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chapter 4: Bad Memories
Later that day, Tonks was in her room catching up on some paperwork. She had tried to get a file on Jade from the archives at work, but had been told it was classified and only Mad-Eye could take it out, however she had found out her full name, Jade Turner but that was it, so she had given up.
She had been in her room for a few hours when she heard noises in the next room,
That's Remus' room!
The Auror leapt to her feet and dashed towards the door of her room I'll be able to hear them better on the landing. But just as she grabbed the handle she heard something that stopped her in her tracks.
"You know," Alastor's gruff voice announced from what sounded like the other side of the wall, "Tonks was really worried about you today. Don't you think you should tell her?" forgetting her original plan, Tonks pressed herself against the wall to hear them better.
"No I don't," Remus' voice answered resolutely. "It would only upset her." He was, Tonks noted, quick to change the subject. "I should have buried these stars along with Turner."
The next second, there was a loud bang against the wall, causing her jump back in surprise.
"Okay," Alastor's gruff voice announced. "I think that's the last of them, now where do you want the pensieve?"
"Under the bed." came the muffled reply.
Alastor's barking laughter came though the wall.
"Come on," he said cheerily, "you need a drink."
Remus' light laughter followed them across the landing and down the staircase.
A Pensieve! That would give her all the answers. If Remus wasn't going to tell her what was happening, then she would find out for herself. He was not allowed to act completely mental and then expect her to just forget it.
When Tonks was sure the coast was clear she crept out of her room and, glancing around to make sure she really was entirely alone, reached to open the door to Remus' room before creeping inside.
Inside of Remus' room, Tonks discovered that nothing was out of place, except his bomber jacket which had been discarded on the floor beside the bin. She picked it up and buried her face in the fabric, breathing in deeply. The musty smell of his aftershave mixed with the smell of old books and chocolate made her heart flutter. Remembering she was on a mission she went to place the jacket on his bed but after a long moment for thought she pulled her arms through the sleeves and hugged the garment to her, imagining that it was Remus holding her like he had done at the Quidditch match only days ago, although it felt like a lifetime.
Dragging herself away from her daydream, Tonks went to retrieve the pensieve from under the bed. The old stone basin scratched at her fingers and upon gazing at the cold, silver liquid she felt a shiver run up her spine. She pushed her sense of uncertainly away, this is where the answers are she told herself even still She didn't feel right betraying Remus in his own room, so she took it back to her own.
Feeling much better back in the privacy of her own room, Tonks sat on her bed, all of Remus' secrets swirling around within the basin in front of her. It seemed to highlight all her feelings, nervousness, excitement, but most of all the guilt that attacked her in waves. Tonks took a deep breath and buried her head in the stone bowl.
The next thing Tonks knew, her feet were slamming down onto a hard wood floor, she stumbled, almost losing her balance, but just about managed to remain standing.
She took in her surroundings, the room in which she was standing was dimly lit. Through the darkness she could see a much younger Remus, sat in a battered armchair in the far corner of the room. He stared at the full glass of whiskey that he held in one hand, slowly swirling it before taking a gulp. Next to him, underneath a newly opened bottle, was a copy of the Daily Prophet. Tonks walked over to squint down at the headline:
Werewolf tries to get custody of the Boy Who Lived.
"You tried to get custody of Harry?" she asked the younger Remus sadly, as she stared at the sorry scene before her.
Suddenly, Remus shot up from his chair and hurled his now empty glass at the wall. It shattered upon impact, the crash stifled by a loud crack as he apparated away.
And with that, Tonks was pulled from one scene and into another.
Her feet slammed down onto cold, muddy ground. The sound of waves crashed around her and rain lashed down upon her face. Tonks pulled Remus' jacket closer around her,
"Where are we?" she asked aloud, only to remember that nobody would answer. She wished Remus was there, he would wrap his arms around her, protecting her from the bitter cold and harsh winds.
