Acts of Desperate Men
"Lately I've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own, everyone has a private world, where they can be alone. Are you calling me, are you trying to get through? Are you reaching out for me, and I'm reaching out for you." -intro to Eminem 'Beautiful'
Roy checked over the supply form, looking for any mistakes; Dixie was relaxed but very exact in her work. Satisfied with it, he handed it over to her to sign while he arranged the supplies in the box. They both knew he was just killing time waiting for Johnny to get through in the exam room with the patient, and he was just a tad too jittery for a cup of coffee. Before long he heard the familiar footsteps of his partner and turned to find out what the prognosis was on their patient but the words died on his lips when he saw the large purple bruise starting to form on his friend's forehead.
"What happened to you?" He examined it with a critical eye, but determined it was just a bruise and nothing more serious than that.
"Ah, you know the morphine knocked the patient out a bit?" Roy nodded. "Well, he came to and started flailing, you know, thinking he was falling from the tree, and uh..." he trailed off, waving his hand around his head.
Roy smiled a bit. "What the doc say about it?"
"About what?" John put his hand on the counter and leaned against it.
"Your head."
"Oh. Well, uh," he cleared his throat, "he said it was okay, nothing serious. Just a bruise."
"Uh-huh." Roy reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a little notebook, normally used to write addresses, vitals, and patient information down, and flipped the pages to near the back, then pulled out his pen. He made a little mark and looked like he was counting. John got a cold feeling in his gut when Roy's smile got a bit bigger and he looked up with a twinkle in his blue eyes. "That's 17, partner. Three more to go, then you have to buy me dinner."
"Oh, come on, that one can't count!" Johnny straightened up and frowned.
"Why not?"
"Because...because it didn't happen at the scene it happened in the ambulance, that's why!" He felt fairly confidant in his reasoning but that was quickly fading under the firm shake of Roy's head.
"No, sorry. Department policy says that a patient is under paramedic care until they get into an exam room. So, from the scene, to the ambulance, to until you walk through the doors," DeSoto gestured to the ER double doors, "any injury you get counts."
"Wait a minute, what are you talking about," asked Dixe, looking between the pair with confusion.
"See Dix, I came up with this kind of bet, that whoever between us has twenty injuries by the end of the month will buy the other dinner or something," Johnny explained, somewhat sheepishly.
Dixie looked a bit shocked. "Johnny, with your track record? What were you thinking?" She turned a somewhat angry gaze to Roy. "And what were you thinking, letting him make a game out of injuries?"
"Now, there are rules and requirements for this," defended Roy. "It can be minor stuff, like cuts and bruises. Broken bones don't count, but concussions do, if they aren't severe. And if it's gotten during a run, and a doctor looks at it."
"I'm asking you again Johnny: what were you thinking?"
"I had a good streak going, for a while. Not even a papercut!"
"Then he had to go and come up with this," put in Roy.
"Yeah, and he hardly ever gets hurt, so we decided to take any minor stuff the other guys get and add it to his, to kind of balance it out a little."
Dixie looked back and forth at them, torn between laughing and slapping them upside the head. In the end, she just sighed and went back to work. "Bye, guys."
Roy laughed, "Bye Dix." They started down the hall, John carrying the supplies and Roy carrying the radio. "Oh, meant to ask you, how's the guy we brought in?"
John turned back a bit, as if he could see the patient. "Doc Early thinks he'll be okay, just a bit of internal bleeding and some fractures, nothing really serious. Guy was really lucky."
"Yeah, I'll say." They got to the squad, Johnny put them as available, and Roy noticed the almost worried/annoyed side glances his partner was giving him. Roy gave Johnny until they were a good ways down the road to spill his guts, as it were, before he brought it up. "What's bugging you now?" They hadn't finished their conversation from the station, in Roy's mind, and he intended to, when Johnny was done worrying his new bone down.
Fortunately, Johnny was a bit more forthcoming with this topic. "Why do we keep that score up?"
Roy took his eyes off the road for a minute to see if John was serious. He was. "I didn't think it bothered you." He shrugged. "You came up with it after all."
"Yeah, but so far I've been buying every time! And anyway, why do you get a kick out of it?"
"Get a kick out of it? I do not get a kick out of you getting hurt, even if it's just a bruise." DeSoto was hard pressed to keep his eyes on the road.
