Chapter Four

Or

Scalded

Lily Evans hates coffee.

Which isn't a secret to anyone that really knows her. The smell alone is enough to make her nose curl up in disgust. The taste - bitter and burnt -gives her a headache that lasts the entirety of the day.

Fucking bean water, she calls it.

She's outright refused any sort of coffee date with Mary in the past no matter how much persuasion Mary puts into attempting to get her to go.

But for all Lily's hatred of coffee itself, she can't quite bring herself to hate Spill The Beans. Not when the messy haired barista, who just so happens to be her stupidly fit roommate, stands behind the counter making her the normal cup of hot chocolate she's become accustomed to every morning before work.

"Thanks," she sighs gratefully as he hands her the cup. She clutches it tightly in her hands, breathing in the smell of milky coco and allowing the warmth to thaw her numb fingertips. It's only mid-September, but already the chill of fall is starting to creep into the morning air.

And Lily breathes it in deep and feels her soul awaken.

"Your cheeks are a bit red," comments James. Lily thinks his are tinted rather pink as well but doesn't say so. "That should warm you up a bit."

"Hmm," she hums, slowly sucking in the hot chocolate and feeling the warmth bubbling up inside her from it. "Just what the doctor ordered."

"Doctor Potter, at your service."

"Doctor Potter," Lily repeats. The formality of it causes Lily to sit up straighter as she takes him in. Her toes curling, her stomach flipping. Doctor Potter. If he were her doctor, Lily would be ill all the time.

Honestly, Evans, you and your fantasies are getting out of control.

"Sounds better than barista, doesn't it?" James doesn't notice the way her cheeks have surely moved from chaffed to blushing. Or he doesn't say anything about it at least. "Anything sounds better than barista if we're being honest."

"You're not just a barista though," argues Lily. "You own this place."

"Technically I was given this place. There's a difference in working towards something and simply being handed something."

Lily says nothing. Unsure of exactly what to say in this situation. She doesn't feel as though James has been handed a job. Rather, forced into it by his mum's desire to keep the coffee shop in the family name and James' desire to please his mother. He certainly doesn't work as though he were handed something. He's at Spill the Beans from very early in the morning until sometimes very late at night. He's worked hard to bring in new patrons from marketing the small shop on social media to baking an assortment of pastries fresh every morning. Someone who is just handed something certainly wouldn't put as much effort into the place as James is every single day.

"I'm excited for the long weekend," says Lily after too much time has gone by for her to properly comment on his career woes. The words are lame and come jumbling out.

"That's right," says James while reaching for the coffee pot to pour himself his morning cup before the masses. "You took tomorrow off to help your friend move home."

Lily nods. "Yeah. We haven't seen each other in a while. Grad school and actual adult jobs."

"Does she need any extra help? I wouldn't mind closing down the shop, and I'm sure we could rope Sirius into taking the day off."

"Oh, that would be great!" Lily's heart swells and she isn't sure if it's from the thought of spending more time with James, or having to lift less heavy furniture. Or perhaps the thought of spending time watching James lifting heavy furniture. "He's actually a guy though, but physically, Remus and I are probably in the same realm so we could really use your help - oh my god, James! Are you okay?"

Lily isn't sure exactly what happened, but the next thing she knows, James has dumped the entire pot of coffee all over himself, and is howling with pain.

"Fucking hell," he hisses, clutching and cradling his hand to his chest. Lily can tell from the way James' eyes are shut tight and the gasping as though his breath is stuck in his throat, that James is trying very hard to hold it together.

"James," breathes Lily, jumping up and knocking her chair over in the process as she hops the bar.

"That's was pretty impressive," groans James though Lily isn't sure how he could see her do much of anything with the way his eyes are watering now.

Lily fights the urge to roll her eyes and then gives into it as she takes him by the forearm to lead him to the back sink. "We've got to get your hand under some cool water."

Trying not to think of the fact that this is the most bodily contact they've had since the shower incident and how her heart is beating like mad because of it, Lily shifts into caretaker mode -infatuated caretaker mode - and turns on the faucet, gently taking his scorched red hand in her own and placing it under the water.

"Ah!" He cringes, tensing up, and then relaxing as the water takes effect.

His fingers go limp and her own tighten carefully to hold him in place. She forgot to roll her sleeve up and the water splashes against the material of her shirt though her skin feels on fire and the lapping water does nothing to cool it.

"We've got to keep it under for a while to ease the burn," she says. Her wrist is trembling while James has seems to have gone completely catatonic.

Twenty minutes, that is what her mother always told her. Twenty minutes under cool water for a burn.

