In which Gisela angsts and attempts to be nice. (I hope the ending isn't awful)
XXX
The next few weeks passed quickly as Gisela formed a routine. She walked to school with Erani daily and chatted as they went. One day Gisela learned that, Erani wanted to be a priest like her mother and could not believe that Gisela had no goal to be like either of her parents. Another day Gisela learned that she went to school on saturdays and sundays as well, being both part of the temple and non temple school systems. In class Gisela chatted with Micklen and Fenlo and did her best not to be driven out of her mind with boredom by basic math. She borrowed books for Sairen, finally getting her hands on the book about the Strait War and devouring it.
May, and wasn't it strange that in this whole new world they still used the same twelve months, was soon over and then it was June. The heat that had only bothered her slightly before grew far worse. As the middle of June approached she gave up even the light sheet that she normally used as a cover in bed. I miss my A.C., she had thought repeatedly but to no avail. She could not change the weather. Just like every summer since she had been reborn she would just have to deal with the heat.
That was not the only thing that happened, steadily she tried again and again to meditate. Reaching desperately inside herself for the magic that she knew had to exist in this world. It was hard to stay hopeful when she felt like all that she ever ran into was dead ends. Gisela felt herself withdraw further inside even as Erani and the rest tried to pull her out. I can't even go to the library anymore, Gisela thought sullenly as she flung herself on her bed, ignoring Ca and Maape.
Rest came slowly to her as she tossed and turned, waiting for sleep to finally find her.
"Wake up Gisela, wake up- its time wake". The chipper voice intruded on her dreams, breaking her out of the blackness. It was faint at first then louder and louder until she could no longer avoid it.
Uhg, opening her eyes a slit, Gisela stayed down from long experience (and many painful cracks on the forehead). She felt the ends of Ca's hair tickle her face, and let lose a puff of air to blow them away. She watched for a moment as the pale green strands fluttered in her artificial gust before responding.
"I'm awake" Gisela muttered grogilly, glaring up into Ca's bright brown eyes.
"Great" Ca chirped, seemingly immune to Gisela's glare, as she swung right back up. "Mom wants to talk to you, remember?"
Thinking back to the night before Gisela shot up, Chiosca did mention something last night…. She felt herself blush, she had been reading about the Strait War under the table. Ehehehhh...
"You were reading right?" Ca said, seeing though Gisela silence, "really Gisela you could at least try to participate in the conversations. Anyways, go down now before mom gets more impatient"
"Yeah, thanks Ca"
Rolling out of bed she ducked out of the room, not even bothering to change out of the chiton that she had slept in. I wonder what Chiosca wants to talk about with me, bet its something bad, Gisela thought slightly bitterly, last time this happened it was school. I hope I don't have some kind of sunday school like Erani goes to now, that would suck. I need some childfree time.
As she thought she ran down the stairs, taking them two at the time and jumping the last three as she quickly made her way into the family dining room. Time to bite the bullet.
Chiosca was waiting down stairs.
Am I missing something, Gisela thought as she studied her mother. Something is definitely different.
She looked more than ready for the day with her hair pinned up in an ornate braid, gold strands interwoven with her brown hair. Her chiton was much fancier than normal too, it was a pale green with gold embroideries and multiple layers.
"Morning Mother" Gisela said, standing awkwardly in the stairs, am I forgetting something? She wondered, normally Ca would have just let me sleep. She only gets like this when something is going on.
Staring at Chiosca the silence soon gained a slightly awkward edge, finally the older woman decided to break it.
"I'm glad you are awake Gisela. I talked to your father and he agreed. You have behaved adequately these past weeks and in return we will allow you permission to go back to the library"
The hope that had risen in Gisela at Chiosca's words burst in her chest pushing out all thoughts about her unusual, and far fancier than normal, dress. She was totally forgetting something but she could worry about that latter because finally, finally she was unbanned. Gisela restrained herself from jumping up and down, from screaming at the top of her voice, from dancing around the room. Five weeks of good behavior, five weeks of going to and from school without making any side trips, of getting great grades (not that it was hard), of trying to be friends with people much younger than she was, of not hinting or begging. It was finally over. She could finally return to the library, without upsetting them.
