Chapter Four: Innocence Died Screaming

This chapter is the shortest yet, and I debated putting this chapter and the next one together but I have decided it worked best like this. By the way, if you haven't guessed yet, the story is based off the song "From Eden" by Hozier. Also, being from the United States I'd like to give a big hooray for gay marriage finally being legalized! My first thought was "oh good, my OTP can get legally married in whatever state they find themselves in." My OTP, of course, being Destiel. Oh and also happy fourth of July!

When Castiel awoke, he was aware that each breath he took, happiness surged through him. He was aware of someone breathing heavily beside him, and a warm body was pressed up against his own. He was aware of an arm flung over him and locked around him possessively. He was aware this was not supposed to be happening. He was aware that the person beside him was Dean. Then it all came rushing back to him. The hushed confession. The kiss. Both kisses? How many times had they kissed? Castiel's eyes opened to see Dean's face, peaceful and beautiful and the only thing he wanted to see when he woke up for the rest of his life. Yet the fact that Dean's face was there meant he had done what he had promised himself he would never do. He had fallen in love with a married man. He had become what he hated the most. Now each breath was like a knife diving into his heart. Soon, Dean would awake, and he would most likely be horrified with the way last night had gone. Castiel wanted to reach out and trace Dean's bottom lip with his thumb, but he didn't want to wake Dean up yet. He wasn't sure he was ready to face that. He wished he hadn't been so intoxicated last night so he could remember the taste of Dean's lips with more clarity. All his mind could come up with was that his lips tasted like sin.

"Cas?" Dean mumbled, not opening his eyes. Castiel took a deep breath. Here it came. The tidal wave of regret.

"Yes Dean?" Castiel answered in a small, terrified voice.

"Are you going to watch me sleep forever?" Dean asked, blinking his eyes open. Castiel could feel his face heat up.

"I . . . I was not watching you sleep," Castiel mumbled. Dean smiled a little.

"Liar." Dean's eyes met Castiel's. From this close he could see the different shades of green flecked through his eyes, he could see every freckle painted on that gorgeous face. He tried map out everything in front of him because he was pretty sure he was about to lose it forever. Dean took a deep breath and sat up, rubbing his face.

"How . . . how much do you remember from last night?" Castiel asked him, dreading the tiny sound of his voice. Dean looked down at him.

"Umm . . . I remember you talking all mushy . . . we made out . . . we didn't have sex right?" Dean asked, glancing at Castiel.

"No, we did not," Castiel told him, unsure about how casual Dean was being about this. Dean shrugged.

"Great. No harm done. We'll just chalk it up to a lot of alcohol." Dean got out of the bed and walked out of the room. Castiel heard the sounds of pots and pans banging around, Dean making breakfast as if he lived there. Castiel lay in bed stunned. He had proclaimed his true feelings to Dean last night. Nothing he had said had been a lie. Everything was his soul poured out and last night, Dean had taken that. Today, Dean was ignoring it? Castiel found himself rather angry. He got out of bed and brushed his teeth and got dressed. It was a Sunday and he didn't have any plans, so he just put on some jeans and a button up. He glared at his reflection in the mirror. How could Dean pretend this meant nothing?

Castiel walked into the kitchen and sat down at the breakfast bar, staring at Dean's back as Dean stirred around some eggs in a pan. Without turning around Dean said,

"Cas, you really outta quit staring." Castiel glared harder. Dean turned around smiling.

"Want breakfast?" Dean asked him. Castiel opened and closed his mouth several times, and just when he was about to explode at Dean, Sam slid up beside Castiel with a smile.

"I'll take some!" He announced happily, completely unaware of what was going on. Castiel snapped his mouth shut and continued to glare. He wouldn't bring this up in front of Sam. Sam nudged him. "What's the matter, Cas? Not a morning person?" Sam asked cheerfully. Castiel broke his glare at Dean to glance up to Sam.

"Not this morning," he answered.

"I get it. I feel kind of hungover too," Sam said, pressing a hand to his forehead. There was that. Castiel supposed he was hungover as well. His stomach felt awful, and his head was buzzing but he wasn't sure if that was rage or the hangover or both. Dean passed them both mugs of coffee and Castiel drank his silently, continuing to stare holes into Dean's back. Finally, Dean passed them food and they ate, the brothers joking and talking about the funny bits of last night. Castiel ate in silence with brief nods for Sam's sake. When they were through Sam and Dean got up to leave.

"Gotta go man, I've got Samantha to myself today, Anna has a . . . a meeting," Dean told him, his eyes growing dark when he mentioned the meeting.

"I've gotta head back to San Antonio. It was great meeting you, Cas, thanks for letting me stay the night, I know it was unplanned," Sam explained politely. Castiel's eyes flicked over Dean before he looked at Sam and smiled.

"It was a pleasure, Sam. You are welcome back any time." Sam looked in between Dean and Castiel before heading out the door. Dean raised an eyebrow at Castiel.

"Hey Anna is going to be back tonight pretty early, wanna grab some food at the diner?" Dean asked him. Castiel tilted his head in confusion. Maybe Dean was planning on talking about it then? When he had had time to think and his brother wasn't around? Castiel finally nodded.

"Yes. That sounds . . . good. What time?"

"Seven? We can meet there?"

"Alright. I will see you then." Castiel told him. Dean grinned.

