Hey all!

I'm finally here with a new update - Chapter four of 'Keeping Promises'. Just a short little update; Kathleen talks to Olivia after dinner, and after everyone's asleep, Elliot and Olivia have a chat as well.

I hope you guys enjoy xoxo

Keeping Promises

Part 04

It was a few hours later when Elliot heard the locks of the front door click. He and Maureen had returned from the diner around noon, and for the remainder of the afternoon, they had simply been hanging around and watching television while chatting away together. The other kids were already home from school and were upstairs doing homework in their rooms, and Maureen was hanging around in the lounge, playing with Eli. Elliot had just come from the laundry room when he saw the front door open and smiled a bit more when he saw Olivia. She did look nice; dressed in a pair of hip hugging jeans and a navy blue NYPD sweatshirt under her black peacoat that she left open, and her black and white Converse sneakers.

But it was almost bitter sweet; for a moment, he had been expecting to see Kathy come in that door, but when he saw Olivia, he was reminded of the reality; and it hurt. He was glad to see Olivia of course, but the reality still hurt and brought tears to his eyes.

Olivia noticed straight away, and a look of concern came across her face; "Hey, what's wrong?"

"No…no nothing," he held his hand up, brushing her concern aside; "It's just when the door opened…for a moment…"

"You were thinking it was Kathy," she finished his sentence, giving him a sympathetic smile; "I'm sorry."

"No don't be sorry, I'm alright," he chuckled a bit as he wiped his eyes before wrapping his arm around her for a one arm hug; "You okay? Did you get a good nap?"

"If a drool spot on my pillow is a sign of a good nap, then yeah, I got a pretty damn good one," she spoke as they made their way into the kitchen; "I'm still kinda tired though and don't feel like cooking, so I just got a bit of everything from the Chinese place and picked it up on my way here; is that okay?"

"Liv, you just worked for two days straight; you didn't have to come all the way out here especially if you're tired – you shoulda got some more rest." He told her.

"No…I'd rather come over here and check on my best friend and my favorite kids," she nudged him as she finished pulling food from the bag; "Where are the kiddos anyway?"

"Three are upstairs doing homework, two are in the living room." Elliot replied.

"And how are things today?"

"Well, Kathleen was a little more chatty when she came in today, Lizzie is a little quiet, and Dickie seems alright for the most part, just concerned about Lizzie it seems," Elliot shrugged, letting out a sigh; "It's rough."

"I bet, it's only been a month and then the holidays are coming, it's bound to be quite rough." Olivia replied. Elliot's eyes went wide, then he ran his hand down his face and rolled his eyes.

"Fuck, I completely forgot about the holidays," he glanced at the calendar on the wall; December 18th; "Christmas is in what – a week? I haven't gotten them anything, I don't even know if they want to celebrate Christmas this year; fuck, I don't even know if I want to celebrate this year; this is such a fucking-"

"Hey," Olivia stopped him by placing her hands on his shoulders; "Hey, calm down; we can talk about it over dinner and if they aren't feeling it, then we just don't force it. If they do want to do a little something, I'll sort it out."

"Olivia, please let me help-"

"Olivia."

Both Olivia and Elliot looked up; Kathleen was standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Olivia gave her a small smile and opened her arms, and Kathleen fell into them straight away, hugging her tightly as she rested her head against her shoulder. The other kids filed into the kitchen a few moments later and crowded around Olivia for a hug, including Maureen even as she held Eli with one arm. Elliot watched with a sad smile on his face; the kids had really found comfort in Olivia and despite there still being a kind of somber atmosphere around the Stabler home, it was nice that they were slowing being put together again by Olivia, whom was always a source of light even in darkness.

Hell, she was even helping to put him back together again; slowly, tiny piece by tiny piece.

He felt a shiver run down his spine and he closed his eyes for a second; it was Kathy, he could feel it. He got this sense that she was watching this scenario, he could almost see the sweet smile on her face, and the thought alone brought tears to his eyes.

Fuck…he missed her.

But he needed to be strong for his kids, and they needed to start the process of moving on.

And that started with packing up Kathy's things this weekend to donate them. That would start the process towards a new beginning.

Dinner was relaxed and quiet; the kids chatted every now and then about aspects of their lives; Lizzie talked about how a couple of her grades had started to improve a little bit, Maureen talked about her job, Dickie talked a little bit about how his grades were starting to improve as well, Eli made adorable little baby noises as he simply relaxed in Olivia's arm while she ate food with her free hand. Maureen even asked if Olivia would help pack up some of Kathy's things at the weekend, to which Olivia promised she would if she didn't get called into work this weekend. They did touch on Christmas a little bit as the kids last day of school before the holidays was tomorrow, but they were still unsure about proceeding with celebrations for the holiday and so promised to think about it and keep Olivia posted about it.

