Chapter 4

Disclaimer: So I saw I haven't done this for a lot of chapters... I don't own and characters they all belong to Cassandra Clare but Creepy grandma is mine, you can't have her. :D

Her hands gripped the bedsheets around her tighter, while her eyes squeezed shut. The dreams about her scars were coming back, and were clearer than ever.

"Shh, don't be afraid baby girl" she heard a voice whisper into her ear. It sounded rough and she could almost smell the liquor from his mouth. Her legs struggled behind her, trying to back away. She felt them shake and take a step back every time he took one forward. Soon she found her back pressed up against a cold red bricked wall.

The man hovered over her. She still couldn't make out his face. Nothing except his scrawny rough hands.

"Please" she heard herself say. The man roughly gripped her shoulders pushing his body into hers. She felt disgusted as she felt him rub against her.

"Please let me go" she whimpered. Her voice sounded weak and fragile to her own ears. The way they had when her mother and Luke had died, two whole years ago. The man chuckled and pushed into her once again. Ignoring her screams and constant pleadings.

"Nah, I haven't gotten laid in a while. And you. Your pretty" he had said. His hands had raked down the side of her body. Feeling her rib cage as if memorizing each and every bone.

She screamed for help. Anything, but no one came. She felt the hands travel up to her collarbone and hook one long finger under the strap of her tank top. She screamed when she felt him start to drag it down her shoulder.

Clary. Said a voice. She wanted to run too it, and get away from this.. monster. But when she turned her head furiously around trying to find someone, she saw nothing but empty darkness. She felt a droopy hungry kiss on her collarbone and she swiped her hand on it, while struggling to get out of the mans grip.

Clary..

The voice repeated and sounded familiar. She felt cold hands on the front of her jeans. She wanted to slap at them, use some of her karate lessons, but one of the hands tightly gripped them above her head.

Clary!

She snapped up from her bed, panting heavily. Her eyes wide and her breathing uneven. That was the clearest vision she had received since her first scar. Her eyes were still wide and she blinked adjusting to the light of the room. She felt a hand on her arm and flinched, turning to look at who it was. Simon sat at the edge of her bed, his eyes wide and looking at her curiously. She saw as his wide brown eyes traveled down her arm, she furrowed her brows and followed his gaze. Her eyes resting on the white long scar stretched out on her arm.

Many of them were the same. Some almost faded from time, but some still looking blue and purple as if they were just fresh. His eyes returned to stare at her and he opened his mouth to speak.

"Who-when did this happen?" he asked her. She swallowed hard, most of her scars were unknown to him. The tiny scratches and cuts from a vase he knew about, but what happened that night was something she had kept to herself. Not uttering a single word to anyone, yes she had stayed quiet and everyone asked her questions like why are you so quiet? Where were you, it's so late? She wanted to tell him the truth, but something told her that if she did, her friends would act more careful and protective around her as if she was like a piece of glass. Which they already treated her like, after Sebastian.

"It's nothing Simon, just got cut by a piece of glass that was poking out of the um mirror." she lied. She could see the hurt form in his eyes, and knew Simon knew she was lying. She broke her gaze and looked away, his stare making it even more uncomfortable.

"Why are you here?" she asked, obviously knowing she had been loud and he had came up to check on her. She saw as he brought two fingers up to his temples and rub them before answering.

"I heard you screaming and assumed it was a dream, so I came to wake you up. Well that an-" he was cut short by a loud piercing scream at my door. I turned my head surprised and saw Mia. A smile broke through my lips as she lunged forward and had me in a death hug. I breathed in the smell of vanilla and .. Earth. If that was possible.

"Oh my god, you look so bigger than the last time I saw you!" she exclaimed. I grinned, Mia had been my best girlfriend in high school. She would beat up the guys who tried to act smart, and wouldn't hide what she thought about you. Mia had been cold and mean to me the first time we had met, but after a few meetings with Simon and her they became the best of friends.

I laughed , " Well you still seem like you can break a guy's bone" I told her. She laughed and playfully pushed my shoulder. Another cough by the door brought my attention to see Jordan leaning against the door frame. Simon rolled his eyes and got up from the bed.

