No Milk Today

Chapter Four

-Fall 1969-

Harry had been having a very difficult time meeting Severus' eyes all week. As long as he didn't look at those eyes, it was easy to think of him as just a boy like any other, but the moment he caught himself staring into those black fathomless pools he was lost. Then it became a struggle to separate the boy he was teaching from the man he spent his evenings with.

He was starting to feel like a lecherous old man.

It wasn't that he felt any sexual desire for the boy. He was not a pedophile, and had no inclinations in that direction. It was just that looking into those eyes, Severus' eyes, made him remember in vivid detail what he'd been up to the night before.

It was pure torture.

The first time this had happened, he had stolen away for a moment to rush home- hoping that a quickie with his Severus might help to assuage the problem. But, while Harry had been in an agony of desire for the better part of the morning, Severus had only just seen him off and was still enjoying the after-effects of his own orgasm.

This time-travel thing was beginning to have drawbacks.

As ingenious as it had been to tether his time-turner to two separate timelines, avoiding a lot of the complications of a long-term venture like this, it meant that he had to spend a full 24 hours in each time so that he didn't have to muddle his way through two nights or, worse, two days in a row. Once he did manage to trudge his way through a full twenty-four hour period and return to his portrait, Severus wouldn't even have missed him. For the portrait, no time had elapsed at all.

Evenings in 1969 had become very lonely.

oOoOoOo

When Friday finally rolled around, Harry was at his wit's end. He couldn't bear the torture of being locked in his little cottage with that constant reminder of what was waiting for him on the other side of another lonely night in this time- and an even more boring day of administrative duties in his own.

So, when Severus brought in the milk, Harry said, "Forget the tea today."

Severus looked up from the stove, where he'd been about to start the kettle, and Harry had to stare down at his wrinkled old hands to avoid meeting his gaze. "Sir?" Severus asked, "Is something the matter?"

Harry forced himself to smile at the boy. "Not at all, I'm just getting tired of being locked in this house every day. I think we need a distraction, and I believe I promised you a trip to Diagon Alley."

Severus' face lit up, and Harry was finally able to meet his eyes without feeling that weight of emotions. As an adult, Severus face would never bear that particular look of joy.

"And," Harry added, "if it is alright with her parents, you may bring along your friend Lily. I'd very much like to meet this girl who has so won your affections."

"Affections?" Severus squeaked out, flushing. "No, it's not like that. She's just… I…"

Harry chuckled and waved off Severus' stuttered explanations. "Just teasing you, Mr. Snape. Though, perhaps you should learn to lie better."

"I wasn't-"

Harry cut him off. "Go and fetch your friend."

Severus nodded, still pink in the cheeks, but obviously glad at a chance to escape.

"Oh, wait a moment," Harry stopped him at the door. "Let me give you something first."

Severus waited while Harry dug around on a shelf for something, and finally handed the boy a small leather purse.

"What is this?" Severus asked.

"Your payment for helping me," Harry explained.

Severus was confused. "But you've been paying me."

"Don't look at me like I've suddenly developed Alzheimer's, boy. I've only been paying you a small portion of your wages in muggle money- so you'd have something to cover any little expenses you might encounter during the week- sweeties, and funny books, and things boys like to spend their pocket change on. I know how little boys are with their money, so I've been saving the rest for you here, in wizard gold, that you might put it to some better use. I would suggest a sturdy pair of dragon-hide boots, and your own potion kit."

Severus had been starting to look angry, until he heard this last suggestion, then he looked into the bag and his eyes went big as saucers. Harry knew that the sum enclosed was more money than Severus had seen in his entire life.

"Hurry up and find your friend," Harry cut in, avoiding any embarrassing show of gratitude. "I want to get an early start."

Severus tied the pouch of money shut tightly and put it away in his pocket, then hurried out the door, leaving Harry alone.

Of course, Harry had grown up poor, and knew all the stigma that surrounded being the kid in town with the worn trainers and secondhand clothes, and he knew that Severus was probably hoarding away the money that Harry was giving him every week for something a lot more necessary than comics or sweets, but he didn't want Severus to feel as though the bag of money was a handout, so he'd purposely belittled the boy to make the gesture seem genuine. Harry had never been as good a liar as the adult Severus, but it seemed this younger version had yet to learn that skill. In any case, Harry had been intending to buy Severus a few things he had deemed the boy would need when they went to Diagon Alley, but with Lily along for the ride, it would have only served to embarrass the boy in front of his new friend. Better that Severus have his own money to spend.

oOoOoOo

Severus was gone long enough for Harry to work himself into a nervous meltdown. He made his own tea and fought the urge to drink something stronger instead. He sat at the table for a while, tapping his fingers and gulping down tea like it was lemonade on a hot day even as the hot liquid scalded his throat. Finally, he couldn't sit any longer, and he started pacing around the cottage, tidying things up- laughing at the thought that his mother might chastise him for having a messy room.

