The Outsider: Chapter 4 - Forget

Pairing: Leo/Mikey/Don, Raph/By Himself Rating: NC-17

Summary: How does one cope with being an Outsider of your own family? For Raph, it's simple. His family is happy: Deal With It.

Chapter 4 Summary: Raph's night has not been going the best. Kitchen fun, Business to take care of, a Concerned Brother, and Wanting to Forget.

Chapter 4 - Forget

Forget.

God damn, I just wanted to forget this day and get it over with...but nah. Of course. Can't do dat. Instead, I need the alcohol in that kitchen. And of course...

Churrin'. Damn Churring coming outta there.

I can't help but hear the churring pick up, as my head is close to the door. Those damn noises make my body heat up. Great, now my toes are clenching and unclenching right under my feet. I can't help but be curious.

Maybe at least I can see how far they are...see how long I gotta wait.

I ease the door open softly, and as easy as I can. And there they are. Leo and Mikey. I see Leo's pinned Mikey to the floor, and one of his hands is in between the kid's legs. He has a pumping motion going, and from Mikey's face I can put two and two together.

Great, Fearless. You're fingering our baby brother on the floor of the God Damn kitchen. And I can't tear my eyes away from it.

Mikey's churrs roll off the kid's tongue, as i can see part of his right leg kinda trembling. I can see a bit of the left one across Leo's shell, as if he's trying to wrap it around Leo. Mikey's eyes are rolled back and his breaths are heaving out, as Leo is suckling on the left of Mikey's neck.

I can see Fearless ain't too afraid of bitin', as small nips and suckles go across baby bro's neck. One of Leo's hands are fondlin' the knucklehead up and down the side of Mikey's body, while the other finger is busy pumping Mikey's ass deeper and deeper.

Shit! Shit, shit, shit.

I gotta stop myself, as my own damn hand was fondlin' my own thigh. I'm ready to laugh my ass off, because I can't even get the satisfaction of jerkin' off right now. Got other stuff ta do.

Probably later...

My eyes perk up a bit as I hear Mikey give a loud moan of Leo's name, and a cry escapes the kid's lips. It seems Leo found that spot deep within Mikey, and Fearless is definitely pumpin' that finger in and out like a piston.

Mikey's cock is glistening with precum, as Leo leans down and nips the tip. Suckles the precum right onto his tongue. I almost wanna run in there, kiss Leo, and suck the precum from right off his tongue. Leo slides his head down a bit further, putting more and more of Mikey's cock into his mouth while that finger pumps Mikey faster and faster.

I can see the knucklehead's toes curling, back and forth. They're clenching, and part of me just wants to walk in and suck each of those damn toes into my mouth. Feel them wiggle, along with that damn tail of his that I'm sure is wagging like crazy.

And damnit, part of me just wants to run in there. And do what? Part of me wants to just go up behind Leo, and push my cock deep within Leo's tight ass. Another part wants to just shove Leo aside, and put my own finger deep within Mikey. Stare into those blue eyes, as I felt the kid's warmth wrap around my finger.

Suddenly, the grip of my left hand tightens. Another image pops up. It's one of me in Mikey's place, having someone stare down at me. Someone's pushin' into me, deep in and out. I think of Fearless, staring down at me with that smugness that I either wanna punch or swallow with my mouth.

Or a pair of baby blue eyes staring down at me, giving me his all, feeling that soft skin hit that spot deep in me as Mikey whispers my name. Making me his. Just his...

And fuckin' shit, I just hypnotized myself. I had my finger rubbing my own ass! I close the door and walk away, hands rubbing my face.

"Smart move Raph, rub yer face with the same damn hand you were rubbing your ass with..."

I know it's the sewers, but shit. Despite what my bros think, I'm kinda a clean guy. Maybe when I wash up, they'll be gone from that damn kitchen.

I head towards the bathroom. I'm tellin' ya, this place is becoming my room away from my actual room. After washin' my hands, I can't help but stare and chuckle.

I know it's kinda weird. I'm a 'macho' guy and I was getting hot and bothered by being taken? Usually that shouldn't be the case. Don't tell me my dick is gonna do the complete thinkin' from now on, is it?

Well, maybe it's not really about that. Don't get me wrong, a lot of nights I'm thinkin' of pounding each of my brothers' asses. Nice and slow, not wantin' to hurt them.

But seeing someone want ya that much? To the point they'd hold you down and do whatever they wanted to you? That's a trust thing. You trust each other enough that, well, pretty much anything goes.