"Then why do you still keep track?" John turned a little so he was looking more at Roy, an advantage to being the passenger.
Roy wished he could have that advantage. "Johnny, if it bothers you all you've gotta do is say so and we'll stop, doesn't bother me one way or the other."
"Of course it doesn't bother you, you aren't the one getting bumped around!"
"Okay, okay. We won't keep track anymore." John eyed Roy a bit apprehensively. "I'm serious." Roy felt like he was reasoning with Chris or Jenny at the moment.
"You're thinking I'm acting like a kid again, aren't you?" Dread and suspicion lined Gage's voice, making DeSoto glance at him sharply.
"Honestly? Yes, there are times where I think you act like a kid. Yes, there are times when I get aggrivated and fed up with some of the stuff you do." John shrank back in his seat a bit, shocked. Roy was fed up with him? "But that doesn't mean it's all the time, or everyday. More like once in a blue moon."
"But you do want a more dependable partner, don't you?" They were pulling into the station now, and Roy waited until the squad was parked before turning in his seat to face Johnny. The junior member of their team looked sad, angry, hurt, and slightly confused. Roy opened his mouth but John cut him off before he could say anything. "Don't try to deny it, Roy, I saw that look in your eyes earlier. The minute you get the chance you'll get another partner, someone you won't have to babysit and look out for, who won't put you in danger when you don't need to be, and-"
"Will you shut up," Roy almost shouted. John jumped. Roy leaned forward, looking intent. "Johnny, if I thought that I wanted a more dependable partner, I would've switched years ago! I had the chance, I could've done it and gone to a different station, worked with someone else. But I'm sitting here, aren't I? Were did you get the idea that I can't depend on you, or that I have to babysit you? You know it never seemed like I had to help you get through a rescue? You were a natural going in, ready to do what you had to. It really wasn't too long before I let you handle the patient, starting the IV, administering the medications. I don't call you junior much anymore because you're equal to me now in skill and ability."
"You mean we weren't equals before?" Roy felt like banging his head on the steering wheel. Of all the things he could have picked to focus on, why did it have to be that?
"Not in that regard, Johnny. I've been doing the military version of this since I was 19, in situations a lot more hazardous than what we have now. I already knew how to start an IV, how to splint broken arms, how to treat gunshot patients. When I went through the paramedic training program, it was to re-learn what I already knew and more, and how to do it without bullets flying at you and bombs going off all around you all the time. When you went through it, you just knew the basic first aid you got at the academy. Calling you junior was a way of reminding myself of where you were then, I guess." Roy ran a hand through his hair, feeling frustrated. "I can't explain it well, and I guess I'm not, but trust me when I tell you I do trust you to have my back on dangerous rescues, that I've got yours, that I know you're dependable, reliable, and trust you to take care of the patients by yourself if you have to."
John blinked and digested all that, his mind in a bit of a whirl. So, Roy trusted him, depended on him? He didn't think of him as a rookie, but someone equal to him? That one was still a tough pill to swallow for Johnny, but he could kind of understand it, he supposed. His mind replayed the conversation, and he frowned deeply, still thinking hard. "Really?"
Roy nodded, trying to convince him with the sincerity in his eyes. "Really. You're a good fireman, a good paramedic, and a good man. If you weren't, do you think I'd let you hang around my kids so much?"
"I guess that's true." Gage looked out the windshield, then back at DeSoto.
"So, everything's okay now? Nothing else we need to have a heart to heart about?"
Johnny considered it, but only briefly. He shook his head and grinned. "Nope, I think we're done." Roy opened his door.
"Good, because I don't think I can handle anymore conversations like this with you anytime soon." John opened his door.
"I don't think I could handle anymore conversations like this anytime soon either." They closed their doors at the same time. Coming around the back of the squad and meeting Roy at the door of the day room, John paused long enough to ask, "But you still think I act like a kid, don't you?"
Roy rolled his eyes and walked through the door. "Come on junior, let's get something to eat."
