TITLE: Law & Order: SVU – "What Was"

AUTHOR: D M Harper.

SUMMARY: The private lives of two career driven women clash and the memory of what was once between them is re-examined. A/U

PAIRING: Olivia Benson & Alex Cabot

RATING: M for Mature readers.

DISCLAIMER: This story comes from the imagination and tells the story of how two central characters could have been more than friends. I, along with other Fanfic writers, do so for fun and not for profit. We like to assume the role of a network writer with enough fortitude to write what we would have liked to have seen on television without the restraints of network bosses and sponsors of a homophobic nature. There is no intent to infringe on the copyright of creator Dick Wolf, Wolf Films Studio or USA Television.

Author's Note: If you enjoy this tale, please take the time to review. Please note that this takes place in an alternative universe and some liberty has been taken with a deceased TV character.

Chapter 4

Alex's eyelids fluttered open and she took a moment to focus on her surroundings. Turning her head to the right, she smiled at the sleeping form of Olivia still cuddled into her side. Stretching her legs, Alex grimaced when the tight muscles in her legs protested. Her love making with Olivia had overworked several muscles and she needed to work out the kinks as well as urinate.

"I love you Liv," she whispered.

Olivia stirred a little and mumbled, "Love you Alex."

Rising off the bed, the blonde leaned over and kissed her lover on the top of the head, "Go back to sleep darling."

Olivia moaned in reply and Alex grinned like the proverbial bird that had caught the worm. She tiptoed away from the bed and trod on something before reaching the door. Bending down, she retrieved the dark blue velvet ring box. Guilt tore at her heart once again and she started to shake. The memory stabbed at her senses and pulled her back to the last time she had been with Olivia.

When it was deemed safe for Alex to return after two years in Witness Protection, the couple had reunited. During her absence in Wisconsin, Alex had contacted Olivia via letters post marked from different cities and states. It was their only safe means of communication and once those involved in the attempt of Alex's life had been imprisoned or killed, the couple had resumed their relationship and were closer than before.

Olivia's apartment had basically been left empty as she spent most of her time at Alex's. When the former ADA had been offered the Bureau Chief's job, Olivia had arrived at the apartment after work and been welcomed with a bottle of champagne. Alex had been ecstatic about the job, and they soon fall into bed and each other to celebrate.

Hours later, Olivia had produced the jewel box and jubilantly proposed. Alex had launched into an overdrawn speech about how she couldn't be engaged to a woman and could never be open about their relationship. Olivia had been shattered by her announcement and refused to remain her dirty little secret any longer. The twosome were finished the second Olivia had asked Alex to choose between her career and being out. Alex had hesitated in her reply and Olivia had dressed, leaving the apartment and refusing to speak to Alex again. She had sent Alex an e-mail the following day asking for her belongings to be packed and sent to her apartment.

"Good god Cabot, what a damn idiot you've been," Alex thought to herself. Placing the container on the end table, she padded out the room and into the bathroom.

Returning to the bedroom a short time later, Alex quickly dressed in track pants and a dark blue Yankees jersey. Going into the kitchen, she made a pot of green tea, grabbed a slice of left over pizza from the fridge and went into the living room.

Settling on the couch after placing everything on the coffee table, Alex giggled out loud when she glanced at the clock display on the DVD player and saw it was ten past twelve. It was the first time in three years she had managed to sleep a full eight hours, she had become used to surviving on between four or five.

Taking a bite of pizza, she reached for the remotes and flicked through the channels before selecting the Discovery Health channel. Halfway through a program on skin disorders, her cell phone on the coffee table rang.

"Hello mother," she answered cheerfully.

"Afternoon Alexandra, I was wondering if you were free for dinner tonight."

"Sorry mother, I have a date."

"A date Alexandra?" enquired Eleanor Cabot.

"Yes, it's when two people go out and have a good time," replied Alex sarcastically.

"There is no need to be condescending Alexandra and it's not a pleasant trait for a Bureau Chief, let alone a Cabot."

"I was only trying to be funny." Alex knew that was a waste of time, but she refused to have her mother's high society culture ruin her good mood.

"So, tell me all about this man you are dating?"

Alex groaned into the phone, "It's not a man."

"Oh good god Alexandra, not this business again?" implored Eleanor harshly.

