Trigger Warning: This chapter depicts a panic attack in detail.
Chapter 4: Izuku
Izuku stared down his father, his eyes free of tears for once. Part of him winced at how rude he was being, but it was largely drowned out by the child who had been abandoned fourteen years ago for no reason.
His question had exploded out of him before he had even realized he was thinking of it. But it was the most logical explanation.
Hisashi wasn't prepared for it at all. "Why would you say such a thing? I came back to Japan to see you, and because of my promotion. I just-uh-I just missed you so much. And your mother, of course."
"How could you miss me if you don't know me?" Izuku asked before he could stop himself.
Hisashi scoffed. "You're my son, of course I missed you."
For the first time in his life, Izuku Midoriya stared intently at his father. Hisashi was a slight man, and his height was on the lower end of average. He was fairly nondescript, his black hair buzzed close to his scalp. Izuku noticed the way his mouth would momentarily twist into grimaces, but it happened so quickly that Izuku couldn't help but wonder whether or not he had actually seen anything. Hisashi's eyes also darted around, rarely resting on any one thing. There was something unsettling in the depths of those black eyes, something that Izuku couldn't begin to understand.
For all his efforts, Izuku couldn't find a single trait that convinced him that this man was his father. He believed that biologically, the man had contributed a vital piece to his creation, but "father" seemed to grand a title.
Thankfully, for once in his life Izuku was able to keep himself from muttering. Gathering his courage, Izuku said, "If you missed me so much, why didn't you ever call or write?"
It was only a moment, but Hisashi's eyes flashed in a way that instantly put Izuku on edge. It was gone immediately, but Izuku couldn't deny the insanity lurking in the depths of those eyes.
"All of that's expensive kid," Hisashi said after a beat, looking vaguely apologetic. "I sent every penny I could to you and your mother. We all had to make sacrifices."
Izuku wanted to believe him. He so desperately wanted to have a father who wanted him.
But Izuku wasn't a child anymore, and he'd made his peace with the situation.
Izuku could've called him on it. He could've reminded the man that with each "promotion" he'd sent less and less money, driving Inko to get a job.
Instead, Izuku nodded. "Thank you for your sacrifice, Mr. Midoriya."
The man across from his choked. "Mr. Midoriya?"
"It's the first time I've met you, I wouldn't want to be informal," Izuku said, totally deadpan.
The man-Izuku refused to call him father-was slowly turning red, his eye beginning to twitch. Izuku thought he could faintly smell smoke, but he could've been mistaken.
Instead, Hisashi attempted a smile that was more of a grimace. "I guess I'll just have to keep visiting so you feel like you can call me dad, huh Izuku?"
"Whatever you say, Mr. Midoriya."
Silence reigned between the two of them until Hisashi said, "So what do you do for fun, kid?"
"I analyze heroes," Izuku said. He hadn't elaborated in the hopes that Hisashi would find this habit odd and simply leave, having given up on the relationship he was currently trying to force.
However, something in Hisashi's eyes gleamed. His smile was too wide for the average person, and Izuku was slightly unsettled. "That must help you a lot in your hero coursework. You must know a lot about heroes," Hisashi said lightly. "And their weaknesses."
Hisashi's delivery itself was nothing concerning, but that same gleam in his eyes chilled Izuku to the bone, every one of his instincts screaming that he needed to run.
But Izuku merely sat up straighter. "I usually focus on their strengths."
Hisashi nodded sagely. "You would never want to underestimate an opponent. But with a quirk like yours you must be pretty much unbeatable."
Izuku felt One For All throbbing in his veins with every heartbeat. Hisashi's eyes were predatory, and they froze Izuku in place. He couldn't respond, couldn't leave, when-
"I'm afraid visiting hours are over," said All Might, stepping into the room. Despite his skeletal stature, the man was still All Might. His presence alone was a comfort to Izuku.
Hisashi glared at the man, his face contorting. "I wasn't done speaking with my son."
"Well, the rules are the rules," All Might said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I apologize, Mr. Midoriya, but you really must leave."
Izuku hesitantly glanced at his father to find the personification of rage. "I've come all this way to see my son. I will see my son," Hisashi hissed, puffs of smoke escaping his mouth with each sharp word. With widening eyes, Izuku saw Hisashi's throat was slightly glowing, doubtlessly from the building fire.
Unconsciously Izuku found himself moving to stand between Hisashi and All Might, but as soon as the fire started it was cut off, leaving Hisashi choking on smoke.
"You're leaving now," Aizawa said. "You will be escorted out by either me or the police."
Staring with red eyes and his hair doing its thing, Aizawa was a fairly intimidating figure. To Izuku's relief, Hisashi nodded, moving to leave.
Before stepping through the doorway, however, Hisashi turned to Izuku. "I'm still determined to get to know my osn. I'll be back."
Izuku clenched his fist, mostly to hide that his hand was shaking. He felt his heart pounding as Hisashi smiled, stepping towards Izuku.
"We told you visiting hours are over," Aizawa snapped.
"Can't a father give his son a hug?" Hisashi asked, languidly wrapping his arms around Izuku.
Izuku's body went rigid, every muscle tense. He kept both arms at his sides, making no move to return the embrace.
Hisashi leaned his face in close to Izuku's ear and whispered, "I can't wait to learn more about that quirk of yours, kid."