He'd been back to work for eight weeks, and in that time had worked all his scheduled shifts, plus whatever overtime he could get. When he wasn't doing overtime at work, he was doing chores at the house, cutting the grass or fixing a pipe, and when he wasn't doing that, he was taking care of the kids, helping them with school work. There were phone calls from family, what little he had left, calls from Joanne's family, what little knew him, and the occasional visit from Stacey. She came by sometimes to watch the kids while he taking care of some major chores, or when he was working an especially long shift. He hadn't seen Martha since the funeral, and Roy felt guilty about not feeling guilty that he hadn't stayed in touch with the woman. Going up the porch stairs after another overtime shift with 49's, Roy paused at the yelling coming from inside. He sighed wearily, taking the moment to lean his forehead against the door. He was exhausted, and the last thing he wanted to deal with was the kids arguing. They'd been good about it, true enough, as they hardly ever argued anymore (when he was around anyway) and if they did, kept it to a quiet minimum. He wasn't sure why they didn't argue as much, but he did know it was starting to grate on them. He opened the door and the yelling stopped.
"I'm home," he croaked and winced. Maybe he ate more smoke than he'd realized at that fire?
"Welcome home, Daddy," Jenny said, running to him to give him a big hug and kiss. He took both and returned the sentiment, holding her just a bit longer than he used to.
"Hi, Dad." Chris didn't run to him, but he did get a hug and kiss from him too. Roy wondered how long it would be before his son would decide it just wasn't cool to hug his dad anymore.
"Hey, everything okay?" The children looked at each other, almost guiltily.
"Yes, sir, everything's alright," answered Chris, even as he shot his sister a 'It's all your fault' look that Roy didn't miss.
"Yep, just fine, Daddy," Jenny said too, while she answered Chris's look with a 'Is not, it's all yours' look.
Roy lead his kids to the living room, sitting on the couch so he was more at their eye level without bending down. God, he was so sore. His eyes felt gritty, wether from the smoke and soot of the fire today or from lack of sleep he wasn't sure anymore.
"I get the feeling that it isn't." Again they exchanged guilty looks. "You know, it's okay to argue every now and again."
"But then you have to get involved and you're already tired from work and everything else, you don't need that too." Chris stopped and bit his bottom lip nervously. Apparently that wasn't supposed to come out.
"I'm supposed to get involved, I'm your dad. It worries me more when you don't argue, because then I start to get Chet Kelly theories about aliens and abductions."
Jenny giggled. "That's silly, Daddy."
"So is two siblings not fighting." He held up a hand to halt their protests. "I'm not saying I don't appreciate the consideration; I do. It's just that, not arguing at all? Ever? There's just no way you can do that without going crazy, and when you do fight, it'll be huge and probably over nothing but it will go on forever, and you won't get over it easily." He paused, frowning. Was he rambling? "Do you get what I'm saying?" They nodded. "Good. Now, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, I give you permission to fight every now and then. That does not mean all out drag out fist fights, those still aren't allowed, but yelling in at least one fight is okay, gets things out of your system." Roy thought of one run they'd had, a woman screaming at a construction sight, and smiled. Well, the woman had been right after all. Before he knew it, he was laying on the couch, his eyes were closing, and he was fast asleep.
Chris DeSoto was worried. His dad was working alot, more than he had before, and every time he came home he didn't rest a bit he just did more work. He and Jenny had tried not to fight so his dad wouldn't be stressed out over that, but their lack of fighting had caused him to stress and worry. Now his dad had fallen asleep right in the middle of talking to them, something he had never done before that Chris could remember.
Jenny DeSoto was worried too. "Is Daddy okay?" She turned her big blue eyes to her older brother, looking for reassurance.
'Yeah, he's just tired. C'mon, let's let him sleep for a while." They went to the kitchen to finish their homework, but neither of them could concentrate on it. When dinner time came, their father was still asleep and both kids didn't really want to wake him up. But they couldn't work the stove, and didn't want to try, so they decided Chris would make peanut butter and bannana sandwiches, since that was the only thing they could agree on. After they ate, they went upstairs, changed for bed, debated whether to wake their dad up so he could go to sleep in his room, but in the end let him stay the rest of the night on the couch.
When Roy woke up the next morning, he figured there had to be a reason why he was on the couch, still wearing the clothes he'd come home in last night. His throat was scratchy, his eyes still burned from exhaustion, and he decided that since he was off, he would go back to sleep.
'Maybe I should get up and go to my bed,' he thought even as he rolled over and closed his eyes.
"He's still sleeping." Chris rolled his eyes and bit back the 'duh' at the obvious statement. It was a little after ten in the morning, and even though it wasn't unusual for their dad to sleep in on his days off, it was unusual that he hadn't woken up at all since they'd been up.
