A/N:

Sorry for the late chapter. Here it is, chapter 4.

Thank you to all my reviewers, to Elle the Brat and Nirex, thank you for your kind reviews! I hope I continue to create chapters that makes you happy!

Umm this chapter contains...err, just read it.

Warning: possible OOC-ness, angst, unbeta-ed chapter, spoilers to the game, emo Neku, and Joshua being Joshua.

Disclaimer: TWEWY belongs to Square Enix and Jupiter. It's not mine and will never be.

Now, please enjoy~

Day 4—Shadowed

Neku shivered as he felt the rain falling upon him. He had decided, using umbrella was a useless method to repel rain. Even if you used umbrella, walking in the middle of the rain would still got you wet. He wasn't using any boots. He hated boots. They were hot and uncomfortable. He also hated rain. Rain always ruins his plans to go out.

But yes, he had to go to Wildkat and it was raining.

It really wasn't helping at all. Neku sighed as he ran in the middle of the rain. Being rained upon made him feel cold. Neku was more the summer person. He'd choose summer over winter anytime.

He wouldn't go out in a day like this, if it weren't for Joshua.

He saw the clock on his cell phone. He was early. He dared betting that Joshua was still sleeping right now. The Composer had slept a lot since this whole fucked-up-game-ordeal. Neku understood, though. The strain on his mortal body must be enough to strain his mental too. The Composer wasn't used to living as a human, moreover a sick one, so this must be very hard for him.

Thinking about it, was he ever alive at all? Or was he born a Composer? Surely such questions would never get a straight answer, especially from the stubborn prick of a Composer.

Neku pondered. Come to think about it, he knew nearly nothing about Joshua. Joshua was always very distant. The only thing he understood clearly was, that Joshua enjoyed seeing other people getting flustered by his attitude. And he may also lack some masculine hormones, which resulted in his feminine behavior. Oh, and that giggle. That giggle always annoyed Neku to some points.

Perhaps Joshua could be a little bit nice when he wanted to be. But getting a straight answer from him was harder than finding a needle in a haystack. He liked keeping his business his, annoying people who wanted to help. He was a real jerk. Unfortunately, the jerk was Neku's friend. And he had to learn to live with that, he supposed.

He stopped his train of thought in the middle of his track. He was in front of J of the M store when he noticed the two figures standing under their respective umbrellas in front of his favorite fashion store. He narrowed his eyes. Those two were…

"Hello, fancy meeting you again, kid," the man said. "Surely you remember us."

The grim heapers from yesterday. He tried ignoring them and continued to walk to the café when a firm grip on his shoulder stopped him on his track. A female with long blonde hair smiled at him.

"Hey there, cute kid," she said. "Or maybe I should say…the Composer's cute pet proxy?"

Neku growled. "What the hell do you want with me?" he asked. "I'm in a hurry so make it quick."

The afro haired man, Jeremiah laughed. "Come now, don't be hostile," he grinned. "We just want to talk."

"Sorry, not interested," Neku scoffed and turned to walk away, but once again, the woman's firm grip stopped him. "What now?" he glared at the two reapers. The woman twiddled her long blonde hair and laughed.

"We want you to stay away from the Composer," she said. "You're in our way. Besides, you're putting yourself danger when you're with him, you know."

"Not listening," Neku said and struggled against the woman's hold. The woman reaper called Nami sighed and tightened his hold on the young boy's shoulder.

"We're not joking, kid," Jeremiah said. "The Higher Planes instructed us on an emergency call. Said the Composer sinned really bad and has to be erased immediately. He's being hunted by all the reapers in town. If you stay with him, you might get yourself into trouble as well."

"Not all of them are nice like us, you know," Nami giggled childishly. "You should stay away from the Composer. Or else, you might end up getting hurt too."

Neku gritted his teeth in annoyance. He turned and swung his umbrella at the male reaper, who dodged skillfully. "Fuck you and your Higher Planes!" he yelled angrily. "Only fucked up bastard would instruct their underlings to hunt on an ill person! You guys leave Joshua alone and don't ever show up in Wildkat anymore or I swear I'm going to—"

"Going to what?" Jeremiah asked cockily. "We're stronger than you. You're just a little boy. Not to mention alive. What chance do you think you have against us reapers?"