After what seemed an eternity, he heard the door open and turned to see Severus leading in a short red-haired girl. Severus really was tall for his age, but he stood more than a head higher than Lily. Guess that explains why I'm so vertically challenged, Harry thought.

He found himself just staring at her, unable to think of anything to say to break the silence. Thankfully, Severus stepped in. "Lily, this is Mr. Peverell."

Lily smiled, and it was like the sun shining for the first time, and Harry forgot to breathe. She extended her tiny hand to him, and Harry took it in his big, wrinkled one. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Peverell. Severus has told me all about you."

"And it's good to finally meet you, Ms. Evans," he said, shaking her hand. She gave him an odd look, and Harry panicked for a moment- trying to remember if Severus had ever mentioned Lily's last name.

"You look a lot like my grandfather," she said, and Harry had to mentally face palm himself. He had never taken that into consideration.

He recovered quickly, letting go of Lily's hand and plastering a grin on his face. "Obviously a very good-looking man, your grandfather," he said.

Lily giggled and nodded, pushing one lock of red hair behind her left ear.

"Now, I don't suppose you've ever used floo powder before?"

Lily shook her head.

"Don't worry, Lils. It's easy," Severus said. He walked over to the fireplace and pulled down the pot of floo powder. He took her hand and positioned it so it was palm up, then put a handful of powder in her hand and folded her fingers over it.

The tenderness of this gesture so touched Harry that he had to look away for a moment. When he had himself under control, he looked back and began to explain. "Severus will go first, then you, and I will go last. Only one person can use the fireplace at a time. You toss the powder in, and step into the flames. Don't worry; the fire won't hurt you. Then you simply say where you are going, very clearly, and off you pop. Try not to breathe in any soot or cough before you say where you want to go. Just step back out if you can't speak clearly. And take this," he handed her a small pouch of spare floo powder. "If you come out in the wrong place and Severus isn't waiting for you, don't panic, and don't go wandering around. Use the fireplace that you came out of, and try again. Come back here instead if you need to."

After his own first experience with floo powder, Harry was understandably a bit more nervous than was strictly necessary. He watched Severus use the floo as easily as only someone who has grown up with it can. With a nervous backward glance, Lily followed him. Harry forewent the floo and apparated instead. He appeared beside Severus in Diagon Alley just as Lily was stepping out of the fireplace. Her eyes widened when she saw him standing there, and she looked behind her, doing a double-take in her confusion.

"Once you get your license, you can apparate instead," Severus said, holding out his hand to help her over the hearth. "You just disappear from one place and reappear in another." He brushed some of the soot from Lily's flower print dress. "Less messy," he added with a crooked smile.

Harry watched this exchange with a twinge in his heart. He couldn't identify the emotions he was feeling- joy at this display of friendship, sorrow at knowing how it would end if he didn't intervene, or even jealousy at seeing Severus and his mother so close? That last had an unfortunate ring of truth, and Harry tried his best to push his feelings down.

He looked around at the street instead. Seeing Diagon Alley in this time never ceased to amaze him. It had always seemed to him that stepping into the wizarding world was a bit like going back in time. Coming from the muggle world, it certainly seemed that way- busy street full of cars and people, muggle technology everywhere, and then suddenly you were in a place where people used fires for heat, candles for light, wore robes and used cauldrons. It had always seemed so old-fashioned to Harry, but seeing Diagon Alley in 1969 had opened his eyes to something.

The wizarding world changed and grew and evolved just as much as the muggle one did, and the two were not as far separated as he had once thought. Here in an alien decade, he perhaps noticed elements of this that he never would have in his own time. In the muggle world the flower power sect were having their last hoorah before the peace and love of the sixties gave way to the sex, drugs, and rock and roll of the seventies. Just a few months earlier, men had first landed on the moon. The Vietnam war was ending even as Northern Ireland was turning to civil war. Woodstock had just happened in the United States, while, in Britain, the Abbey Road album was flying off the shelves. All of this had not gone unnoticed in the wizarding world, and even here, in Diagon Alley, Harry was aware of the change in both political and cultural atmosphere. Wizard and muggle influences so intermixed and mingled here that sometime it was hard to tell them apart.

