Chapter 3

And When Is This Day Going To End?

So, here's the deal: I've always prided myself on the fact that I am totally a good daughter. I don't think that I've ever given my mom a reason to complain about anything (at least she's never let on that I have) and I've always done everything that she's asked me to do. I don't smoke, drink, have sex with the entire football team, and there is nothing I really would hide from my mother. I know that I can tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me. So the fact that I would talk to her that way really made me stop for a moment and think about why I was so on the defensive. Let's face it: I'm not Erica Kane and she is certainly no Mona. I know how to take advice. Mom was only trying to help and, as always, she did it the right way.

Why are good mothers always so good and...right?

The fact that mom picked up on the truth should have made me glad that it was all out in the open. I admit it okay? I AM ATTRACTED TO TRISTAN DUGRAY! It felt a little good to say that. It felt really good actually. Like I was carrying around a dirty little secret anymore. But that didn't mean that I was saying I had feelings for him. Let me put it this way: Sure, we all think that Aidan guy from All My Children is sexy and all manly, but I'm sure we can all agree that he can't act for spit. Well, sure I think that Tristan is hot- definitely not blind or anything-but that doesn't mean that I want to have some torrid affair. This is not One Tree Hill. The whole good girl with bad guy thing is not my style to tell you the truth. And this is really what it all comes down to. If you don't have the personality or the means to an end, it doesn't matter what you look like.

I had gotten about five minutes away from my house when I realized that my mother would need the car to drive back to work. And I very well couldn't leave her stranded. It wasn't even time to go to Paris' yet. And despite the fact that I had just admitted to being attracted to Tristan didn't equate to spending any more time with him than I already had to or even Paris for that matter. She's my best friend and all and I love her to death, but when Paris is on win mode, she's also on Nazi mode, which makes her more than just a little scary.

As I pulled up to my driveway I saw my mother standing on the steps, her arms crossed with a know-it-all grin that sometimes annoyed me to no end. How did she always know how things were going to turn out? How did she know that I would be back? It's like she's what Miss Cleo was trying to do but never had the actual talent to achieve.

As I eased the car into the driveway then turned off the ignition, she came down the short set of stairs and strolled over the car far more relaxed than I was at the moment.

"Are we done with the tantrums Shannon?" my mother asked, once again smugly.

I couldn't help but role my eyes. "You don't have to say it. You don't have to say it. I'm a jerk, a major one at that I know."
She crossed her arms and a pensive look came across her face. "You're right. You were a jerk. And I don't know how I feel about that because at the end of the day, your behavior is a reflection of me. So I'm wondering, did I raise you to be that way or have I been allowing you to spend too much time with Paris and not enough time with me?"

"Touché," was all I said as I looked at how pretty the fence was on our porch.

"So," she said as she opened the car door and gracefully slid inside. "Are you ready to talk about this little issue we're having? Because if this is how you're going to act about you and Tristan you have to ask yourself if you can really going to another continent with him for a few months."

"I'm sorry for overreacting," I said finally looking at her and trying to avoid the inevitable for as long as possible.

"That's nice, but you know I forgave you for that the moment you ran out the house so stop trying to change the subject."

"ARGGHH! I don't know! I honestly don't know how I feel. I've spent my whole entire time hating that boy because he's made my life miserable and now all of the sudden it's like he's this person with feelings. I don't know how to cope with that."

"Okay, let me ask you this question and you have to answer it truthfully. I'm serious. Is he the reason why you possibly didn't fit with Dean anymore?"

I looked at mom completely horrified. Was she trying to ask me if I was some sort of slut? Was she saying that I was harboring feelings for one man while I was with another?

"How about before you answer, you try and think about it real hard. Ask yourself deep down, when you were with Dean-who at one point you swore was it for you and was the love of you life and that you could never be with anyone but him-that when Tristan came on to the scene, despite the fact that he was giving you a hard time you were attracted to him because you saw something more. Perhaps it was something that he didn't even see in himself. This could even explain why he likes you so much. "

"I hate when you make sense, I just want you to know that."

She tilted her head back and looked at me sideways. "Well, what is your conclusion?"

I sighed knowing what the answer really was. "Okay, so let's just say that I was going along with life at Chilton happy that I was with someone who loved me and who I could soundboard to about how crappy my existence was at my new academic institution. And let's just say that I was perfectly fine with the way things were despite the fact that everyone, it seemed, hated the very sight of me. And maybe, just maybe, I was slightly annoyed by this guy who was most definitely the hottest guy in school, so hot that Paris who is boy challenged even liked him. There could have been a possibility that I was intrigued by him because he spent so much time tormenting me and giving me all of this attention that I suppose could be translated in to sexual tension between the two of us. But if all of that happened to be true, doesn't that make me some sort of masochistic, hodge-podge daft, who is slightly insane?"

