Waking to the sound of a metal against linoleum, I pulled the sheets over my head, hoping the noise would fade away from my room.
"Oh come one Brielle, we go through this every day," Cassandra complained.
She was my morning nurse, the one I would always argue with before receiving my daily dosage of medication. "Well, we wouldn't have to if you would stop trying to shove those damned things down my throat." I snapped, pulling my head back out.
Cassandra smirked, holding out a small cup towards me. "We all know that no one can make you do anything you don't want to. Besides, you better be on good behavior today, I heard Dr. Gerund is thinking of releasing you," she turned and headed for the door, chart in hand. There was something I liked about her, out of everyone else. Maybe it was because she didn't treat me like the mental patient I was.
"Take the pills Brielle," she reminded me as she left my room, winking as she closed the door.
After discarding the ever so lovely 'feel good' pills, I wandered aimlessly in my room. I had been sleeping more than usual lately, waking up only to eat or see Leanne when she visited. This day, in particular was exhausting for me. I crossed through the activity room when I spotted the old woman with the teddy bear. She sat with her back against the mahogany doorframe; only her white tendrils visible as I started to quickly pass by. Once I was in her range of view, her eyes locked onto me with a determined force.
"You," she simply said.
I gave her my full attention, startled that she could speak; since I first saw her, she gave to interest to no one, except the bear she always held. Her eyes closed as she clutched the small stuffed animal to her chest.
"Yes?" I asked curiously.
"Come. Sit here." She patted the ground beside her and motioned for me to sit.
I was hesitant of her request and thought against it, but decided that if it came to it, I could take her if she attacked me. She smiled a little when she felt me beside her.
"What is your name?" She inquired with a real interest.
"Brielle…Brielle Choiseul." I responded calmly.
"Aaah, such a pretty name…unique," her voice acquired a dream-like melody to it as she spoke, "so, why are you here with me Brielle?"
Why? I thought she had wanted me to sit next to her. "I don't understand…don't you want me here?"
Her expression livened slightly, making me a little uncomfortable with our close proximity. She thought for a moment, and then spoke in a calculated tone. "No, I mean why are you here?"
The question was simple, but I felt like my privacy had been invaded. Maybe it was the way she spoke, with an air of another accent; perhaps she was wondering what a young American girl would be doing in a mental institution.
"I have my reasons," I answered in a clipped tone.
"Oh, you are a cheeky little one. Everyone has a reason, what I mean is why are you still here," she replied in between chuckles.
I was stumped on that one. I didn't really know what answer I should give the woman. I decided that I would opt for a distraction rather than an honest answer.
"I am still here because I am suicidal. Why are you here?"
I expected my bluntness to deter her curiosity, but it seemed to fascinate her more.
"It was my husband's death that caused all of this," she said matter-of-factly.
"Oh, I'm so…sorry." I apologized.
Perhaps she really was a crazy as the others thought, because the old woman began to guffaw in clear delight.
"Oh no, I was happy, that old Henry of mine was a good man; he provided for me and took me places. We traveled the world. Yes, he was a good man, but a lousy husband. I couldn't have my own life, opinions. I was to be his doting housewife while he skipped around with all the young girls in our town.
"Naturally when he died, I was joyous…I think I may have upset my children. They thought I was repressing my emotions, hiding that I really was depressed, so…here I am now."
I took her momentary pause to ask my own question. "So, why are you still here?"
Her eyes gleamed, reminiscent of a little girl holding onto a secret. "Well, these bloody Americans think I am completely bonkers. I would have left if not for the peace I found here. No children to pester about, I can come and go as I please," she paused for a moment, a smile playing on her lips, "the fact that I met a handsome fellow in here is a plus."
She grinned wide, exposing her aged teeth. I had to return the gesture; in some ways she reminded me of my grandmother. "I know why I am here Brielle, but you haven't told me anything. What is it that you are hiding?"
I averted my eyes from the old woman; she was too perceptive for my liking. Having someone notice things about me was always a risky problem.
"I'm not hiding anything Ms…" I paused, aware that I didn't yet know her name.
"You may call me Edie," she answered calmly.
"Well, Ms. Edie, I have nothing to hide. I already told you my reasons for being here."
She sighed, looking down to her bear.
"Well, it seems that Brielle doesn't trust us Stephania." Edie addressed the bear, "I think it's you, not me."
Edie appeared to be entertained by the slightly horrified expression on my face.
"You must think I am crazy," Edie accused.
I shook my head vehemently, trying to placate her. "No, I just don't understand you."
She smiled once more. "I know. I have Stephania here because I can trust her. You know, someone like me loses trust in others rather quickly, especially when those people are your own children."
"What did they do to lose your trust?" I asked, slightly aware that she had maintained to pull back into conversation.
"I know that they left me here, hoping I would pass with grief. They think that when I go, they will get all of Henry's estate. Little do those buggers know that I already have his funds promised to charities when I die."
"That's horrible," I said, disgusted.
"It's life." Edie replied with a sickening surety.
We sat there for a few minutes and I wondered what she must have felt knowing that her children cared little whether she lived or died. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out two peppermints. She handed one to me as she spoke again.
