Scene opens in Central Perk. Chandler is sitting on the couch. Joey is sitting in a chair at the end table.

Chandler: Hey, Pheebs.

Joey: I'm Joey.

Chandler: Isn't that what I said?

Joey: No.

Chandler: Okay, nobody should talk to me in the morning before I have my coffee.

Theme song and title sequence play. Scene opens in Central Perk. Phoebe and Monica are sitting on the couch. Joey is sitting in the chair at the end table. Ross and Rachel are sitting in the armchair. Enter Chandler.

Chandler: Which Disney character do you guys think I'm most like?

Chandler sits on the couch.

Joey: Ooh, Aladdin! No, the guy with the hook! What's his name? Captain… Captain…

Monica: And why do you want to know this?

Chandler: There's this game online where you answer questions about yourself and people you know.

Rachel: Oh, I play that, too!

Ross: Really? Do you answer questions about me?

Rachel: Yeah.

Ross: So what Disney character am I most like? Hercules? Prince Charming?

Joey: Will you stop confusing me, I'm trying to figure out who Chandler is! Not the Genie…

Phoebe: So, Chandler, what did you decide?

Chandler: Nothing.

Monica: It was a princess, wasn't it?

Chandler: Well, I didn't want to be a villain!

Joey: Mickey Rat!

Scene ends and opens in Joey and Erin's apartment. Erin is sitting at the counter, talking on the phone.

Erin (on phone): Yeah, can I get a pizza? You know what, better make it two. See, I have to tell my fiancé some really bad- yes, apartment number 19. So anyway, this thing with my fiancé is- Hello?

Erin hangs up the phone. Enter Joey.

Joey: Hey.

Erin: Hi!

Joey grabs a bag of Cheetos from the top of the refrigerator.

Erin: Joey, we need to talk.

Joey sits at the counter and begins eating the Cheetos.

Joey (with a full mouth): Sure. What about?

Erin: Well, see, it's… the thing is… okay, this really isn't a Cheetos kind of conversation.

Joey: I get it.

Joey rolls up the Cheetos bag and stands up.

Joey: So… Doritos? Or Bugles?

Erin: No, neither! I don't want you snacking while I'm trying to tell you something that's actually important!

Joey: Hey! Erin. Cheetos…

Erin: Yes, yes, I'm sorry. I know, Cheetos are important.

Joey: Okay.

Erin: But I really need to tell you something.

Joey: And what's that?

Erin: I saw Brad today.

Joey: Brad, your ex-boyfriend Brad?

Erin (sarcastically): No, Brad Pitt. Yes, my ex-boyfriend Brad, what other Brad would it be that I would come home all messed up about it and-

Joey: Hey, calm down.

Joey puts a hand on her shoulder.

Erin: Sorry… okay… He… told me that he's still in love with me.

Joey: Well, looks like it's too late for that guy and… oh. You're uh… you're thinking about it.

Erin: Yes. I'm thinking about it.

Joey: And, uh… what exactly are you thinking?

Erin: I don't know. I love you, so much, and I do want to marry you, but…

Joey: But. Why is there always a but? It's always 'but this' and 'but that' and but, but, but. This is about Brad's butt, isn't it?

Erin: What are you talking about?

Joey: I'm sorry. I just can't… I can't be in here while you're… you're actually considering-

Erin: Joey!

Joey: I can't, right now. I'm sorry.

Exit Joey. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler is sitting on the couch. Chandler has his laptop open in front of him. Enter Monica.

Monica: Hey, sweetie?

Chandler: Yeah?

Monica: Remember how a few weeks ago I thought I was pregnant?

Chandler: Yeah?

Monica: And remember how we found out that actually I wasn't?

Chandler: Yeah?

Monica: Well…

Chandler: Well?

Monica: You are so slow.

Chandler: You're pregnant?

Monica: Yes!

Chandler: This is- ooh.

Monica: What?

Chandler: I think I just accidentally said "yes" to a question asking if Rachel would hit on my date.

Monica stares at him. Chandler shuts the laptop and stands up.

Chandler: But this is our thing right now! We're having a baby!

Chandler hugs Monica. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Phoebe is sitting on the couch, holding a coffee cup. Enter Joey.

Joey: Hey, Phoebe, I really need to talk to you. Oh, do you want me to get you some more coffee?

Phoebe: No, I actually just got an empty one so people would think I have enough free time to sit around long after finishing a cup of coffee.

Joey: Okay.

Joey sits in a chair at the end table.

Phoebe: So what did you want to tell me? Ooh, is this about that sandwich you thought was in your kitchen?

Joey: No. Were you one that took that?

Phoebe: No, I told you, it was the lunch fairies.

Joey: Right, well, anyway, this thing is… Erin is thinking about leaving me.

Phoebe: Oh my God, what did you do?

Joey: Does it always have to be my fault? Her ex-boyfriend showed up and told her he was still in love with her.

Phoebe: Oh no.

Joey: I'm in love with her!

Phoebe: Yeah, but she and the ex have history.