Nami sighed. "Besides, he lied and used you before, right? We've heard tales," the woman shrugged. "If anyone had a reason to hate him, shouldn't it be you? If anyone dared to use me, I'd hate them for the rest of my life and I wouldn't rest until I got my revenge."

The orangette clenched his fists. "…that might be true, but…" he looked into the female reaper's eyes with a firm gaze. "I'm not like you! Joshua needs my help and I'm not leaving him no matter what! If anyone's going to kick his ass it's going to be me, got it? So just leave him the hell alone!"

Jeremiah sighed. "Ahh, youth…" he smiled haughtily. "What do you think we should do with him, Nami?"

The woman pouted. "I hate know-it-alls. Especially when they're children," she said. "Children today are so rude. I so want to wipe that smug look from his face right now."

But before the two reapers could even take a step closer to the orangette, a beam of light shot at the two, throwing them away a couple of feet away from the target. Neku gasped as he saw Joshua leaning to the side of Wildkat building with his cell phone in hand. He smirked.

"No one touches my proxy," he said smugly. "Especially not you inferiors, got it?"

"Why you—" the female reaper cried angrily. "Take this!"

A couple of lightning fast beam was sent towards the composer. Joshua managed to dodge just barely before sending another beam of light towards his two enemies. Nami dodged with her reaper speed. At the same time, Jeremiah sent a punch towards the ex-Composer instead of dodging. The punch hit the silverette straight on the abdomen and he met the ground with a pained 'oomph'. Simultaneously, the male reaper got hit by the beam Joshua sent and smacked the tree next to the café building, leaving a big crack on the trunk. The female reaper was at once at Joshua's side at once.

"Got you~" Nami said as she lifted her palm. "Hello, easy promotion~"

Suddenly she cried out in pain as she felt something hard connecting with the back of her head. She fell to the ground clutching to her head. Neku huffed, threw his now bent-out-of-shape umbrella aside and ran to the Composer.

"Be careful!" he said as he lifted the older male by the waist and slung the other's arm around his neck. He paid no attention to the gathering crowd and stormed towards the building of the café, leaving the two reapers to face the mob.

"Wait, you little—" Nami screamed in frustration. "Argh, I was so close!"

"Calm down, Nami," Jeremiah said as he limped towards the female reaper. "People are watching."

"I don't care anymore! Fuck the rules, I'm going to destroy that café, like it or not!" she growled in aggravation. "Watch me, this will only take a couple of minutes!"

Jeremiah sighed. "Whoa there, calm down will you? Destroying public property will only grant you a cut on your measly salary," he said. "We should leave immediately. We will get the Composer and his proxy later."

"Damn straight we will," the blonde said angrily. "The brat dared to hit me with his stupid umbrella. I'm going to bend his body just like his umbrella the next time we meet. Just watch."

"Yes dear, yes, now," Jeremiah said as he grabbed the female's wrist. "We should bounce."

-day4day4day4day4day4day4-

Neku huffed tiredly as they entered the café and closed the door tightly behind. Joshua immediately slumped against the couch, clutching at his sore stomach. Neku sat down on the couch on the opposite of Joshua, huffing tiredly.

"Damn it, you're so careless, Joshua!" he scolded. "You shouldn't have gone out damn it! How the hell did you know those reapers were there anyway?"

Joshua giggled although it sounded painful considering his stomach was perhaps bruised from the earlier strike. "…saw it through…the window, dear…" he said. "Couldn't let my dearest proxy…gets bullied by the meanies could I?"

Neku gave a frown. Not that nickname. He hated it when Joshua called him his 'proxy'. It reminded him of the game, of Joshua's lies and betrayal. He didn't want to be bitter at the Composer. Not now of all times, when he should be staying at the silverette's side.

"Shut up, you look as pathetic as that Mus Rattus Mowzy doll when I washed it," he bit back and threw a towel from the counter at the soaked Composer. "Dry yourself. I'll heat the porridge and then you can stuff your feminine face with it."