Olivia also didn't miss how Kathleen remained pretty quiet again throughout dinner and pushed her food around; something that concerned her as it was a sign that there were things on her mind. After dinner, Maureen and Dickie worked together to clear the table, Lizzie went upstairs to read, and Elliot tended to Eli. Kathleen had gone outside on the back porch, so Olivia decided to join her for a bit.

The nighttime December air was cold, yet she saw Kathleen sitting on the top step of the porch in just her jeans and boots and sweater that she'd been wearing since she came home. She breathed out and pulled wrapped her arms around herself some more, before sitting down onto the step beside the young girl. Kathleen said nothing; she simply shuffled closer and leaned her head on Olivia's shoulder as they looked up at the sky together.

"Mom usually has the house decorated by now; Christmas starts throwing up in our house right after Thanksgiving."

Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but Kathleen continued; "I don't even know how to celebrate Christmas this year; she's…she's gone."

"I know, honey; I know this is gonna be hard," Olivia kept her voice quiet as she wrapped an arm around Kathleen, hugging her into her; "You guys keep me posted about it; the ball is in your court – your Dad doesn't even know if he wants to celebrate either."

"Did you feel like this after your mother died?"

Olivia hesitated for a moment before speaking; "Pretty much. I mean, I was never much of a Christmas person anyway because my mother was always too drunk to care, but after she got sober and things were good, we did start having little Christmas dinners together and all that, and then she died in December so it kinda killed the whole vibe for me."

Kathleen nodded before speaking; "It just feels so strange; I'm torn between wanting to celebrate it and not wanting to bother; but I feel like she'd want us to do something, especially for Eli – I mean even though he won't understand, but you know…something."

"You and your dad and your brother and sisters can talk about it some more; maybe you'll decide to do a little something," Olivia shrugged a bit, "You wanna know something I do?"

Kathleen nodded, so Olivia continued;

"Every year on Christmas Eve, I go to the cemetery and I leave some flowers and a candy cane – because they were my mother's favorite candy – and I just sit there and talk to her for an hour, about whatever has happened since the last time I visited her grave. It helps, especially as this is the time of year I'm usually dealing with a lot of bullshit at work. But anyway…yeah…I do that."

"Hey, that's actually a really good idea," Kathleen sat up a bit to look at her; "Do you think the others would want to do that? And Dad too?"

"Maybe they would, and it might help." Olivia replied. Kathleen nodded, breathing out before looking at the bright, twinkling stars in the sky. The biggest and brightest one seemed to be sparkling back at her, and it brought tears to her eyes as she had an overwhelming sense that it was her mother.

Olivia noticed the tears in her eyes and pulled her into a hug, allowing the young girl to start crying on her shoulder again. She simply soothed her while stroking her hair and kissing her head every now and again. The road to things being better was going to be a long, bumpy one, but she planned to be there every step of the way. She was going to be on hand for hugs and comfort as long as she had to; a promise to Kathy, and as a means to stop feeling so guilty.

She didn't want to be consumed by the guilt that was secretly eating away at her, but it was tough to push it away, especially with the heartbroken girl crying in her arms yet again…

"God…why Kathy? Why not me?"

A few hours later, the kids were in bed – only after watching a couple movies of course – and Maureen had gone home. Eli was fast asleep in his crib upstairs in the master bedroom, leaving Elliot and Olivia to relax in the lounge together. They were both sat on opposite ends of the sofa with their legs stretched out, both of them half watching the movie that was on while keeping half of their attention on the baby monitor in case Eli woke up.

"When I went to check on Katie, she told me that you told her about that tradition you do every year when you visit your mom's grave; she wants to start it too and I think it's a good idea." Elliot's voice snapped her from her thoughts; she flicked her gaze from the television to him.

"It definitely helps me feel closer to her, and it helped me to cope," she shrugged her shoulders, "I told her that maybe you guys would like it too."

"It's a good idea; we'll talk with the others tomorrow and see if they want to do it." He replied with a nod of his head. There was a brief moment of silence, before he then flicked his gaze from the television and back to her again; "Liv, I don't say this enough, but thanks for being here for us. It's…it's really tough and I know I'm not easy to deal with sometimes, but you've really been here every step of the way and I appreciate you so much."

