Thank you so much for all the reviews. Please keep them coming. Unfortunately, I've got an incredible busy weekend coming up with work and xmas parties, so the next update might take a little longer. Please be patient.

Enjoy!

Donna tensed at his words…She begun to wonder if there was something more serious than the campaign going on and was terrified to find out what. She scanned her eyes quickly over him, in hope she could work out what was going on so she could be prepared for what he said. He looked tired and a little pale. She knew from the moment she joined the Santos campaign that he had lost weight but that wasn't surprising since she had pretty much spent most her time as his assistant, reminding him to eat. When she heard about his melt down and how he claimed the reason he smashed up the room was because there was no window, it had sent chills down her spine. The others didn't know the signification of what he had said and it just confused them, confirming that their campaign manager was just as weird as they thought he was.

She knew though…That one snowy, long Christmas was burned into her brain. They probably thought she was just as crazy as Josh by the way she immediately left and go find her ex-boss. She hadn't been completely surprised to find Leo in Josh's room…He knew too.

"Do you want a drink?" Josh offered, pulling open the mini-fridge and grabbing the only bottle in there. "I have water….and ice."

She smiled a little but shook her head. "What's going on?"

He closed the fridge and turned the bottle around in his hand. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

He shrugged. "I don't know…everything."

"Josh?"

"You have to know that I never meant…." He trailed off, trying to work out the right words. "I never wanted to hold you back…If I did; I didn't even realize…I thought you were happy."

"I was…" She cut in quickly. "I don't want you think I didn't enjoy my job or appreciate what chances you gave me…If it wasn't for you, I would have never got this far but I had to leave."

"Why?"

"Because things got weird…because I almost die and you were there then you weren't…" She shook her head a little knowing even as she spoke the words it didn't really make sense. "I didn't want to just be an assistant for the rest of my life but I didn't think I could ask you to help me be more…not after everything you had already done."

He frowned a little. "So you're not mad at me? You don't hate me?"

"God, Josh, no…Is that what you've been thinking?" She stared at him. "I never wanted you to think that…I know things haven't been the same since I left the white house but I've always been your friend."

He let out a long shaky breath. "You know that when I turned you down that job it wasn't because of this…It wasn't because I didn't want…"

"I know." She assured him, although it still hurt a little.

He nodded a little and turned to look out the window. That had gone better than expected and he was beginning to wish that they had had this conversation a long time ago. It would make the next part a whole lot easier.

"What happened tonight?" Donna pushed. "People are worried about you."

He let out a small laugh. "You and Leo are worried…the others probably think I'm crazy."

"True." Donna shrugged and took a step closer to him.

"I don't want to tell you…" He whispered.

"Why?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me?" She repeated. "Josh, just tell me…Is it nightmares? I can get hold of Stanley."

"It's not…" He told her. "I don't know why I said what I did about windows…I knew what you and Leo would think."

"Well, why did you?" She asked. "And why did you trash that room? That's not like you."

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the cold window pane. He hated that Leo was making him do this…He had not got his own mind around everything, it wasn't fair he had to explain it to Donna…That he had to convince her, not having the treatment was the best choice for him.

"Josh…"

"I got some bad news."

"Your Mom?"

"No…She's fine…"

"The President? The campaign?" She guessed but continued when Josh didn't speak. "What, Josh…What is it? It's can't be that bad…Can it?"

"The cancer…" He said quickly, just needing to get it out. "It's…its back."

"What?" Her eyes widened. "But…"

"I found out this morning…" He continued. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry." She repeated. "Why are you sorry?"

He shrugged. "I don't know…just seems like a good thing to say…I don't really what else I should say."

"God, Josh…This isn't fair." She whispered. "This isn't right."

"I know." He agreed. "Listen, I haven't told anyone apart Leo and I want to keep it that way."

"How do you plan on doing that?" Donna asked. "You remember how hard it was to travel during the chemo…"

Donna trailed off when she realized what Josh had in mind.