Simon and Jordan's relationship had never been close. Clary thought it was the fact that Mia had once been Simon's girlfriend and even though he wouldn't admit it, he still had feelings for her. No matter how many times the both girls had tried to get them to talk, had all gone in vain. Maybe it was just natural hate? Whatever it was, it had started to annoy Clary more than usual.

As Simon walked past Jordan, Jordan stuck his foot out causing Simon to fall. Simon quickly got up and fixed his glasses which had gone askew on his nose, sending a deathly glare in Jordan's direction.

"You lil mother-f" he stopped short when he saw his mother right in front of him. Clary stifled a laugh as she saw his mom raise an eyebrow as in "Go on" kind of way. His face fell as he saw her.

"m-mo-mother- lover" he rushed out. His mother smiled a tight smile and continued on her way down the stairs. Simon stuck out his middle finger at Jordan and walked to his room. Jordan chuckled as he saw Simon trip down the hallway towards his room. God they would never change, she thought. She got up and walked over to the leaning Jordan and hugged him. A strange type of brotherly sense she felt with Simon, returned to her when she hugged him. She smiled against his tough chest and slowly let go.

"Might wanna brush your teeth Clare, cause they stink" he said crunching up his face. She pushed him playfully, and pushed both the lovers out of the room. Once they were taken care of, she found her real hard task. Finding clothes, that Isabelle would actually like. She knew it was very complicated for her to wear something compared to Isabelle, but hey! She could give it a try.

She didn't know how long she stood in front of her closet just tapping her chin, and staring at her clothes, until she picked up a black pencil skirt and a cream ruffled blouse. Along with that she grabbed 2- inch heels, too try to please Isabelle, and walked out of her room and down the hallway towards the small bathroom. She heard Simon bang his door shut, with probably his foot cause the next thing he said was,

"Oh my foot! God that fuc-"

"Simon!" his mother yelled, before he completed his sentence. Clary chuckled and slipped into the door, right when she heard Simon open his.. She clicked the lock shut and placed her clothes on the hook by the door. Placing her hands on the counter she leaned forward and inspected her face. Twisting her face to see each angle, she made out tiny speckled freckles and of course her bush of a hair. She placed her tiny hands on it, and desperately tried to comb them down a bit, but sighed in frustration knowing it wouldn't work.

Her hand reached towards the cupboard on her left and she spotted her blue and white brush. Coating the brush with Colgate she brushed her teeth, until she was satisfied. She felt the sleepiness she had been feeling before being brushed away. Once that was taken care of she walked into the cool glassed shower and slid the door along with her. Leaning forward, to put the water as hot as it could go. She heard the water splash out of the head of the shower and fall onto her head. The water droplets wetting her body and relaxing her at the same time. As the water slided down, she felt her eyes close and breath in the smell around her. It was strange that taking a bath was one of her ways of relaxing or cooling down.

When the water started getting cooler she twisted the knob shut and stepped out of the shower. Pulling on her clothes , she threw her dirty one's in the hamper and glared at them when she saw that her jeans hadn't made it in. Standing there for a minute, and silently pleading that they would magically enter the hamper, she sighed and walked over to her fallen jeans and placed them in the brown basket. After she got out her pink comb and combed at her hair. The knots getting stuck in the comb, every now and then. Deciding to let her hair dry openly, she escaped through the door.

The sounds of someone banging, filled the quiet hall. The sound waves coming in the direction of Simon's room. She furrowed her brows and walked towards the noise. Stopping right at his door. She wondered if she should knock or just walk in. She decided to just enter without knocking and spotted his dark figure sitting by the edge of his bed. The curtains were closed shut and no light came through, she felt as if she was in a dungeon and started making her way towards him.

His face stayed on the drums before him, while his hands moved quickly and in a rhythm when he hit the base. A sound she had never heard erupted from the drums. She wouldn't say that she liked the sound but somehow she didn't want to stop hearing it. His face didn't turn to look up at her but remained cast downwards. She wanted to know what was bothering him, but remembered how she hadn't told him what was bothering her.

So instead of asking any questions, she quietly sat next to him. Her eyes trained on his gliding hands. Unlike Jace's his were soft but chubbier. Not like Jace's pianist, skinny tanned hands. The way they struck the metal on the drum base, stunned her eyes. She'd seen him play, but right now he was putting so much compassion, as if taking out his anger. But something told her it wasn't anger but sadness.

