4

Nina

I was wasted. I realised this as I stood up and felt my head spin. I stumbled a bit and the guy whose lap I had just been sitting on grabbed my hips to steady me. I laughed and thanked him. I tried to walk inside in a straight line, but it turned out to be quite difficult. Jesper was still dancing on the couch table, but now Wylan was with him. I pushed through the doors and went into the kitchen. The most important thing when you are drunk is to drink water. I filled a cup and chugged it. I turned around to find Inej, she always saved me from getting too drunk.

When I turned, I saw Matthias standing in the doorway. He was frowning, but Matthias always frowned at me.

"Matthias" I smiled, walking over to him and swinging my hips more than I usually would. I could see his irritation as his gaze lowered.

"You're drunk." He said.

"And you are smart." I pointed at him and then trailed my finger down his chest. He rolled his eyes in response.

"Want me to take you home?" he asked.

"You're not my boyfriend anymore, Matthias, I don't need you to take care of me." I said. I put my hands on his chest and tried to push him away. He didn't move at all. He took my wrists and pulled my hands away from his chest.

"Do you want me to find Inej?" he asked. I shook my head.

"I don't need help. I'm fine." I turned around and got another cup of water.

"Nina… You are clearly drunk. Just let me take you home. I won't tell anyone."

"Why? Are you embarrassed by me?" I asked.

"Well, you're not my girlfriend anymore so there's no need for me to be embarrassed by you. I just don't want you to do anything stupid."

I laughed.

"Are you calling me stupid?" I knew he wasn't, but I felt like fighting.
"Nina please don't be like that. You know I care about you so just let me take you home." He sighed, dragging a hand over his cropped hair.

He still cared about me. He said it. He still cared.

"Okay." I said. I walked over to him and let him put a hand on my back, steadying me.

Matthias got my jacket and purse and I went to find Inej to tell her I was leaving.

I went upstairs, but couldn't find Inej anywhere.

I told Jesper that I was leaving and to let Inej know when he saw her.

Jesper and Wylan said goodbye and I met Matthias again at the door. He was still frowning, but not as much as before.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked.

"Yeah." We left and found his car a short walk away. He opened the passenger door and helped me in.

When he started the engine, he looked over at me and I smiled.

"What?" he asked.

"You still care about me." I smiled.

He huffed, staring at the road. "Like you didn't know that."

"I wasn't sure. You dumped me, Matthias." He had broken up with me because I was not mature enough, apparently.

"Nina" he sighed. I looked at my hands in my lap.

"I care about you, too, you know?" I whispered.

"I know." He turned into my street, killing the engine in front of my house.

I didn't know what to say so I just looked at him. Before I could think about it, I leaned in and kissed him.

He sighed against my lips but kissed me back. When he pulled away he put his hand on his head. He seemed to think for a little bit, then he turned to me. He took my hand in his. It was cold and callused and familiar.

"I care about you. And I love being with you. Even though you're infuriating and outrageous, you make me live more than I ever would without you. But we can't do this. We can't be together. We just want different things out of life." He says.

"How do you know what I want?" I say, I feel myself getting angry.

"Don't be mad, Nina. You know we don't work together."

"How can you say that? Do you know what I want? What I want is to be with you, you stupid jerk! And we would have a future if you bothered to put any kind of work into this relationship! Nothing comes easily, Matthias, you have to fight for what you want. But if I'm not what you want, then fine. I won't beg you anymore." I realised that I'd started crying.

Matthias was quiet. After a minute, I reached for the door and started getting out.

"Goodbye, Matthias." I whispered. When I moved away and swung my legs around, he grabbed my hand. "Nina, wait!"

I took a deep breath.

"Nina, please. You know that I care about you more than I care about anyone else. I wish we could work things out, but we've been together for two years and we've never gone more than 3 weeks without fighting. What do you think will happen when we got to college? We need to grow up. And I'm trying to grow up, but you're not, and that's fine, but I don't want to hold you back. If you want to go out and get drunk and have fun then that's fine, but I don't want that." Matthias was staring straight ahead the whole time, but I could hear the emotion in his voice.

"Matthias… you never told me that. Fuck. I just want to be with you." I was crying again.

"I want to be with you, too. But I won't force you to change. You deserve to be with someone who wants the same things as you." He turned to me.

"I don't want anyone else. I want you." I looked at the ceiling. I was sick of crying. And sick of fighting. I waited for Matthias to say something.

When he stayed quiet, I opened the door and got out of the car. I walked towards my house and listened to hear whether he was driving away. He wasn't. When I got to my front door, I turned to look at him and saw him leaning over the steering wheel. I felt my stomach plunge but I didn't turn back.

When I had crept into my room I looked out of the window. Matthias car was still there. I turned away, getting into bed still in my clothes and make up.