Revulsion and fear burned through Izuku, even as Hisashi sauntered out the door with Aizawa close behind. Izuku felt rooted to the spot in the silent room, barely hearing the door open and shut from Hisashi leaving.
"Do you want me to walk you back to the dorms, young Midoriya?" All Might asked, concern clear on his face.
Izuku smiled, or at least offered something close to a smile. "Thanks, but no. I'll be fine, All Might. I need to finish my laundry."
Upon saying that, Izuku almost felt like laughing. His entire world was crumbling around him, but laundry waited for no one.
He didn't laugh, though. How was he supposed to laugh when he could hardly breathe?
Quickly bidding All Might farewell, Izuku sped away to the dorms. Mind in overdrive, he barely registered that he was already at the building.
Stepping inside, Izuku was almost frozen in place, by the cacophony that greeted him, adding to the din of his inner voice. Strains of music were still audible above the voices of his classmates.
"Ha! Checkmate, Bakugou. This means you can't swear for two months."
"Listen, Round Face-"
"-feet off the table, Kaminari!"
Your father doesn't want you.
"Mineta, I swear-"
He only wants your quirk.
Without One For All you really are useless.
"Midoriya?" a voice interrupted, at least momentarily allowing Izuku to focus on one thing, rather than being overwhelmed by everything. "Are you okay?"
"Fine," Izuku said, smiling weakly without noticing who had spoken to him. Instead the boy hurried upstairs, remembering laundry that waited for him.
Once Izuku was actually in the laundry room alone, whatever had allowed him to be a semi-functioning human snapped. He stepped into the laundry room, but quickly found himself sliding down the wall, hugging his knees to his chest. He rocked back and forth to the beat of his pounding heart. His breathing was almost as erratic as the thoughts that stampeded through his mind.
Why now? That was one of the repeated thoughts swimming through Izuku's mind, one of the only coherent thoughts among various half-formed thoughts and emotions. Why now?
The gleam of Hisashi's eyes haunted him, and Izuku knew Hisashi didn't see him as a son, but as an opportunity.
A wave of emotion rose in Izuku, choking his as tears freely fell down his face, ugly sobs ripping from his throat. Izuku was so caught up in the release of emotions that he didn't hear the door open.
"Midoriya? What's wrong?!" a panicked voice demanded.
Izuku launched himself to his feet, doing his best to reign in his sobs, but he only began hyperventilating. "To-todoroki," he said. "I'm f-fine."
The look on Todoroki's face was one of total fear and confusion. It was the face of someone who had never seen the reality of a panic attack before.
Izuku was aware that he was shaking, and the terribly gasping noises were coming from him. But still he saw Hisashi's eyes, following him, analyzing him-
In the background he heard Todoroki asking questions, too many questions. Finally Todoroki disappeared, and Izuku sank once again to the floor, until someone pressed a paper bag into his hands.
Izuku brought the bag up to his mouth, shakily breathing in and out until he was able to take deep, controlled breaths instead of violent gasps that tore through his entire body.
A hand gently came to rest on his shoulder, further grounding Izuku. Soon he was able to lower the bag and look up, locking eyes with Todoroki.
"Are you okay now Midoriya?" Todoroki asked gently.
Izuku nodded, because relatively speaking he was. He felt drained and numb, just like he always did after a panic attack. He also knew that when he could feel emotions again he would feel ashamed that Todoroki had seen the worst side of him.
"Can I… Can I ask what's going on?" Todoroki asked hesitantly.
Izuku swallowed, and then nodded, because if anyone would understand, it would be Todoroki. "My… My father came to visit."
Todoroki's eyes widened. "Your father? I always assumed he was dead."
Or All Might, Izuku thought, though it wasn't as funny as it would have been any other time.
Izuku reached up to brush away whatever tears remained, hating the salty residue that coated his cheeks from tears that had dried.
"You can talk to me about this later, Midoriya," said Todoroki. "Whenever you're ready, I'll listen. For now I think you need to sleep."
Slowly Izuku nodded, letting Todoroki pull him to his feet and escort him to his room. Once there, he immediately collapsed on his bed. Izuku was only halfway mentally present when he mumbled, "Thanks," before he heard the door shut. Closing his eyes, Izuku hoped for a dreamless sleep.
A/N: Just FYI, Izuku's panic attack is based on the ones I personally experience. They affect every person differently, so this is not going to be the same experience everyone has with them. This was a hard chapter to write, so let me know what you think. By the way, school is out for Thanksgiving break, so hopefully I'll be able to write a little extra this week.
For this story I'm going to keep switching off between Hisashi and Izuku's perspectives, but I also want to write from a few other perspectives. I think that would disrupt the flow of the story, so I might post those separately. Is that something you all would be interested in? If so, what characters would you want to hear from?
As always, let me know what you think. Comments and follows really inspire me to write, knowing that people are reading.
s082829- That's a great idea, I'll have to stick it in somewhere.
bajy- Your comments always make me happy! You're right about Izuku.
fencer29- Your analysis is always insightful, and it helps me a ton to get an idea of how my story is being perceived.
Andes Aurora- Your pyromaniac pun killed me.
DARCRY- I love the idea of Arson accidentally revealing what he knows about All For One. It's a hilarious one with lots of options.