Part Four: Iggy's Stupidity
It was a warm and breezy evening at La Joya Community High School. The Marching Lobos Band was working on their drill, so those who were in pit had nothing to do (Aleah, Jaz, and Damian), were sitting on the sideline goofing off while the rest of the band (which included Felicia and the twins) were working hard.
Jaz was stretched out on the pit cart cat napping while Aleah lay in the grass and watched the clouds. Damian was messing around with a football like an idiot and he suddenly threw it towards Aleah.
"Heads up, Black Leia!" he shouted. Aleah sat up, saw the football flying at her face, screamed, and ducked. The football sailed over her head and flew straight at Iggy, the drum major, who was standing on the conductor's stand. It hit him in the side, causing him to stumble, lose his footing, and fall right off of the stand. Everyone laughed.
"DAMIAN, YOU MORON!" Aleah screeched at him, "YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME!"
"Shut up, woman!"
"Quit fighting, will you?" Jaz asked groggily, "I'm trying to sleep here."
Just then, Mr. Weber called a five minute break. Felicia immediately walked over, grabbed The Complete Works of Charles Dickens off of the marimba, sat down on the grass, and started reading. The twins followed, complaining about everything as usual. The five minute break soon turned into a twenty minute break, and all six of them started playing truth or dare.
Then suddenly, they heard tires squeal and brakes screech as a plain white van hurtled into the parking lot next to the practice field. The van screeched to a stop next to the fence that separated the field from the lot and Noelle and Jackie jumped out and ran to the fence. Aleah got up and hurried over, followed by Damian, Jaz, the twins, and Felicia, who had stopped reading for the moment.
"What are you two doing here?" Aleah asked.
"Bridget destroyed Wonderland!" Jackie and Noelle cried in unison.
"Nuh-uh, Bridget wouldn't do something like that…" Felicia said, flipping open her book once more and continuing to read.
"Yeah, Ginger isn't evil like you two," Damian pointed out adjusting his gray and black striped earflap cap he always wore, even during the summer.
"We're serous! Everything's gone!" Jackie insisted.
"Yeah! The Tulgey wood is burned down, the mushroom forest is trampled, and Mamoreal is smashed!" Noelle said. The she added, "Not that Mamoreal really mattered…. At least my castle is still standing…." Felicia dropped her book and stared at Noelle in disbelief about her beloved castle.
"I've got proof!" Jackie announced, pulling a shattered piece of white marble out of her pocket. Felicia was pissed.
"That girl's gonna get it!" she snarled, climbing over the chain link fence.
"Wait!" Jaz said, "We can't just run off. Weber will notice!"
"I got this." Damian picked up his football and chucked it as hard as he could at Mr. Weber, hitting him in the head, and knocking him out. The band members cheered in delight and threw their drill packets into the air.
"Ding dong the Weber's out!" they sang, dancing around his unconscious body, "Which old Weber? The evil Weber! Ding dong the evil Weber's out!"
"Now let's go!" Felicia said urgently. Aleah nodded and climbed over the fence after her. Damian, Jaz, and the twins followed.
They all ran to the van, which didn't have seats in the back, so they all piled in and sat on the floor as Noelle and Jackie climbed into the driver and passenger seats. Noelle was the only one of them with a license, so she started up the van and stomped on the accelerator.
But Iggy, unnoticed throughout the commotion, slipped into the back and slammed the door shut as they screeched out of the parking lot.
"I didn't know you had a car," Aleah said, looking around.
"Oh, we don't," Jackie said, "We're returning this later.…" Then Iggy spoke up for the first time.
"Hi guys!" he said brightly, waving at them. Everyone turned to look at him.
"Iggy?!" the twins yelled in surprise.
"What are you doing here?!" Damian demanded, and Iggy shrugged.
"You guys were running off so we must be doing something fun!" he said, clapping his hands with delight.
"Oi vai…" Aleah groaned, smacking herself in the forehead. Just then they squealed into the parking lot of a nearby park. Noelle cut the engine and hopped out. The rest of them followed.
