I do not own Trigun / Vash. He belongs to Mr. Yasuhiro Nightow.

Lyrics are from: "He Ain't Heavy... He's My Brother" The song was written by Bobby Scott and Bob Russell circa 1969.

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Seeds Village

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For I know

He would not encumber me

He ain't heavy, he's my brother

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Year 0151 month 4 day 11

I'll never forget the two years of traveling through the desert with Vash to reach the Seeds ship village. The journey began just after my human mother died. It was only fifteen years ago, but sometimes it feels like a different lifetime.

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Year 0134 months 5-9

The first few months were uneventful, aside from his generosity in directly sharing his own memories with me. I was so excited!

I believe I was guilty of a mild case of hero-worship toward him. It's embarrassing to admit, but it's the truth. He's a legend with good reason: though not for the reasons most people might think. Back then, the concept of knowing a legend overawed me.

I wanted to know everything about him. The revelation that my neighbor "Nate," whom my human mother loved as a son, was truly the infamous "Vash the Stampede" had me completely fascinated.

I was young and foolish. I should have realized, even then, that his shooting skills are the least important thing about him. I was such a child! It's small wonder he treated me like a baby at times.

I didn't understand it then, and would sometimes grow frustrated with him.

Now, I marvel at his patience with me.

I hope that we are better friends now, since he no longer needs to baby sit me.

At the time, I scarcely knew him. Oh, I knew his daily emotions well enough, but that's different from knowing a person's thoughts, goals, hopes, dreams, fears, frustrations and disappointments.

My Plant mother told me that Vash, whom she called "red brother," had been hurt by humans. She was glad that my human mother had befriended him. She knew Naomi wouldn't hurt him as others had. Naomi was one of the very few humans that my Plant mother respected.

My Plant mother didn't dislike or despise other humans, as Knives had. However, she didn't have much interest in them either. Somehow, Naomi stood out among her fellows, and earned my Plant mother's respect.

But I was talking about Vash…

To know that a person is hurting is different from knowing why he's hurting. And knowing why doesn't always teach one how to help.

I knew from how badly he hurt when we found him, all those years ago, that his memories could not all be happy ones. That did not dissuade me. I had daydreams of helping him heal, so that his gentle smiles would hold more joy than sorrow.

I knew that sharing a burden, even if that burden was emotional pain, could sometimes make it half as heavy. I wanted that for Vash. If there was any way I could do that for him, I was more than willing. I should have known it would not be so simple, but I was very young then.

I had processed the memories of his first year, and then mourned Rem with him. I had processed his memories of Lina and Sheryl.

He'd indicated an interest in visiting them, which I shared. So we started toward the town where they had lived. After a day or two of travel in that direction, he gave me some of his memories about the place where he was taking me to live.

I eagerly began processing those memories, as I had the others. I daresay I must have frustrated him at times, because while I was absorbed by his memories I couldn't see where I was going. He held my hand, patiently guiding my steps for many months.

It would have been more polite if I'd processed his memories only when we stopped to eat or sleep, instead of continuing all day every day. When I realized that, I did apologize.

He gave me one of his gentle smiles and told me he didn't mind. However, after that I waited until we weren't walking to dive into his past.

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Year 0135 month 11 day 14

That realization about my own bad manners came only two days before we reached Juneora rock. I'm thankful that I wasn't distracted on the day we reached the rock, because on that day he needed my help very badly.

Vash became overwhelmed by a waking nightmare. Some horrific memory began replaying itself in his mind. He collapsed onto the sand with a scream, and then thrashed about saying "no!" over and over again while tears streamed down his face.

A few times, during the years when he lived across the hall from my mother and me, he would have nightmares like that. Naomi would calmly call his name, how ever many times it took, until he heard her and answered. Then she would hug him while he wept.

So I knew what to do, though it always hurt to see him like that. I have no idea how long he was trapped in that memory. It seemed a long time to me, and I can only imagine that it must have seemed even worse to him.

Until he answered me or got quiet, I had to stay out of his reach. If I didn't, he might mistake me for whatever enemy he was fighting in his mind, and attack. Oh how I prayed for him as he laid there helplessly thrashing and weeping and saying "no" so many times!

He never did answer me that day, as he had done for either my mother or myself in times past. Instead, he went completely limp and then began shaking violently. When I realized that he wasn't fighting anymore, I got onto my knees and wrestled him onto my back.