His room was the same as she had last seen it. Gamer shirts were spilled all over the room, some in piles and some individually. His computer desk sat motionless, with papers and pen stacked on it. The closet door was open, and made her feel more creeped. She didn't know why, but she always had perfered the closet closed whenever it was dark.

After what seemed like hours, Simon's dark head lifted up. He smiled weakly at her, and all she could do was stare. Simon was a goofy and funny guy, but right now his regular look was placed with something she could only define as sorrow. For a moment it felt as if she has frozen, her mouth not able to make any sound. Her right hand lifted up and brushed it through his dark brown hair, the strands softly brushing away. She watched as he replaced his emotions with a grin and shook her off and stood.

"What? Stop Staring at me like that" he told her. Her mouth widened to say something, but he quickly shut her off.

"Come on, I heard mom's making pancakes" he said, stretching out his hand. She stared down at it for seconds before slipping her fingers into his cool hand. She smiled and walked with him down the stairs. When they got at the bottom she noticed Mia and Jordan had already dug into the breakfast. Jordan had Maple Syrup drizzled all over his plate, Mia however had a somewhat neater version.

"I smell fucking pancakes!" The doors flew open to Magnus in his purple glittery monkey pajamas. Clary grinned at him, what a nose, she thought. Her fingers slipped away from Simon's and she made her way to sit next to Mia, Magnus jumped in next to her and quickly filled up his plate. Clary shook her head and passed him the Syrup, as he started vibrating with excitement beside her. For a second she was horrified, should I let him put the syrup on by himself, she thought.

He dumped the whole syrup bottle on the pancake and it was nowhere in sight, wherever she looked there was syrup. Oh god... she thought.

A burp came out from Magnus, and she looked at him to tell him to say "excuse me". He patted his stomach.

"Don't move..." he said. She raised her brows and laughed at his state. Told him not to eat so much, she thought to herself. Magnus had practically eaten 12 pancakes, more than Luke could've ever eaten. Jordan had ate three less, but looked in the same state as Magnus. Finally when he seemed to catch his breath he got up, and attempted to stretch his arms.

"I think we should get going, we've got some people to visit." he said, Simon was about to let out a 'yes!" when Jordan continued, "But we'll be back for Christmas" Simon sighed and slammed his head on the table.

Boys.. Clary thought. What would she do with them?

They all walked Mia and Jordan out the door, and the four of them stood on the snowed patio, as the car drove away from sight.

Magnus coughed, "You know what else I love, when it's snowing?" his question was directed towards Mrs. Lewis, "Hot Chocolate.. mm hmm" he said. Making sure to add a dreamy face when he said 'mm hmm'

"Of course honey" said Mrs. Lewis and walked through the door, probably to go make some hot chocolate. Magnus sure looked hell skinny, but the guy could eat a carload. She managed to enter the doorway just as Magnus threw a snowball in her direction. Sure snow was fun and all, but when you had to go outside it was just a pain in the ass.

"Shit!" Magnus shouted as his snowball hit Simon in the face. He made a face at Simon and booked it down the street. Clary chuckled and felt the heat revolve around her body. She settled herself on the sofa and watched through the window, Simon chasing down Magnus. A grin plastered on her face as Magnus quickly rushed in and stomped his feet on the "welcome" mat. Chunks of snow fell from the back of his shirt as he jumped up and down. Mrs. Lewis glared at him and he waved her off with his hand, before plopping on the opposite couch.

Simon had gotten stuck shoveling the driveway, but she knew it was just so he could peek through the windows of Isabelle's house and see her. She wanted to say she was happy for him, but couldn't help but feel the jealous feeling in her chest, whenever she saw them together. A feeling always filled her when she saw them smiling and whispering sweet things to each other, she knew it was wrong to feel this way to her best friend, but she wanted someone to do those things to her. Be there when she was sick or sad, make her laugh in moment's she needed someone the most.

A question arose to her mind, but she didn't know if Magnus was the right person to ask this too. Simon would get mad at her, and she didn't want that. Isabelle was Jace's sister and of course had a big mouth. Leaving her no choice she decided to ask him.

"Magnus?"

"hmm?" he said, still not looking up from his sparkly nails. She could make out the pink background and the blue and white swirls, lapping each other. A dash of gold was sprinkled over them, stunning her eyes. Her mind was still ticking, and wondering if she should ask the question or just Google it up. What the fuck is wrong with me? She thought. She decided to just go ahead and ask Magnus.