Alex was tired of having this particular conversation with her mother and retorted, "When will you understand I am a lesbian and it's not something I'm going to get over."

"But I thought you were done with women after your experience with Olivia?"

Surprised that her mother didn't take the opportunity to berate her over her homosexuality, Alex answered, "No mother, I was just fooling myself, but not anymore. I'm happy for the first time in a long time and I would like to share that joy with you."

Eleanor attempted to change the subject quickly, "Maybe we should leave this conversation for another time?"

"No mother, we will discuss it now. You need to accept the fact I'm gay or miss out on sharing my life."

Surprised at her daughter's boldness, Eleanor enquired, "But what about your career aspirations?"

"I don't give a rat's about it. It's not the most important part of my life. That is the reason I lost Olivia."

"I guess there's nothing to say except I hope you know what you are doing?"

"For the first time in my life I'm certain of what I am doing and I'm in love, actually I was always been in love with her."

Her mother gasped on the other end, "You mean Olivia?"

"Yes, we are back together."

After a brief pause, her mother replied, "Well, I always did like her, just be prepared for the fall out Alexandra."

"I am mother and I will tell you all about it at lunch next week."

"All right; I will see you then and please say hello to Olivia for me. I guess I better get used to seeing a lot more of her?"

"Yes you will and I will see you Wednesday." Alex closed her phone and placed it on the armrest. Returning to the program, she laughed when Casey's ringtone played.

"Happy New Year Casey," she jovially announced.

"Happy New Year to you too, so how did it go with Liv?"

"Excellent, I am still at her apartment and she's taken me back."

Casey shrieked excitedly, "Oh that is good news, you two belong together. I'm so happy for you both."

"Thanks, I'm just fortunate Olivia forgave me and still loves me."

"Well, it took you long enough to make contact with her," chastised Casey.

"And I have you to thank for calling me last night and getting me here."

"To tell you the truth Alex, I had noticed Liv slowly retreating from everyone and you were no better. If I haven't have run into her last night, I would have called you anyhow."

Alex laughed softly, "Well, your mission has been a success. This morning was the first time I have slept a full eight hours."

Casey tittered then enquired, "How is Liv doing?"

"She is still asleep. It's her first time since Sunday."

"Crap! No wonder she looked so tired last night."

"Hopefully things will improve."

"Everything will be all right Alex."

"I know it will, now that I have my head out of my ass."

Casey laughed at the comment, "I will give you a call in a couple of days, take care."

"I will, you take care too, bye Casey."

After putting down her phone again, Alex got up and took her tea cup into the kitchen for a refill. Grabbing more pizza, she returned to the living room. Putting down the cup, she searched through Olivia's DVD collection. Her breath caught in her throat when she spotted the case containing a disc of digital footage they had filmed while in Banff celebrating their second anniversary.

Alex popped the disc into the player and sat down to view the home made movie. She laughed when Olivia appeared on screen and went head first down the snow covered hill on a sled. She smiled at the images of Olivia waving and crashing into the snow bank.

For over forty minutes, Alex watched their antics in the snow and cried when Olivia waltzed up to the camera and declared, "I love you Alexandra Kathryn Cabot and I will never love another."

"I love you so much my beautiful darling," Alex had replied from behind the camera.

Alex wiped her eyes, turned off the DVD player and television and stoked the fire. She returned to the main bedroom and smiled at Olivia who was lying on her back and breathing shallowly. Her short hair was splayed across the pillow and Alex thanked her lucky stars to be back in her life.

Undressing, she raced to the bathroom, brushed her teeth then crawled back into bed. Settling on her left side, she watched the sleeping form of her lover for some time before snuggling into her side. She sighed and smiled at Olivia as she stirred and rolled over onto her right side.

Alex kissed her softly on the fringe and whispered, "I will never leave you again."

"You better not or I will shoot you," murmured Olivia playfully. She nestled into Alex's chest and wrapped her arm around the slim waist, "What time is it sweetie?"

"It's a little after three."

Pecking along Alex's collar bone, Olivia said, "I used to love waking up next to you in the mornings."

Alex kissed the top of her head, "It's one of the things I missed the most Liv."

"Mmm," purred Olivia. "This isn't a dream is it?"

"No honey, it's real," replied Alex, kissing Olivia's head again. "How do you feel?"

"Good, considering the amount of liquor I drank last night. Speaking of which, I really do need to go to the bathroom."

