Disclosure
Elliot woke Sunday morning with an ache in his stomach that didn't take him long to identify as dread. Maureen and Kathleen were coming back to the house for brunch after Mass, and after, they would talk to them all about August. Kathy had arranged for Eli to be invited to a friend's house when they were finished eating; they were both in agreement that he was too young to be present for this talk. They'd find a way to explain it all to him later.
Standing in church, he looked down the pew at the faces of his family and felt hot tears at the back of his eyes for the second time in as many days. It was rare that they all went to Mass together; the older girls lived on their own and went sporadically. The twins preferred to go with their friends most of the time. If he was called in on a weekend for a case, Kathy often ended up going alone with Eli to the early Children's Mass. Today he insisted they all attend the same service, using the excuse that they hadn't attended together since Christmas. To his surprise, they had all been agreeable, Dick joking that maybe they'd get presents again. Elliot had felt a pang, remembering the boy's obsession with the holiday when he was younger; making him read "The Night Before Christmas" every night before bed.
It took two pews to accommodate them all, but they were there, every one of them and miraculously, all awake. At the other end of the pew, Kathy caught his eye and gave him a comforting smile. She'd been a rock through all of this, providing a listening ear and support for Olivia and reassurance for him that it would all work out okay with their own family. Elliot was sure he'd have lost if before now if it hadn't been for her steady support.
He tried to focus on the service and Father Mike's homily, but his mind kept returning to the afternoon ahead and hoping that this morning wouldn't be the last of its kind.
His carefully rehearsed speech was met with several minutes of stunned silence, and then all hell broke loose as they all spoke at once. Predictably, each of their children had a different reaction.
"What the hell, Dad?" Kathleen was the first to break the quiet. "You didn't think this was something we should have known about before?"
"I can't believe you didn't trust us enough to tell us," added Maureen, looking upset.
"You and Olivia had a baby together?" asked Dick, looking at his father with a combination of horror and awe.
"Is August going to be okay?" Lizzie asked anxiously.
Kathy, who had let Elliot do the bulk of the talking, interjecting a point here and there, tried to restore some order. "I know this is a lot to take in at once, but please, one person at a time. Give us a chance to answer." She turned to Dick first. "Your father donated sperm so that Olivia could have a baby of her own, Richard. They didn't technically have a baby together. August has always been Olivia and Declan's child." She ignored his snort of derision and turned her attention to his sisters, who were each leaning forward in their chairs at the dining room table, anxious to be heard.
"But she's related to us." Maureen pointed out. "Otherwise, we wouldn't even be having this conversation now, would we? You'd have kept us in the dark forever." Her blue eyes, flashing with anger, were directed at Elliot. At twenty-five, Maureen had grown into a remarkable young woman, mature and composed, but that moment, she sounded very much like the rebellious teenager who had put them through so much a decade earlier.
Elliot, who had promised himself he wouldn't get angry no matter what their reactions, found himself snapping back. "It was a private matter, Maureen. We didn't think you would ever need to know." He saw Kathy wince and he immediately regretted his tone. Now Maureen was livid.
"We didn't need to know?" she retorted. "We're all old enough to decide what we need to know, Dad! You don't have to protect us. Or was it your own precious reputation you were protecting?"
Elliot's cheeks flushed a deep red and he forced himself to take a deep breath before responding. He felt like he'd been transported back ten years, when this daughter of his knew how to push all of his buttons without even trying. How was it that she was so good at always finding his sore spots?
"Maureen," Kathy chided in a soft tone. "Your father did a good thing by helping Olivia."
Now Kathleen jumped into the fray, turning to Kathy with a look of confusion. "You knew about this, mom? I can't believe you were okay with it."
Kathy met her look head on. "It was my suggestion, Kathleen. Olivia is our friend and we wanted to help her."
At this, Kathleen's mouth dropped open in surprise. Maureen was still glaring at Elliot and Dick was glancing nervously from family member to the next, not sure if it was safe for him to voice his own opinions yet.
"But…is August going to be okay?" Lizzie asked again. She was sitting next to Elliot at the table. He reached over and squeezed her hand in gratitude. Leave it to his youngest daughter to cut to the heart of the matter.
