Bonjour, mes amis! Here is the next chapter. No longer must you wait after that dreaded and totally cliche cliffhanger!

To kpacademygirl: You guessed right. Who wouldn't want to be spirited away by a pair of strong arms by a delightful hero? Well, it was more of a football body-check. Eh, same thing.

Disclaimer: I do not own OHSHC

Warning: *sings* ~I love me some profanity~

Enjoy, mes petits coquelicots! And please review! I would love to hear your opinion!

Chapter 4

Hot, Sweaty, Nearly-Naked Men

Suddenly, she was knocked out of the way by something incredibly strong. The car barreled past.

Kokoro regarded her 'rescuer' sprawled beside her. It was the tall third-year, Mori.

"I can't catch a break, can I?" she panted, once again caked in mud. She lifted a finger, and pointed it to the sky. "Someone up there has it out for me. I'll bet it's my great aunt. She never liked me."

"Hn," Mori grunted.

"I think you have a hero complex," she puffed, rolling her head in the mud to look at him. "That's twice you've saved me."

"Yeah."

"I should probably thank you for that," she said.

"Hn."

"So, uh, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"You have a nice voice," she said.

"Thank you," Mori replied, his eyebrows knitting together slightly.

"That was a weird thing to say, wasn't it?" she sighed.

Another grunt.

"I'm sorry I called you a silent freak."

"It's okay."

"… I guess I'll have to find my Gran's ass later—I mean mule," she mused.

"Hn."

"I really have to stop saying ass, don't I?"

"Yeah."

"You're a man of few words, Mori-sempai. That's an interesting quality."

"Hn."

"AGGHHH! MONSTER! WHERE'S MY GUN?"

The unmistakable sound of the cocking of a gun was heard.

"NO, GRAN! DON'T SHOOT! IT'S ME! YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER!"

"THAT'S WHAT ANY MONSTER WOULD SAY!"

"DOES ANY MONSTER KNOW THAT YOU SLEEP WITH A DAGGER UNDER YOUR PILLOW, AND THAT YOU HAVE A PUG NAMED DUG?"

"ANYONE COULD FIND THAT OUT!"

"YOU ONCE TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD FOLLOW MY AMBITIONS, NOT MY DREAMS, UNLESS MY DREAM IS TO BRING BACK DINOSAURS, THEN TO DEFINITELY FOLLOW THAT DREAM."

The elderly woman lowered the shotgun. She looked terrifying; the overly large glasses askew on the bridge of her nose magnified her wild eyes, her grey hair was escaping the multicolored curlers, and, to top it all off, she wore a shabby nightgown that hit just below her knobby knees.

"I suppose you haven't figured out how to bring back dinosaurs," she said, pursing her lips.

"No one could bring you back from the dead, Gran," Haruto replied, casually walking into the cottage.

"Be quiet, you, unless you want to join my husbands in the backyard," she said, shuffling back to her rocking chair.

Koko and her brother both shuddered at the mere thought of the three graves by the old oak tree.

"One day, she's going to shoot us," Koko stated. "And I don't think it'll be an accident."

"Yup, probably," Haruto agreed, nodding his head.

The thunderstorm had finally cleared up. Apparently, Gran's truck wouldn't start, so Haruto had tried to contact Koko. She was outside by then, trying to catch the stupid donkey. After her close call with the car, the rain stopped within minutes. Yuu the donkey came trotting back from who knows where, and Haruto came jogging down the road. Their cottage was only a few minutes' walk from the pension, actually, but it was perched at the end of a winding, forested road that was nearly impossible to navigate without the rain. Add bad weather and there was absolutely no way anyone was getting in or out.

Haruto gave her a once over. "You should probably go shower. You look horrendous."

"Thanks, brother dearest," said Koko.

"Anything for you, sister dearest," Haruto replied, sticking his head in the fridge.

"Hey, weirdo."

"What?" he asked, examining the strange array of food.

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?" she asked.

Haruto sighed. "That's such an old joke. It's 'cause the 'P' is silent."

"No, it's because it's dead, you uneducated swine," she retorted, strutting out of the room.

Knock knock.

"Koko?"

"Hnngh."

The door creaked open.

"What's wrong with you? I've been calling you for the past ten minutes. Dinner's ready."

"Hnnnngh."