"Maybe we should call someone, he might be sick." Chris rolled his eyes again.
"If he was sick he wouldn't go to work."
"Not before, but he might now." Christopher had to agree to that. There was no telling if their dad would work while he was sick or not now and days. He'd worked when he was injured, but then the doctors and let him and they wouldn't have if they didn't think he could.
"Should we call Uncle Johnny?"
"No, he's working today."
"Oh. Should we call Aunt Stacey?"
"I think we'll wait until we have no choice."
"Why?"
"Because she could tell Gram, and then..." He didn't have to finish, they both knew exactly what would happen after that.
"Well, then, who?" Jennifer put her hands on her hips, her head tilted so her dark brown hair spilled over her small shoulder. The pose was very much like one their mother had used for them, dad, and Uncle Johnny, many times.
Chris thought it over, and recalled a conversation he'd had with his dad.
"Captain Stanley." Jenny frowned. Her brother seemed confidant, but...
"Why him?"
"Why not him? Dad always said that you could go to your captain if you needed help."
Now Jenny rolled her eyes. "Chris, we're not firemen."
"No, but dad is. Firemen watch out for each other, and their families." She considered it, and it did make sense, but...
"Is he working?"
"I don't think so."
"And if he is?"
"We'll call one of the other guys from 51's-dad has all their numbers in his address book." Jenny crossed her arms and tapped her finger on her elbow. Well, it was a good idea, and she really didn't want to deal with Gram, so....
She nodded. Chris grinned and went to the study, getting the address book. Since there was a phone in there he didn't have to worry about the conversation waking up his dad. The phone rang a few times.
"Hello, Stanley residence," a deep male voice answered.
"Hello, Captain Stanley?" Suddenly, Chris was nervous. This was a captain, and not just any captain, his dad's captain. What if he was just bothering the man over something that wasn't very serious anyway?
"Yes, this is he."
"Oh, uh, hi, sir, um, this is Chris DeSoto. Y'know, Roy DeSoto's son." Jenny stuck out her tongue, a clear disapproval of his tongue tiedness. He shot her an annoyed look.
"Oh, hey Chris. Everything alright?" Hank couldn't think of a reason for Roy's son to be calling him at home on their off days, but he didn't think it was a good one, he'd bet his captain's bars on it.
"I'm not sure, sir. I think something's wrong with my dad."
Hank frowned and sat up a little straighter in his chair. His wife, Emily, raised her eyebrows in concern. He shook his head. "Yeah? Why's that?"
Chris took a deep breath. Great, now he would sound like a little kid with an overactive imagination and Captain Stanley would get to his dad about it and his dad would get annoyed and...
"Chris? What's wrong?" Oops, he'd been quiet a little too long.
"Well, dad came home last night and fell asleep practically mid-sentence when he was talkin' to me an' Jenny, and he didn't wake up, didn't even move, and he was still on the couch this morning and I don't think he's been awake since, and me an' Jen think he might be sick but we aren't sure."
Hank took a minute to unjumble the long stream of word's Roy's son had just told him. "Want me to come over, just to check on things?" Emily's eyebrows went higher, her eyes wider. He heard the boy sigh in what could have been relief.
"Yes, sir, please. I'm really sorry if I'm bothering you, and if you're busy you don't have to."
"No, that's fine. You can call me anytime you've got a problem." He meant it. He believed his 'open door policy' extended not only to his men but their families as well.
"Thank you, Captain Stanley."
"No problem, I'll be there in fifteen minutes." They said their goodbyes and hung up. Hank started pulling his shoes on.
"Hank, who was that? What's wrong?"
"That was Roy DeSoto's son, said his dad fell asleep and hadn't woken up since. I think it's just him catching up on sleep, nothing serious." Or he prayed that it was, anyway. He knew Roy had been working a lot lately, more than ever before, but surely he was getting the proper rest at home, right?
"Is there anything I can do?" Hank smiled and kissed her. She was always ready to help him with his crew and their loved ones, and not just because she was a captain's wife-it was in her nature.
"Don't know yet. I'll let you know though, if there is."
The kids were quick to open the door for Hank when he got there. The father in him made him look the children over, although he knew there wouldn't be anything really wrong with them. Aside from worry about their dad, they were fine. Satisfied with that, Hank went to the couch, gently shaking Roy's shoulder.
