Katrina struggled to fit into her nightgown as she tried to slide it over her now eight month pregnant stomach. Although she was still small for a pregnant woman, her stomach had definitely gotten a lot bigger, much to the relief of Ichabod who always fretted over the health of their baby.
"Better then not having him care at all." she thought. She looked in the full-length mirror in their bedroom and placed a hand on her stomach. "I look huge!" she said to herself. But she didn't care. There was only a few months to go and then she and Ichabod would have their child and Peter would have a sibling (sort of). She looked in the mirror again. "I guess I don't look that bad."
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Ichabod was walking towards his house tired as hell. He was a nervous wreck lately, even more than usual. On top of his overtime work he was still doing Katrina was halfway through her eighth month of pregnancy. He knew he should be blissfully happy, but he just couldn't get past his damn nerves. And the closer she got to her due date the more nervous and uncertain he became. He just couldn't get that one thought out of his mind………………..
Suddenly he was in front of his house. He sighed and unlocked the door.
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Katrina heard him as she was looking at herself in the mirror. She blushed as she was brought out of her trance and she went to greet him.
"Ichabod, you're home even later than usual. What do they have you doing down at the constabulary?"
Ichabod gave her a weak smile as he stepped over to kiss her. "It's all these constables that have always resented me, dumping whatever work they can on me."
Katrina smiled at him. "Do they really hate you that much?"
Ichabod still could only manage the weak smile he was already wearing. He kissed her cheek and went to hang up his coat.
Katrina was surprised at how distant he was. Something must be on his mind. "Ichabod, are you alright?"
"Damn!" he thought. She could always read him like a book. He tried to convince her otherwise, knowing his attempts would fail. "No Katrina, I'm just fine."
Katrina gave him a don't-even-try-to-lie-to-me look, walked over to him and took his hands. "Ichabod, I know you too well for this. Please just tell me what is on your mind."
"God, I don't have a choice now." he thought. He led her over to the window and looked out onto the chilly October night. Katrina just looked at him, waiting.
"Katrina…….I've just been thinking about the prospect of fatherhood. It's…….not something that I ever anticipated ever happening in my life. And I must confess for a while I have not had the best outlook on the whole thing, I guess not really looking forward to it……."
He choked on his words. That was NOT how he intended that to come out. He was nervous, not regretful. And sure enough Katrina dropped his hands and backed away from him.
"Ichabod……..are you seriously telling me eight and a half months into my pregnancy that you don't want to be a father?"
"Katrina, no, that came out wrong………"
"What came out wrong?" she asked angrily. "The part where you said you never wanted to be a father or the part where you said you still don't want to be a father?"
"No! Katrina, listen to me!!"
The look in her eyes scared him; it was a look of pure rage and hatred. "No, Ichabod! I heard what you said! I get the point! And you acted like you were so concerned with the well-being of this baby. Ichabod, I can't BELIEVE-"
"KATRINA!" he yelled, grabbing her arms. He was glad that Peter was a deep sleeper. She struggled slightly, tears starting to roll down her face. "Is it that you think children will cloud your rational mind even further than that little whore from Sleepy Hollow did?"
Ichabod looked at her, his heart literally aching. "Katrina, don't say-"
She was crying even harder now. "Ichabod, you selfish bastard………"
Ichabod took a deep breath, unnerved by how much he upset her. "Katrina……..please, give me a chance to explain myself."
She wouldn't meet his eyes. He slightly softened his grip on her arms. "Please……….."
Katrina yanked her arms free from his grasp. "Fine. But you had better have a damn good explanation."
He swallowed hard, trying to figure out how to put his thoughts into words. "Katrina…………I'm very much excited and happy that our first child is coming, yes, but I'm also very nervous. I've had very little experience with children and…………." He paused, sorting out his thoughts. "I'm just afraid that I won't make a good enough father for our child. I myself had been unfortunate in the father department and I do not want the same for our child."
He held his breath, waiting for her reaction. Katrina still had tears in her eyes, but she had clearly calmed down.
He looked into her eyes, trying to plead to her through them since he was afraid to come any nearer to her at the moment. She looked down to the floor.
"Ichabod………why didn't you tell me this earlier?"
"I was scared." Ichabod confessed. "I was afraid you would react….well, like you did just now."
He looked to her face again, trying to sort her out. She fiddled with her thumbs a little, but she did it with a small smile on her face. Slowly she came over and wrapped his arms around her. He sighed with relief and buried his face in her hair.
"Ichabod, you should have just told me this. Being nervous and being regretful are two different things entirely. I can understand why you're nervous. Every time a couple has a child they worry about being adequate parents to their children. But the truth is you have to figure it out by yourself, there's no real guideline to how to be a good parent. And I can understand why how your father was may make you scared about the father you will be, but trust me when I say this, by how well you treat me and Peter and how concerned you already are about our child's well-being only proves that you will be a wonderful father."
Ichabod couldn't find words. He just pulled her closer. She buried her head in his chest and smiled up at him. "Feel better?"
Ichabod smiled. "Do you?"
"Yes, now that I understand."
"Then yes, I feel much better."
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Peter was scared for a second. He was wakeful that night and had heard Ichabod come home. He was about to greet them but felt the air quickly get tense so he just listened from outside his door. He was really afraid for a second that Katrina would barge out of the house. But somehow Ichabod was able to calm her down. But he always did find a way. He smiled to himself.
"I can't believe you doubt yourself as a father Master." he thought to himself. "You're a pretty good one to me."
Awwww, kind of mushy, but whatever. The last chapter's next, just warning you.