"Geez, woman. What's wrong with you? Did you finally realize that your ugliness couldn't be cured?" Haruto teased.

"My head hurts," she groaned.

"Of course it does. You tripped and face planted into the mud, were hit by a door, and body checked to the ground," Haruto listed, counting on his fingers. "It was all bound to catch up to you."

"Go away."

"I'll get you some pain killers… Before you kill me. Ha. That was a good one."

"Shut up."

She heard his footsteps thud into their Jack-and-Jill bathroom to find the medicine.

"Where is it? Where is it?" she heard him mutter, the sound of opening and closing cabinets echoing.

"Where is—AGGGHHH!" Haruto shrieked. His yell was followed by a several sounds of breaking porcelain, or at least, it sounded like porcelain.

Koko winced at the noise. She was about to ask what happened when Haruto came stalking out of the bathroom holding the broken head of a garden gnome.

"That woman is crazy! Look at this!" he brandished the creepy, smiling gnome head. "About two dozen, all stuffed in the cabinet! I don't know how she managed to snag a husband, let alone three! You know what? She probably drove them to their graves prematurely. I wouldn't doubt it for a second," he groused, tramping out of the room.

Koko never did get her headache pills.

Koko woke to something incessantly licking her hand. There were only two possibilities regarding the culprit. Her grandma wasn't that crazy, and her brother wasn't that weird. So, it could be Yuu the donkey, or Dug the pug.

She pulled away her slobber-covered hand, and, immediately, a combination of whining and wheezing began. It was definitely Dug.

Dug the pug was named after Gran's second late husband. He'd been a rich American businessman.

She stared down at the morbidly obese dog while wiping her hand on the sheets. The pug's tongue was hanging out of its virtually toothless mouth, and its eyes were bulging with excitement. As soon as she stood up, the pug went wild, running around the room eagerly.

"Come on, Duggie," she said, making her way to the door. "Let's—"

WHAM!

The dog had run right into the wall. Koko watched as it sat there, rather confused, before jumping up and running around again.

"Haruto," said Koko as she entered the kitchen. "I think there's something wrong with the do—"

THUD! THUD! THUD!

The siblings watched as the dog fell down the last few stairs and then scamper off to its dog bowl.

"Yup," Koko affirmed. "Definitely something not quite right."

Haruto chuckled. "Just like Gran. Two peas in a pod of bat-shit crazy."

"And we're related to her."

"Yup. Now what do you want for breakfast?" he asked.

"Your heart roasted on a spit," she replied.

"Cereal it is," he nodded, setting down a box of Cocoa Puffs in front of her.

They both sat in mutual silence, eating the chocolate-peanut butter cereal. Since their parents weren't there, they opted for the most sugary cereal possible.

"Where's Gran?" she asked through a mouthful of Cocoa Puffs.

"Tending to her dearest beloveds," Haruto answered.

"I seriously hope I don't turn out like that when I'm older."

"Like Gran or her husbands?"

"Both."

"Well, you're already halfway there."

"I know how to use Gran's shotgun."

"See," said Haruto, rinsing his chipped bowl. "Halfway there."

He got a garden gnome thrown at his head.

"I think I'll take the dog for a walk," Haruto mused.

"That fat thing won't get ten feet from the house before it collapses," said Gran, walking into the room. She was wearing her favorite shirt that read 'Knittaz 4 life.'

"Nor will you," Koko heard her brother mutter.

Kokoro let out a snort, redirecting her attention to the television. Suddenly, Gran swiped the remote from her hand.

"Hey!" she said indignantly. "I was watching that!"

"That show is going to turn your brains to mush," the old woman replied, settling into her rocking chair.

"It was Discovery Channel…" said Koko. "How is pro-wrestling better than Discovery?"

"Hot, sweaty, nearly-naked men fighting each other is always better than watching that scientific drivel."

"… And I'm leaving," Koko declared, heading into the kitchen for a drink.

Not even moments later, Haruto walked through the front door.

"That was a really short walk, even for that fat dog," said Kokoro, leaning against the counter.

"…"

"…"

"I… I forgot the dog," he said quietly.

That was when Koko noticed that the pug was sitting by the entrance, with its leash all set, looking tremendously dejected. So, Koko burst out laughing.