"Are you…saying I'm beautiful?" he asked, using a falsetto that sounded just like a female's voice. "I'm flattered."

Neku felt a vein rising on his temple. "Ass," he growled as he entered the kitchen. He heard Joshua's giggles faintly as he opened the refrigerator, finding the pot of yesterday's porridge still sitting there faithfully.

Neku grumbled to himself in annoyance as he re-heated the porridge. He couldn't understand why Joshua insisted on being such an ass after all Neku had done for him. Perhaps he should've followed the reapers' advice and leave him behind after all.

Sudden realization hit Neku as he shook his head. No, Joshua had to be doing that on purpose. He didn't want Neku to fuss over him, thus his attitude. He deliberately made Neku angry so he would leave the Composer alone. The orangette huffed. The Composer was probably clutching at his stomach in pain right now. Serves him right, he thought irately. After all, he had brought that upon himself. He shouldn't have gone out from the café at all.

But he also did that to save Neku's ass. As much as he'd like to strangle that prick of a Composer, he couldn't. Joshua was only doing things his own way, even while saving Neku, he had to do it the 'Joshua style'. That being said, the way the Composer did things still annoyed Neku to no end, even though he understood the motive behind those actions.

He broke his train of thoughts when the pot gave a loud hiss. The porridge was done. Well, time to feed that stubborn prick. Perhaps he should leave the porridge extra hot, just to piss the older boy off.

Neku huffed as he exited the kitchen with a bowl of hot porridge. He walked to the couch, and sighed as he found the Composer was apparently sleeping sitting up. He put the porridge on the coffee table and nudged the older boy by the shoulder.

"Oi, Josh," he huffed in annoyance when he noticed the boy wasn't responding. "Wake up, you'll catch cold sleeping in a place like this. Not to mention your clothes are all wet."

Neku glared at the sleeping silverette who didn't react no matter what he did. "Joshua, come on, wake up. You can continue sleeping upstairs after you change your clothes," he said and nudged the boy again. "Joshua—"

He widened his eyes when the last nudge sent Joshua to slump on the long couch. He immediately kneeled beside the older boy, holding him by the shoulders and shook him hard. "Hey Josh! Joshua!" he frowned as he saw the Composer's pale face had turned all red.

He touched the silverette's forehead and instantly yelped in shock. The Composer was having a high fever. Great, being in the rain for less than 10 minutes already caused him to catch a cold. Or perhaps he already had a fever to begin with?

Neku cursed the angels for inflicting the whole 'deteriorating body' thing on the Composer once again as he ran to the kitchen to get some ice into a water filled container. He took the cloth Joshua used to dry his hair and soaked it in the ice cold water before placing it on the silverette's forehead.

The orangette cursed under his breath. When it rains, it pours. Joshua had a bunch of reapers lusting after his blood, got hit on the stomach, and gained a high fever as an addition. Great, just what he needed!

He huffed as he sat on the couch near Joshua and watched as the Composer panted. His fever wasn't coming down. Neku bit his lips. This wasn't going well. What should he do?

What would Shiki do?

He hesitated for a while before finally decided to swallow his pride. He just had to strangle Joshua later, he thought as he sat on the floor next to the sick boy. He sighed and took the silverette's pale hand in his, gripping it carefully.

"Come on, Josh…you're stronger than this…" he murmured. "It wouldn't be funny if you die because of a fever. Imagine, Shibuya's mighty Composer died from a mere cold. You can fight this, Joshua, I know you can."

Neku continued whispering words of comfort as the Composer fought his fever. The orangette never left his side, chatting all the way to encourage the older boy, hoping that somehow, it would be of any help.

-day4day4day4day4day4day4-

Neku woke when a wet cloth he had put on Joshua's forehead earlier slipped down and slapped against his head. He sighed and shook his head. When did he fall asleep? He took the cloth from his face and looked at Joshua. He sighed in relief when he found the Composer was breathing softly in his sleep. He touched the silverette's forehead; at least the fever had gone down.

