"Get offa him!" shrieked Harley, leaping to her feet and rushing forward to separate them. She seized Ivy around the waist and tried to pull her off Joker, who was too stunned to respond for a moment, but then joined Harley in trying to push Ivy off him.

"Hey, take it easy, toots!" he snapped, as Ivy clung diligently on. "I understand I'm an irresistible kinda guy, and I don't blame you for wanting to get down with the clown, but even I'm not evil enough to try anything with Harley standing right here!"

"I hope you'd never…try anything anyway, Mr. J!" shrieked Harley, tugging at Ivy.

"Might teach you to appreciate what you got instead of…always nagging me for more!" he shouted, shoving against Ivy.

"You're the one who don't…appreciate what you got!" shrieked Harley. "Always putting me second to…Batman!"

Her anger did the trick, and she tore Ivy free with a mighty wrench. "At least Batman's psycho friends don't try to just suddenly make out with me!" shouted Joker. "Although I think I've seen the yearning in Robin's eyes…"

"How could anyone not wanna be with you, J?" breathed Ivy, adoringly, as Harley struggled to hold her back. "You're just the most gorgeous, handsome, clever, talented, funny man in the whole wide world!"

Joker just stared at her. "Is this a joke?" he demanded, rounding on Harley.

"I wish it was!" shrieked Harley. "Red brought around a love potion to get you more interested in me, but she ended up accidentally drinking it herself! Through no fault of my own," she added, hastily.

Joker sighed heavily. "Well, it's a good thing I've got a lotta experience rejecting women," he sighed. "Years of practice with you, you dumb blonde, will allow me to swiftly and effectively alleviate this situation without further ado," he said, calmly, adjusting his bowtie and approaching Ivy.

"Now Pammie, if we just sit down and discuss this like gentlemen…" he began.

But she ripped herself out of Harley's arms suddenly, flinging herself at him again. "Just take me, J!" she gasped. "Take me now! I can't wait another second!"

"Jesus, she's worse than Harley!" exclaimed Joker, struggling to push Ivy off him again. "Pammie, no! Pammie, down! Pammie!" He whistled. "Pammie, sit!"

"She's not a dog, Mr. J!" shouted Harley.

"Do you want me to be a dog, J?" asked Ivy. "It's not one of my favorite positions, but I'll do it for you, J! Anything you want, any way you want, J!"

"Ok, Pammie, listen to me," said Joker, seizing her face in his hands. "Daddy wants to play a little game, ok?"

"Mmm, I love games, J," she breathed, leaning forward to kiss him.

"The game is hide and seek," said the Joker, backing away from her. "You count to two million, and I go hide. And then you have to find me. I could be anywhere in the whole city, so it might take a little while, but don't you dare cheat, or you won't get anything, ok?"

"And when I find you, what do I get?" murmured Ivy, grinning.

"Uh…you get…uh…to play another game!" invented Joker, quickly. "Which I'll tell you more about if you find me!"

"And when do I get you, J?" she breathed, approaching him again. "I want you so badly…"

"Well…the…uh…the wait will only make the payoff more gratifying," said Joker, hastily, continuing to back away. "Isn't that right, Harley?"

"Sure, Mr. J," sighed Harley, burying her face in her hands.

"Good. You keep an eye on Pammie now, pooh, and make sure she counts all the way to two million," he said, patting her on the head. "Maybe discuss how wonderful I am, but not too wonderful, ok? Don't want her getting more excited than she already is."

"Yes, Mr. J," muttered Harley.

"That's my girl. I love you, pooh bear."

He kissed Harley's cheek and then raced out the door. Ivy turned to glare at her. "He doesn't love you; he loves me," she said coldly. "No man can resist me."

"Think Mr. J just did," retorted Harley, folding her arms across her chest. Then she smiled. "But at least now you'll finally agree with me when I talk about how gorgeous he is! Doncha just love his hair?"

"Oh yeah," sighed Ivy, dreamily. "Just wanna run my fingers through it."

"Yeah," sighed Harley. "And he's got such pretty eyes. I could just stare into them forever."

"Forget his face, although it is perfect," agreed Ivy. "He's got a body to die for."

"You're telling me," said Harley, beaming. "And you wonder why I'm always so hot for him all the time."

"Not anymore I don't," retorted Ivy. "And I must have been a total idiot for not seeing how gorgeous he is sooner. I want him, Harley. And Poison Ivy always gets the man she wants," she growled, dangerously.

"Yeah…sure, Red," said Harley, slowly. "Let's…uh…start counting to two million, huh?"