"Forgot… The… Dog…" she wheezed. "That's a good one."

"Like you haven't done it before," Haruto mumbled.

"No. No, in fact, I haven't," she retorted.

Haruto went to pick up the leash, but Kokoro interrupted him. "Hey, you know what? Let me take the thing for a walk. I want to drop by Misuzu's. And by the way, Gran's watching pro-wrestling."

"Really?" Haruto's face lit up, forgetting his blunder. "Sweet!" He tossed her the lead, and traipsed to the living room.

"My entire family is full of weirdoes," Koko muttered, sauntering out the door.

With the pug in the lead, they passed by the donkey that was munching on the rose bushes surrounding the headstones. Once they were out the gate, the duo started down the treacherous road, consisting of potholes, twisting curves, and fallen tree limbs. They narrowly missed an incident with a skunk.

Once they reached the pension, Kokoro left Dug tied up to a fence, which he started to lick for some odd reason.

"Good morning, how may I help you?" It was Haruhi, armed in a frilly apron and headscarf.

"Morning, Haruhi-kun," Koko grinned, causing the female host to glance up quickly.

"Oh, hello, Kokoro-sempai. I didn't know you had a place in Karuizawa," said Haruhi.

"Actually, I was born here. We've been visiting every break. It's funny that we haven't crossed paths," Koko mused.

"That is a little odd," Haruhi replied, tilting her head.

Unexpectedly, a blonde blur swiped Haruhi off her feet.

"THAT WAS SO CUTE!" cried Tamaki, swinging the brunette around in circles.

"Let me go, sempai!" yelled Haruhi.

And just as fast as he had appeared, Tamaki disappeared into a corner of gloom.

Haruhi let out an irritated sigh, before turning to Koko. "Sorry about that."

"Why do I have the feeling that you've been roped into their club involuntarily?" Koko mused.

"I broke a vase and have to repay my debt," said Haruhi plainly.

Kokoro nodded. "Makes sense. So, you made it back all in one piece?"

"Yes… How did you know about that?" asked Haruhi.

Koko shrugged. "I dropped by yesterday afternoon to see Misuzu-chi. I overheard all the hullabaloo."

"Thanks for asking. Go ahead and sit anywhere, I'll bring you the brunch menu," Haruhi stated, gesturing to the numerous tables. Koko nodded, she was getting peckish anyway—the cereal she'd had earlier wasn't much.

"KOKO-CHAN!" a young voice called. "Come sit with us!"

Koko spotted the group of boys clustered around a table.

"Morning, everyone," she said as she pulled up a chair. All the hosts were seated, drinking various beverages, and snacking on cakes and fruits. Then, she noticed that one of the boys was not part of the Host Club. "Oh, hello, Arai."

"Morning, Koko-sempai," the brown-haired boy waved.

"Good morning, Koko-chan!" Honey-sempai greeted.

"Oh, look, it's the cripple," one of the twins muttered, earning a whack on the head from his brother.

"Be nice, Hikaru," said the other.

Instead of feeling hurt, like most would, Kokoro felt miffed. "At least I'm better looking," she retorted.

The offensive twin's head shot up, "Yeah, but you're a girl—"

"I think he just agreed with me," she interrupted, whispering loudly to Arai.

"Ignore him," said Haruhi as she set a menu down in front of Kokoro. "Hikaru's just being a moron."

"Hey! I'm not a moron!" came the piqued tone of the twin.

"I didn't say you were," Haruhi responded calmly. "I said you were being a moron."

Hikaru huffed, stewing himself into an unhappy silence. Meanwhile, Koko asked Haruhi for lemonade and a grilled cheese sandwich, seeing as it was nearly noon.

"He was fine earlier, until you showed up, for some reason," Arai murmured into Koko's ear.

"He's probably jealous of my looks," Koko jokingly whispered.

"Arai-chan, Koko-chan, what are you two talking about?" asked Honey-sempai, large eyes staring at them.

"Arai was just asking about my grandmother," Koko fibbed.

"Astoundingly, she's still alive," Arai jested. He had nearly fallen victim to one of Gran's target practices last summer. Fortunately, the bullet didn't hit him.

"That's not a really nice thing to say," said Honey-sempai.

"You haven't met the bat," replied Koko.

"She can't be that bad," said Kyoya.

