Don't really know where I'm going but glad that people are enjoying the ride. Might have slow updates from this point on, I'm watching the snooker!
The breeze kept up against the pair of them, pulling a lock of her hair loose and blowing over her face. Harry half raised his hand to brush it back when he realised he was in no position to do so. His hand dropped to his side as Ruth pulled it back herself without noticing anything amiss. "Where is Catherine living now?"
"About an hour outside Tel Aviv," Harry replied.
"Do you miss her?" Ruth asked, well aware that she was straying into personal territory again but thought that she might see how her luck went.
"I do," he said. "Its hard knowing that she's going to be settling down so far away from here. Although after four years with him, I'm hardly surprised he proposed." On that last word he caught her eyes and she blushed red at the implications there.
"Ruth…"
"Harry…" They both spoke at the same time but he indicated that she should go first.
"Things have been strained between us. Since… since Ros's funeral," Ruth said. She swallowed uncomfortably but continued on. "I don't like it," she said. "I don't like how distant we are. Surely this isn't what you want either. Not after you…" she tailed off, feeling very awkward.
"No," he said, interrupting her. "Its not what I want. I don't like this anymore than you do. I miss you." She looked at the ground not knowing what to say to him after that. "I mean it. If you don't want… anything that's your decision and of course I'll respect it, but this dancing around each other is driving me mad, Ruth."
"I know," she agreed, at the same time as feeling her heart plummet at the fact that he thought she didn't want more between them.
Harry sighed when she didn't elaborate further. "Ruth, I want you to be honest with me." She nodded and waited for him to continue. "How do you feel? I just want the truth, no matter how… painful it might be for me to hear." She stopped walking and faced him, debating which words to say, because she knew once spoken they could never be taken back. He would always remember what she said now, that much she was sure of.
"I had several reasons for saying no to you," Ruth said slowly. "But the fact that I didn't care for you, wasn't one of them. It was so unexpected and sudden, and you asked me at a funeral Harry… I still can't believe you did that."
"I hadn't planned it that way, believe me," he said fervently.
"It wasn't the right time," she continued, ignoring his last comment. "And if we went back to that moment, I'd still give you the same answer." Harry felt his heart sink down to the very depths of the Thames. "You haven't even kissed me in four years, and you thought that was a solution to our… problems? Its not. In a way it would have been easier to say no if I didn't feel what I do for you. It made it much more complicated." He looked up at her, a slight ray of hope forming in him.
"I am sorry for that," Harry said quietly. "I shouldn't have asked you. Or not then and there at any rate." She blushed as the significance of what he was saying sunk in.
"There is one more thing I want to ask you, and please give me an answer this time." Ruth nodded. "Were you in love with George? Are you still in love with him? Do you blame me for his death?"
"That's not one question," Ruth said, biting her lip. "Okay, no I'm not in love with him. I don't think I ever was. I loved what he gave me. Security and safety. Normality. After being on the run and scared for an entire year, I can't tell you how much that meant to me. He was a good and decent man who didn't deserve to die, but no. I didn't love him." She paused before saying the next thing she wanted to as Harry watched her carefully, his eyes running all over her face, as if trying to read her mind. "I never did blame you. Not really. I blamed myself for bringing him into danger. If he'd never met me, Nico would still have a father. It was my fault he died."
"No," Harry said firmly, gripping her arm tightly. "Never your fault. You shouldn't have to feel guilty for trying to live a normal life."
"Even though I know perfectly well how much it hurt the man who means the most to me?" It took maybe three seconds for that sentence to sink in to Harry's brain. Once it did, he didn't think about it. Very slowly and with a great deal of thought he caressed her cheek lightly, the breeze making her skin feel chilled. He bent towards her and softly kissed her, lips pushing together gently. It barely lasted a moment before his touch left her. She opened her eyes and out of instinct she leaned back in and kissed him just as lightly once more. He carefully put a hand on her waist as their embrace continued. He felt her palm resting on his chest, not pushing him away, more that she wanted to feel him under her fingertips.
When they broke apart, their eyes were burning at each other. "We should…" Ruth said in a slightly broken voice, nodding at Thames House which had come into sight through their conversation. Harry nodded and they quickly crossed the street towards the building. With one last squeeze of hands before they went through security.