The rest of the conversation would be the structures she had to obey, don't do anything digarce the family, don't stay out to late, pay attention to the time for once but it hardly mattered- she was going back. She could keep trying to learn about magic.
"Thank you mother, I will not disappoint you" Gisela said calmly, keeping her jubilation on the inside.
"-And did you hear what I said Gisela" Chiosca inquired.
"Yeah, I can go back to the library as long as I am not late and do not do anything that would endanger the family image". I want to go to the library already. She resisted the urge to start tapping her foot.
"After that", I think I am not the only one who is impatient, she thought snarkily before seeing how hard the woman's eyes were. Please don't take it away, Gisela begged, she was so close.
"I said that you will be helping me after school at the stores. You may go to the library when you are not busy with either works. Also I expect your standard for grades will not drop. Am I understood?" Chiosca meet Gisela's eyes steadily.
"Yes mother" Gisela said as she returned the stare steadily for a moment before breaking it off.
"May I please be excused", maybe I can go now, it is a day off, wait, why is it a day off? I am totally forgetting something...
"Are you forgetting something" Chiosca tapped her foot for emphasis. "You do that we are going to the festival, right?"
Opps. Forgot that. That's why Ca is so excited and why Chiosca is forgiving me, idot. Gisela could have slapped herself for spacing out. How did I forget about the Festival of Growth.
"Of course I remembered, Mother. Why would I forget? I was just thinking about what to wear" I am so full of shat, well even more full than I normally am…
"Gisela… just go change" Chiosca said shaking her head, "we need to start getting ready to go"
"Yes mother"
I still get to go to the library, she reminded herself as she turned away from Chiosca and back to going up the stair, I did it. Maybe this whole thing isn't impossible. Maybe..
Gisela felt like she was bouncing as she returned to her room, ignoring Ca's questioning glace. "Do you know where my green chiton is" she asked as she rooted about in their shared closet. Pushing past the white chitons to look farther in the back where the themed fancier chitons were. I can't believe I forgot about the festival. She kicked herself mentally as she pushed through her white chitons. Where is it, she thought desperately as she reached the end of her clothes and the start of Maape's, I can't mess up now, I need to find it.
Turning sharply at the tap on her shoulder she was just about to snap when she saw Ca was holding her green chiton, "put it on and I'll braid your hair, can't have you embarrassing the family today"
Feeling the framiller flush of embarrassment bloom on her face Gisela grabbed the garmnet and ducked into the bathroom, nodding at Maape who looked to be imitating Gisela in turing the room over for her green chiton. At least I'm not the only one having trouble finding my clothes, I suppose that happens where you only wear it once a year. Distracted as she was by her thoughts Gisela did not think to glance away from her mirror as she walked in. Instead she met her face full on.
Positive thoughts, Gisela reminded herself as nausea rose in her stomach, these are easy to put on, Gisela thought, remembering the dresses of before, and I won't have to wear high heels or anything either. Even so Gisela felt the farmiller pangs of longing for the clothes she used to wear. I miss pants and tee-shirts and everything. I looked right in those. It was true, Even after ten years I still look wrong, she thought bitterly as she stared at her own green blue eyes in the mirror.
"Hurry up Gisela, I need to change too and you need to braid your hair up", Maape called out impatiently.
"Coming", Gisela said as she pushed the door to the bathroom back open. Her green chiton shifted in the slight gust that came from the forceful yank.
"Thanks" Maape said as she slipped past Gisela and into the bathroom, holding a bundle of green cloth, looks like she found it, good for her.
"Take a seat," Ca said pointing to the stool in front of the mirror.
"Do I have too?" Gisela asked, almost whining. I don't want to look at this body for so long.
"Yes, now sit" Ca snapped, patience apparently worn thin by Gisela's dithering.
Gisela closed her eyes as she sat down, turning her head to avoid seeing herself in the mirror.
With her eyes closed Gisela attempted to relax as Ca began to brush her hair.
Her breathing slowed…
Eyes closed she inhaled.
