I can take them home. Let's go."
"Alright!" he grabbed the papers and we started walking outside of the building, "so how did it go?"
"Honestly, I hardly said a thing." I smiled. I'm so happy it all worked out.
"That's great; Judge Worthington is a good guy. That's why I asked him instead of someone else."
"Thank you Emmett."
"No problem." He smiled. We walked together to the squad car and just blasted the music when we drove over to the foster home.
When we got there, I put on my game face. I need to be strong to face them. I have to be
I have to be
I have to be
I have to be
"Ready?"
I took a deep breath, "I am."
Emmett check us in with the clerk as my eyes kept scanning the place, looking for them.
Walking down the hall, I went into a lounge looking place and I found a little group of three boys, one holding a baby. They were huddled close together.
There they are.
My breathing hitched and they heard it. All pairs of eyes starred at me, but mine went straight to James. He had his long blonde hair in a ponytail. He had one arm around Alec and the other around Garrett. His eyes were red and puffy like mine. He looked angry and crushed.
I fell to my knees in tears as Alec ran to me and hugged me.
"Oh Bella" he sniffled. I held him tight and put my face to his little neck sobbing.
"I'm so sorry this happened, sweetheart." He shook in my arms, not saying anything. I gently peeled him off of me and looked over to Garrett who was holding little Victoria. She was just laying in his arms as Garrett cried. I stood up and hugged the both of them.
"Bella…I…I…they're gone…just gone" He hiccupped. I hushed him and rocked the both of them as Alec hugged my legs.
I looked over at James and he just stood far away from me. Running my hands through Garrett's hair, I motioned for him to come to me. He slowly did and whispered, "What took you so long Bells."
The air in my lunges just gushed out of me, "Oh I'm so sorry James, I swear I tried to get here as fast as I could." I cried as I let go of the boys and fully hugged James. I know he's a tough guy that doesn't like to suffer with people around him but I couldn't help it, I just had to hold him to me.
"Bella, I feel…so…so…lost," he whispered in my ear.
I took off his ponytail and ran my hands through it. "I do too."
Out of all my siblings I feel like I can talk the most real to is James. He understands the severity of this situation and he's always been my other half.
"I don't think I could…handle this…I so fucking angry….I feel like I'm going to burst." He shook.
"Think it'll help getting out of here?" I asked.
"Yes."
"Okay, let's get out of here. There are some things I need to go over with you later. Can you handle it?"
"I don't know…I don't know what I can handle…I'm so fucked up right now. What am I going to do without….oh…without them." He blurted.
"We'll figure this out together."
I leaned in and kissed his cheek. I turned to look at the others. I reached in and took Victoria out of Garrett's hands.
"I love you guys so much, my sweet boys." I told them as I leaned into James while Garrett and put his arm over Alec's shoulders., Victoria just in my arms playing with my hair, "We will get through this…together."
I hope.
IIIVVVVIIII
A/N: I got 42 alerts for this story (yes, I count them!). That's so epic for me, thank you to the one's that reviewed, that totally makes my day.
So, thoughts?
You all met Edward for a bit! And who here loves Emmett? I do.
Please leave some love and review. I promise there will be more to come
Love,
Roxy