"Okay, I will be right here waiting for you."

-o-

Olivia picked up her phone and climbed back into bed, "I'll just call Elliot and let him know we will be there tonight."

Alex cuddled into Olivia's right hip, "Don't tell him it's me. I want to see the expression on his face when he sees me."

Olivia grinned, "Is there something I should know about?"

"Make your call then I will explain."

After two rings Elliot answered, "Hey Liv, how ya doing?"

"I'm just great."

"Well, you certainly sound much better."

"Is dinner still on for tonight?"

"It sure is. You planning on being here?" said an upbeat Elliot. "Maureen and Kathleen are both home from college and want to see their Aunt Olivia."

"I will be there El and I'm looking forward to seeing the girls." She took a deep breath and continued, "El, I apologise again for being so reclusive this past week."

"Apology accepted."

"Is it okay if I bring a date?"

"Date?" repeated Elliot, caught off guard. "Sure, Kathy will be happy to see you are seeing someone. She was beginning to worry about you."

Olivia laughed, "Well, you can tell her to stop and I will see you at seven." She hung up before Elliot could ask her any more questions. Putting the phone on the bedside table, she turned her attention to Alex. "Elliot said Kathy was worried about my non-dating."

Alex's blonde hair fell across Olivia's leg, "They will be happy to know we have worked out our differences and are a couple again."

"They will?" queried Olivia.

"I stayed in contact with both of them and a couple of weeks ago they told me to get over myself and talk to you."

Olivia scowled, "Elliot never mentioned any of this to me."

"I asked him not to honey, then I got called away to Los Angeles and you know the rest."

"Why didn't you want me to know you were keeping tabs on me?"

"Because I had every intention of calling you, but when Don told me about your suspension, I thought it best not to bother you and add to your troubles."

"So you really did have a plan?" enquired an intrigued Olivia. "Will this answer my question from last night when I asked about your intentions?"

"Yes it will," responded Alex while gently pecking the upper curve of Olivia's hip, "I was going to call in the New Year and beg for your forgiveness, and then Casey called me and sped things up a little."

"Well, you got the same result."

"And I love you for that," murmured Alex prior to nibbing on the soft hollow of Olivia's hip furrow.

"Did you have any other intentions?" asked Olivia, quickly losing herself in Alex's delicate kisses.

"Hmm," muttered Alex, also on the journey to losing herself.

Olivia giggled, "You are not listening to me are you?"

Alex lifted her head and gazed at Olivia, "Yes I am, but I was preoccupied with this little piece of flesh here."

Olivia smiled, "Finish the conversation first then you can check out every inch."

Alex kissed the spot again, "Okay, to answer your question I need for you to close your eyes for a second."

"Is this show and tell?"

"Yes, so please shut those beautiful pools of brown for me."

Olivia did as she was told and felt Alex leave the bed and heard her rustling around in the closet. When she returned to the bed, Alex kissed Olivia on the hip again.

"Can I open my eyes again?"

"Yes you can honey."

Alex kissed along Olivia's iliac furrow again and slowly nibbed on the taut flesh. Olivia squirmed under the touch and ran her hand over Alex's shoulder.

"I don't want to rush you, but please continue sweetie."

Alex raised her left hand to Olivia and handed her the blue ring box, "Ask me again."

Olivia looked at the bedside table and realised Alex must have moved it while she was in the bathroom, "Ask you what?"

"Go ahead and ask me what you did three years ago when I had my lesbian hat off and my mother's unrealistic expectations of me."

Olivia giggled, "I hope you plan on keeping that hat on."

Alex licked the skin beneath her mouth, "Mmm, I do darling."

"Alex, you are driving me nuts down there."

"That's the idea my love. I do remember how horny you get after you sleep."

Olivia chortled loudly, "Hang on, isn't that you?"

"Oh yeah, that's right," answered Alex before kissing Olivia's skin again. "You on the other hand, are horny night or day."

Olivia playfully slapped Alex on the shoulder, "I'm only horny when I am with you."

"Enough of the misleading antics Detective go ahead and ask already."

"Seriously Alex, don't you think you may be rushing into things a little?"

Looking up from her nipping, Alex replied, "I have waited three years Liv, but if you don't want to ask me I do understand."

"I would like to catch my breath a little and get used to the idea of having you back in my life and in my bed."

