"I made breakfast," said James the next morning as Lily came down the stairs.
James was trying to make it up to Lily, it had really given him a fright when he heard that Lily had almost left him, that she thought he would be such a bad father she would leave him.
When he had gone to bed last night, he had tried to cuddle into her like he used to do. But she flinched when he touched her. She had flinched and wriggled away. His own wife couldn't bear to have him touch her. He had really pushed her so far away, he couldn't even hold her the night after he got back. No matter what had gone on before he left last time, when he got back she was always happy to see him. She had never flinched at his touch before.
"Oh, okay," said Lily surprised. James never made breakfast; in fact James never cooked. His specialty was ordering take out.
"Hope you're hungry," said James as he eagerly piled Lily's plate full of food.
"Starving," said Lily. She was pleasantly surprised to find that the food actually looked edible. A little too edible. "Alright, where did this come from? I know you can't cook like this."
"I might have gone to the Deli in Diagon Alley," grinned James. "I just wanted you to have a breakfast you could eat without the risk of food poisoning."
"Thank you," said Lily, tucking in.
"Where are you going?" asked James. They had just finished breakfast and Lily was putting her shoes on and grabbing her bag.
"I'm going shopping with Alice," said Lily, looking for her keys.
"You just got out of hospital," said James. He had been hoping to spend the day with Lily, trying to make it up to her.
"I know, but I feel fine now," shrugged Lily.
"When do you go back to work?"
"Tomorrow. I told you, I'm fine now," said Lily, throwing her keys into her bag.
"Oh okay," said James, unable to hide the disappointment from his voice.
"Aren't you going into work? You'll need to file the report from the mission," said Lily, feeling bad for him.
"No, I did it last night," said James, starting to clear the breakfast dishes away.
"You did it last night? Before you came to the hospital?"
"Yeah well, Sirius said you were alive and the pain had subsided so I thought that if I did it before I came, I wouldn't have to leave straight away," said James, as if it was no big deal.
"So after hearing that I had been screaming for you for hours, you went to your office and wrote your report before coming to see me?" said Lily dangerously.
"Yeah… but only because I didn't want to have to leave you…" said James, realising what he had said.
"Let me get this straight. You heard your wife had been attacked, was in agony and screaming for you. You thought it was more important for you to write your report…" said Lily, her voice still deadly calm.
"I didn't want to have to leave you…" James protested.
"But you would have… you would have come to the hospital and then you would have left to go back to the office to do your report…" Lily was livid now, and James could see the hurt in her eyes.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry… I didn't realise… I'm so sorry," said James urgently.
"I shouldn't even be surprised anymore…" said Lily, deathly calmly. "I should expect it… why would you even care that I was attacked as long as your fucking report is filed?"
"Lily I didn't mean… please don't look at me like that," said James, completely terrified now. She was looking at him like she didn't even know who he was.
"How am I supposed to look at you?"
"Just… not like that…"
"I have to go… I can't be near you right now…" said Lily quietly, she turned towards the front door.
"Are you coming back? I'm an idiot, I know I am, and I am so sorry. It was unforgivable, but please don't leave me. I love you and I couldn't live without you," said James, almost pleading with her.
"You admit it's unforgivable, but yet you expect me to forgive you anyway," said Lily, more to herself than to him. Her voice sounded small and strangled, like she was barely choking out the words. She looked at him. "James, you just don't seem to know what's unacceptable until I reprimand you for it. I see you trying, but James…" she paused, struggling for words, "sometimes just trying isn't quite enough. What I need is for you to come through for me."
"Please don't leave me give me a chance to show you… will you please come back?"
"I don't know if I'll be back," said Lily, heartbroken. She hung her head and left him standing in the kitchen holding their dirty plates.