That process took some time. When I'd just about get him balanced on my back, he'd shake too hard and start sliding off before I could get a good grip on him. So I would need to begin adjusting his weight toward a better balance all over again.

Finally, I had his arms draped one over each of my shoulders, with his head reasonably balanced against the back of one of my shoulders. I tied the drawstrings of our bags together, and slung them over my neck so that one hung on each side of my front, just like one of his arms was on each side. I put his wrists between the bag strings and my body, to help hold him in place. Then I got my arms under his knees, and stood enough to walk.

I had to lean forward while standing or walking, to prevent him from slipping and falling to the ground.

I dared not stumble, so I had to watch carefully where I walked. I had trouble climbing sand dunes, so I had to go around. I prayed for him constantly during that time.

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Year 0135 month 11 day 16

It was a day and a half before he woke up. He was still shaking terribly, though slightly less than at first. His body felt cold, instead of his usual temperature.

I eased him off my back, and undid the drawstrings of our bags. I wrapped him in his blanket, started a fire, and then wrapped my blanket around my shoulders sideways so that the length of it extended well past my hands.

I helped him to sit up, and then I sat with my back against a rock and had him sit beside me with my blanket wrapped around both of us. It was the best way I could think of to help him warm up.

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Year 0135 month 11 day 17

Even like that, it took until the following morning before his shaking grew enough less that he could talk or move on his own. Being Vash, naturally he apologized.

I told him to hush, that he was worth it, and that the most important thing was to get him feeling better. I told him we'd traveled about a day nearer to Lina.

He thanked me.

He managed some normal sleep, leaning against me, until about noon. Then he startled awake, and said he was hungry. He still had the shakes.

I rummaged in my pack and found more pseudo-coal pellets. Using a few pellets, I rebuilt our campfire and rekindled it. I went through his bag until I found something that I knew he liked and that is best served warm. So I heated up some noodles for him.

Getting some warm food down his throat did him good, I could tell. I ate also, not wanting to grow too weak to help him. I returned to my prior position, and this time he slept the rest of the afternoon and all the night until morning.

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Year 0135 month 11 day 18

His shaking had abated considerably, but it had not stopped. He was unwilling to wait longer, but insisted that we continue walking toward visiting Lina. So I packed everything up, and made sure he had on his wrap.

We walked for the whole day, until the town was visible in the distance. He was walking more slowly than usual. Because of his slow and unsteady steps, we failed to arrive before sundown.

In all that time, aside from thanking me for a few little things that I did to help him along, he was silent in both word and thought. I think he had to work hard just to continue walking without stumbling or falling.

We reached a place that suited him just as the first sun was setting. The second kept the sky bright a while longer.

I went into the town in search of Lina. I hadn't liked to go alone, but the look in his eyes and face, along with his scent and emotional echoes, all told me that he wanted this very much. I would do anything for Vash, both then and now. So I took a deep breath, and agreed to do as he had asked.

I wore his wrap and some old sunglasses that he had kept buried deep in his bag. He thought she might remember those, and that the familiar items might help her to trust me.

Thankfully, I found her quickly and with little difficulty. I was extremely relieved when she said she was willing to come see him… without wearing her Sheriff's badge.

I was sent back to the town, to get more supplies, while she visited with Vash. Lina sent me to her husband, Joe. Her Joe was kind enough to help me find the things I thought we might need as we continued our journey.

Lina's visit cheered Vash considerably, which was a tremendous relief to me. I was also relieved that she had been willing to come as herself, and not as the sheriff. I hadn't told Vash about her job, but I wonder if somehow he knew.

After she left us, Vash told me that we needed to move on immediately. I asked if he was sure, since Lina had sounded interested in visiting more on the morrow and he still wasn't well.

But he was determined.

So I told him to rest while I packed things up, and then we began traveling toward the next city where he planned to refill our canteens and buy supplies.

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Year 0135 month 11 day 19

He wouldn't stop until well past midnight. I tended camp chores again, and made sure he was well swathed in his usual blanket plus the two extras I'd bought. I also put his wrap and my own over him.

That brought out his sense of humor. "Thanks mama," he said mischievously.

"Hush, and get some rest," I told him, gently but firmly. That earned me a weak chuckle before he fell asleep. I fell asleep as soon as I was wrapped in my blanket.

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Year 0135 month 11 day 30

It took more than a week before Vash seemed like himself again. I offered to talk about it, but he declined. He said he couldn't be sure that talking about it wouldn't trap him in the memory again, and he didn't want that to happen.