"Land's End." whispered a voice from behind her, barely audible over the crash of the waves.
Tonks spun around in shock; and there he was, stood amidst the howling wind and piercing rain, her protector, her Remus.
She was so glad to see him that she wanted to run over to him and throw her arms around him, but then again...she wasn't sure. He had told her not to ask about his past and she knew how private it was. And she gone behind his back- hugging her would probably be the last thing he wanted to do right now.
What if he never trusted her again?
"Forgot my wallet." he explained, holding the item up for her to see, "and when I saw that my jacket wasn't, where I left it...well, I guessed you must have found it, and..." He trailed off into silence, shoving his hands into his pockets. Tonks bit her lip, rocking back on her heels.
Well this is awkward, she thought worriedly to herself. Oh bugger...caught red handed...what am I supposed to say?
To her relief, he beat her to it.
"I'm glad you're here, Tonks, I needed to face... this." he said, pulling his hands free from his pockets and spreading his arms out somewhat vaguely. "I couldn't bring myself to even remember it as a hazy, blur. Let alone watch every detail" he told her grimly.
"So...you're not mad? She asked hesitantly, wondering how he could be so calm.
"No, I'm not mad he sighed. Come here," he said, smiling as he began to walk towards her. Tonks didn't need to be told twice, ran in to his open arms.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have." she whispered, face pressed against his neck.
"No, I should have told you. It's just...these memories are filled with so much heartache...so much...death"
Suddenly, something twigged in Tonks' brain. "Land's end!" Tonks shrieked, as she spun around searching for the younger Remus through the bitter storm.
He was stood dangerously close to the edge, looking down at the deadly waves that roared below. She couldn't help it, she ran to him.
"Tonks' don't!" Remus cried as he ran after her.
Younger Remus threw angry questions out to the sea as if it would give him answers. He had acquired a new bottle of whiskey and took long deep swigs every few minutes.
"Why did you take them? Why not me? They had so much to live for!" he roared, his voice cracking ever so slightly.
When the sea offered no response, he turned his back on the waves and stalked angrily away, muttering under his breath. He took one last long deep swig of drink, until the amber liquid had completely drained away. He scowled at the bottle before throwing it down in disgust, where it smashed into thousands of tiny pieces. He took one final deep breath of cold sea air, turned around and ran straight towards the mocking cliff and its soul-crushing waves.
Tonks screamed as she realized what was about to happen, lunging towards him only for Remus to grasp hold of her before she could follow his younger self over the cliff.
"Tonks, Tonks! It's okay!" he gasped almost pulling her off the ground, as she tried to struggle free before giving in and stared in shock out into the ocean. Breaking her gaze she whirled round to face him.
"How the hell, can it be okay?" she shrieked. "You just..."
"But I didn't!" he corrected her
"You wanted to! You wanted to die! You actually wanted... she snapped grasping hold of the front of his robes "oh Merlin" She murmured as her shoulders' slumped and rested her head against his chest My Remus wanted to..." her throat was too tight to continue.
"Oh Tonks..." Remus began, but his words melted away as a Sudden flash of apparition light appeared above them.
Tonks whipped round and younger Remus fell from the sky, gasping for breath. His body shook in fear as he clung to the waterlogged ground, as if it could disappear at any moment. He laid there, eyes tight shut until his breathing slowed to a normal pace.
Out of the storm a silver goat appeared in front of his shaken form. Its mouth opened and Mad-Eye's gruff voice boomed over the roar of the storm.
"Remus! Where the hell are you? I've got a mission for you!" Before adding a little more gently: "...to take your mind off...well you know, that nasty business..."
Younger Remus quickly scrambled to his feet, drawing in a deep breath and dragging his hands through his hair, before turning and apparating away.
The scene quickly dissolved before Tonks' eyes.
sorry its short!
ok hoped you liked it, the next chapter it will all become clear and the plot will thicken! but its taking my a while to get it all right so bear with me!
and do tell me what you think!