Thanks to reviewers/alerters/favouriters/anyone who clicked on this story. Love y'all! Twilight isn't mine. As usual. And, by the way, I think I may have to change the rating… some stuff may get a little dodgy….if you have a mind in the gutter….

Sixteen Things Jazzman Could Do To Anyone If He Were Bored (With Commentary by Mrs. Rhi Whitlock/Hale)

Convince Carlisle his patients are Out to Get Him. Carlisle then may kill all of them and drink their blood, which would not be good for his self-moral. Emotion: Paranoia. The Carlisle will leave and pull a "Edward New Moon" with the whole stepping out into sunlight, thus creating a mass suicide all thanks to my Jazzman. "-_-

Make Edward and Jacob think they are gay and in love. Most people would get a kick out of watching this, with the exception of Renesmee and Bella. Emotion: Love and Lust if he were feeling particularly bored and unkind. And if Emmett wanted a laugh. That would be funny and disturbing. And a use for Lautner Bleach (Remember that, Franki?) Yes I do. Wait. Bleach???

Make Carlisle's patients think he is a bloodsucking vampire. Then Number One would happen. Emotion: Same as no. one, dudes. And then we have the Volturi stepping in. No more Cullens D:

Make Alice guilty about spending so much money on clothes. Of course, Alice would see this coming, but maybe her sort-of husband would go ahead and zap her anyway. This guilt may make her give thousands of dollars to Goodwill and people who don't often get new clothes. Or, once she saw the impending emotional disaster, Alice might just go and give thousands to charity and spare herself the pain. Would that make Jazz less bored? No idea. Emotion: Guilt. That's not too bad, Maybe she should donate lots of her clothes . . . and her credit cards. I'll have the cards!

Embarrass Bella. There is no particular reason for this, but if she were human she would blush LOTS and if she were vampire she would think about blushing LOTS. I mean, she wouldn't think about it LOTS, but she would briefly imagine herself BLUSHING LOTS. Emotion: Embarrassment. Now that would be fun to watch. I would be laughing, and Jasper will be a block thingy to keep my balance, that made no sense "-_- Hell no.

Anger Esme into smashing her antique table. Again, no particular reason for this, especially as Esme will kill Jasper afterwards. Emotion: Anger. She could craft a new one out of a rare tree only found in Borneo.

Find a random sadistic killer like James or Hitler and make them sad about killing innocent people. James wouldn't cry, but Hitler would. Maybe it would even make him shoot himself….? Emotion: Sadness. And guilt. Then Jasper will save the world, one evil do-er by one. Superjazzman!

Convince Russell Brand he is really in love with the Jonas Brothers. Rhi, JoBro fans, DON'T KILL ME PLEASE!!!! If you, like me, think this is an interesting and potentially funny scenario, do tell. Thanks. Emotion: Love and… Lust? DON'T SUE ME!!!! That's wrong on so many levels . . . I know. Sorry.

Turn Rosalie jealous of Leah Clearwater. Leah may not be able to have children either, but at least she can get a tan. Emotion: Jealousy. I thought Leah could have kids? Rosalie is jealous of any human (or in this case, half-human) on the planet. Simply because of them being human. 'Carlisle says: Bitch, please.' Moment much? Read Breaking Dawn again, Rhi! Just because you hate Jacob doesn't mean you don't have to pay attention when he's conversing with voices in his head.

I don't know if hyper-activeness is an emotion, but if it is, Jazzy darling can make Nessie hyper and then she may play Guitar Hero with Emmett and pretend to be Bon Jovi. Emotion: Hyperness. WOOOOOOOOOAH! We're half way there. WOOOOOOOAH Livin' on a prayer. . . I just had to do that. #-_-#

Make Emmett happy. This is simply to see what will happen. If he is really happy, anything could go down. For further research, visit 'Things Emmett Shouldn't Do But Would If Rosalie Let Him'. Maybe I should change it to 'Things Emmett Does While High on Laughter'…. Emotion: Extreme happiness. I hate to think what would happen here . . . Therapy with Jazzman time?

Turn Charlie repulsed at the sight of Seth. Seth would find this bewildering but very funny once someone tells him what's going on. Charlie, however, possibly does not know about Jasper's 'gift', and will maybe try to kill Edward. He may try because Emmett doesn't look like someone to mess with and Jazzy will send out lovey-dovey waves. Edward, of course, will not die unless someone threatens his family…or his hair. Emotion: Disgustion. Or repulsiveness. Not sure what the difference is, actually. I'm not sure either. This would also be funny with Bella, Billy, Jake, The Milkman, Alice, Esme, Carlisle. . . the possibilities are endless.

Briefly impersonate Jane and mess with one of the Volturi's brains. This was sort of on the list 'Sixteen Reasons to Love Major Jasper Whitlock Hale', but this time Aro could be in on it, as he may find the impersonation funny. Alec, on the other hand, may not like this. Jazz, run! Emotion: Any type of mental pain possible. That would be funny. Marcus, i believe, needs some help. Stupid little old man emo. He has power! So why be sad? See number 16.

Make Seth miserable over nothing. He's such a happy little punk, it'll do him good to get his paws on the ground for once. Emotion: Misery. He can cry Jacob a river . . . Are you suggesting something here, Mrs. Whitlock?

Turn Bella frivolous in the hope she will go out and buy something very expensive, like a castle. This will please Alice lots and is a natural reason for number five to occur – Jazz doesn't have to do anything! Emotion: Frivolously. Scary Bella!!!!!!!!!!! Lots of strait jackets are needed.

Travel to Volterra and make Marcus frisky. I'm sure even Alice could not fathom the results, as Marcus has been bored for well over three thousand years and probably won't have decided to become frolicsome – Jasper will have just zapped him with no warning. I think the sight of this could cheer Aro up immensely, as he is sure to feel a bit down after the whole Renesmee spectacle. Aww, come here, Aro, and give us a hug… On second thoughts, don't. Lol, stay away from Aro, he kills family! D: Jasper will save me . . . right?