"That's what's most important right now," he said, maintaining his grasp on his her hand and looking around at her siblings. "I know you're all upset and I can understand that it will take some time to process what we just told you…but the bottom line is that there's a very sick little girl who needs our help."
"So how do we get tested?" asked Lizzie. "And what if one of us is a match for her? What happens then?"
Her older sisters looked sullen as Kathy took the opportunity to explain. "For now, all we have to do is take a swab of the inside of your check and send it to the lab at the hospital. If one of you does turn out to be a match for her, there'd be more testing, and eventually, surgery to take some bone marrow for a transplant. But I have to tell you, the chances are slim that any of you will even match."
"So why did you even bother to tell us?" asked Maureen in a defiant tone. "Why spoil your little secret if there's so little chance one of us will match?"
"August—and Olivia, and Declan—need all of the help and support we can give them right now," said Elliot firmly, holding his daughter's angry gaze. "If they can't find a perfect match for August, one of you might be the next closest thing. A successful transplant could mean a permanent cure for her. You all are the best chance she has."
Maureen glared at him for a long minute before dropping her gaze to the table top. "I'll get tested, but only to help August," she said sullenly. "I still think what you guys did sucks. You had no right to keep it from us."
"Exactly!" Kathleen added. "You should have told us! We have the right to know that we have a sister." She looked suspiciously at her parents. "Are there any other brothers and sisters we need to know about?"
Elliot opened his mouth to protest but quickly closed it when Kathy threw him a warning glance.
"I'm afraid that's the extent of our closet of secrets." Kathy said lightly. "Sorry to disappoint you, Kathleen, but that's it. "
Kathleen rolled her eyes but couldn't quite hide a look of relief.
"For the record, I think this sucks too," said Dick, who was slumped down in his seat across from Elliot. "Isn't our family weird enough already?"
"This isn't going to change anything," Elliot told him, frowning. "Once August is healthy again, everything will go back to the way it was."
"Right, we're just going to pretend we don't know?" Dick scoffed, looking at his father and shaking his head.
"Of course not," Elliot answered, "But my point is, this is no one else's business, no one outside our two families needs to know. We have to think about Olivia and Declan too. August is their daughter, regardless of her…."
"Sperm source?" Dick finished sarcastically.
"That's enough." Elliot snapped at him. "You don't have to agree with what we did, or like it, but there's no call to be disrespectful. Like your mother said, we were trying to help a friend. Olivia had good reasons for not wanting to use an anonymous donor and she needed our help."
Dick shook his head again, but said nothing.
"Dad, what about….the Church?" Lizzie asked hesitantly. Always the peacemaker in the family, she was clearly reluctant to bring up another sensitive topic. "We learned in religion class that the Catholic Church doesn't approve of artificial insemination."
Kathy and Elliot exchanged a glance. This was one of the points they'd hope to avoid discussing.
"You're right," Elliot said, "And that was one of the toughest parts about all of this. But I met with Father Mike and we talked…"
"Father Mike knows about this too?" Dick groaned, slumping down further in his seat, clearly not thrilled to have his basketball coach in the loop.
"…we talked," Elliot continued,. "He was a big help in helping me decide what was best for all of us within the guidelines of what the Church teaches."
At "best for all of us" Dick rolled his eyes, but remained quiet, drumming his long fingers on the top of the table as he listened. At 17, his son was turning into a man before his eyes, just in inch or two shorter than Elliot. His voice had deepened a few years earlier and he needed to shave every few days now. At times, it was like looking into a mirror of his own past, and remembering how difficult it had been at that age, Elliot hoped he wasn't throwing more at the boy than he could handle right now.
Lizzie seemed satisfied with that vague answer and Elliot heaved a mental sigh of relief as Kathy went to get the testing kits. She passed one out to each of the kids and walked them through the instructions. She did a swab on herself, knowing that the chances of a match were nonexistent, but wanting to show support for August and be part of the group effort. All of their samples would be entered into the National Bone Marrow Registry as potential donors.
As they all returned the swabs to the pouches provided and labeled them, Kathleen asked, "What about Eli? Are you going to test him too?"