In…
She felt Ca brush down her hair, the bristles of the brush running through her hair briskly.
Out..
Ca had lifted her brush to begin her next stroke. It repeated like that as Gisela sunk deeper within herself using the repetitive motion of the hair brush as a focus.
In…
The nausea that had been building since she had seen her face in the mirror had faded away.
Out…
Everything was muted and distant as she held herself apart, cool, dark and quiet in her own space.
In…
OUCH! The yank as Ca pulled to hard on a particularly stubborn snarl pulled Gisela back out as she shirked and swung her head around.
"What was that for?" she yelped, glaring at Ca her annoyance returning two fold, I almost had something!
"Hey, its not my fault you can't keep proper control of your hair" Ca snapped back, "now turn around so I can finish, I need to braid your gold in, do you want some green too?"
Nothing I can do, Gisela thought, hot anger turning into resignation as she ignored Ca's question. She turned back, her eyes closed once again and reached for the trance that she had been in but found it illusive. The slight tugs, but gentler and far less rhythmic than they had been before, of Ca braiding her hair were not enough for her to regain the focus that she had had. I guess I will try again later, she planned.
It took a few more minutes of sitting but Gisela felt something go around the end of her hair, tying it off.
"Take a look, I think I did pretty well" Ca said. Gisela could hear the satisfaction in her voice.
"Do I have too"
"Yes, Gisela. I know you have your fear of mirrors and all but I did not just braid your hair for you to ignore my hard work, now look." Ca ordered planting a hand on each of Gisela's shoulders to keep her in place.
No choice, Gisela thought helplessly, if she struggled or refused Chiosca would get involved and she had just got permission to go back to the library, she couldn't lose it now. As she opened her eyes she winced and felt her stomach start to roll. The girl staring back at her was pretty, with her coffee colored skin and turquoise eyes, but she was wrong.
Trying to ignore the nausea Gisela glanced at her hair. The tight, prickling feeling she had been getting made sense as it had been taken and braided into a tight crown. Entwined with her normal brown hair were strands of gold, echoing the golden swirls that were embroidered on her chiton. The girl in the mirror was beautiful but she wasn't her and as soon as she felt the pressure of Ca's hands lift she turned around, almost bumping heads (for the second time that day).
"Some of my best work wouldn't you say" Ca said proudly, seeming almost puffed up, "I can't wait to do Maape".
"Yeah.. it's great" Gisela was able to choke out awkwardly. It's not Ca's fault I'm all wrong, she's not my sister because I replaced her sister, Gisela reminded herself as she shifted out of the seat. As soon as she got up she turned away from the mirror.
"I'm going to head back down, see you guys there" Gisela said as she ducked out of the room. I hate full length chitons, she brooded as she almost tripped over the hem.
Distracted as she was by her feet she felt the impact before she saw the body. Looking to see who she bumped into she saw Gastislion, his green hair glinting with interwoven gold and wearing the a similar green and gold chiton.
"Sorry Gisela" he said, reaching up as if to fidget with his hair before dropping his hand.
"It's fine. Sorry I wasn't looking" Gisela stepped back slightly to regain her space.
"So, you excited for the festival" Gastislion said upbeat. "I have been looking forward to this all summer, Dad finally forgave me for the time I messed up the stars for navigation"
"You messed up the stars for navigation" Gisela asked as they started to walk, why was he even in charge of that.
"Yeah, on the last voyage it was my job to do some quick calculations as practice because it is only across the Strait you know but then I swapped my paper with Anjay, she's our navigator, on accident and we almost got really lost" he explained awkwardly, "luckily she caught it on the second day cause she knew what the stars were supposed to look like and they didn't so we were fine but that was why we were a day late"
So that was why we got the bird, I thought that was an unusually accurate prediction of when they would pull in.
"So you were banned from navigation or something?" That doesn't make much sense, if he messed up than he needs practice.
"No" Gastislion corrected Gisela, rolling his eyes in the way only a kid could. "I just couldn't practice any of the fun stuff or work on my boat"
"You're seven Gastislion, give it time, I know they will let you sail sometime" Gisela said, attempting to comfort him, I'm not very good at this, am I?