He looked at the porridge on the coffee table, lying alone and forgotten. He turned to see the clock. Damn, it's already 3 pm? He had slept that long? He scratched his head. Now he had to re-heat the porridge again. Perhaps he should just forget about it and make another one. After all, the thing wouldn't taste as good after being left behind for quite some time, would it?

When he was about to enter the kitchen, he heard Joshua stirring softly and turned to see the Composer waking up. He tried to sit up slowly, moaning and clutching at his head. No doubt he was having a headache.

"What happened?" he asked with a slurred voice. Neku gave a small amused smile. Now that was a funny tone. He had never heard Joshua uttering such a sleepy, weak sound like that before. It could be a great blackmailing material.

"Awake, sleeping beauty?" he teased. "Good, I almost thought I had to get some prince charming to wake you up."

Joshua rubbed his eyes. "Very funny, dear," he said. "What time is it?"

"It's 3.30," the orangette answered. "Honestly, Josh, you sleep like a bear on hibernate. Not even a bomb could wake you up."

But Joshua didn't seem to be amused. He looked around. "3.30?" he asked in confusion. "So why is it so dark?"

Neku lifted his brows. It wasn't dark, not at all. Sure, he hadn't lit the lamps, but it was still bright out there. It was getting darker but still bright whatsoever. Joshua rubbed at his eyes again, as if making sure he had them opened.

"The hell are you talking about?" Neku asked. "It's still bright out."

Joshua shook his head. "What are you pulling, Neku? Stop it, it's not funny," the silverette said, frowning. He started feeling his surrounding in confusion like a…

Blind man.

Neku felt his heart froze the exact moment the thought entered his mind. No, not possible…He felt himself frozen in place as Joshua tried to stand up, feeling his way around with his hands.

"Neku, stop teasing me," he said irately. "What did you do to my…"

He suddenly stopped, as if just realizing something. He lifted his palms in front of his eyes, shaking his head in what seemed to be like panicky. "My…eyes…" he clutched at his face. "I…what's happening? Why can't I…I can't see anything!"

Neku immediately threw the bowl aside at the counter and ran towards the silverette. He clutched at Joshua's wrists, shaking him slightly. "J-Josh, Joshua? Joshua, I'm here Josh, It's me," he said with trembling voice. Joshua's eyes were wide and—for the first time—frightened. His breathing was fast and hard.

"N-Neku?" he whimpered. Neku felt his heart breaking at the sound Joshua just uttered. He felt a tear began leaking from his eyes. That was too much. It was worse than when Joshua coughed up blood or when he threw up. He really seemed scared and uncertain, something Neku had never thought he would ever see on the Composer.

Joshua touched Neku's face with his palm as if making sure that it was indeed his friend in front of him. Neku choked back a sob as he without thinking twice flung his arms around the Composer's lithe body. He felt the older boy's breath hitching as his body immediately went rigid. But the second he felt no harm was befalling him, he relaxed against Neku's hold.

Neku tried his best to hold back the rest of his tears, not wanting to cry. His body was shaking hard in anger and pain at Joshua's current affliction. This was too much. Too much. He was coughing up blood, he stopped being able to eat anything he wanted, he had caught a bad fever…

And now he was losing his sight.

Neku never felt more powerless than now. Joshua was calming down fast, but Neku wasn't in any mood to be calm. He clutched at Joshua's shirt in a death grip. This…this hell…why…

"Why…?" he whispered. "Why Joshua…why…"

Joshua didn't reply. He was no longer panicked, having realized what had befallen him. He gave a sigh and patted his orange haired companion's shoulder comfortingly. Neku bit his lips. He was being comforted by the one he was supposed to comfort.

Damn it…damn it all…

-day4day4day4day4day4day4-

"Are we done here? As much as I love you being lovey dovey like this, I'm starting to get a cramp," Joshua sighed. Neku still hadn't let go of him and he was starting to feel suffocated. Neku shook his head and moved away.

"Shut up, you stubborn piece of snot," the orangette said, shaking his head furiously. "Don't act so calm, damn it! You just lost your sight and that's all you have to say?"