"Great. See ya then, Cas." Dean walked off and Castiel closed the door behind it, and continued to stare at the closed door in wonder. Maybe Dean would fully address last night. Maybe he would . . . what? Leave Anna? Make all of Castiel's dreams come true? Castiel walked over to the couch and plopped down, putting his head in his hands. He felt tired even though he had just woken up. He got up and got a glass of water, and then went back into his room and lay down on his bed and buried himself under the blankets, thinking of how they smelled like Dean.

When he woke back up, it was three in the afternoon. He passed the rest of the day with a Buffy marathon and then got up and changed his shirt as the one he was wearing had been wrinkled. He sprayed cologne on himself, before grabbing his keys and wallet and heading out the door.

Dean was already sitting at a table, bouncing one foot nervously when Castiel walked in. He sat down across from him and smiled weakly.

"Hello, Dean." Dean looked up at him and grinned.

"Hey, Cas! So Alex messaged me, you'll never guess what happened last night . . ." Dean launched into a tale of how Alex and Bennie ended up taking the two girls from last night out dancing, and how neither of them had gone home with them, and how both of them had second dates. Castiel felt happy for his friends, but enraged that Dean seemed to be skirting around the subject of last night yet again. By the time their food came, Castiel was too annoyed to eat. Finally, Dean asked,

"Cas, dude, you've been giving me the evil eye since this morning. What's up?" Castiel felt himself snap.

"What's up?! Really Dean?" Dean dropped the fry right out of his mouth,

"Uhh . . ."

"Last night I told you how I felt. How I really feel. It wasn't because I was drunk, it was because I actually feel that way. And you reciprocated last night, and then today you act as if nothing happened!" Castiel's fists were clenched tight on the table. Dean's mouth was hanging wide open in a way that might have been comical in any other circumstance. Now it just fueled Castiel's rage even more. How could Dean be so blind?

"I didn't . . . I didn't reciprocate anything, Cas . . . I was drunk."

"Oh. So you were just using me?!"

"We were using each other!" Dean shouted defensively.

"I WASN'T USING YOU, YOU IDIOT, I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!" Castiel screamed. The rest of the diner grew quiet. A fork clattered down in shock. Dean was staring at Castiel as if he had shot someone. Castiel took out his wallet and put some money down on the table for his meal, and then muttered, "Excuse me." and got up and walked out. He couldn't be there any longer. He couldn't look at Dean's confused face and tell himself Dean would love him back. It would never happen. Everything in his life was doomed to fail, especially his relationships. Dean had been a fantasy, and now that fantasy was crashing down around him and all Castiel wanted to do was go home and be alone. This is why he was so cut off from everyone. Because whenever he reached out, and made connections, he got hurt. Balthazar had been right after all. Castiel was doomed to be alone forever. Maybe he should just get a few cats and call it quits. He walked quickly down the street, the only sound was the cars passing by and his footsteps slapping on the pavement as he made his hasty retreat. And then a new sound joined the humid night air.

"CAS! CAS WAIT!" Dean's footsteps echoed behind him as he ran to catch up to Castiel. Castiel tried to keep walking but Dean ran and stopped in front of Castiel, blocking his path. Castiel tried to side step him, but Dean grabbed his arm and held on tight. Castiel struggled.

"Dean, please let me go," Castiel begged his feet, unable to meet Dean's eyes.

"No, Cas, not until you listen." Castiel continued to struggle then finally he looked up at Dean.

"I get it, Dean. I am sorry. It's my fault, I fell for you and I made this situation awkward. I get it. You were just drunk and you will never return feelings for me and I'll leave you alone now. Please let me go so I can commence my solitude." He spoke all at once, afraid that if he took too long to speak he would start to sob. As it was, his breath was coming in short little huffs. Dean softened his grip, but didn't let go. His eyes portrayed something like sympathy.

"Cas is that . . . is that what you think?"

"That seems to be what you think, Dean." Castiel finally broke free and started to walk away again.

"Cas! Cas no! It's not like that!" Dean called after him. Castiel started to walk faster and then Dean was catching up again, and Castiel damned him I his mind. Damn Dean Winchester. Why couldn't he just leave Castiel alone? Was it not enough to steal his heart and then break it? A hand gripped Castiel again and swung him around.

"WHAT, DEAN?" And then Dean's hands were on either side of his face and he was kissing Castiel in a rushed, breathless sort of way. Castiel didn't know what to do. He wasn't sure he should be kissing back, but he realized his body decided for him because he was kissing back, Dean's hands found him and yanked Castiel closer and Castiel's hands came to rest on Dean's shoulders, holding him tight because even if this was a kiss, it was probably their last one. The thought hit him and shocked him out of his daze. He shoved Dean away. "What are you doing?!" He asked breathlessly.

"Reciprocating." Dean answered, his thumb stroking Castiel's cheekbone. "Sober reciprocation. That's what I'm doing." Castiel felt as if his heart would burst from either joy or shock or both.

"Dean-,"

"I'm sorry I was a dumb ass, Cas. I just thought you were drunk and made a mistake and I was trying to play it off so it wouldn't be awkward between us but I . . . I feel the same way about you. I'm sorry." Castiel gazed up into Dean's worried face and it only took him a heartbeat to decide Dean was forgiven.

"Can we kiss again?" He asked quietly. All worry left Dean's eyes. He laughed wholeheartedly and pulled Castiel back in, kissing him slower now, in an unhurried passionate way. Someone cleared their throat and Dean and Castiel pulled apart.

"How about we go finish our food and then we continue this?" Dean asked Castiel, his thumbs looped through Castiel's belt loops. Castiel nodded.

"That sounds good, Dean." They walked back inside, hand in hand.