Jackie led them to a drainage ditch and knelt down beside one of the drains. She lifted off the grate and hopped down into the dark hole, followed closely by Noelle, Aleah, Damian, Jaz, Felicia, and the twins. They all landed with a splash at the bottom and found themselves knee-deep in scummy water.
"EW!" Keely screamed.
"My shoes are ruined!" Schuy said miserably.
"Will you two just shut up?!" Jackie angrily yelled at them.
"You shut up," Keely started.
"Loser!" Schuy finished for her.
"Yeah!" Iggy agreed.
"No one asked you!" Damian shouted at him.
"GUYS!" Felicia yelled, silencing them all, "SHUT UP NOW BEFORE I TURN YOU ALL INTO FROGS!" Everyone instantly got quiet. "Now let's just focus on the mission of kicking Bridget's furry-tailed butt!" She stalked off down the dark passage and everyone else followed.
"Since when is the entrance to Wonderland a sewer?" Aleah asked, looking around.
"This is a sewer?" Iggy asked in a clueless manor. Everyone ignored him.
"Since Bridget took over," Noelle answered Aleah's inquiry. They suddenly stopped when they came upon a large grate that stretched from floor to ceiling.
"It's around here somewhere…" Jackie murmured, running her hands along the concrete tunnel wall. "Here it is!" She took a small key out of her pocket, fit it into a tiny, barely noticeable keyhole in the wall, and turned it. A large square section of the wall simply melted away, leaving a doorway that went straight into Wonderland. The nine teenagers stepped through and once again found themselves transformed into their Alice in Wonderland characters, except for Iggy, who began to sulk because he didn't get a cool outfit.
They looked around in shock to see Wonderland completely destroyed, with Salazen Grum being the only thing left standing. Everything was a shade of black, including the sky. Even the Alice characters seemed to be cast into shadow. While they looked around in horror a small black fox scurried by, carrying large tree branches in its mouth.
"Wait!" Felicia/White called after it. The fox stopped, turned around, and bowed at the sight of its rightful Queen. "What's going on here?" Felicia/White inquired of the fox. The fox dropped the tree branches to speak.
"My apologies…. King Bridget commanded all of the animals to gather as much wood as possible," the fox explained quickly, "She wants to burn what's left of Mamoreal to the ground."
"Show me where she is!" Felicia/White demanded. The fox nodded, picked up the branches, and ran off toward Mamoreal. All eight Alice characters (plus Iggy) ran after it, and soon arrived at the castle, panting and out of breath.
The castle was now in ruins. Its turrets and towers had been knocked down and only a couple of walls here and there were left standing. The White Knights had been painted black by King Bridget, who was lounging sideways on the White Queen's old throne (which was also painted black) and yelling, "ALL HAIL ME! And double soup Tuesdays for all of the peasants!"
All of the animals that Felicia/White had once ruled kindly over were now gathered around the rubble of Mamoreal, setting them on fire.
"Oh, NUH-UH!" Felicia/White ran at Bridget/McTwisp furiously.
"Hello, my fine peasant," Bridget/McTwisp said as Felicia/White approached her throne.
"Stop this and give me back my crown now!" Felicia/White screamed.
"No!" Noelle/Red yelled, running to Bridget/McTwisp, "It's my crown! Give it back to me!"
Bridget/McTwisp yawned, stretched, put her arms behind her head, and propped her feet up on the back of a dog that stood in front of the throne.
"Nah..." she said, unconcerned. The rest of the Alice characters approached Bridget/McTwisp, leaving Iggy behind. Iggy looked around and saw a random lever sticking up from the ground and he went over to it in curiosity.
"Okay, Bridget, fun's over," Aleah/Alice said, reaching for the crown. Bridget/McTwisp smacked her hand away and narrowed her eyes at Aleah/Alice.
"It's mine," Bridget/McTwisp said, "I'm the ruler of Wonderland!"
"No, I'm the ruler of Wonderland!" Felicia/White and Noelle/Red yelled at the same time.