Joey: We have history! Remember the time I was supposed to pick her up from the airport and I forgot and she had to hitchhike home? That was a day we never forgot!

Phoebe: I was talking about good history. But you know what, I don't think you should give up.

Joey: Oh, definitely, that's not part of my plan.

Phoebe: And what is your plan?

A pause. Joey looks confused.

Joey: Ooh! We buy a really big blimp-

Phoebe: Maybe you should let me help you with this.

Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is standing by the counter. Enter Chandler.

Chandler: Rache, listen-

Rachel (angry): I'd hit on your date?

A pause.

Chandler: Well, wouldn't you?

Rachel leaps at him.

Chandler: No, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Rachel: You do realize that any date of yours would be-

Chandler: Yes, yes, I know, the question insinuates that you're gay.

Rachel: What if Ross had seen that? You know that would make two of his three wives? Do you know how messed up he would be?

Chandler: Yeah, and I didn't mean to say yes! It was an accident!

Rachel: Really?

Chandler: Of course! Because my date would be a woman, you wouldn't hit on my date.

Rachel: No. I might hit you.

Chandler: Listen, before you get mad, or… more mad, there's something I really need to tell you.

Rachel: Oh, really? What, that I'm ugly? That I would turn on you to get what I want? That if I was stranded on a desert island and could only bring one thing it would be a magazine?

Chandler: I've got to stop playing that game! No, what I wanted to tell you is… Monica's pregnant!

Rachel: She is?

Rachel and Chandler hug.

Rachel: Oh my God, this is so great! Ross!

Chandler: No, no, no, she doesn't want Ross to know.

Ross enters from the bedroom.

Ross: What?

Rachel: Um… Chandler would hit on your date!

Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Phoebe is sitting on the couch. Enter Monica.

Monica: Hey.

Phoebe: Hey! Oh, you'll never guess what happened to Joey.

Monica: Well, I kind of have to tell you something-

Phoebe: Erin's ex-boyfriend is trying to get back together with her.

Monica: Oh my God!

Monica sits on the couch.

Phoebe: I'm helping Joey keep her.

Monica looks around.

Monica: Then why isn't he here?

Phoebe: I sent him out to buy her flowers.

Monica: Phoebe! This is Joey. If you don't go with him he's going to get distracted and walk into Radio Shack.

Phoebe: Radio Shack?

Monica: Okay, Toys R Us. But you know what I mean.

Phoebe: Yeah, I guess. Oh, what did you want to tell me?

Monica: I'm pregnant.

Enter Ross.

Phoebe: That's great!

Ross: What's great?

Phoebe: Oh-

Monica shakes her head slightly.

Phoebe: Peter.

Ross: Peter?

Phoebe: Yeah, you know, Peter the Great, the Czar of Russia.

Ross: Okay. Hey, I saw Joey outside, he said something about Erin leaving him?

Monica: Yeah, apparently her ex-boyfriend showed up and tried to get her back.

Ross: Oh no. See, I told Joey, you need to get married right away!

Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is standing in the kitchen. Enter Joey. Joey is carrying a bouquet of flowers.

Joey: Hey.

Ross: Hey. Nice flowers.

Joey looks at the flowers.

Joey: Oh. Yeah.

Ross: I heard about Erin.

Joey: What about her?

Ross: How you were worried about her leaving you.

Joey: Right, right.

Ross: Are you okay?

Joey: Oh, the love of my life might just decide she'd rather be with somebody else and I'll be alone forever because this is pretty much the only serious relationship I'm ever going to get, but yeah, other than that I'm doing fine.

Ross: You've never been in a serious relationship before?

Joey: Not really! I bet this Brad guy has. He's pretty much everything I'm not.

Ross: Well, you know what I do when I'm in a serious relationship that I don't want to end?

Joey: Yeah, you get married.

Ross: No, I find some way to show her that she's really the most important part of my life.

Joey: Yeah, that sounds like a good idea… I could jump off the building!

Ross: Or…

Enter Erin.

Erin: Oh… hi, Joey. I, um… I just came over here to borrow an egg from…

Erin looks at Ross.

Erin: Russ.

Ross: It's Ross, I've known you for over a year.

Joey: Erin, look. I shouldn't have run out like that.

Erin: No, you shouldn't have.

Joey: I'm so sorry. Please don't go, Erin. I love you, and I want to marry you, and whatever you want, whenever, I will do anything for you. I just need you with me.

Erin: I want to marry you, too. Brad's gone.

Erin and Joey kiss.

Ross: Aw…

Erin and Joey glare at Ross.

Ross: This is my apartment!

Credits appear on screen.

CREDITS SCENE:

Scene opens in Central Perk. Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the two chairs at the end table. Rachel is sitting on the couch. Enter Ross. Ross sits beside Rachel on the couch.

Ross: Erin's staying with Joey.

Rachel: Really?

Phoebe: Oh, this is the best! Everyone's back together, Monica and Chandler are having another kid-

Ross: Wait, wait, wait, Monica and Chandler are having another what?

A pause. Phoebe exits.

END OF SHOW