Joshua shrugged. "What do you want me to say?" he asked. "Oh, and Neku, there's a trail of tear on your cheek."

Neku frowned. What? Joshua gave a giggle. "Don't act so surprised, dear," he said, sitting back down on the couch. "At times like this, being Composer really has its benefits."

"What did…what did you do exactly?" Neku eyed the Composer cautiously. The silverette gave a pompous smirk.

"Don't think of me as an invalid yet, Neku dear. I have my ways," he answered. "A simple…scanning, as you call it, would do."

Neku widened his eyes when realization dawned upon him. Joshua was using his Composer power to open his second eye, or rather his mind's eye. The older boy continued, "Of course, things are a little black and white now, but no matter. At least I won't be needing help to get to the bathroom."

Neku clenched his fists. Joshua had to resort to doing something like this. Why? Why did the Higher Planes do this? Why Joshua? Why do this? Why?

"By the way, Neku, I am kind of a bit hungry," Joshua said, changing the topic. "I thought you would've prepared some of that watery soup you made yesterday for me. I'm hurt you didn't even consider my hunger a crucial matter."

Neku didn't react. He merely took the cold bowl of porridge back to the kitchen, closing the door silently. Joshua sighed. Neku was really distraught by the looks of it. He felt responsible for losing his composure. Neku was after all still a child. He would get distressed after witnessing something so…traumatic like this.

But honestly, he didn't expect to lose his sight as well. He had expected lots of ordeals since the beginning of the game, but still, living in a monochrome world like this was hardly enjoyable. He hated being like this. He hated that Neku had to be there to witness him losing his sight. He hated that he had to lose composure like that.

Neku had to be blaming himself for it, he just knew it.

He didn't want Neku to feel like that. He also didn't want his proxy to watch him like this. It was really degrading that he, the mighty Composer of Shibuya, had to be helped around so much like this.

But he had anticipated this. He had known the Higher Planes would do something to punish him, but he didn't expect that they would concede to doing this to him. This…game…this ritual…this…

He was startled as a bowl of hot porridge was shoved into his hands. Neku had returned with a fresh bowl of porridge. He watched silently as the orangette slumped on the couch beside him. The ex-Composer sighed. There would be no meaning in trying to converse with the orangette right now, he thought as he slurped at the porridge. The warmth sent pleasant feeling through his veins.

"…tell me Josh…" Neku began softly, much to Joshua's surprise. He didn't think Neku would begin to speak immediately like that. He had thought the boy would rather stay in silence for a while. "…are you ever lonely?"

That made the ex-Composer lift his brow in confusion. That was…random. He didn't answer immediately and merely slurped at his soupy porridge. "Mmhmm, I'm never lonely as long as you're here, Neku dear," he said teasingly. But Neku didn't respond as he thought he would. Damn.

"…but you are always alone…" Neku said. "Mr. H once told me that you were always the solitary person. You liked spending time on your own, watching over your city by yourself. But don't you ever feel lonely?"

Joshua's eyes softened as he took another spoonful of porridge. "Mmhmm," he murmured. "Perhaps, perhaps not. Who knows? I never bothered to think about it."

Neku looked down to his feet, counting tiny invincible dancing gnomes on the carpet. "I used to never think about it too," he admitted. "My life before was so quiet. I hated people. They were noisy. They were so fake and hard to figure out. So I thought it would be better to stand on my own two feet, never to lean to someone or lend my shoulder to anyone.

"But now…" he continued. "I don't really think so anymore."

"Having friends are really quite fun. It makes the time you have really worth something," Joshua watched the orangette silently, a spoon dangling from his lips. "You could smile and laugh more often with them joking by your side. You can it easier to find solutions to your problems because more heads could ponder on them. It's just…nice."

Joshua gave a somewhat smug smile. "Mmhmm, your face is priceless," he said. Neku rolled his eyes.

"Who asked you?" he retorted in slight annoyance. Customary Joshua answer. The silverette giggled.

"Still, you've changed a lot, dear. The you from two years ago wouldn't even bother sitting here taking care of your dear Composer, would you?" Joshua said.