"I know I know" he said doing another eye roll, "anyway did they unban you from the library? How did you get banned in the first place?"
"Yes, Mother just told me I could start going again" Gisela said, ignoring the second half of the question.
"I'm glad. You're happier when you are reading" Gastislion said before grabbing her hand, "come on, Mom and Dad need to give us the talk and I want to go to the festival. Let's get it over with"
That's actually a good point, "Alright", Gisela agreed easily. Allowing Gastislion to drag her foward, albit slower than if they were not in full length chitions.
Lynoosne and Chisoca were both seated at the table, waiting patiently as they speed walked into the dining room. Looking at Lynoosne Gisela saw he too was dressed up, his green hair was not tied back in a low ponytail for once. Instead it flowed free and long, held back from his face by a green and gold circlet. His brown eyes were highlighted by the gold paint he had lined his eyelids with.
"Hi Dad" Gastislion said cheerfully as he took his place at the table, echoing their upright elegant posture as to not wrinkle his chition. When a seven year old is better at clothes that you, Gisela thought wistfully as she saw the care he put into preserving his outfit.
"Morning father" Gisela said formally as Lynoosnes' eyes left his son and turned over to her.
Taking her seat Gisela attempted to mimic the rest of her familles posture, "Ca was helping Maape get ready" she reporting, answering the unasked question.
"You have such a good sister" Chiosca said fondly before looking at Gisela, "why can't you be more like Ca"
"I try Mother" Gisela said, tapping her feet on the wooden floor awkwardly, I know I am an awful replacement for your real daughter but at least I don't pretend otherwise. I don't try to say that I am your daughter, at least not on the inside.
"So what are dancering going to be like this year" Gastislion asked, breaking through the sudden tension.
"While I was not on the commission to plan this years festival of growth I have heard that there's will be dancers and rumor has it that Qosasis's followers have agreed to perform as a fundraiser this year"
"Thats awesome" Gisela said, jumping into the conversation, "do you know what they will be doing?"
"I'm not sure, but my friend saw the rehearsals and apparently they were magical"
Gisela was just about to ask what type of magic when Chiosca interrupted, "I see" in a frosty tone.
And conversation broken, Gisela thought to herself. She knew better than to snark out loud. As she watched Gastislion started to fidget under the sudden pressure but before he could attempt to break the tension-
"We're here!" Ca announced as she flounced into the room, Maape following behind her. Ca's hair was unbraided but was held with a circlet similar to her father and brothers. Her chition was the same pale green of her hair at the top and as it flowed down it faded, allowing the embroidered leaves and flowers to come to the fore. To finish the garment it was tied with a shimmering gold sash around the waist. Ca had also put on eyeshadow like her fathers as well. Where was the gold eye shadow when I was getting dressed, Gisela wondered slightly wistfully before looking at Maape.
She was done up much like Gisela, her darker brown hair had ribbons of gold and green woven through the ornate braids but unlike Gisela who could feel the awkward weight of her bun Ca had allowed Maape to have part of her hair free to flow down her back.
"Oh Ca you did wonders" Chiosca said proudly, "take your seats so we can begin"
"Yes mother" the chorused as they took the two remaining seats.
"Today let us reflect on how we have grown, let us reflect on how we have changed." Chiosca began meditatively. Somehow, even though it was light outside it seemed to Gisela that the room had darkened as Chiosca started to talk.
"Why do we reflect on today" Gastislion asked, his voice an echo of Chiosca's, filling his role in the small ritual.
"Because today is the day that marks growth and with growth comes change, and change forgiveness and we grow past our old sins."
"We honor Evneas for her grace this season as she brings in the harvest" Lynoosne continued solemnly, "and as we honor her for her grace we ask for the strength to forgive. Just as we have forgiven you your sins we ask you forgive ours"
"As we know change is as change will be and all we can do is accept it and with it the idea that no one can be guilty forever"
Now it was her turn, together with Ca, Maape, and Gastislion Gisela courses, "as you have accepted us, we accept you, let it be, let it grow"
And with that the ceremony was over.