A group of young people, looking only recently past their school years, seemed the perfect example of this. They wore an eclectic variety of clothing- wizard robes, floral patterned and traditional, big scraggly beards on the men, long hair on men and women alike, braided heavily with flowers in the case of one woman, bellbottoms, t-shirts, featuring both muggle and wizard images, all of this mixed together into a mélange that seemed totally natural and totally alien at the same time. A breeze blew by, and Harry caught a scent like pine needles and realized that what he'd first taken for a cigarette that two of them were sharing was in fact a joint, and was shocked to see them passing it in the open like that.

He turned back to the children then. Lily's eyes were wide, taking in everything. He remembered the first time he'd been to Diagon Alley and had to smile. "Well, Ms. Evans, welcome to Diagon Alley. There really isn't any better introduction to the wizard world that I can think of."

"This is amazing," she said in an almost breathless whisper.

"I know the feeling," he said. "Now I have a few things I need to get at the apothecary, but, seeing as this is your first time here, I think we can wait on that for a bit." He turned to Severus. The boy had been watching Lily's reactions with a smile on his face since they'd arrived. "Why don't you take Lily on a little tour for a while, and I'll follow you? You can get your shopping done, and then we'll stop for lunch and do my shopping."

Severus nodded. "Let's go this way first, Lil," he said, "I have to show you the bookstore, you'll go wild!"

Harry smiled at that and followed them at a leisurely pace as Severus led her down the street. Watching them like this both hurt his heart and seemed to heal it in equal measure- sorrow and joy indistinguishable.

They browsed the book shop, stopped into a few pet shops at Lily's bidding so she could coo over various fluffy animals, and spent half an hour in a clothing shop so she could help Severus pick out a new pair of boots. Severus passed Quality Quidditch Supplies without a second glance, but stopped in the sweet shop. He bought a few chocolate frogs for himself and some candied pineapple for Lily. Harry bought himself some lemon drops with a fond smile. He would give them to Albus when they had their weekly tea tomorrow. They window shopped for a while, Severus pointing things out and answering Lily's unending stream of questions.

They went into The Leaky Cauldron for lunch. The man working the counter seemed so familiar that it niggled at Harry until he actually barked laughter aloud when he realized that it was Tom. Harry had never seen him with a full head of hair before.

Severus and Lily gave him a questioning look, but Harry waved them off. "When you're as old as I am, you start to go a bit dotty. Don't mind me. Are you enjoying your first trip to Diagon Alley, Ms. Evans?"

"Oh yes," Lily said, nodding enthusiastically. "Severus makes a very good tour guide." She favored the boy with a smile.

"It's just shopping," Severus said, "it's not like we're walking around The Louvre."

"I've been there," Lily said, "trust me, this is more interesting.

Severus smiled. Harry didn't think he'd seen Severus smile as many times the whole time he'd known him as he had in the last few hours.

After lunch they went to the apothecary, and Severus forgot about Lily for a while when he and Harry started choosing potion-making equipment and ingredients. The boy certainly had a sincere interest in this branch of magic.

When they were done, Harry took the liberty of shrinking everything and putting a feather-light charm on it so Severus would be able to carry everything in a small pouch in his pocket. Lily watched this display of everyday magic in astonishment.

"That would sure make our trip to the market a lot easier every week," Lily said.

Harry smiled at her. "In a few more years that will seem like nothing," Harry told her. "You'll be turning your writing desk into a buffalo, or flying around on a broomstick, and taming hippogriffs before you know it."

"What's a hippogriff?" Lily asked.

Severus shook his head. "Doesn't matter. He's wrong. It's not his fault; he just doesn't know you yet. I've seen you in action. You'll be taming dragons."

oOoOoOo

Harry was smiling later that day when he saw the children off. Severus was right, Lily Evans was certainly worth knowing- even as a nine-year-old. Even so, after the events of the day, he was emotionally drained and more than ready for bed. It was sure to be a long evening alone in the cottage as it was.

He took his de-aging potion and went into the bathroom to run the bath. While the tub was filling, he returned to the kitchen, poured a glass of scotch from the bottle he kept on the top shelf of his cupboard, and took an experimental sip.

He set the glass down on the lip of the tub, summoned a towel from the airing cupboard, and began to strip. It was such an immense relief as he sunk into the hot water, and he sighed in pleasure. The day had been enjoyable, despite its emotional toll, and Harry had been happy enough to hang back and watch. It was nice just to see his mother like that- so young and full of life. It was even nicer to see Severus so close to someone- even if it did make him a bit jealous.