Neku shook his head. "No…no I wouldn't," he admitted. "But still…I wish there are more I can do about it."

The silverette sighed. "It's not your fault," he uttered softly. "I was having a fever since this morning. This would've happened whether this morning's fight occurred or not."

The orangette stared at the Composer with pleading eyes. "Joshua…" the older boy gave a shrug.

"It's not that big of a deal," he said. "I can still see, so nothing really has changed. I can't see colors anymore but I can still see forms. That's the most important thing."

Neku looked away. Typical Joshua. Shrugging off things like they were of no big deal when they actually were. He was trying to cheer Neku up and the orangette knew it. He never blamed Neku for anything, not even when he threw up thanks to Neku forcefully feeding him. He was in pain thanks to the orangette and he didn't even blame him for it.

'Damn you, Joshua…'

The sound of porcelain being put down on the coffee table snapped the orangette from his stupor as Joshua wiped his lips with a cloth. "Compliments to the chef. You're improving, Neku."

The orange haired boy lifted his brows. "Uh, thanks?" he asked. The silverette giggled.

"Your 'future good wife' training must've getting along well," he added teasingly. "Sorry, but I'm not in position to ask for your hand as of yet. You're still too young for marriage."

Neku slammed the kitchen door loudly. Joshua laughed. At least Neku was back to his normal self.

-day4day4day4day4day4day4-

Neku threw the dirty dish to the kitchen sink and turned off the lights. He had a vein on his temple rising thanks to the 'compliment' the stupid prick of a Composer offered him. That damn gay boy…he really wanted to strangle him right now.

Joshua was looking out the window when Neku reentered the room. He glanced out through the window too and found what the Composer was looking at.

Those two reapers again.

"…they show no sign of going away," Joshua said flatly. Neku sighed.

"I can handle them," he said. Joshua shook his head.

"Neku, you—"

"I can handle them," he repeated. "I'm not going to fight them or anything so you shouldn't worry and just go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."

With that, the orangette exited the café, leaving the 'open' door sign turned into the 'closed' one.

-day4day4day4day4day4day4-

"Hello there, proxy boy," Nami spoke with hatred concealed in her tone. Neku walked to the two and pointed towards the Miyashita Park. The two looked at each other in confusion.

"We need to talk, but let's not do it here," the boy said.

Nami was about to interrupt, but Jeremiah caught her wrist, silencing her. "Very well, boy, you seem to have something in mind."

"But Jeremiah—"

"Nami," the afro haired guy shook his head. "Remember that this kid's alive. Shouldn't hurt the civilian for unnecessary reasons. He seems to want to say something. We should hear him out."

The female hesitated for a minute but then relented and nodded. The three walked silently towards the Miyashita Park.

-day4day4day4day4day4day4-

"So, what do you have in mind, boy?" Jeremiah asked. Neku was silent for awhile, hands hidden in his Ashura jacket's pockets to repel the cold December wind. His back was facing the two while he silently began to speak.

"Why are you two doing this?" he asked. His tone was flat. Jeremiah lifted his brows and sighed.

"Told ya, we're reapers. This is what we do," he said as-a-matter-of-factly. "We're ordered to rid of the Composer, and that's what we're doing."

Neku gave the pebble in front of his shoe a good kick. "Do you even have any idea what he's going through right now?" he asked, voice concealing a deep resentment. "Can you even imagine how much he's suffering right now?"

Nami pouted. "Uhh, what?" she asked. "We don't get what you're trying to say, boy. So if you just want to continue this whole 'don't do the bad things' speech, we'd like to excuse ourselves."

"Listen to me, damn it!" Neku yelled, back still facing the two. "You two are supposed to be serving the Composer, damn it, not hunt him down! Do you even understand why you are doing this in the first place? Why he's being hunted in the first place?"

Jeremiah was at lost for words. Did the kid know something they didn't? If he did, that would be understandable. The higher ups always hid things from their underlings. Neku turned to the two reapers, face red with rage. He seethed dangerously.

"You don't even have any idea, do you? You're doing this just because you're 'told to', aren't you?" he growled. "You have no idea why he's being punished in the first place! You have no fucking idea why he's going through all of this damn it!"