"There's really only one way to solve this," Damian/Hatter announced, "All of you women fight each other and while you're distracted I'll take the crown." He suddenly covered his mouth with his hand. "Oops, did I just say that out loud?" Noelle/Red and Felicia/White turned and narrowed their eyes at him. "Just a thought," Damian/Hatter shrugged.
"Here's a thought," Jackie/Stayne said, "Why don't you just shut up, you crazy hat boy?" Damian/Hatter stuck his tongue out at her.
"Hm… a fight," Bridget/McTwisp mused, "That could work."
Everyone except for Iggy just stared at her. Bridget/McTwisp rose from the throne and surveyed all of them.
"You," she snapped her fingers at Aleah/Alice, "If you can defeat me, then you can choose whomever you wish to be the ruler of Wonderland."
"Aleah, I don't mean to be rude…" said Jackie/Stayne, "But you suck at fighting.… And I'm pretty sure you would lose if you had to fight carrot-top over here…" she jabbed her thumb toward Bridget/McTwisp, who grinned widely at them.
"Hey, how do you work this contraction?" Iggy shouted suddenly, pulling on the lever. Everyone burst into laughter.
"It's contraption, Iggy," Felicia/White corrected, rolling her eyes, "Not contraction." The Tweedles ran over to him and looked at the lever.
"It says 'Push', not 'Pull'," Keely/Dee said.
"Yeah, you idiot," Schuy/Dum added, kicking the lever with her foot.
"NO DON'T DO THAT!" Bridget/McTwisp screamed fearfully.
"Why?" the Tweedles and Iggy asked blankly.
Then Gabe's voice (you know, that cool announcer guy), said, "What you idiots failed to realize, was the sign that said 'lever to destroy Wonderland' right next to you." The Tweedles noticed the sign for the first time.
"Ohh…" they said.
"Where is that voice coming from?!" Iggy shouted, looking up at the sky wildly.
"YOU BUILT A SELF-DESTRUCT LEVER?!" everyone except for the Tweedles and Iggy yelled at Bridget/McTwisp.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time!" Bridget/McTwisp said defensively. Seizing the moment of panic as an opportunity, Damian/Hatter snatched the crown off of Bridget/McTwisp's head and slipped it on over his hat.
"THIS," he yelled in a Scottish accent, "IS WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T BE RULERS! NOW BACK TO THE KITCHEN WITH ALL OF YOU!"
"For goodness' sake, Damian!" Jaz/Cheshire-Cat yelled at him, "We're about to be blown up here!"
"But, I'm too young to die!" Aleah/Alice sobbed.
"And I'm too sexy to die!" Iggy cried dramatically.
"And I just became King!" Damian/Hatter said angrily.
Suddenly, there was a huge BANG! and everything was instantly obscured by bright blue smoke. All of the Alice characters and Iggy choked and coughed from the thick smoke.
"Can't…breathe…" Aleah/Alice coughed. She passed out and fell over onto Bridget/McTwisp, who fell onto Damian/Hatter. It was a domino effect and pretty soon everyone was on the ground in a large heap, unconscious. Gabe laughed hysterically.
"You guys are so gullible!" he laughed, "Now I'll see you morons later…."
There was a flash of light and everyone disappeared, reappearing moments later back at band practice. They were still passed out and piled on top of each other in a large heap. Damian was the first to wake, and he happened to be on the very bottom of the pile directly underneath Jaz and Aleah.
"Get off of me!" he yelled, grabbing Aleah by the hair and dragging her off of him.
"OW!" Aleah shrieked.
"Hey, get off of me!" Keely said, kicking Iggy off of her legs.
"Dude, get off my arm!" Jaz snapped at Jackie.
"Ow, sorry," Jackie said, disentangling herself from the pile. Felicia sat up and rubbed the back of her head.
"That was weird," she said, picking up her book.
"Totally," Bridget agreed, not even bothering to get off of Noelle, who was trapped beneath her. "But being King was awesome."
"Uh…what happened again?" Iggy asked, clueless as usual. Aleah looked around and did a quick head count.
"Wait, if everyone's here…" she said, "Then who's left to rule Wonderland?"
"Oh, you'll see.…" Gabe laughed maniacally.
END