"Can you-Like-What does it feel like to love?" she quickly rushed out. Cursing at herself for messing up so many times.

She looked at his face for any reaction and noticed as he looked up, there was a smirk playing at his lips.

"Who are you in love with Clary?" She glared at him, as he just looked amused at her and filed his thumb.

"Will you just answer the god-damned question?" He sighed and settled down his filer on the small table next to him and waved a hand threw his hair. A familiar gesture that Jace was known for.

"Love- An intense feeling a person gets towards another human being."

"Magnus! I'm serious" He chuckled and put his heads up in surrender.

"Alright alright, it's always different for everyone Clary. There are many definitions and ways people feel about it, but when I'm with Alec I just feel like I'm home. He's always there when I'm sick or cold, and is always ready to listen" he stopped and looked into her eyes, to see if she was following.

"Really I just love the fucking feeling; it's like a drug to be by the person you love the most. Knowing that you can share anything with them, and know they'll understand you and not tell anyone else. But it's always a different story for everyone." He stopped and looked at her. His cat like eyes boring into her emerald ones.

"So, you didn't answer my question. Who are you in love with?" He grinned. She stuck her middle finger in his face and walked towards the stairs.

"Bitch. I should've charged you 75 cents for that" she heard him yell after her. A grin spread across her lips as she reached her room and yawned. Did she like Jace? Even if she did, she just couldn't risk getting in a relationship-at least not now. No matter how much she liked it when he smirked, and she couldn't help but feel guilty liking it when he checked her out. She always wanted him around her and when he wasn't time seemed to move by so slow.

Speaking of Jace, when was he going to get here?

"Clary! Get your skinny ass down here" she heard Isabelle yell. Her eyes had a urge to roll them cause she knew what this was about, dressing up for Christmas. Her hand layed limply at her side while the other one went through her blazing curls. The softness slipping through her small pale hands. She brought her feet down from the bed and placed a bookmark on the page she was reading, before walking down the stairs.

Her breath caught, when she saw his golden halo, and eyes closed, leaning on the wall right across from her. His golden eyes opened and directly met hers, she swallowed hurt and tried to calm her butterflies. Stupid guys.

He was wearing dark, dangerously low hung jeans which showed the Calvin Klein boxers, he wore underneath. Damn, she would give anything to just dip her fingers in his jeans. Along with jeans, he was wearing a white see through shirt.

" As much as I love you staring at me, I think we really need to make a staring rule"

She blushed as red as her hair. She didn't know she had been staring, she watched his lips turn into a smirk, and look her body over.

"Yeah maybe we should also make a, "no checking me out rule"?"She finished.

He chuckled and before he could reply Izzy came in her view, with hands on her hips. Where's my camera.. she thought.

"Clarissa Fray. Where have you been?" She asked.

"Where do you think Izzy?" she asked back. God, she was in the house all day, what did she expect?

"Yeah well, it's Christmas Eve! And we've got so much shit left to do. Like decorations, clothes, presents, the dinner, st- "

"How about me and Clary do decorations and presents?" She looked surprised at Jace, did he really just volunteer to do something? Oh crap, now she'd have to spend time with him.

"You? Want to volunteer?" Izzy asked, and let out a laugh, "by all means go for it, but don't expect Clary to do all the work."

"Yeh yeh, I'm quite capable of putting up some decorations Iz" he finished.

"Hmm, good luck, and you better not screw up" She said as she walked away.

Just great, this was all I needed. To spend more time with Jace, could this get any worse?

"I'M HOME!" She put a hand to her heart, as she heard someone right behind her. Holy fuck, is up with these people. She turned her body around to see Magnus in bright purple tights.. and a cape? Alec followed behind with green hair and Britney Spears? Ah fuck…

I'm so fucking sorry LOL! I know real late eh? Well I'm not giving any excuses, except a disease called Lazyness (: Sorry guys, and I tried making it bigger so I hope you enjoy..

I know, there wasn't a lot of Clace in this either, but I just wanted to let you know, how she got half the scars she has. AND Next chapter is filled with a loot of Clace :D There gonna be spending a lot more time with each other on Christmas (:

Well anyways, I'll get the next chapter up soon, and what else is left to say except Review? And tell me how it goes (: