Heartshield 02

Chapter Three - Bitter

Yoichi Hiruma

I didn't care for people. I didn't love. I didn't cry over anyone. But it sure as hell stung like a bitch watching Mari walk away without looking back. I leaned against the wall and felt my chest get tighter and tighter as she progressed farther towards the elevator. Suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore. I had let her walk away once, I couldn't let her do it again. "Tanaka!" I called her name. She stopped. I walked down the hall after her. "So you're just going to leave like that? You're not going to spend the summer you have left with us?"

"Why should I? It'll just make leaving harder." She pushed the call button for the elevator. "None of us want that."

"No matter when you leave, it'll be hard for me." I murmured. "Unbearably. I'll stay in America with you." I couldn't let her be alone with her father, I couldn't let her leave.

"You're being ridiculous. Your team needs you, what about the Christmas Bowl? Or your football career?"

None of it matters if I don't have you to celebrate with. I love you. Don't leave. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't say them. I didn't love things. Well, I loved Cerberus, and guns. And I loved Mari Tanaka, but it wasn't something I'd ever admit. "What about your safety?" Was my vocal response. "He hit you once, he can hit you again."

"I have Fitz." She said. "And Jeremy isn't afraid of him anymore. And I have Panther, and Big G and Little G. They'll take care of me."

But I want to take care of you. "If that's what you want." I turned away from her. "Get your ass out of here."

"Good bye, Yoichi." She stepped into the elevator and rode out of my life. For the first time, I felt a feeling of heartbreak, like someone put a cinderblock me and slowly crushed my chest. I felt so small, like a bug that she just crushed between her fingers. Suddenly, a moment in my life from the school year flooded back to me.

I watched as Mari stood confused in front of the tented clubhouse at six' o'clock sharp. I snuck up behind her, clamped my hand over her mouth and wrapped my free arm around her abdomen, pinning both arms to her sides. She gently bit my finger and I let her go. She turned to face me and crossed her arms. "What's with the cover over the clubhouse?"

"C'mon. I'll show you." I began to walk towards the building and Mari followed behind with her hands in her sweatshirt pockets. The sweatshirt obviously belonged to Habashira considering it was a deep purple with ZOKUGAKU CHAMELEONS printed in bright green on the front with a chameleon on it, and read HABASHIRA down the right arm. Plus, the sleeves were super long. "Do you miss Habashira?" I caught myself asking before I could stop myself.

"That's not something I like to talk about." She answered softly. I had seen this girl get thrown around and slammed into the ground and stand up completely unshaken, but then with the slight mention of Habashira's name she looked like she had just been drug through battle and was close to tears.

"Then why are you torturing yourself by keeping his things around?" I lifted up one of the flaps and Mari crawled under it. We stepped into the newly remodeled clubhouse and walked into the new locker room that had been added. When I turned to ask her what she thought, I saw that she had her back turned to me and she was trying to discreetly wipe tears away with her sleeve. "Why waste your tears on that idiot?"

"You've never been in love, have you?" She asked. Of course the answer was no. And she knew that. "When you do, and then have that person you love rip your heart out of your chest and walk away with it you think back to this moment. Only then will you understand."

"I never plan to be stupid enough to fall in love. It's a useless emotion." I scoffed. I did things alone. Never would I let myself get into the state Mari was in. "An emotion that you shouldn't waste on trash like Rui Habashira."

Now, I knew what she had been talking about when if felt as if the person you loved ripped your heart out. Now I was stupid enough to feel this useless emotion called love, and she was stupid enough to have wasted that emotion on trash like me, too. I slowly walked back to my room, locked the door behind me and grabbed one of the bottles of vodka left behind by Mari. I filled the bathtub up with scolding hot water and slowly lowered myself into it. I took a sip of vodka, closed my eyes and slowly lowered my face under the water.

I thought of the moments I shared with her, all the times where we fought over the television, or when I insulted her cooking. I thought of all the times we argued over what plays to use, forms of practice, what kind of laundry soap to buy.

When I couldn't hold my breath anymore, I brought my head above water. When I looked at my skin, it was burned red.

XxX

The next morning, I had the hangover from hell. I spent the first hour of my day clinging to the toilet, throwing everything up. I felt like I was slowly destroying myself until Kurita managed to get someone who owned the motel to unlock the door and pretty much mop me off of the floor. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"She's gone." I put my hand over my eyes to block out the sun. "She took her shit and left."

"Tanaka? You didn't try to stop her?"

"The thought never crossed my mind." I said sarcastically. "You really think I want her to go back to the guy who destroyed her childhood?" As Kurita watched me, I walked over to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, getting rid of the taste of vomit.

"She's different now. She can take care of herself." He tried to make me feel better, but it wasn't working.

"You caught me. I'm not really worried about her being attacked by Apollo again."

"You love her." He said as he made it towards the door. "We're leaving in about fifteen minutes. While you slept all day, I found us all a place to stay. Ben Ranch"

XxX

When we approached the ranch, I caught a glimpse of Kid and Mari throwing beautiful passes. They looked well rested and healthy, unlike me. I had to wear sunglasses or else the sun would kill me, and I still couldn't eat without fighting the urge to vomit. Mari looked over at saw me, and missed Kid's pass completely. It smacked her right in the chest. "Fuck, Kid!" She put her hand where the spiral hit and laughed. They both walked over. It angered me to watch Kid playfully put his arm around Mari's shoulder as he said a quick apology.

"I hope you guys don't mind staying in the barn." Kid crossed his arms. "This girl here took the last room. Stay as long as you need to."

"We don't be staying too long." Kurita smiled. "We'll be starting our training very soon."

Mari stayed far away from us for the two days we were here. Everyone took it personally, but even though I was brokenhearted, I understood where she came from. It was hard just up and leaving everyone you knew, so if you knew you had to leave them then why would you linger?

I overheard Manajerk talking to Jumonji, the leader of the Ha-Ha brothers one night. "Tanaka is just a frigid bitch. Personally I'm happy she's gone." Mamori rolled her eyes. This was a side of her I had never thought I'd see, and I hated it.

"You really don't understand, do you?" Jumonji stood up and began to walk away. "She's sick of being hurt. Remember how bad she fell apart when that Habashira punk left her? Well, now she has to leave Hiruma and she never wants to feel that same way again, so she's distancing herself. You say Tanaka is being a frigid bitch, but in all reality, it's you." He let out a yawn and walked past me as I walked into the room. I leaned against the wall and stared hard at her.

"You better change your attitude, or you can find your own ride back to America." I warned.