This Reminds Me Of A Movie

Tony woke up and instantly recognized that he was in the hospital. "Oh man you're going to be pissed when you find out I hit you with the car," Tony heard Kate's voice before he opened his eyes.

"You didn't do it on purpose did you?" Tony asked as he went to pour himself a glass of water to wet his parched mouth.

"I've been here all friggin' night worrying about you and you have the nerve to ask me that," Kate's voice was loud. "No, I didn't," she answered, her voice calming down. "How are you feeling?" She asked him in a concerned tone. "If you tell me you're fine I swear I'll kick your ass," the concern left her voice.

"I'm a little sore… But other than that, I'm ok," Tony responded.

"Good," Kate replied. She studied him closely to see if he was indeed telling the truth. "Well you look alright…. Convince me," she said coolly.

Tony thought hard for a moment. What could he possibly say to convince her that he's fine? "What do you want me to say?" Tony asked shrugging his shoulders.

"Mention Bond… Go on, I'll let it slide just for now," Kate answered.

"I want to see Goldfinger and From Russia To Love as soon as I get home… How'that?" Tony replied. There was something about the way Kate sounded that got him thinking. It almost sounded like a form of duality.

"We better wrap this up… I got to get back to work," Kate checked her watch again.

"You know, I think I'm just going to sleep until I get discharged," Tony responded. "But I need some clothes… If you can see to it that I have clothes when I'm discharged… Thanks," Tony was relieved to find that he'd been taken out of the dress and given the hospital pajamas. He was also happy that the wig was gone and he hoped the make-up was too.

"Hey Kate, is the make-up off my face?" His voice tinged with embarrassment as he asked.

"Yes, I made sure I washed it all off once the doctor finished your exam. I also took off the nails and the jewelry. Can't have the surveillance lost in the shuffle." She assured him.

"Great, thank God…..I mean thanks." His face warmed in a blush.

"DiNozzo, you're blushing." Kate laughed lightly.

"I am not. It's just warm in the room." Tony said trying to save face.

"Sure you are, Tony. I really should be going I have to get this stuff back and get to work." She told him as she got up to leave.

"Good morning Agent DiNozzo," A nurse greeted as she entered. "Hmm, that's a nice dress… Maybe if I can ask, they'll let me have it," she added.

"I'd like nothing better than to give the dress to a nurse. Don't think it would fit but you can have it altered." Tony smiled using his charm.

"What?" She asked dumbfounded. "I didn't," she began to say.

"Alright… I'm going to close my eyes and take a nap," Tony said. "Then if I happen to find it missing when I awake… There's nothing I could do," he closed his eyes.

"Oh… My… God," The nurse responded loudly.

"Quietly," Tony said without opening his eyes. He was trying to do a favor but it wouldn't work if she was acting so noisily about it. Fortunately his words seem to calm her down and she left.

A different nurse had woken Tony up as soon as she entered. Tony sat straight up and watched her. "Good news… You're being discharged," she told him. "That should make you happy. What?! I bet you've got a list of complaints now," she said snappily

"I have no complaints," Tony raised his hand up. "My stay has been pleasant and the staff's been great," he said earnestly.

"Good," The nurse smiled. She was happy with the praise that Tony had given her. "Usually people whine about everything," she left the room with a huge smile on her face.

Tony thought that the women of the hospital were easily pleased. "Or maybe I'm just on a roll," he commented to himself. It seemed that he couldn't put a foot wrong this morning. Today was going to be a great day he could feel it.

NCIS Bullpen… (two days later)

Tony swallowed another mild painkiller. It seemed that every woman he came in contact with were in more of a talkative mood, he couldn't understand it. And all that chatter made his headache more persistent.

"Spent last night bonging beers, Tony?" Kate asked from across the bullpen.

Tony smiled in annoyance as he rested his eyes to allow the painkiller to take effect more quickly. "No," he answered unsmiling.

'You can't even admit you were drinking last night… Pathetic'," Tony heard Kate say.

"If I was drinking last night I would have told you," Tony snapped. He was always bragging about his drinking exploits with her.

"What?" Kate asked as she looked at him suspiciously.

"Have you ever known me to withhold a drinking session from you Kate?" Tony asked her seriously.

"No," Kate shook her head. "But there's always a first time," she added.