And Lily wonders how an eternity can seem to fit inside twenty minutes.

"Your friend is a guy," says James and he sounds so strained that Lily looks down to make sure she isn't squeezing his hand too tightly.

"Yes." She raises her eyebrows, unsure of what Remus' gender has to do with their current situation. "Last time I checked."

"You checked?"

"What - no! Not like - he's a guy! I can assure you, without actually having seen - anything, he is a guy."

James blinks, looking rather lost and as though he's not comprehending anything Lily is saying. "I'm a guy."

"Well spotted. Why is any of this important right now? You've gone and burned your hand somehow. The issue of Remus' gender can wait."

James flexes his hand underneath the water, and Lily's thumb instinctively traces the now pink outline of a blossoming burn.

"I think I accidentally touched the steam wand, and then that caused me to spill the coffee all over myself."

"Oh James," tuts Lily. She cuts the water off and raises his hand to inspect it. It doesn't look too bad. It certainly isn't worthy of a hospital visit at least. It appears as though he's just grazed the pipe, luckily enough for him, and the only thing he's really concerned about is Remus being a guy. "You really ought to be more careful."

Moments pass in which Lily realizes that James hasn't said a single word while she's nearly intertwined their fingers together, her eyes so focused on how his hands are so very calloused while her own have remained soft after all these years. When she finally manages to lift her gaze she finds James' hazel eyes - cloudy and dark- on her rather than their joined hands. And she begins to tremble. They're far too close together, and impossibly alone. The shop hasn't even opened yet and there's nothing really creating any sort of distance between them other than a million things Lily can't seem to say to him because they don't even make sense to her just yet.

But when James swallows and takes his hand that isn't resting in hers to place two fingers underneath her chin and tilt her head upwards, Lily suddenly knows.

Any space between them, James Potter would be willing to cross for her.

And the thought is both frightening and thrilling all at once.

"Lily," he breathes, as though her name should always be said as an exhale. As though everyone else has been saying it wrong her entire life. "Lily, I -"

Time stops in that moment.

And then flashes forward to show Lily what will happen if she lets it.

He'll lean forward. Their lips will meet. Brushing, hesitant, testing at first. And then the very breath that he uses to sigh her name will fill her lungs, clouding her judgement, and she'll pull him closer. She'll sigh right back. She'll inhale. He'll give her so much air that she'll positively fly like Peter Pan.

And then…

And then…

She'll have to admit that she's in love.

With her roommate.

And she simply can't do that.

In the end, it's time that saves her, slowing down and dropping her off at the precise moment where she's meant to be.

James is leaning down towards her, their lips have yet to meet, all the breath in her lungs is still just her own.

And she's positively not in love.

Not just yet.

"No!" she cries, and she's reminded of the bathroom incident. But before she can utter the dreaded word of roommate that has gotten her into this mess in the first place, she glances at the clock, noticing that - for the second time in her life - she's late to work. "Shite! Shite, shite, shite!"

There's a certain speed that which only a woman who is running late can achieve, and Lily credits that as the reasoning for how she's managed to get back out towards the front of the shop so quickly.

"Lily, come back!" James is behind her. Of course. He's always behind her. In front of her. Beside her. He's everywhere.

"I'm late," she shrieks, grabbing her bag from the counter top and tossing it unceremoniously around her shoulder with such force that it spins around a bit and smacks her in the back. "And we - we almost - again!"

"Lily, it isn't that big of a deal!"

"Not a big deal?" she repeats, laughing a bit. "Not a big deal? It's a huge deal! And it's not even fucking Tuesday! It's Wednesday!"

It says something about how much James truly gets Lily that he doesn't question what she means by her statement. That he knows how truly dreadful Tuesdays can be for Lily, and doesn't try to justify Tuesday's dreadfulness by stating that it's purely circumstantial. The fact that he doesn't so much as bat an eye at this superstitious side of her that so often blind sides people is heartbreaking to Lily in a way that it wouldn't be if they were anything other than roommates.

"Lily," he starts again. Lily, Lily, Lily. The way he says her name as though it's his last breath. As though it's a prayer and he's pleading with her. "Please don't walk out that door."

And Lily hates that her hand is already reaching for the handle when her heart is beating wildly to stay.

"I'm sorry," she says. She sounds as though she might cry. "I'm so - so sorry."

Bathroom incident and now coffee shop incident, she thinks lamely to herself. Well done, Evans.

And then she leaves.

And the air that fills her lungs from the outside is so much colder than what James had to offer.