"She buried her three, late husbands in the backyard."

"That can't be good for the water system," said Kaoru, biting into a cookie.

"Their bodies have long since decomposed. Plus, they were buried in iron coffins," Koko informed them, watching as Kyoya slowly lowered his glass of water.

Soon, Haruhi returned, setting Koko's order on the table. The female host took a seat beside the twins and Tamaki. Kokoro listened to the group's discussion as she munched on her sandwich. Haruhi was engaging Arai in conversation about the school he currently attended, while the rest listened keenly.

It was quite interesting to see the Host Club members relaxing outside of school, and not entertaining their customers. They seemed mostly normal, for rich people, maybe a tad wacko. Koko's family was rich, but her parents had started from nothing. Her mother had lived in poverty in Haiti, and her father had been just another 'commoner' in Japan. Yet, they became successful, each building up a decent reputation.

Kokoro felt very proud of her parents' accomplishments. Her mother owned two, high-end restaurants, and her father was a partner in a prosperous law firm. They made their own way, while most students at Ouran were handed a starter kit already half completed. Nevertheless, Koko didn't hold a grudge against anyone; she had no reason to.

At that moment, her phone went off, interrupting her musings. She excused herself, and sauntered away from the table.

"Do you not know how to text people, Haruto?" she said into the receiver.

"Is that any way to talk to your grandmother? Honestly, I thought my son had enough sense to instill manners in his children!" her Gran's voice warbled out of the phone.

"Sorry, Gran. I didn't know it was you. Why are you using Haruto's cell?" asked Koko.

"He's in the bathroom, and the home phone is too far away." Ah, there was that family laziness. It must've skipped a generation with her father, and gone straight to Haruto.

"So…?" Koko prompted.

"I've got a great idea for some grandmother-granddaughter bonding!"

"Gran, last time we did some of your so-called bonding, you ended up in jail, and I was left stuck in a tree for seven hours," she stated flatly.

"Yes, well, Officer Aiko obviously had some hidden resentment. His girlfriend must've dumped him for a better man with a bigger package."

"Wha–? I don't even… Fine. What's your bonding idea?"

"Let's get some tattoos!"

"Um… Tattoos?"

"Exactly! I'm thinking of something on my lower back that says 'hot stuff' or 'sex-machine' with a motorcycle or crossbones."

"I don't think that's the best idea—"

"You could get something on your leg—not the one that's totally messed up—that says 'one foot in the grave' or something, so that people won't stare at that funny stump you call a leg."

"Thank you, Gran. You do wonders for my self-esteem."

Kokoro heard a sigh from the other end of the line.

"Don't you do anything for yourself?"

"No, I don't," Kokoro deadpanned. "I'm Asian Jesus."

"Don't be disrespectful, child. Now get your ass back here while I distract your brother."

"Yes, ma'am."

The line cut off, and Koko was left with yet another situation that she knew would not turn out well. When Gran sets her mind to something, she gets it done no matter the method.

Kokoro returned to the group, and hastily rummaged through her pockets for some money.

"Sorry, everyone, but I've got to run. Don't want Gran ending up in jail again." She said, tossing a few bills on the table.

She left before the others could say a word.

Arai let out a chuckle as the group watched the girl scoop up a fat pug and stride down the road.

"Sometimes I forget she's almost as rich as you guys," he said.

"Well, she sure doesn't act like she's loaded," Hikaru mumbled.

"Doesn't act like it, eh?" said Haruhi as she unraveled the crumpled bills. They amounted to nearly four times the cost of the girl's meal.

"Did she say something about her grandma ending up in jail?" asked Honey.

"Mitsukuni," said Mori.

"What is it, Takashi?" Honey turned his bright eyes to his cousin.

"She knows."

"Knows what?" asked Honey.

Mori glanced at Haruhi, and that was enough for the hosts to understand. They'd been too oblivious to realize it, which was saying something, seeing as Kyoya Ootori knew everything.

Kokoro Honda knew Haruhi's secret.

Please review! I'm begging you! I'm on my hands and knees! I need to know what you guys think of this!

I'll update about every couple days. I have two or so other chapters already done. About 15K words for this entire story so far! Woot woot. I'm surprised that I've written so much. I guess it's fun to write a character that gets in such interesting situations, good or bad!

Edited 31/12/14