If he could somehow manage to keep Severus and Lily from having the one fight that would end their friendship, maybe it would be enough to keep Severus from becoming a Death Eater. If that were the case, then Harry had to do everything in his power to facilitate that friendship- no matter how uncomfortable it made him.

Harry closed his eyes and leaned back into the water. It was sure to be a long, lonely night as things stood. He was going to do his best not to think about Severus. That was sure to make things worse.

oOoOoOo

-January 2003-

Harry couldn't help the grin that kept finding its way onto his face the next morning when he pulled out his time-turner and went home.

He hurried through his office into his private quarters and turned around to face the portrait on the wall, about to speak, when he noticed that the frame was empty. "What the hell?" Harry grumbled, grin finally gone for good. "Can't even wait for me for two minutes, Snape?" he asked the empty frame.

Feeling silly, but also very disappointed, Harry dressed for the day and went down to breakfast.

He was midway through his morning meal, when someone disturbed him- clearing their throat behind him.

Harry turned, still chewing his way through a mouthful of toast, to see Professor Bianco, the potions teacher. Harry had perhaps hired her because she was such a contrast to Snape. Where he was dour and grim, she was always smiling. She was fair-skinned, fair haired, violet eyed, and wore light airy robes of a silvery grey. She was just as tall as Snape had been, and almost as lanky. She even had a similar gait. The end effect being that, at a distance, it looked like someone had taken Severus Snape and dunked him in a vat of bleach.

Harry couldn't help but smile at that thought. "What can I do for you, Professor Bianco?" Harry asked, once he'd swallowed.

"Nothing really," she said, smiling. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm borrowing one of your portraits for the day- Severus Snape. I'm consulting with him on an experimental potion I'm working on."

"Oh," Harry let his face go blank. He was panicking inside. Portraits went where they liked and didn't answer to anyone. Why would Professor Bianco feel the need to inform Harry of this unless she suspected something, or Severus had asked her to- which might cause her to suspect something?

"He said you wanted to consult with him about one of the cabinet members from the Ministry before your meeting with Kingsley tomorrow," she said, smile faltering a bit. "He just wanted you to know that he'd be busy this afternoon, but he'd be back tonight so you could discuss it then. I hope this doesn't interfere with your schedule at all. I can try to put the potion in stasis and wait for a more convenient time if it's a problem."

Harry shook his head, "No, not a problem," he said. "My questions can wait until this evening. Thank you for passing along the message."

Her smile returned then, and she took her seat at the other end of the staff table.

Harry wanted to scream.

Instead he calmly finished his juice and excused himself.

oOoOoOo

He spent the day in his office, working through his endless pile of paperwork, meeting with most of the teachers- an endless stream of Professors Weasley, and looking at his pocket watch or casting a discreet tempus every few minutes.

He skipped dinner, and instead went to his personal quarters to lie on the couch and wait for Severus.

"Are you actually moping, Potter?" a velvety voice drawled, and Harry jolted up to a seated position and glared at the portrait.

"I wasn't moping. I was waiting."

"Waiting for me?" Severus asked, pouring himself a drink.

"No, I was waiting for Father Christmas. He's a bit late this year, but I'm still hoping."

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Potter."

Harry sneered. "How did your potion go?"

"A miserable failure," Severus answered, raising his glass.

"So good to hear it was a day well spent."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "You must have had an enjoyable day in Diagon Alley then."

Harry sighed. "Sorry, I just missed you. I was kind of expecting to see you when I got back."

Severus nodded. "I have my own duties to attend to on occasion, Harry. I cannot always be at your beck and call."

"I know." Harry leaned back into the couch and took a drink of his scotch. "The Diagon Alley trip wasn't that bad really. You were right about my mum anyway; she really is incredible."

Severus smiled fondly. "I remember."

"It's just," Harry hedged. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"I think we've gone past the point where you need permission for such things."

"Okay, then what's the deal with you and her?"

Severus frowned. "The deal? I'm not sure what you mean."

"I saw your memories," Harry explained. "I know that you loved her, but was it just friendship-love, or was it love-love?"

Severus shook his head chuckling. "Ever so eloquent, as always. Are you telling me that you're jealous of a nine-year-old?"

"No, of course not," Harry lied. "I just want to know what I'm dealing with here. The two of you are good for each other. You should have friends, and I'd rather you didn't have your falling out, but…"

"But, what exactly, Harry?"

Harry shrugged. "If you didn't stop being friends would you have become more than friends? I know you said that there's no way for me to change events to negate my own existence, but I'd rather not try. What was the real reason that you had such a problem with her dating my father? Did you want her for herself?"