"Yes," answered Kathy. "We'll test him, but please, let Dad & I be the ones to explain all of this to him as needed. He's not really old enough to understand."
The others nodded in agreement. Maureen opened her mouth to add what would no doubt have been another sarcastic retort but stopped herself. She was quiet and seemed preoccupied now. Elliot sighed. The worst was over, but he could see that the issue was far from settled in all of their minds.
They talked for another half an hour, Kathy and Elliot doing their best to answer their questions about Augusts' condition and the anticipated treatment. When the girls got up to leave so that Maureen could get home in time for her evening shift at work, Kathleen stepped forward and impulsively gave Elliot a hug around the neck.
"I'm sorry we gave you such a hard time, Dad," she said, kissing him on the cheek. "But you should have told us a long time ago." Grateful for a thawing in the ice, Elliot hugged her tightly back.
"We did what we thought was best at the time, "he told her, kissing her cheek in return. "We never meant to hurt anyone."
Maureen stood stiffly to the side, waiting for her sister to finish. Elliot stepped forward her and pulled her close for a hug, whispering into her ear, "I'm sorry, kiddo." She nodded, but didn't return his hug and he finally, reluctantly let go and walked to the door to watch as they walked out to the car and drove away.
Dick and Lizzie had escaped to their rooms when he returned to the dining room and he began helping Kathy clear the last of the dishes from their brunch and carry them to the kitchen.
"I think that went as well as could be expected," Kathy commented as she opened the dishwasher, looking for room for a few more items.
"I guess," Elliot sighed, putting condiments back into the refrigerator. "Maureen was pretty upset."
"She'll come around," Kathy assured him. "She's like you, El; she just needs time to think it through."
Elliot gave a bitter laugh. "If she's like me, it could take years."
After putting Eli to bed that night, Elliot stopped outside of his older son's closed door, gathering up his courage to knock. Dick had spent the rest of the day at a friend's house and when he'd returned home a little while ago, had gone right to his room and shut the door. When he finally tapped on the wooden pane, it seemed like an agonizing long time before he heard a reluctant permission to enter. Elliot thought back to his own father, who wouldn't have bothered to knock in the first place, and would have taken the door off the hinges if he'd ever tried to deny him entry.
"I wanted to see how you were doing," Elliot said, walking into the room and pulling out the desk chair. He turned it around and sat backwards on it, facing his son. Dick's room was a mess of dirty clothes and sport equipment, something else his own father would never have tolerated. Kathy had persuaded him long ago it was better to just keep their doors shut and ignore the mess than to battle with a teenager over cleaning rooms.
Dick was lying listening to music on his iPod, having taken one token earpiece out when his father came in. He shrugged in response to Elliot's question.
"I know it was a lot to throw at you guys today," Elliot said, feeling awkward. "But if you have any questions, or you want to talk..."
Dick looked at him, as if appraising his sincerity. "I guess I keep wondering how mom was okay with all of this," he finally said. "She used to seem, I don't know, jealous of Olivia, and now they're like best friends or something."
Elliot gave a shrug of his own. "People change, son. Your mom and I have been through a lot together and after a certain point; you either trust someone or you don't. I've never given your mother any reason to be jealous with Olivia or any other woman. We've had our share of problems, but that wasn't one of them."
Dick nodded slowly, seeming to appreciate his honesty. "It's all a little weird, Dad," he admitted. "It will seem strange to see Olivia now."
Elliot gave a soft laugh. "Tell me about it," he almost said, but stopped himself in time. They'd simply announced that Elliot had donated sperm so that Olivia could have a baby and not given any details. As they'd hoped, the kids had assumed it had been done as a procedure in a doctor's office. "That's understandable." He said instead. "It's going to be awkward for Olivia and Declan at first too, I'm sure. But we'll all get through it."
They fell silent, and after a minute, Elliot stood up and returned the chair to its original position. "Remember, I'm here if you need to talk." Dick nodded and put his headphones back in, turning up the volume as he did so. Elliot could hear the music as he crossed the room.
"Good night," he said from the doorway, raising his voice to be heard. "I love you." Dick gave him a thumbs up in response. Laughing, Elliot pulled the door closed behind him and crossed the hall to Lizzie's room. One down….