Working in the Public Relations department of the hospital is fairly boring. Lily tends to run the same few articles a couple different ways each week, or add a bit of flare and pop to the website when it's needed.

So when her boss, Mr. Cuffe, tells her that she's going to have the opportunity to interview an actual live person in a few weeks, Lily can't help but feel a tinge of excitement mix in with her lingering embarrassment from the coffee shop incident.

How many near kisses can two people possible have?

"She's a big donor," booms Mr. Cuffe. His voice is louder than the walls in Lily's office allow space for, and Lily tries her hardest not to pinch the bridge of her nose. She already has a horrible headache that she suspects has something to do with her busting her brain back at Spill the Beans. "She used to work here. Running the little coffee shop down stairs before she got her own place I think. Her husband is the inventor or some sort of hair care product line - I don't know. Some sort of cream or straightener. Anyway, they came into a lot of money, and now she donates a lot of it to this hospital."

"And she agreed to a profile piece for the website?"

"She's going to be in town in a few weeks, and I chatted her into it."

"Okay," nods Lily. "Just arrange for her to come by my office and I'll work my magic."

Cuffe clears his throat which is a loud, annoying sound that is usually followed by something equally displeasing. He only ever seems to clear his throat when he is going to ask a favor of Lily, and Lily knows from her morning email that there's a meeting in fifteen minutes that clashes with Cuffe's usual conference with the loo.

Fuck her.

The absolute last thing she wants to listen to is Tavey, the executive assistant, drone on and on about how a video detailing the Gala coming up would look fantastic on their website.

But she's saved, oddly enough, by none other than Robert Hodge sticking his head through the door and grinning sheepishly.

"Sorry Mr. Cuffe," he says. His grin doesn't spread all the way across his face, Lily notices for the first time, and it looks rather lopsided. But he's got kind eyes that flash towards Lily when he speaks next. "But I need to borrow Lily. I'm having a bit of trouble with my printer and I'm supposed to deliver a hard copy of a report to patient accounts in twenty minutes."

"Oh?" Lily raises her eyebrows and then her octave when she catches the way Hodge winks at her. "Oh! I better go help him with this, Mr. Cuffe. I installed the printer after all. I think I still have the instructions it came with."

"Yes, yes," gruffs Cuffe. "Better help Robert with that - "

Lily is already out of the door before Cuffe can finish his sentence, Hodge meeting her quick stride with little effort. He's not much taller than she is, Lily muses. More of a scramble than a climb. Which is somehow both relieving and disappointing. Relieving, because he's nothing like James. And also disappointing because he's nothing like James but he's clearly interested in her. She can tell by the way he's looking at her as though she's the view at the top of the ferris wheel as he holds open his office door for her.

"There's no report due," he says, as Lily takes a seat across from him. "I just figured you could use a bit of saving. I could hear his throat clearing all the way down the corridor."

"Thank you. You really did me a favor back there."

"No problem." His eyes flick over her as though he has more to say. They don't grow dark the way James' do whenever he looks at her. Rather, they look clear. As though there's nothing obstructing his view. "Listen, Lily. There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about."

Oh boy, thinks Lily to herself as she tries not to squirm, here we go.

"I am not a lot of things," says Hodge slowly after a moment goes by and he realizes that Lily isn't going to respond just yet. "I'm not necessarily the smartest guy. The most charming. The most fit. But what I may actually be is a bit stupid."

Lily's nose wrinkles. "You're not -"

"No, no. I am. At least when it comes to you I am. Because I can clearly see that you're hung up over your ex." Wrong, thinks Lily. "And I know that it hasn't been that long since you guys have broken up, but what I'm trying to say is - and here comes the stupid part - I really like you. A lot. And while I'm rather stupid, I think you're probably the cleverest girl I know. And I'd like to take you out. Sometime. If that's alright with you."

"Out?"

"Yes, out."

"Like - like on a date."

Hodge nods slowly. "Yes, I was hoping that's what it could be. Saturday night, maybe? If you don't have plans?"

Lily pauses briefly, chewing her bottom lip and thinking.

He's certainly not James which is both a pro and a con.

A pro because he's not her roommate and therefore an actual prospect when it comes to dating.

And a con because he's simply not James Potter.

Lily looks over at Hodge again and found him looking back at her. Straight at her. As though there is nothing particularly blinding about her. As though the sun doesn't set behind her. But he smiles at her in the next moment - all lopsided and as though it only half works - and Lily feels as though maybe a bit less intensity is what she needs right now.

"Okay," she says.

It's the beginning of Friday morning - moving day - when the mystery of Remus' gender being an issue for James starts to unravel.