"Yes, actually," Severus said, "I did."

"Oh." Harry looked down at his glass for a moment before taking a drink. "So…" Harry said, looking up again. He couldn't actually think of a way to phrase the question he wanted to ask.

Severus rolled his eyes. "I am gay, Harry. I just didn't know that or hadn't yet accepted the fact when I was seventeen years old. I was raised by a muggle father in a time when such things weren't as widely accepted as they are now. I knew that I loved your mother, so I wanted her to be my girlfriend. Truthfully, I wanted her to be my wife. At the time I didn't understand that there was a difference between loving someone and feeling sexually attracted to them. If I'm not mistaken, your feelings for Ms. Weasley were much the same."

"You're rarely mistaken," Harry agreed. The explanation made him feel better, but he was still a bit worried. "What do you think I should do about it then? I'd rather that you and mum stayed friends, but I don't want you to have some uncomfortable, ill-fated romance either."

Severus smiled. "Perhaps you should make it clear that there are other options."

"What,… like set him up on a date with a boy?"

Severus chuckled. "That's one option I suppose, but, when the time comes, I would suggest you simply have a conversation with him about it."

"A birds and the bees kind of thing?" Harry shuddered at the thought.

"I don't remember my father ever taking the time to do it."

"Right."

"You still have a few years before you have to worry about it."

That was a relief actually. When you took the time travel into consideration, it was really twice that. Harry drained his scotch and poured another. He could feel Severus watching him the whole time.

"Now, if you don't mind," Severus said when Harry had once more positioned himself on the couch, "I've had a very trying day, and I'm tired of talking. So, would you please take off that damned robe and make yourself useful."

Harry was more than happy to oblige.

oOoOoOo

-Fall 1969-

The one thing Harry had to look forward to during his weekends in the past was tea with Dumbledore.

He took his diluted aging potion that Saturday as usual and checked himself in the mirror- happy to see a face in its mid-thirties peering back at him instead of one covered in wrinkles. He apparated into the Headmaster's office and found Dumbledore waiting for him with a tea service.

Albus brightened instantly at Harry's appearance.

"Hello, Albus," Harry said, unable to keep from smiling back.

"Have a seat," Albus said, pouring tea. "It's been such a hectic week. I've been looking forward to our tea since Tuesday."

Harry laughed. "Are the students getting all settled in then?"

"As well as can be expected. We always get a few first-years with a bad case of home-sickness, but I had them into my office and we talked it over. They should be fine now."

Harry snorted. "Helps that you spike the tea with cheering potions," he muttered, trying not to laugh.

Dumbledore was flabbergasted. "How could you possibly know that?"

Harry just smiled enigmatically and refused to answer. It was good for the old man to get a taste of his own medicine once in a while. "I've brought you a present," he said instead.

"My dear, Peverell, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to butter me up."

Harry flushed at that and pulled the bag of lemon drops from his pocket. "It's just candy, Albus."

"Appeasing my sweet tooth as well?" Dumbledore smirked. He opened the packet and looked inside at the yellow sweets. "What are these?"

"Lemon drops," Harry said. "They're a muggle candy, but there's a shop in Diagon Alley that carries them. Just try one. I think you'll like them."

Dumbledore popped one into his mouth and made an expression of pleasure that was almost obscene.

"Look, Albus, I.." Harry started uncomfortably, but forced himself to finish. "I think you should know that I'm seeing someone."

The look of pleasure disappeared.

"I just don't want you to get the wrong idea here. I just want to be friends." Harry had allowed the flirting to begin with, reluctantly, but now it was starting to bother him. Somehow it just didn't seem fair.

"I see," Albus said. "You must forgive me then. I feel a bit of a fool."

Harry shook his head, reaching across the table to take Dumbledore's hand in his. "You shouldn't. I do care about you, Albus, but there are reasons I just couldn't feel that way about you."

"You prefer women," Dumbledore said, sounding sure of the fact.

Harry considered allowing him to believe that; it would certainly make things easier, but he just couldn't bring himself to lie. "No," he said, "I prefer men, but we've known each other before, and it would just be too awkward for me to… think about you that way."

Dumbledore laughed at that, and the sound shocked Harry enough to make him jerk his hand back. This only seemed to make him laugh louder. It was a few minutes before Dumbledore was able to get himself under control.

"Oh, you must forgive me," Dumbledore said still laughing a bit. "It's just funny. Here I am throwing myself at you, and all you think of is little Albie Dumbledore running around the village in short-pants chasing the little girls around with a levitated frog."

Harry couldn't think of anything to say to that.