"Roy? Hey, wake up pal." Roy shifted and frowned, eyelids opening a bit. Hank smiled a little. "Hey. You feel alright?"
"Tired," Roy rasped out.
"Sound like it." Hank shifted his hand from Roy's shoulder to his forehead. He didn't feel hot. He looked at the kids, who were watching them intently, tracking his every move. Now that he was actually in the situation, Stanley wasn't sure about what he was supposed to do exactly.
Roy closed his eyes again and coughed. Hank straightened.
"I don't think he's sick, just really tired. He's been pulling a lot of shifts lately." He looked at the kids. "The cough and raspy voice is probably from a fire; there was a pretty bad one last night. If it gets worse or doesn't go away soon, then I'd really worry." They nodded, looking sheepish and a little embarrassed.
"I'm sorry Captain Stanley, for making you come down here for no real good reason," Chris said, staring at his feet.
"No need to apologize, Chris, I'm glad you called me. You couldn't be sure it was nothing. Heck, I can't be sure myself." Hank looked at Roy, then back at the kids. "Remember, if the cough doesn't go away by the time he's got to go back to work, call me or Johnny, or even the fire department for an ambulance so he'll get treated, stubborn as he is. If you need anything, you call me. Don't care what time it is, got it?"
They nodded again, said goodbye, and went about their day, careful to keep a close watch on their dad.
John was worried. Cap had told him about his house call to the DeSoto residence, and that Chris had called to tell him that the cough was better, and that the next day Roy'd been up and about, even if it was without much energy.
When Roy came in the locker room and began to change, Johnny studied him intently, with a paramedic's eye. Moving a bit slower than normal, kind of stiff. Bags under the eyes, exhaustion making the blue orbs dull. Suddenly, Roy looked older than he should have and the worry Johnny felt went up a few notches.
"Roy, are you alright?"
"Fine, fine, just a little tired is all."
"Yeah, I heard you slept the day away Saturday." Roy paused for half a heartbeat in his motions. Johnny went on. "Why're you taking so many shifts?"
Roy shrugged and winced. "You know."
"No, I don't know."
"I've got to, that's all there is to it." Roy really didn't want to talk about it.
Johnny pushed a bit more. "At the rate you're going, it won't really matter in a few days why you've got to. C'mon, Roy, what's so important that you're working yourself into an early grave?"
The locker door slammed shut. "You really want to know? First, there's the hospital bills that my health insurance won't cover, then there's the funeral costs, then there's the death taxes, the mortgage is due, it's too late to take Jenny and Chris out of dance and football, so I've got to pay for that, the car payment on the station wagon, the utility bills, supplies for whatever school project the kids have, gas for the car, groceries. Shall I go on?"
"I thought you had all that money in the bank, you know-"
"It was just enough to cover some of the cost for Joanne's funeral, the hospital bills, and a little bit of the taxes. Not near enough for it all." Roy sank down on the bench and put a hand to his forehead. "With the mortgage, one late payment in enough of a reason for the bank to harass us about foreclosure."
"They wouldn't!" The look in his partner's eyes said they would.
"There's just too much to pay for and not enough money to do it with. I could maybe manage the everyday things, like the electric and water bill and stuff, but the rest of it...it's just for a little while, I just have to get them off my back for a while."
John wasn't too sure what to do. He could offer to loan Roy some money to help pay for everything, but then the older man would just see it as charity and one more thing he'd have to pay for. He didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything. Roy sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face.
"Sorry, don't mean to dump this on you."
"Hey, that's what partners are for," said Johnny with a weak smile. He lost it and looked down at his feet. "Uh, you could take the engineer's exam again, take the promotion." The words were barely out of his mouth before Roy was shaking his head.
"I could, but I won't. It's so stupid, because the money's so good, but I just can't leave the paramedics, especially now." He caught Johnny's curious glance and fiddled with his fireman's badge. "I can't explain it, but I really need to stay in the program now more than ever right now." Roy stood up and finished getting dressed, then started to head out the door.
"Hey, Roy." John looked up at his best friend, one of the few he counted on completely. "If you need anything, a cup of sugar or just someone to talk to..."
Roy smiled. "I know. Thanks."
"Like I said, that's what partners are for."
"That's what family is for." They went out to the bay for roll call.
Black-Angel-001: credit for the last line goes to emom, a great writer in my opinion. thanks for your patience! please review!