"You know you're starting to sound like Jekyll and Hyde lately," Tony shook his head. He noticed the blank look on her face. "Oh right, you don't know who Jekyll and Hyde are…" Tony snorted. Kate never understood the movie references.

"It doesn't take a movie buff to know of Jekyll and Hyde. It was a play at first," Kate said.

"Oh it was a play… As if I didn't know that. Duh!" Tony snapped.

"What was that for?" Kate asked. She couldn't figure out why the sudden snapping. 'It's like being hit from one of his moods. Hell, maybe it's his time of the month.'

"Really funny Kate," Tony responded as he shook his head. He was still feeling the effects of the headache. "I'm going to the cafeteria," Tony stood up.

Tony watched Kate shake her head as he left the area. Unfortunately, in his mood he wasn't paying attention to where he was going and bumped into a female agent who was walking by. "Hey watch where you're going," she said with complete annoyance. "Agent Asshole," she added. Tony turned around and watched her walk by. That comment hurt. So he bumped into somebody. "Yeah, that's right no apology… No nothing," She said without turning around.

"Look I'm sorry, ok?" Tony said. "I wasn't looking where I was going," he explained his clumsiness.

"Thanks," she smiled.

"Oh no… Oh no, I think I left the gas on. No, no, no," Tony had to move out of the way before he was knocked over by an agent who clearly had her mind on something else.

"This place has gone nuts," Tony said to himself as he continued to walk.

As soon as he was about to make it to the elevator, another agent stepped in front of him and they almost bumped into one another. Then, they did the old fashioned walking dance. Both swayed from left to right to make it around each other.

"Sorry," Tony said.

"That's alright," She answered and looked up to Tony. 'Why won't you ask me out?' 'Why won't you ask me out?'

Tony froze. He hadn't seen her lips move when she said that. That was something out of the ordinary. Something felt really out of place. Of course the Agent wouldn't say anything like that. She took the opportunity to move around the Tony while he stood there, bewildered. Tony then decided it was best to bypass the cafeteria and head straight down to Ducky.

AUTOPSY

"What brings you down here Anthony?" Ducky asked. He wasn't aware that Team Gibbs had needed him for anything. Actually it had been some time since they'd provided the ME with a body.

"I think I need a checkup Ducky," Tony sat on one of the autopsy tables.

This shocked Ducky. It was usually a power struggle to get Tony to agree to a checkup. Yet, there Tony sat… waiting for one. "Are you feeling poorly?" Ducky asked. "Nausea, vomiting, headaches or confusion?" He knew that Tony had been hit by a car during the operation.

"Just a headache," Tony said. "But that's not the problem… I'm hearing things," Tony elaborated.

"Follow my finger," Ducky instructed Tony as he moved his finger from right to left then up and down. "What are you hearing?" Ducky asked. "Pupil response is good," he added.

"I don't know exactly," Tony responded. "I thought one agent was just talking, but we were facing each other and she said something but her lips weren't moving," he tried to make sense of something he didn't understand, something he didn't know if anyone would understand, even Ducky… "And people are starting to sound funny. Like they have different sounding voices," he continued the explanation making it sound even more confusing.

"How do I sound my dear boy?" Ducky checked for bruising on the back of the head.

"You sound perfectly fine," Tony answered as he waited for what he hoped would be the all clear. Or maybe to find out he had some bleeding on the brain or anything that would explain what was happening to him. This was all too weird, kept spinning in his head. "Honestly, it only seems to be with females." Tony added.

"Doesn't seem to be anything wrong," Ducky observed. "So only females seem to be affecting your hearing?" Ducky asked.

"Yes," Tony said as he shrugged his shoulders and hopped off the table. "Oh you're right, it does sound a little crazy. It sounds really crazy. I'm going back up." Tony said. It really did sound crazy. Maybe his hearing was a little shot. He walked quickly to the elevator before Ducky had a chance to have him committed.

Tony went back to the bullpen where Kate was sitting catching up on her report. McGee and Gibbs had been off catching the suspect. They were due to bring him in any minute which meant that they could bring the case to a close. Tony could finally put the whole Honey Dust the transvestite undercover op behind him.

"Hmm," Kate said as Tony walked by. "I wonder what you'd be like if I fed after midnight," she said thoughtfully. "Gizmo?"