"Oh Elliot, of course I'm gonna be here; we're best friends," she moved her legs to drape over his lower legs; "I mean first of all, you haven't been easy to deal with since I met you but here we are; we always fight and I never leave so-"

"Are we just gonna forget about the two weeks in Computer Crimes and the eight weeks undercover in Oregon with the federal fuckwad?" he smirked, giving her a wink to show that he was messing around. While her brief transfer to Computer Crimes and her undercover stint in Oregon had once been a sensitive topic, it was something that they now looked back on and joked about as all was forgiven between them.

"We don't talk about that anymore, Elliot." she playfully kicked him, letting out a laugh as he threw his head back laughing as well.

"How'd you like working alone, Liv?" he smirked.

"Shut up, fucker; I hated it," she giggled a bit as she kicked him again; "Okay so I left a couple of times, but those times were totally your fault, and how exactly did you cope without me?"

"I didn't, and I never want to experience that again." He chuckled.

"You seemed fine with Dani."

"Never gonna let me live that one down, are you?"

"Never gonna talk about the fact that you drunkenly kissed her, are you?" She laughed when he tossed a pillow at her. It was all fun and games, laughing and joking together about things that had been sensitive between them for a while before they let things go; she was just glad to hear him laughing as she hadn't heard it in quite a while now.

"Okay we're hitting below the belt now; truce?" he chuckled, holding out his fist. She giggled, nodding her head as she knocked her fist against his;

"Truce, El." They calmed down from the laughter they were sharing and took some breaths, before Olivia then sat up properly and pulled her knees up to her chest.

"Since we're here talking though, you wanna tell me about the nightmare you had when you called me earlier?"

Elliot froze; he hadn't been expecting her to ask that. He glanced up at her and saw her eyes full of concern and wonder, and he knew that if he tried to brush it off, she wouldn't let it go. He knew he needed to get this out and talk to her, but he was just worried that she would be a little creeped out by it. He didn't want to scare her, but he also knew that it would help if he did talk about it a little bit.

"It was just…it was weird," he paused for a second, collecting his thoughts before speaking again; "It's like I saw you and talked to you and you told me that there was nothing the doctors could do, and then I ran to the room but not only was Kathy laying there, but…but you were too."

"Me?" a look of shock came across her face; "I…I was…um…"

"Yeah, you were, and it was weird because I had just stood there and talked to you," he shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut; "I freaked out and was screaming for God to just send you both back; I actually woke myself up screaming – that's how bad it was." He shrugged, no longer looking at her but now staring at a piece of link that was on his sweatpants; "I just…that's why I called you; I had seen your text, but I needed to hear your voice too."

"Oh…I…damn." She really didn't know what to say. She simply shuffled closer and placed her hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently while he squeezed the bridge of his nose. She really just didn't know how to make things better and really, she didn't know what to make of him dreaming about her being gone as well. If anything, it almost made her feel a little guiltier for some reason.

"I'm just glad it wasn't you too, I would have lost it," he sniffled a bit, unaware that he'd really started crying again; "It just sucks so much, Olivia; why did Kathy have to die? We were on a good note again – you know? We were…we were fucking happy."

"Elliot, I just…I don't know." She sighed, rubbing his shoulder.

"I've been struggling you know, really fucking struggling with my faith lately…" he continued, and Olivia simply let him vent as she knew that he needed it;

"I mean, I struggle enough with my faith as is because of the damn job and the things we see and hear, but this has really got me shaken to the core. Over twenty years of being together; damn we didn't have the best years and I took her for granted so much, and now she's gone. I just don't get why she had to die, you know; I've been really trying to talk to God and figure out why it was time to take Kathy."

He shrugged, turning to her; "I'm just…I'm glad He didn't take you too. I mean I'm really upset that He took Kathy, but He didn't take you too – and I'm glad of that, because as much as I hate to sound clingy, I gotta admit that I need you."

Olivia gave him a small smile, rubbing his shoulder; "I'm right here."

"I know you are, and I thank you." He told her; the sincerity evident in his voice. She smiled and gave him a nod, before checking the time on her phone. She thought about leaving – partly because she wanted to give him space and partly because she really did need to get home as she needed to get up early and get a head start on the files that were on her coffee table in her apartment – but as she saw the heartbroken look on his face and the tears that remained in his eyes as he absentmindedly watched television, she thought against it. She couldn't leave him like this; not with whatever was going through is mind.

She shuffled closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and he leaned into her, resting his head on his shoulder.

She stayed.

I hope you guys enjoyed this update. Please, let me know what you all thought about this. I love your feedback. Until next time xoxo