Decemeber 14th, 2012

This was it. This was the day my life turned into hell.

And it all started with a single argument.
We had been training, trying to grow as a team instead as one. We were all to go against Splinter. As a team.

But what's a team without a leader?

"Alright, Mikey and Raph sneak up on Sensei from behind. Donnie and I will do an arial stealth attack."
We all nodded in agreement as we began the attack. Mikey and I hid in the shadows, awaiting Leo's signal to go.

Leo and Donnie sat in the tree across from where Mikey and I hid in the shadows. It wasn't long before Leo gave the signal for Mikey and I to attack. But as we were going to attack, I hadn't seen the weapon rack to the front of me, and I tripped against the wheel of it.

I knocked over the weapon rack, with me falling under the wrack and a few of the weapons knicking my skin. Instead of Splinter attacking us like he normally would when we let our guards down, he noticed that I was underneath the weapons. He quickly came over and helped Mikey get me out from the heavy weaponry.

"Raphael, my son, are you alright?" He asked as he and Mikey moved the heavy weapons off of me. I knew my wrist was broken, and I had some deep cuts on my face.

"I think my wrist is broken." I admitted.

Once all of the weapons were off of me, Splinter took my wrist in his hand, studying it closely and pressing in certain areas. I winced and even yelped a bit in pain as he pressed against my tender wrist.
"I'm afraid your wrist is broken, my son. You need to be more careful as to where you are going. Have Donatello wrap your wrist up, and go to your room to rest up."

"Hai, Sensei." I said obediently. I hadn't retaliated.

Because I hadn't changed yet.

I stood up, and Donnie began to lead me to his lab, but Leo stopped us short.

"You ruined my plan, Raph."

I was a bit shocked. He was really blaming me for our faults? Well, I mean, I guess I did screw up the plan, but I felt the need to defend myself. "What did I do, Leo?"

"You were careless to look where you were going. You should have been watching. Then we wouldn't have been caught." Leo sneered.

"It was a mistake, Leo. Let it go."

"If it were a real mission the enemies wouldn't have asked if you were alright. They would kill you on the spot. If one of us goes down we all go down." Leo shot at me.

My eyes narrowed. "So, if I'm reading this correctly, this was all my fault?"

"Yep, you're reading it correctly."

I began to growl. "And who left the weapon wrack out after he was finished training? Huh? Who did that?"

"You should have seen it!"

"Well, I'm sorry, Leo, I'm not perfect like you!"

"I never said I was perfect!"

"Well, you sure act like you are!"

Leo stomped his foot, "Oo, Raph! You're on thin ice, pal!"

"What're you gonna do? Tell Splinter? Oo, I'm shaking in fear! You've really got me trembling!"

Leo was angry. I could tell. His ocean blue eyes had never appeared to look more red. "We don't need you, Raph! We could easily fight without you! You have no contribution to this team!"

That struck a nerve. I had never felt more angry and hurt in my entire life. "Then why don't I leave? Why don't I go die? That way you don't have to put up with me! Is that what you want, Leo? Is that what you want? Do you want me to just go into my room and kill myself? Huh, huh? Is that what you want?" I yelled in Leo's face.

Leo had been shocked. I saw it on his face. That was our first huge fight. Our friendship. Our brotherhood. I knew it was going down the drain. With that said, I stomped off to my room.

"R-Raph, what about your-"

"Don't worry about it, Donnie. If I'm such a waste of space you should probably keep your medical supplies for someone who matters." I shot back. His mouth shut. It opened again, but it shut almost immediately after it opened. It reminded me of a fish out of water. The old me would have laughed at that remark, but something had seemed to snap in me.

I stomped to my room, opened my door violently, and slamming it shut behind me. I sat on my bed heavily. I felt different. I didn't feel like my normal self anymore. I felt a bit more...depressed, angry. I just didn't feel normal anymore.

I didn't understand. Why was I feeling this now? Leo and I had quarrels, but we never had fights that intense. We had been the best of friends. But now...I didn't even know what we were. We weren't friends. Not anymore. Not after that. Could I even dare to call him my brother anymore? He told me that I wasn't needed.

Shell, could I even call myself a Hamato anymore?

I heard a gently knock at my door. I hadn't muttered a come in. They knocked again. Again I didn't answer, but this time they came in anyway.

Leonardo.

I narrowed my eyes. What could he possibly want now?

"Raph, are you ok?"

I scoffed. Wow. That was a new feeling. "Why would I be, and why wouldn't I be?"

Leo looked a bit uncomfortable. "Well, with all that talk about killing yourself, I...I just wanted to see if you were ok."

"I thought you wanted to see me dead." I nailed.

His mouth dropped. "No, Raph, you've got it all wrong. I-"

"I know how I took it, and I know that I took it correctly, even if you say I'm wrong. You said it yourself, Fearless," And in comes a new nickname, "you guys don't need me nor want me. I'm useless to this family. You said it yourself."

"But, Raph-"

"Gosh, Leo, can't you take a hint? Get out!" I yelled at Leo as I shooed him out of my room. He caught a glimpse of my bruised hand and winced.

"But Raph, your hand-" I slammed the door in his face. I didn't care what he had to say. I didn't care what anyone had to say. I wasn't going to listen to them.

Another knock. Again I didn't answer. But this time the person straight came in. I looked up.

"M-Master Splinter." I stammered.

He looked at me sympathetically. "Raphael, are you alright, my son? I heard you and your brother's fight.
The others are worried about you."

I laughed bitterly. "Yeah, well they shouldn't be."

Splinter looked at me as if I was crazy. "Raphael, you do not seem like yourself."

"So what if I'm not like my normal self? Why do you care?"

Splinter looked at me sadly. "Raphael, if there is something wrong with you you know that you can tell me anything, right?"

I sighed. "Yes, I know, Sensei, but nothing is wrong with me."

Splinter sighed. He knew I wasn't ok. But he wasn't going to force it out of me. "Alright. But if anything is ever wrong, let me know."

I nodded and Splinter left my room. I lied back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Maybe I wasn't meant for this family. Maybe they would be better off without me. I closed my eyes.

Maybe I should kill myself.

Did you like it, love it, hate it? Let me know. Your opinion matters. :)