Nothing about being insane, or weak, or useless, or any kinda word in the Emo Dictionary. Just trust. And hell, I trust all of my bros. I really do.

Although, it is kinda weird that it was Mikey doing that, which got me worked up the most. Holy Shit, maybe I am really going insane, hehehe.

Okay, enough of this shit.

I walk out, and lo and behold there's no churring in the kitchen. Guess they took their 'show' to the bedroom. I walk into the kitchen, that certain musk goes throughout the kitchen. Damn thing almost makes my legs shake, but I rock my head back and forth.

Now is Not the time.

I finger the lighter in my belt, and then raid the fridge.

'Sorry Case, I know this is some good shit. But it's gotta go for another cause.'

I grab the stuff and head out as quickly as I can. Wasted enough damn time. My walk through the sewers feels a hell of a lot longer than before. I don't know if my mind wanted to go blank, or fill all of these images into my brain until it explodes.

Probably the blank part, since along the way I bump into something. More like someone.

More like Donny.

"Hey Raph, what are you doing out so late?" I could feel the Brainiac look down at my hand. The alcohol probably told a number of reasons without me sayin' a word.

"Nothin'. Just figure I'd head out and relax. Knock a few back. That's all."

"Raph. Just, please don't get too intoxicated. It's not very fortunate for your health, and..."

"Alright Donnie, alright. I getcha, I promise it won't be too much, alright?"

I can't help but be somewhat mesmerized by Donnie. I was thinkin' so much of Leo and Mikey before, but I could never forget Donnie. The guy's a sweetheart, and is pretty somethin'. He wouldn't annoy me with pranks like Mikey, or piss me off like Leo. Instead he just offers a little bit of an ear, a little bit of a touch on his hand, and a smile.

Just like now. I feel him take my hand into his, and he squeezes a little. There's some kind of smile on his face, and he's giving me a look. Almost like the same look Mikey gave me before.

I kinda wonder, if they have some idea that I know about them. Oh, maybe that's it?

Maybe they're afraid I'd hate them? Like 'how dare you guys be gay'. Or maybe they feel bad, because they want each other and not me?

I don't really blame them for that, again I'm not really the big prize at the Fourth of July or some shit. But they ain't heartless bastards either.

I ain't gonna hate them. I'll support them, get their backs. So I squeeze my hand with his, and decide to blurt it out.

"Donnie? You got somethin' to say to me? It's alright Donnie. You can talk ta me."

And he could. A lot of times in the past, it was easy to talk to Don. And vice versa. Granted, I'd probably consider Mikey as my best bud. We had a lot of fun goofing off and doing all sorts of stuff.

But Donnie, he was the kind of guy who was easy to talk to and say something. Especially something really important.

And so I wait. And wait. And wait. Not sure if some kinda hope was trying to burn its' way from under my skin or whatnot. And hope for what? For the impossible perhaps?

'Raph I love you! Raph, we all want you. Raphie, kiss me!'

"Raph! What happened? Where did you get these stitches?"

Wait, that last one wasn't in my head, was it?

Ah shit. That's right, the stiches I did because of the fight from earlier.

"Don't worry Egghead, I got it. See? No biggie. Just a little thing."

My eyes squint a little...another, different kinda look goes onto Donnie's eyes. What is that, a hurt look?

"But Raph...I mean, I could have looked at that for you! What if it was infected from the sewer water down here, or what if..."

"Donnie! Relax. I've been teachin' myself for a while. On how to stitch and stuff. Besides, it's not like I should be going to ya every time I get a cut, ya know? Otherwise I'd be with you 24/7, eh?"

I chuckle a bit. It seems my question from before wasn't going to be answered. I hear Donnie mumble something, but when I ask he says that it's 'nothin'.

'Damn, what is it with you guys and mumblin' shit? First Mikey, then Donnie.'

I brush pass and give a wave. Definitely gotta finish some business. Wasted too much time. It's weird, but for some reason it's like I feel eyes behind me. But when I look behind me, Donnie's already heading back towards the lair. Looks like the guy got a bit of goodies from the junkyard.

(Don's POV)

I wanted to say it. I really did! I wanted to tell Raph would all of us had been talking with each other about. I know that Leo and I had wanted Raph to be part of this, well, 'thing that we were doing'.

Mikey especially. He was pretty much bouncing off the walls and constantly asking us 'When? When? When?' Although I know that he's very fond of Leo and me, I could tell that Mikey was particularly fond of Raph.