Alex languidly inched up Olivia's side and looked into her diluted pupils, "Do you love me?"

"Yes I love you, I've always loved you."

"Are you still in love with me?"

"Of course I'm in love with you."

"I love you and am hopelessly in love with you," announced Alex.

Olivia giggled, "I missed this banter between us."

"I did too," she agreed and slipped her right hand under the covers. "If you won't ask, I guess it's up to me instead."

Olivia's eyes widened in surprise, "What?"

Withdrawing a black ring box, Alex jumped out of bed and landed on the floor to the left of Olivia. Kneeling down on her left knee, Alex opened the case and retrieved a gold band encrusted with diamonds.

Olivia just gawked at her and was lost for words.

Alex reached for Olivia's left hand, "Olivia Elizabeth Benson will you marry me?"

Olivia looked down at the ring and burst into tears, "Yes sweetie … oh god yes."

Placing the band onto Olivia's wedding finger, Alex leaned over and kissed both ring and finger, "I love you Liv and you have made me so very happy."

Wiping her eyes dry, Olivia said, "Is this how you planned it?"

Alex smirked, "Not really, but as you said before, it's the right result."

Olivia reached out her right hand to Alex, "Come up here baby."

Alex stood up and crawled over the top of Olivia, she didn't get very far before Olivia grabbed her and wrestled her onto her back. Straddling her, Olivia pinned her arms to the side and kissed her feverishly.

"I love you so much baby," she finally said when she released Alex. She reached for the blue ring box and added, "So much for not rushing things."

Alex laughed heartily, "Well, you didn't sound that convincing before honey."

"I was trying to persuade myself I think. Now, I guess I get to finally give you this ring after all?"

"You do, but do me a favour and ask me again."

Olivia looked down at Alex and grinned, "You are adamant I propose aren't you?"

"Yes honey, I am. I have a wrong to right."

Olivia opened the container and to Alex's delight, withdrew an identical ring, "Alexandra Kathryn Cabot, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

"Oh yes Liv," replied Alex with tears in her eyes. "I want nothing more."

Placing the ring on Alex's finger, Olivia lowered her mouth to her lover's and devoured the soft lips until Alex's hands roamed along her back and pulled her closer.

Breaking the kiss, Olivia whispered huskily, "Come with me Alex."

With eyes shining with waterworks, Alex spread her legs and allowed Olivia to manoeuvre herself into a position where both their centres were touching. Olivia began a slow thrust and Alex joined her rhythm. Once Olivia had the right tempo, she locked eyes with her lover and pushed up from the bed with her feet, creating pressure against Alex's clitoris and her own. When they were previously together, tribianism had always been Alex's preferred way to make love and she cried with happiness while Olivia set the pace.

Ten minutes later Alex whimpered as the intensity of their coupling increased, "Oh god Liv, I love you so much."

Olivia kept her eyes secured on glazed pools of blue, "I love you baby." Teardrops spilled from her eyes and her body started to shake.

In response, Alex gripped Olivia's shoulders and lifted up slightly, "Oh yes honey, right there."

Once the tremors started in Olivia's arms, Alex closed her eyes tightly and surrendered to the waves of pleasure washing over her with the force of a tsunami.

"Baby," panted Olivia.

Alex opened her eyes, "Yes Liv?"

"Look at me; I want to look into your wonderful eyes."

Alex smiled and kept her gaze on Olivia's. The tears continued to flow and Olivia picked up the rhythm. Alex started to shake and she bit her bottom lip, trying to time her release with Olivia's.

A nanosecond passed and Olivia dipped her head slightly then murmured, "Now Alex, oh god ... now."

Alex lifted up more and they both collapsed into their orgasms. Hugging Olivia tightly, Alex cried delicately into her lover's shoulder as the aftershocks of delight hit her entire body.

Olivia sobbed against Alex's chest for some time before regaining her senses and saying, "That was very intense and emotional."

"Mmm, it was darling, thank you so much."

Olivia good-naturedly asked, "What for?"

Grinning widely, Alex replied, "For making love my preferred way."

"Consider it your engagement present," teased Olivia playfully.

Alex grabbed Olivia around the shoulders and flipped her over onto her back, "In that case, I believe I owe you a present."

Olivia beamed and whimpered, "Oh dear god, happy engagement to me."

-o-

Chapter 5 around the bend!