"I know that my children have gone wayward, but I still love them. It's what a mother does; she loves her children unconditionally, no matter what they may do."
Not expecting the subject to come up, I was taken aback, a silent tear falling to the ground as thoughts of my mother rushed in. Edie wasn't surprised by my reaction, she simply placed a frail arm across my shoulders.
"It's okay if you miss her," she stated simply.
"How did you-"
"A girl like you only grieves for two reasons- a boy, or a loved one. I think you are too stubborn to cry over any lad." She interrupted, showing her toothy grin.
I smiled, and wiped away the offending trail the tear left behind. A nurse passed by us, stopping once he saw Edie sitting on the floor.
"Now, Ms. Freeland, you know better than to be out here. Let me help you to your room," he said picking her up slowly. Edie looked back and winked at me, to which I responded with a smile. I had to stifle in a chuckle as she grabbed the unsuspecting nurses' backside.
The days following the funeral and my little chat with Edie were disorienting. Days went by so fast; it felt like I had only woken up when 'lights out' would be announced. My body did not want to cooperate with me anymore; all I could do was answer when spoken to and walk from one activity room to the other. I would be up all day doing nothing, only to feel exhausted when I went to sleep. Every day I would meet with Dr. Gerund and everyday he would ask me the same questions. He perceived me to be 'normal, except for my rapidly declining weight'. The nurses worried that I wasn't eating, but I couldn't, I didn't know anyone who would willingly consume that 'food' anyway.
After hearing talk of me staying a few more months, and the nurses thinking I would relapse at any moment, I forced myself to eat every day, if only a bite or two. Despite my new frail and sickly looking frame, I was able to gain enough by the time my remaining weeks were over.
The day Dr. Gerund told me I was being released to Leanne, I felt like a prisoner released from a death sentence. I immediately gathered all my things from my small room and put it into a plastic grocery bag: my funeral dress, a turquoise shell hairclip, some clothes Leanne brought me, along with two small, birthday candles. I was all packed. I was completely joyful, sitting on my bed waiting for Leanne, when my thoughts reversed back to that of my new friend.
I went and found Edie and told her the news. She was not at all surprised; she just kept shaking her head and smiling at me. We had another long conversation that day; I didn't pretend to be better, and she let me be. I surprised myself when I told Edie about my other siblings; she only listened, never interrupting with her usually witty remarks. Once Leanne pulled up, we hugged again and I cried again, promising to visit her. She waved and saw me off through her window as I got into Leanne's car. Her halo of stark white curls bounced with joy as I watched her reflection in the rearview fade out of sight.
Leanne drove like a crazy woman, swerving in and out of traffic while belting out whatever song was on the radio. I sat in the passenger side, wondering where my new course was life was headed. I was more than happy when she told me that Skye would be living with us. We stopped by Leanne's apartment, making sure that everything was in order. Skye had her bags packed and was waiting for us on Leanne's couch.
"You're going to leave everything here?" I questioned as I eyed Leanne's plasma against the wall.
"Why not?" She asked.
I shook my head; Leanne would be Leanne. She spoke up again as if she heard my thoughts.
"Don't worry Bri, most of this is rental items. My friend Alexander is going to pick them up for me. Besides, like I promised, we would be down here every weekend if you wanted."
We finished getting Skye's items into the trunk before we headed for the interstate. Skye was more pensive than usual, never speaking directly to me, only interrupting to make general comments. Leanne attempted to make us feel welcome, talking and laughing the whole way there. She jokingly said that we were her 'ready-made family'. I smiled a little. Nothing seemed to catch my interest anymore, nothing at all, so I was more than surprised when we pulled up to Leanne's home. The surrounding forests were absolutely beautiful, not that I had ever appreciated nature before. As I got out of the car, even the air felt better in my lungs. The whole city seemed to be encased in the beautiful scenery that I now had the opportunity to appreciate.
Leanne's home was small, but very charming. The blue and yellow curtains of the two-story home windows matched her bubbly, if not eccentric personality. I looked down the quiet street; it was void of other cars. Leanne led me into her main living room. I called it the main one, because she had another room just as big that was for guests only. This room, however, had a blue theme to it. The carpets were cerulean and the walls were a light sapphire. She had a large, white, multi-sectioned couch that spanned the length of the room. A flat screen was securely attached to the ceiling above it. Skye sprawled on the couch and turned her attention to something that soon had her in stitches. I smiled; it was so long since I had heard her laugh.
"Skye, would you show Bri where her room is?" Leanne walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I looked up surprised, but then realized that Skye probably had been here a few times to help Leanne move in.
"Sure, why not." Skye mumbled as she got up.
She led me up a set of winding stairs and down the second story hall. Her room was on the right of the floor's shared bathroom, mine on the left. I knew it was hers because this room was all yellow. Skye always had a thing for that color; the cheeriness of it, I supposed. I attempted to make small talk.
"So, Skye, you want to help me unpack my things? I'm not-"
"Um, no I don't." She interrupted. "You see the closet, and you know how to use it."
She glared at me before heading back downstairs.
"That will be a problem." I said to no one in particular as I entered my new room.