Thus why Mikey wouldn't let Leo and I do, well, Certain things with him. But Leo was right. It was Leo who had told me, and thus we told Mikey, that we had to be very careful in this matter.

Like Leo said, it's lucky enough that three of us not only happened to be gay, but also involved with what would be called an 'incestuous relationship' with one another.

But all four of us feeling the same way about each other? And Leo had a point. Raph was a very 'tough' as well as 'macho' guy. Although, I can still think of discussions Mikey and I had with each other about Raph. He definitely had a big heart underneathe that tough exterior, and it was always welcoming when he shared it with me during our quiet talks.

Those were always nice. I miss those. I must try to at least fit that back into my schedule, it's just been so hectic! My experiments in the lab, the test I still have to do...as well as the times I've been spending with Mikey and Leo.

When Leo and I had this discussion of going to the others. It was tough. Very tough. We barely even had the guts to tell Mikey about it, let alone our relief when he said yes to this.

I know Mikey has really been against this 'not going to Raph right now' choice that we had made. But I agreed with Leonardo on the deal.

We'll tell Raph, when we tell Splinter. When he gets back from his trip.

That way we can gauge Raph's reaction! Although, the way Mikey has been talking to me about Raph's behavior, could it be perhaps he does know what we are doing?

It is a very confusing, as well as delicate, situation. Although Mikey, at times, would get extremely mad at us, I still stand by Leo's decision.

Leo had put it best to me, in this matter.

'A hopeful Maybe is better than a definitive No.'

I know it pains Leo as well as it does me. And truthfully, I think Leo is just as scared as I am. We do love each other...but we also love both Mikey and Raph. And when I looked at Leo's eyes, when he made this decision to not tell Raph, I could see the truth. The real truth.

For Leo, just like me, Raph saying 'No, I don't want to be a part of this' would be heartbreaking. As well as soul crushing. It's ironic that Raph calls him 'Fearless', when that's just simply not the case.

And I almost, and I mean barely, could hang on tonight.

When Raphie looked at me and asked, "Donnie? You got somethin' to say to me? It's alright Donnie. You can talk ta me."

God, I just wanted to throw every caution to the wind. Damn the consequences. Even if Raph was confused, or disgusted, it didn't matter!

But I couldn't, and when I eyed his stiches only my brother's health was my concern.

And he's been teaching himself? He's not a burden. He's not! Why didn't I say that? For a genius, I'm pretty dense sometimes.

As I brought my findings from the junkyard to the lair, all I could do was remember my last words to Raph.

He had said, "Besides, it's not like I should be going to ya every time I get a cut, ya know? Otherwise I'd be with you 24/7, eh?"

And I had simply said, "I'd like that."

(Back to Raph's POV Again)

I finally got back to the damn place. The warehouse was really beginning to stink, that stink of death that seemed to be painting the floors and walls of this place.

I try to make quick work, dumping each and every drop of the alcohol over each body. I just hoped that I had enough. I make little trails from one to the other, throw splashers onto the walls, and I go throw each and every bottle.

I ease my feet across the floor, as I take a piece of fabric from one of the Foot soldiers at my feet. I take the lighter outta my belt, and let the flame dangle across the fabric for a bit.

I can feel the flame, almost wantin' to stare at it for hours and hours.

Orange. A nice, bright orange. A good color.

I ease my body back and toss the flamed fabric, watching as the fire dances across the floor. Like an animal, the thing eats all in its' path. I can almost hear the thing roar, as the head blisters and I know that's my time to get the hell out. I climb out the window, get to the roof, and hightail it outta there.

But I don't go too far. I stand on a rooftop, which is still quite a bit away, but close enough for me to watch. The flames go higher and higher, as I can hear the noise of fire trucks way off in the distance. I remember when I watched a movie with Mikey, called Backdraft. The kid said that I'd make a good firefighter.

Thought it was kinda strange that he said that. But, well, Mikey's always been kinda strange. Which is actually good, now that I think about it.

I just watch the flames dance along the air, can almost feel that stuff reflected in my own eyeballs, as I put my hands over my head and rub it long, good, and hard.

'*Sighs* Long, good, and hard? Great wordin' there Raph.'

All I know is that I'm gonna go home, head to bed, and hope I can just forget this shit tonight. Yeah, just another typical night for Raphael.

Yeah, sleep sounds good. At least night I'll just pass out and sleep. And hopefully nothin' else. Just sleep, and...

Forget.