Mom pulled me into a much-needed hug. I guess she saw the agony on my face because she began to rub my back; my favorite vice that keeps me calm. "Oh baby, if I had an idea of how the matters of the heart worked, you better believe that I'd making a fortune off of it and we'd never have to worry about money again. But unfortunately, I don't. All I can say to you is that I don't think that you did anything that anyone else hasn't done at one point in his or her life. It's okay to be conflicted sometimes. That's how we learn."

"But I don't want to learn this way." There was silence for a moment as we both thought about different things. "You know what Dean said to me the day we broke up? He said that I was a hypocrite. I went around preaching about how every couple should be as committed as possible to each other. They should never let another come in between them. Then, he said it broke his heart to know that I had given mine away to a person who could never deserve me and that I had lowered my standards for someone who would eventually use me."

I pulled back from her and began to wipe the tears from my face. "Mom, I swear, all I could think of in that moment was to deny it all. I told him that I had no idea what he was talking about. But he already knew what I wasn't willing to see because within me, II automatically knew he was talking about Tristan. And that's when I should have known."

"So, in retrospect, the reason why you're holding off from Tristan now is because you feel guilty that he played a small part in you and Dean's demise, and it was a small part," she said as I tried to protest. "Rory, there were problems already brewing before Tristan came along. If anything, he was a catalyst, but he wasn't the reason."

And I knew that. But it still didn't make the situation any better. "Right now all I want to do is get through this summer. Doing this Goodwill thing is really important to me. I need to start focusing up if I'm going to be a help to the team, and trust me when I tell you that Paris will kill me if I don't follow through. There will be plenty of time to deal with my boy issues after all of this is over."

Mom smothered me with a hug again. "I'm so proud of you Rory. Most girls your age aren't making school a top priority. They're too busy trying to Britnify themselves so they can get a boy to like them, but not my kiddo. You're putting your work first, and that's what you should be doing. But I want you to promise me something. "

"What's that?" I asked. The tension that had been there fifteen minutes before in our living room was now gone. Everything was right with the world, at least in the Gilmore Girls' home.

I want you to promise me that you're going to come to me whenever you feel like you need to talk. I don't care what it is. I don't need to feel like an older mother who can't connect with her child. I still want you be able to use me as your soundboard whenever you need to. Promise me that we'll always be like this."

My mother sounded more sentimental then usual and I was wondering what brought on the sudden urgency to be Sharon and Kelly Osbourne. I looked at her a little strangely and then shrugged. "Of course I do. I know that I can talk to you about anything. That's what makes you so great mom."

She smiled brightly then tapped her lap. Looking at her watch she realized that it was time for her to get back to work. "I'm going to head back to the inn then I should be back around five. So if you need the car when I come home, just go on and take it."

I nodded as I opened the driver's side door and hopped out. "Will do. I so don't want to be late for this meeting. Paris will have more than my head if I don't show up punctual and ready to absorb the knowledge."

"Well, don't forget to absorb some fun while you're at it. How many chances do you get to go Australia?" she said as she turned on the ignition and strapped in her seatbelt. "My advice is to ignore Paris when necessary for your health. Don't let her work you to death. Slavery is over."

"Right."

"Have fun!"

I waved to mom as she pulled out of our drive way and on to the road. With one last push of the horn, she was off and once again I was left alone to ponder my current situation.

It was only two o'clock I noticed as I looked at the wall on the desk near the front door. At this point, all I could do was sleep and hope that my dreams were slightly less hellish then what was going on in my reality.

I climbed upstairs to my bed just taking my time along the way. As soon as I hit my pillow it felt like I was safe and away from everything that was weighing me down. I closed my eyes, thought once more about how great my mother was and how I was really blessed, then drifted away peacefully.

A/N: I know that it's been ages since I've updated but I've been going through my stages lately of what I wanted to do with everything that was going on around me. Plus, I'm back in college now and that still took some getting used to. I would like to say that I'm going to try to update weekly. That's what I would like to say; I also know that this might not happen so I won't promise anything. Right now, this chapter was the hardest one for me to do because I wasn't sure if it was too soon, but in the end, I thought that it was the right choice to do it now because I want to move this story along to Australia ASAP. I hope you all liked it. And thanks for being patient, and thanks for the reviews so far.