I could understand why he wouldn't want to get trapped into such a terrible memory again, so I let the matter drop.

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Year 0135 month 12 – year 0136 month 8

After that, it was back to our old routine except that I was paying attention to the present when we walked instead of immersing myself entirely in his past. Thankfully, nothing else brought on another waking nightmare from any of his worst memories.

We walked into a largish town about once every four months, bought supplies, and left within an hour or two. Then we went back out on the desert and continued our journey.

When there was no rock to use as a backrest, we'd usually sit back to back. It helped us both stay warm in the evenings. On severely cold nights, sometimes we'd wrap in our separate blankets and sleep back to back with the extra blankets spread over both of us. We always put our bags to either side of us to use them as windbreaks. Small as our bags were, they helped when we slept.

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Year 0136 month 8 day 25

We arrived in the Seeds ship village after two years of walking in the desert. Even with processing the memories he'd given me every evening and mealtime, I wasn't finished reviewing them before we arrived.

It was such an odd feeling, to see so many familiar things and faces that were also entirely new. The familiarity came from his shared memories, not from my own knowledge.

Vash introduced me to Luida and her daughters, and to Brad and his wife Jessica. Then he asked Brad and Jessica to introduce me to everyone else, since he needed to speak with Luida.

At first, I was too excited to think about anything except exploring and meeting people that Vash knew and trusted. Then I remembered that he had said he couldn't stay here with me. I ran back through the corridors, fearful that he would leave and then I would never see him again.

Thankfully, he was still with Luida. They were just finishing up. He said he wanted to see me settled in, and he'd stay the night, but he needed to leave in the morning.

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Year 0136 month 8 day 26

I am ashamed to admit I made a fool of myself that next morning, trying to persuade Vash to stay longer. I don't know how he kept patience with me.

He was so gentle and kind, and promised to visit and send letters. He gave me more of his memories, so that I would be less likely to run out before his return.

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Year 0151 month 4 day 11

In the fifteen years since then, I've learned more than I'd ever imagined was possible to learn before I came here. And there's still vastly more information in the computers! I have barely begun.

I'll be assisting in the infirmary next week, and learning ways to help heal people whose bodies are not working correctly.

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Year 136 month 11 day 15

Vash has kept his promises.

I received a letter from him about two and a half months after he left me at Seeds village, signed with the name he used when he lived next door to my mother and me.

His letter told how he had been checking on some of his other friends. I knew them from his shared memories, so I was pleased to learn they were doing well.

Meryl had married a widower with two children, and then had two more children with her husband. The youngest was just beginning to walk well. Vash didn't make himself known to them, but he was pleased to see that the family looked happy.

Milly had gone to the orphanage in December, where Wolfwood died. There she and Livio had grown close. They were married, and recently had their third child. They were raising all three of their own children right alongside the orphans.

Livio's friend Jasmine was involved with another orphanage in Octovarn.

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Year 0151 month 4 day 11

Vash sends a radio message at least once every year, and visits occasionally. He's always kind enough to share more memories with me when he comes, and I always make fresh doughnuts for him while he's here.

The house given to me has two bedrooms. Vash always stays in the other one, when he visits here. It seems that he never chose a home of his own. I'm glad to have him near, when he visits. It's almost like old times that way.

His memories help me feel like he's close instead of far away. However, I still miss him terribly when he's gone. I understand that he doesn't want bounty hunters coming here, though I wish that worry didn't keep him away so much.

There was already one attack here, about 40 years ago, because Vash's enemies wanted to hurt him. He doesn't want anything like that to happen again.

I worry about him, wandering all alone. I pray that he isn't overcome by another waking nightmare, when there's nobody nearby to help him.

Vash's letters also tell about how he's been hunting down anybody who uses his name to do wrong. He catches them and ties them up, and then leaves them at the doorstep of a sheriff's office.

He often attaches a punny note to the trussed-up criminal. Silly things like, "I tried to be Vash, but I got stampeded," or "I was run over by a typhoon," or "I was caught by a local natural disaster."

From the newspaper articles, nobody has guessed who it is that keeps leaving Vash impersonators on the doorsteps of Sheriff's offices. The original says he means to put a stop to the misuse of his name, and hopes that will result in his name being forgotten.

I hope it only results in the price on his head being repealed. He shouldn't be forgotten.