"I shouldn't have told you…" He said. "This was a bad idea…Just forget about it…"

"Forget about it?" She stared at him. "How am I meant to forget about it? How am I meant to watch you getting sicker and sicker and not…"

"Donna…"

"Tell me this is just you being you…Tell me you just want to finish the campaign before you get treatment." She pleaded. "Tell me that there is treatment."

"You know me better than anyone… You know I don't back down from anything, right?" Josh asked. "You know that I wouldn't just quit."

She shook her head a little, having a horrible feeling where this was going. "Don't tell me."

"What?"

"I don't need to know." She claimed. "I'd rather not know."

Josh let out a small laugh. "Me too."

They fell into silence, Josh willing not to say anymore because it meant he didn't need to talk about it.

"It's been a long day…You probably want to get some sleep…" Josh started but as he turned around he found Donna stood right behind him. Before he could say anything, she stepped closer and pressed her lips to his. He kissed back for a second but then forced himself to pull away. "Donna?"

There were tears in her eyes and she reached down, taking both his hands in hers and gripping onto them tightly. "It's been hell, Josh…Being away from you has to been so hard…not knowing if you're okay or what you're thinking…"

"I'm sorry…" He whispered, not knowing what else to say.

"Stop saying that." She said firmly. "I don't want you to be sorry…"

"What do you want?"

"I want….I want you to be okay." She claimed. "I want this to go away."

"Well, if you got any ideas?" He said, brushing a hand through his hair.

"What did the doctor say?" She sat down on the bed, grabbing his hand pulling him down with her.

"Does it matter?" He questioned. "There's nothing they can do to get rid of it…"

"But he must have said something." Donna claimed. "He wouldn't just let you deal with this alone."

He sighed. "There are some options…"

"What options?" Her eyes widened a little and her hand tightened around him.

"There is some kind of treatment…It could slow the cancer down or something like that." He said but he had already made him mind up.

"Josh…" She started to protest but he stopped her.

"No, I can't do it…I won't." He shook his head. "I'm not living what's left of my life like that."

"But what if…"

"Donna, you need to listen to me, okay?" He turned so he was facing her fully. "I may not know all the technical medical mumbo jumbo but I do know that Dr. Mitchell said the cancer has spread and is at stage where it cannot be beaten..."

"But the treatment…"

"I've been there before remember and the only thing that got me through all that chemo was the fight…This is fight is already over before it's really begun." He continued. "I want to do this job…I want to make Matt Santos President… I want to achieve my dreams while I can."

"What did the doctor suggest?" Donna asked. "He must have given you his opinion."

"I didn't really give him chance…I wanted to get out of there." He admitted.

"You have to talk to him again, Josh." She claimed.

"I will." He fell backwards, lying down. "But not yet."

"Josh…"

"It's not going to change anything, Donna and I'm not going to change my mind." He mumbled. "If I have the treatment, all it will be doing is prolonging my life to suffer and end up in a hospice where someone has to take care of me."

"You don't know that." She scooted back a little on the bed, so she was sat closer to him. "They might not be able to get rid of the cancer but you could still have years left with the treatment."

"And I could have months." He sat up. "I can't take the risk…I want to live my life to the full."

"Please, Josh…" She pleaded gripping his shirt. "Please just go back to the doctor and talk to him and listen to what he says."

He looked down at her and his heart broke a little to see tears in her eyes. "I'm not promising you anything…I'll go back but you have to realize this is my decision."

She suddenly hugged him tightly, breaking down, sobbing into his shirt. "Please just don't give up…"

He slowly wrapped his arms around and pressed his lips to the top of her hair. "I'm not just going to give up but I want to do this my way."

She tightened her hold on him and continued to cry.

"It'll be okay…" He whispered, running a hand gently up and down her back. "It will be okay."

She slowly lifted her head to look at him and he reached out, to gently brush a few tears off her face. She continued to look at him before leaning in a kissing him softly. She pulled back once but kissed him again when he stayed silent.

When he felt her moving so she led fully on him, he was the one that pulled back. He pushed some loose hair back behind her ear.

"You sure about this?" He asked; his voice rough with emotion.

"Yes." She whispered and nodded her head.

He cupped her cheeky gently, catching one more tear with his thumb before pulling her back down for another kiss.

TBC

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