Nami was taken aback by the sudden outburst. "Why are you so upset anyway?" she asked. "Said the Composer was being punished for breaking the rules, okay. So what? Rule breakers deserved punishment. If he's being punished by erasure, he must've done something really bad, hasn't he?"

Neku pointed his thumb to his own chest. "This," he chanted through gritted teeth. "This body, this life, this soul, this whole existence, is the reason your leader is being punished!"

Jeremiah widened his eyes. Was the orangette saying what he thought he was saying? Neku looked down. "Yes, Joshua did use me, lied to me, killed me twice," he shook his head. "But in the end, he abandoned his plan to destroy Shibuya, brought all the players back to life, and he's being punished for it, God damn it!"

Nami stifled a gasp. The Composer did that? The strict Composer did that to the players? But why? He had never done anything like that before! Jeremiah narrowed his eyes. So it was true. He had heard rumors of it, but he failed to confirm whether it was true or not.

"So that's why…" the afro reaper murmured to himself while Neku turned his gaze somewhere else, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. Nami looked surprised at the statement.

"Wait, Jeremiah, you knew about this?" she asked. Her partner shook his head.

"I heard sayings, but there was no way of proving it was true or not," he said. "So tell me, boy, what is this 'suffering' thing the Composer is undergoing through right now?"

Neku took a deep breath. "He's coughing up blood, his stomach refused any food offered to it except for water…he had his power limited, had his body replaced with human one which left him vulnerable to human illness…and…and he's just lost his sight…he…" he breathed out shakily. It hurt to be talking about Joshua's condition like this.

"He's being purified," Jeremiah stated. Neku turned his head to the reaper in shock. What did he say? Nami seemed surprised too.

"Wait, Jerry, so you're saying he's…" the female said hesitantly.

The afro guy nodded. "Yeah, he's undergoing purification," he said. Neku's brows creased in confusion. The reaper continued. "That means, they're trying to make him ascend in order to purify him of his sins."

"But they're trying to make us kill him!" Nami argued. "Why would they do that if they just wanted him to ascend?"

Jeremiah shook his head. "It's part of the purification ritual," he reasoned. "But they're not doing this out of cruelty, that's for sure."

"…how can they not be doing this to torment him?" Neku seethed at the afro's statement. "They're damn torturing him, for Shibuya's sake!"

"You don't get it, boy," the reaper sighed. "The main reason of purification is so that the sinning soul can be pardoned of their crimes."

"It consisted of several things, depends on their sins," he said. "If he's coughing up blood, perhaps he's feeling the feelings of those tortured by his actions. If he's losing his ability to eat, perhaps he's being purified from the bad things that enter one's mind from the outside, the bad influences, if you would. The food represents the negativity someone gets from the outside."

"Being limited made him understand the feelings of his charges, as a reminder not to treat them like a mere toy," the female said sadly, biting back tears. "After all, dancing in his palms, were the lives of people, weaker beings, his charges whom he's supposed to protect."

"Stop…" Neku whispered, his bangs hiding his face.

"You said he lost his sight as well," Jeremiah continued, despite Neku's refusal. "A sight represents one's ability to perceive things around him."

"Shut up…" Neku shook his head.

"Losing one's sight means losing the ability to see the lives revolving around you," he looked to the distance. "By losing it, you lost your light…"

"Shut up!" the orangette cried louder, clutching to his ears.

"…feeling the darkness of death," Jeremiah finished with a sigh. "Meaning he's experiencing the fate of the souls that didn't manage to reach the finish line and those who became Noises."

"Stop it! Shut up!" the orangette's voice went crescendo as the reapers seemed to ignore him.

"…he's being reminded of who he really was," Nami was sobbing as Jeremiah spoke again. "A being who's supposed to be caring towards every single lives he maintained."

"Enough, I say! Enough!" Neku shouted, making some people glanced at them in confusion. "Enough…stop it…"

"So you see, boy," the man said softly. "They're not doing this to torture him. They're doing this to make him realize his position. He had to suffer for it, yes. But I'm sure he's aware as well. That's why he's not complaining to the Higher Planes already.