It starts with a hug between Lily and Remus in front of his new flat.

Squealing and giggling, Lily launches herself into Remus' arms, shrieking as he spins her.

And James' hand flies through his hair and his jaw sets.

The next untwisting takes place in the form of a handshake, in which introductions are made between the three boys and Lily finds Sirius being more warm and charming than normal which makes her curious. But it's James that strikes her as the most particular, for he clasps Remus' hand tightly, pumping it for a number of times that makes Lily grow uncomfortable, and smiling in a way that is just that - a smile. Not a smirk nor a grin. Just a still, stiff smile that she suspects she's never actually seen before. It doesn't reach his eyes. It doesn't portray any sort of flicker of his personality. Nor, for the first time since she's met James, does he positively glow just from the action.

But it's after all of that when the final tangle resolves. After the moving of furniture, after the discussion of how many reading lamps on person could possibly need while living alone, after the realization hits Remus first, causing his eyes to darken so that the amber turns black with mischief while he watches Lily struggle to hold up her side of the couch as she dissolves into a fit of giggles over James' impression of Ross' 'pivot!'

Several hours later, when they're crowded in the space of Remus' new small flat, watching the telly while waiting on an order of hot wings and pizza, does Lily fully understand why Remus being a guy could possibly be of any importance to James.

Because James is a guy.

And more than that, he's a guy with a flaw - something that Lily was convinced he didn't even have five minutes into meeting the guy for the first time - that makes him more human and slightly more endearing than before.

Because James is jealous over Remus.

And Remus, who is a little shite, knows it, and is using it to his full advantage.

"Did you know that Lily here used to be in choir?" Remus asks quite loudly, even though they're all well within hearing distance. He's standing in his new kitchen - which is completely spotless thanks to Lily herself - and Lily is half tempted to bash him over the head with a frying pan. Rapunzel style.

James blinks, even that seemingly lackluster. "I didn't know you could sing."

"Oh, I can't," says Lily. Fucking Remus. "Not really."

"Don't be modest, Lily," says Remus before turning directly towards James. "She's got a lovely alto voice. She always had a solo during our Christmas Uni concerts."

"Stop, it's not that lovely -"

"Sounds like Amy Winehouse when she's ill," continues Remus, ignoring her. "It was her dream to perform for a while."

"But you work in the HR department of a hospital," says James. "What happened?"

"It wasn't a very realistic dream," says Lily with a sheepish grin.

Remus snorts. "Since when have you ever been a realist? If I recall correctly, she met Nathan in a divey pub one weekend and her life has been on hold ever since." He looks James over just once before grinning. "Until now, it seems."

"My life hasn't been on hold," argues Lily. "My job for the hospital is very important. I handle their image."

Though, Lily suspects, occupation is not what Remus meant when he said her life has been at a stand still. And she has to agree, really. In all matter of the heart - the important matters - Lily's life has been lacking, and she wonders, achingly so, what James would have been like in Uni. What it would have been like to meet him rather than Nathan. Though not in some sleazy pub on a Tuesday night. But rather somewhere that held more symbolic importance. Like a fountain that splashes her like a baptism when she sees him.

Honestly, she thinks, enough with the daydreaming, Evans.

"Tragic, Evans," says Sirius, pausing his manhandling of Remus' bowl full of apples to gaze at her with a bored expression on his face. "Did you two ever date? Before the whole Nathan bloke. Or perhaps you've made some sort of pact to marry if neither one of you are able to land a spouse by thirty? James is too much of a gentleman to ask such things."

"Sirius!" hisses James as Lily blushes a furious shade of red.

"No, sadly," laughs Remus. "Another tragedy, you see, since Lily and I have so much in common. One of those things being that we both prefer men."

It's almost as if Lily can see relief wash over James, as though someone had cleansed him in the waters of it, and his features, that were so very two dimensional just moments before, blossom and Lily can see that even Remus, who clearly has his eye on Sirius, is appreciative of the view.

"Oh," says James. "That's great! I mean - I had no idea. I mean - not that it mattered - because-"

"James," says Sirius, "do us all a favor and shut up before you hurt yourself."

"No harm, no foul," grins Remus.

"It's great," says James again with a grin that threatens to blind Lily. "Perfect."

And for a moment, as the three boys as grinning at one another and Lily is smiling between them all, everything is perfect.

Perfect, perfect, perfect.

And then her phone buzzes in her pocket, and she remembers it's not perfect.

For displayed there, against the background photo of James that she sent Mary, is a text from Robert, confirming their date for tomorrow night.

And Lily's heart sinks.