4. Hair Care; I recently found my lustrous, platinum locks are suffering from the damage incurred by inferior products provided to me in my current... place of residence. Monthly bathing is limited and contributing to the infernal duress, as are sub-par nourishment and the rats that live in my sleeping pallet. As visitors are few, far between, and cavity-searched upon arrival, how do you recommend maintaining one's genteel, purebred, follicular standards while incarcerated?
-Appalled in Azkaban
LV: Your 'vain-mane' starting to complain, old friend? Ahem. I defer to my colleague in this matter. Coincidentally, I am testing the range of my long-distance AK. Do let me know if you suffer any minor abnormalities (for example, death) in the near future.
IU: If one is not blessed with naturally strong, resilient, healthy hair, one needs to take steps to establish a rigorous routine of self-care. This includes a diet rich in nutrients and proteins (nori, fruits and vegetables especially), drinking 6-8L of water per day, rinsing with fresh rainwater, and regular exercise. Also, Sephora offers an outstanding line of products under their Living Proof label; alternate every second day between the restorative and volume products, and condition heavily with Phyto conditioner at least once a week. Once a month, create a baking soda paste and use it to strip impurities and build-up from your hair that could otherwise leave it limp and lifeless. Reduce the risk of damage by limiting your product and heating implement use, and within 4-6 weeks you'll notice a well-managed, luxurious head full of hair will be yours for others to admire once more. Trim your split ends every 2-3 weeks to encourage optimal growth. When brushing, always remember to start at the bottom and work your way up, and resist the urge to 'twirl' your hair around your fingers; it is damaging to the roots. Wishing you much success in your noble efforts.
LV: ... Ava—