"Excuse me?" Tony turned around. That comment shocked him. Was Kate talking gremlins?

"I didn't say anything," Kate shook her head. "Darn where was I?"

Tony planted his palms on her desk. "Did you just compare me with a gremlin?" Tony asked her in a shocked tone. "You think I'm as cuddly as Gizmo? Oh, I'm so proud of you,"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I think you need a cat scan," Kate said. "Maybe I did hit him harder than I thought," Kate continued.

"Whoa, wait a minute," Tony told her with his hand raised. "Listen, I'll be right back." he added.

"What?" Kate asked.

Abby came into the bullpen quickly. "Hey Kate!" She exclaimed excitedly. "Have you seen Gibbs or Timmy yet? I almost have the tests completed and he asked me to give them to him right away… So could you tell him to come and see me as soon as they get back? I know he'd probably come down as soon as he does, but I need you to make sure he does."

Kate's head started to spin. "Got it Abbs," she said.

"Tony!" Abby exclaimed. "You're back! How many numbers did you get while you were in there?" She asked.

"Not many," Tony said, smiling.

"That's good," Abby said. "I've been stuck down in the lab all day. And nobody's been down to give me a Caf-Pow," she said loudly. "I wonder if I put Red bull into a cup of Caf-pow whether that would take"

Tony brought his hand from behind his back and produced a large Caf-Pow. Abby and Kate looked up in shock. "There you go," he said. "And I wouldn't try putting Red bull in that… Could be dangerous," he replied.

"Tony!" Abby exclaimed excitedly. "Come with me!"

"What?" Tony asked.

"You evil little devil you," Abby smiled in delight. Tony looked blankly. "You can read my mind?"

"What?" Tony asked. "No I can't read minds. You just said that Red Bull stuff and I was advising against it." He said.

"I didn't say anything about putting Red Bull in my Caf Pow," Abby excitably told him, "but I was thinking it. Come on Tony. You can read my mind," she persisted.

"No I can't," Tony responded, "People can't read minds," He adamantly said.

"What am I thinking of right now?" Abby asked.

"This is ridiculous," Tony shook his head. "As if you'd be thinking ninety eight thousand and one point one two," he said. Abby raised her eyebrow. "This is impossible," he stated, not knowing where that came from.

"My God," Abby said. "I've got my own personal science experiment… Yippee! I thought of the most random thing I could think of," Abby almost shouted.

"Abbs!" Tony responded. "I'm not your experiment," He bluntly told her. After all he wasn't a rat and this whole idea was ridiculous, or was it? He blinked thinking about the last few days, yet now quiet believing it.

"Whoops," Abby said as she went to cover her mouth. "Oh wait," she placed her hands over her forehead. "Is that better?" She asked.

Tony rolled his eyes. "I don't think that'll help," he said. "No, I'm not going to spend a week at your place so you can study me," he again refused.

"No, it doesn't work," Abby frowned for a split second.

Tony sighed. The worse thing was that her thoughts sounded exactly the same way she talked. Loud, jumbled and fast. He walked back toward the bullpen. "So wait, can you read everybody's mind?" Abby asked.

"No, just the women," Tony answered. "I don't know if you can call it reading minds… I can just hear there thoughts," he explained and then suddenly realized what he had said. Abby was right, he was hearing what women were thinking, it was bizarre.

"This is just like, What Women Want," Abby replied.

"Women want men to read their minds," he said flatly and then stopped himself, "oh wait, you mean the movie with Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt," Tony said. "I agree, and yes you maybe right, the tests probably are done by now," Tony walked Abby to the elevator. "You're probably right that you'll need to watch what you think around me," Tony laughed at having the one way conversation and what he had just realized.

"If I get those reports done, I can leave early for lunch," Tony heard someone think.

"You know I can actually tell the thoughts from voices now," Tony said as Abby moved towards the elevator. "It's funny when you know what's going on,"

"Nobody seems to notice I'm here," A troubled someone said. "I wonder if I shoot myself now… Who would care? And how long till they discover my body?"

Tony straightened. That one sent a shiver down his spine. "What's the matter Tony?" Abby asked. But Tony was busy trying to figure who the last thought belonged to. It was suddenly gone.

"I think it's nothing," Tony said without turning around.