"Even though the Higher Planes inflicted this upon him, he had the very right to protest if he feels cheated. But the fact that he is still there with you means he never had any intention to do so. He's aware of this, and he's accepting his fate willingly. Such is our composer."

"But this is so cruel…" Nami said. "I never heard that purification was really this bad. I just heard that it was really awful, but I had no idea that it would be like this…"

"Yes, but in the end, he would ascend, all faults forgotten," the male reaper stated softly, as if his words were directed more to Neku than to his partner. Neku still refused to look up. "But of course, ascending means…"

When he didn't continue, Neku looked up. "…means what?" he croaked. "What would it mean?"

"Well, it means…" the older male whispered unwillingly. "He would be reborn anew. He would be a pure, virtuous being who is free from any negativity. But he would lose all that he had ever been before. He'd lose all of his memories."

Neku felt his blood froze. Joshua would die. Joshua would die, ascend. He would leave and forget about everything. He would forget about Shibuya. Forget his city, his people, forget Mr. H, forget his favorite Shio ramen, forget his interest in tin pin…

He would forget Neku.

Neku bit his lips. So that's why. That's why Joshua didn't want him involved. He was afraid Neku would find out about this and got hurt.

Watching someone you cared about getting hurt, suffering, dying, they were painful.

But it would be more painful to be forgotten by someone you cared about.

Joshua was Neku's friend, Neku's kindred spirit, and Neku cared deeply for him. Having heard of this made him want to scream, to yell, to curse the angels, it made him want to cry, it…

God, it hurt.

He wanted a hole to just appear bellow him and swallow him whole, so that he may forget about all this and just disappear. Knowing the fact that Joshua did everything for him and his friends with full recognition of what may befell him like this made him feel guilty. If he…if he just shot Joshua that time and took over his job…he wouldn't have to suffer like this.

But no, he knew that even if he found out things would be like this then, he still wouldn't be able to kill his friend.

And he was sure Joshua knew this. That's why he challenged Neku. To prove to Neku that the antisocial brat that he was had changed. He had changed for the better. Joshua changed him by entering him into the game.

Jeremiah scratched his head and sighed. "Listen boy…" he said. "I know it hurts…but you gotta cope with it. You're not the one suffering the most. The Composer is."

Neku's eyes widened at the words. Jeremiah kneeled in front of him. "Buck up, boy, he needs you by his side," the man grabbed Neku's shoulder firmly. "You're the only one he has right now, so don't leave him no matter what okay?"

"We'll…" Nami began embarrassedly. "We'll pretend we don't know his whereabouts. Who cares about some extra points anyways? I am not killing my city's protector for some silly points."

Jeremiah smiled. "Me neither," he said. "You have our support. So support our composer for us."

Neku looked down. He was right. The afro was right. Joshua was suffering the most right now, not him. He suddenly felt foolish. How could he forget this very basic fact? He had no time to be moping around. He had to be strong, for Joshua's sake too. He lifted his head, rubbed his nose and met the older man's gaze with a strong firm one.

"You don't need to tell me my job," he said determinedly. "Just do yours and I'll do mine." The reaper grinned.

"That's the spirit," he said. "No wonder the composer picked you. Your soul is brighter than anything I've seen before."

Neku furrowed his brows. What? What was he talking about? Nami giggled. "Yeah, you kinda glow brightly you know," she agreed. "Best of luck…Neku Sakuraba."

With that, the two reapers started to walk away, leaving Neku standing alone in Miyashita Park. He looked at his own palm. He breathed out deeply and marched towards his house.

Screw that, he didn't care if his soul was bright or not. He didn't care if he was glowing or not. He didn't need all that. He needed all the strength and confidence he could find. And he would find it.

He'd be Joshua's strength. After all, he wasn't his proxy for nothing right?

Heh, his proxy. Joshua would be smirking at him for thinking that.

Day 4 Shadowed—Chapter closed

A/N:

Okay, there goes chapter 4...Umm care to comment...pretty please? I know I must've done lots of mistakes...so please comment? Review please~